don't you remember?

i was so excited to have all this lovely free time this morning--i slept late, did an intense ab workout, ate some oat bran, went to the library, the farmers' market, and was coming from the gym, tired, when some hipster guy totally started staring at me, and i thought, "maybe my skin is clearing up?" (which it is--i had two big zits on friday and they are going away now.) and then i hear my full name--"cheryl ----" and i'm thinking, "who is it?" only my family and coworkers and old friends call me cheryl; most of my friends call me cherie and for someone to address me by my first and last name was unusual as well. i turned around and it was the hipster guy.

"it's me. justin. justin."

i can't lie in my face; this was a criticism of me at work. so it was obvious with the blank look in my face i had no clue who this justin creature was.

"justin. from high school. justin...remember? alysa?" now i knew two alysas and i was trying to place him. i couldn't. for some reason, the only thing i could remember was that justin (who i knew, i must have) was a year younger than me.

"oh yeah...hi...justin..." i said weakly. i shifted my bag of produce from the farmers' market to my other hand.

"how have you been?"

"oh...good..."

now, i hated high school. currently, i speak to one person from my high school, and that person happens to be my little sister. recently, facebook connected me with two old friends, but i have not seen them since high school. high school was painful, horrible, cruel and i blocked a lot of it out. i have no desire to reconnect with people from my high school, and i somehow happily missed my 10 year high school reunion. yeah, i'm that old. wow, i can't believe it's been 10 years since i graduated.

"how long have you lived here? i've lived here a while," he asked me. who was this guy? i must know him, though i see a little grey at his temples. are we that old already?

"ummm, i moved here in 2000, left, moved back..."

"oh wow...well, listen, i am running late and i'm sure you're busy so i'll see you around. i saw you before and kept thinking it was you and now i know...bye..."

"bye..."

a few blocks later i ran into one of my best friend's brother's boyfriend and we had a lovely chat and as i left christopher, i thought, "now that was lovely."

later, while sauteeing garlic and onion for pumpkin soup, i remembered: little ska boy, i think he likes the bouncing souls too (i remember him having a bs t-shirt), i think checkered vans maybe...

funny how things come back...

a memory

running this morning through williamsburg, a school bus passed me, the door open and a woman leaning into the bus talking with the driver, a memory came up:

i never took the late bus.

what does this mean?

in my high school, you got out at 2:56. you hustled to your locker, got your books you needed, sweater, and headed for the bus. if you were late (they left about 10 minutes later or so), you had to call your mom or walk home. most days, i ended up just staying for track, so i would get done with that around 4:30 or so.

but sometimes, in between track season or when i didn't have play practice or a club meeting, maybe i'd hang out in the yearbook room chatting. i'd wait until 4:05, just after the late bus left.

"you JUST missed the late bus! cher, you NEVER take the late bus."

and there was a reason. that's where kids got beat up, and the really mean people who taunted me took it. i was afraid to take it.

i hated high school. my memories still cause me to shudder...

it's hard to believe how much pain another person could cause you, but high school is full of pain. i don't look back. it's no wonder i'm not in touch with anyone from my high school, save my sister.