22 March 2008

just you and me--no one else

i've been thinking a lot about monogamy lately. t just moved in, so i'm really committed to monogamy. it's not even like i am doing it for ____ or for t. i'm doing it because in my eyes, i don't want to be with anyone but t--why bother? t is the essential, what makes me feel amazing inside..a.k.a., i'm in love. when i am with t, there is an intense emotional connection that does not happen with other people, and i want that--not some "oh this feels okay."

but are humans truly meant to be monogamous? do other couples start out like us and somewhere along the way, take a different path? i read in an article the other day that most species are NOT monogamous--are humans somehow doing something drastically different by being monogamous (or pretending to be)? there are cultures that do not practice monogamy.

but why can't people be monogamous? why does everyone have to cheat on everyone else? there was a time when i would not finish a book if a cheating character really upset me with their cheating. it still does. i love brightness falls, but the first time i read it, i got super depressed. did russell have to act like that? now i am more adjusted, but i still get upset.

and we've all cheated. we've fucked up. but why is it so acceptable? why does it happen so often? i have a friend who jokingly says that he specializes in married women and women in relationships. why?

and these politicians--don't they know how public their lives will be? we have no moral expectations for celebrities--it actually seems the obvious as the public loves to gawk at the latest wreck the celebrities put themselves into. but why can't they be more discrete? and why must they keep cheating, cheating, cheating? if they aren't getting what they want in their marriage, why not get a divorce and pursue it elsewhere?

i know i am asking questions that have a multitude of answers, and none of them are easy, but it's still a lot to think abt.

when i was in CR, i was chilling with a bunch of hippies. i mentioned "my boyfriend" and this woman was quick to tell me "i don't believe in one person owning another."

me either. i don't own my partner, just as t does not own me. i love him, yes, and i respect him, yes, and i share my life with him, yes, but i don't own him. we compromise. we work together. we love together.

and i'm happy with just him, in a form of monogamy. but really--is it right for everyone? after 8.5 years, i know we are right for each other--but i don't think everyone is with their right partner. and sadly, instead of fessing up or dealing with it, they cheat.

you must live as honestly and truly as you can, to be as happy as you can.

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