No, women can't just expect to walk down the street. No, they can't. Sexual harassment is rampant. UGH.

Why can't I run down the street free of suggestion?

Today I was running home from the library. A worker in a construction hole had to watch me run towards him and then turned his body and head to look at me in the other direction. (Too bad he wasn't an owl.) I stopped and say in a really pleasant voice, "Why do you have to stop what you are doing and look at me? Really, it's not a compliment. I just want to run. I don't want to be stared at."

"Oh, you're doing a good thing."

A good thing? Why don't you go to the nearest gym and give a round of applause to everyone there.

"I'm sure you are not doing this to the men."

The whole interaction went over his head and I ran home, annoyed that I cannot just run down the street free of suggestion.

In the words of Fugazi,
Why can't i walk down a street free of suggestion?
Is my body the only trait in the eye's of men?
I've got some skin
You want to look in
There lays no reward in what you discover
You spent yourself watching me suffer
Suffer you words, suffer your eyes, suffer your hands
Suffer your interpretation of what it is to be a man
I've got some skin
You want to look in
She does nothing to deserve it
He only wants to observe it
We sit back like they taught us
We keep quiet like they taught us
He just wants to prove it
She does nothing to remove it
We don't want anyone to mind us
So we play the roles that they assigned us
She does nothing to conceal it
He touches her 'cause he wants to feel it
We blame her for being there
But we are all guilty

#YesAllWomen

                When I first heard about the Elliot Rodgers shooting in San Diego, I couldn’t help but think, “No. No. No. Not another one.”

                While many were fixated on his clear mental illness, it’s obvious that misogyny dominates much of the reason for why he did what he did.

                I don’t think a lot of men realize what women have to go through every day. How sexual harassment can turn into violence. My body is not here for you. I am not for other’s purposes. If I don’t like you, it doesn’t necessarily mean there is something wrong with me, or maybe even with you. It’s just taste. Or your tact. If a woman rejects you, that’s not reason to call her names, threaten her with violence.

                Way too many times I have told men, “No,” or “Shut up” or ignored them and their pick-up compliments suddenly turn into, “You f-ing b-tch,” “Dog,” “You so ugly,” etc.

Sexual Predators Are Not Funny

I met my friend Emily (friend from NYC Radical Cheerleaders) for lunch today at Crepes du Nord on South William Street in the Financial District. It was really nice to catch up and we had a lovely time – until she went to the bathroom. She saw the following sign on the bathroom door:

After we paid our bill, Emily asked our server what it was supposed to mean.

"That means it's a unisex bathroom."

"A man peering over the wall means it's a unisex bathroom?" Emily asked.

"It's funny. Everyone who comes in thinks it's funny."

"Well, we don't. We think it's offensive."

As he walked away, Emily muttered, "Sexual harassment is supposed to be funny?"

I was really angry when I left; the lunch had been lovely and the food good (though the metal teapots and metal teacups were a bit strange but I digress), but why is it funny when a man peeks in on a woman going to the bathroom - which is essentially what that sign means.

I went onto my work computer and found a Feministe article about a coffeebar in DC with a similar obnoxious sign.

Let me say it straight: a man who is a peeping tom - who spies on a woman, looking at her as she goes to the bathroom, is not funny. Men like that - I don't want to know. That disgusts me.

When I was in 8th or 9th grade, a guy pulled up my skirt and showed my underwear to an entire crowded hallway. I was mortified. I felt terrible. A teacher had seen, reported the student, and he ended up getting suspended. It's rare that these sorts of things get caught and punished. There was the guy who exposed himself to the high school girls as they ran the cross-country races. (Never the boys' races and as far as I know, they never caught him.) I have had men stare obsessively at me at my old job at a public library, frightening me. I have had men try to follow me home. Stare at my building. Sit across the subway from me and stare, stare, stare.

This is not funny. This is scary. Why is our society encouraging this? Maybe you think I'm blowing this up, but I have been a victim of some really horrible things way too many times - and it has never been funny. 

It has been sad. It has been scary. It has been mortifying. It has been soul-destroying. But it has never been funny.

when i'm single, i clean more

i was thinking about how i need to clean my bathtub this morning...maybe it's b/c i'm feeling the need for a little romance????




i always hate the way cleaning products are marketed towards women. it makes me ill. why is it assumed that men and children are so stupid that they are pigs and unable to clean? i don't like cleaning that much -- though i do it. but people, please use natural cleaning products b/c they're better for your health (unless, of course, you decide to use them as part of your std-prevention programs...jk, that part in the video is mad funny!)

misogyny at its worst

my heart is in my throat; i feel pain for this woman.

i can't get that song out of my head: i can't get no satisfaction

because this is my story, too, and maybe even your story


in college, i was really involved with take back the night. take back the night is a night where women can walk around free from sexual assault and rape--because the night is when most women are assaulted or raped. this is something that is very important to me--and let me clarify that while women are often attacked and raped by strangers, most of the rapes that occur are by someone they know. nearly three-quarters of rapes are committed by someone who knows the victim.

my problem is i let people in too much. maybe this has happened to you too. i trust too much. but this isn't about me. this is about someone else.

someone i know had been raped--the details are hers, and i will not share that. in fact, i am only sharing this part because it hurts me so bad--so bad. this woman heard a song during the rape. it was horrible. it was a sexist song that has a good tune, the kind of song you sing along to in a bar. and i will never be able to hear that song without wanting to throw up. without feeling unsafe. without feeling in pain. without wanting to cry.

and so, whoever you are out there, i hate you. you have hurt a million women but your karma and your heart will hurt a million times more.