23 May 2004

how to avoid looking like a sweaty pig in the midst of summertime heatwaves

yes you look like a pig, sweating and wiping your brow with the bottom of your shirt. interested in looking a little less gross? well summertime means sweat but here's a few ways to look a little nicer.

1. deodorant plus antiperspirant. i have a little debate within myself because i am scared of aluminum (breast cancer and alzheimers may be somewhat caused by this) which is in most antiperspirants. trevor uses arm & hammer's manly man deodorant which is okay but i smell like him all day. by the end of the day i smell gross, so i won't be lifting up my arms. i also have the kiss my face deodorants which are okay...but again, towards the end of the day you won't be lifting your arms. use aluminum and get cancer or alzheimer's possibly (most people's choice) and not sweat or use something else and be stank. if you choose the latter option, be sure to carry around the deodorant and reapply in the midst of the day. now hug!

2. keep it all trim. a while ago, i decided i didn't need to shave my armpits. no i didnt but i soon discovered that the sweat hung around longer because it got caught in the hairs and i smelled more. yuck yuck! keeping body hair (including the hair on yr head for that matter, though who am i to talk) neat and trim will make you sweat less.

3. fans, and air conditioners.

4. sandals, open-toed shoes of all kinds, and light fabrics. i was running in shorts and a sports bra this morning and saw some dopey hipster with a knit cap and jeans on. it was only what 80, with 90% humidity? no wonder he's sweating...and probably smelling!

5. determine where it is you sweat. the small of your back? your forehead? behind your knees? i sweat within where my cleavage would be were my breasts big enough. i used to tuck a paper towel in between my breasts walking to work or the train. this way, the paper towel, not my shirt would absorb it. this may not work for all areas.

6. drink a lot! NO NOT ALCOHOL! i'm talking water, cold juice, icy smoothies. caffeine (what's in most sodas, coffee, and teas) actually dehydrates you! if you're going to drink caffeine, be sure to drink a lot of water too. gatorade is great.
ed tells me, "for every alcoholic drink you have, drink two glasses of water." if you are planning on getting hammered, when you come home, don't pass out into bed. get a LARGE bottle of water at a deli by the bar, and drink it on your way home. drink as much water as possible before going to bed, and leave a big glass or bottle of water next to your bed. tylenol is good to prevent hangovers.

7. furry friends, your fur on me makes me feel gross. luna, sorry. MEOW!

8. don't go running at high noon. tanning at the hottest part of the day may get you a terrific tan but will dehydrate you. please drink lots of water. you will sweat.

9. hey remember, sweating is your body's air conditioning! right on!

10. "air conditioned" clothes are acceptable provided your air conditioning is not in certain...er, locations.


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