04 May 2004



ever had a boring class? of course. a boring day at work with nothing to do but you need to look like you are doing something? a telephone conversation with a friend that sucks? a wedding that bores you?

here are some useful tips to liven up any boring moment. remember: be subtle and quiet, and every so often, lift your hand up to your face, gently touch your lips, nodding your head, “of course,” and repeat words that may be important.

1. discreetly create your grocery and to-do lists. while it may be difficult to recreate the missing items in your refrigerator, a quick call on your mobile phone to others in your house will surely help. just keep your voice down so you don’t draw any attention to yourself.

2. on the same paper as your notebook paper, write letters to friends, relatives, and politicians. consult with a pocket dictionary only when your teacher says a big word.

3. stay in shape. all these classes are going to give you “student stomach” and “secretary butt.” flex and stretch your legs, squeeze in and hold your stomach, and do butt clenching exercises. yeah! now you don’t need to go to the gym.
4. if you must drink alcoholic beverages during class, please keep the alcohol in a sealed thermos. straight up vodka is okay in a water bottle. be careful—if you spill it, others will smell it, and want some too.

5. doodle. draw pictures, write words, including any anger you may feel towards boring and annoying classmates performing their latest monologue.
6. put an e book on your pocket pc or tablet pc and pretend to take notes. you will be reading a wonderful book instead. try to pay attention every so often.

7. to ensure your professors will leave you alone, before or after class approach them, and say, “I’m going through some very hard times lately. I apologize if I’m not performing my fullest.” they will be sympathetic and look at you less.
skip it altogether.

8. if possible, give yourself an extensive manicure and pedicure.

1 comment:

Kaytay said...

this. was. hilarious. i am writing a process essay on how to survive a boring class. this made me decide to make it a sarcastic and funny essay. :)