17 January 2010

Can't Get Beyond That

Last night, in the midst of a fun dance party with Midori and glitter flying through the air and matchmaking and dance, dance, dance, I was struck by depression.

When I ran into my best friend from high school while running 3hrs in the pouring freezing rain by Prospect Park and told him about it, he said, "Isn't it funny how a million things are happening and you can't get beyond that one?"

This is a rather strange place for me to be in. I know this is partially a reaction to my ex moving out, but it's more of the fact that I am rethinking my life...what have I done...where am I going...what does this mean...will I ever find love? All those big questions that a lot of people die without ever answering.

My tactic for now is to live life one day at a time...running, cooking, seeing friends, going to dance parties, drinking wine, reading good books, taking things one step at a time, focusing on work...It's somewhat working, but then sometimes the sadness comes (and it's inexplicable; I'm not focused on one thing but it's an overwhelming feeling) and it's hard to move beyond that.

Maybe I'll move to South America in April. Maybe I'll fall in love with a stranger next time I go to my health food store. Maybe I'll win the Umstead 100 Miler. (Least likely of all to occur!) I don't know what is going to happen...I just know I'm going to keep on moving and try to get beyond any kind of sadness.

1 comment:

Iliana Dimitrova said...

Not sure if it will help ... but I've been thru the same ... more then once ... It's hard ... there is nothing but to get over it till the next time ... Once I hear on the WOW conf to think about the 3 good things that happened to one during the day especially on the days when you feel down ... It's a good exercise to put a smile on your face b/c there will be at least 3 good things that have happened ... Sometimes I want to be alone when depression hits, but sometimes I do seek my friends and just hanging out with them gets me thru the day