today i ran into sarah at the farmers' market and whenever you play catch up with people, it kind of forces you to evaluate what the hell you've been doing. struggling with a large butternut squash, i answered questions about my job, and i have thought more and more about what i'm doing. i'm not thrilled, but instead of this freedom i felt this summer, "oh, i'm bored here, i'm going to just leave," "i feel like buying this," randomly approaching strangers for chats and leaving if they suck--well, i just feel settled. it can be a scary feeling.
i like some things about NOT traveling..a lot of things, actually. i like eating local and organic produce, cooking in my home, knowing what i'm eating, sleeping in my bed, being with my cat, writing when i want, reading....
but i'm not in brazil. they're destroying rain forests i haven't seen yet. i want to try surfing in australia, being a vegetarian in africa, warding off advances and being safe in latin america, there's so many places to go! i feel suffocated with my work situation and my money situation and i am getting a little panicky at times.
my toaster oven broke today and it makes me sad. if only i were on the road, it would not even matter. but i'm at home, and adjusting to being here, well, it's a lot harder than you would think.