what do i want?

i don't know. i got the part-time job at g, an academic library (quite small). i'm not thrilled with the part-time hours and i really think i need benefits. after accepting it, i cried on the phone to my father. i also have a part-time temporary job at b.--an interview tomorrow that i believe i have an excellent chance of getting--but i really want something that i can start accruing my vacation days so i can go away next somewhere. i dont know what i want. the job at g. will provide time to write, but i think, maybe, i just want a real job.