10 April 2005

wine and whine

i had a meltdown on friday. i was hating my job more than ever all day at work, annoyed at every little thing my boss asked me to do, ready to quit. i took a mental health break around 230 and took a long walk. i spent time in borders looking at all the travel magazines, soothing myself. really, my ticket is bought, i'll be gone soon. this won't matter.

even better: i give my notice in three weeks!

i got the naropa magazine in the mail and i looked at it, what my former peers and classmates and library patrons were doing and i started crying. naked, in the fetal position of my futon. the corporate world is pointless, and i can't believe i went from snazzy cosmopolitan girl in the mountains to a corporate librarian...i'm too much of a hippie to work in the corporate world.

i'm stuck somewhere between a martini and a microbrew.

these day jobs just suck the energy out of us. my dream life would involve writing, running, yoga, doing creative crafty things. instead, i work at a job i hate, come home and seethe and eat chocolate to pep me up, and then feel too low to do much besides schoolwork. i want to be the creative person i was at naropa.

i had a pretty good weekend, except for the parts when i was thinking about, talking about, or doing schoolwork. train rides prove useful for the editing of papers. i'm almost done with a paper that focuses on how academic libraries changed with the popularization of the internet, now i just have to write 16 more analytical annotations for children's books. (so basically, i'm writing theoretical mini-essays on childrens' books, with more words in my essays than there are in the books!) this weekend i watched and the band played on, gave a radical cheerleading workshop, went to the donkey show, spent the rest of that random saturday night wandering around manhattan (high on life but yearning for a little bit of sangria to go along with it), took my cat on a walk (thus winning over the elderly polish population of greenpoint), prepared elaborate meals, ate cookies with emily...and here i am, sunday night, realizing i still have way too much work to do.

sometimes this schoolwork seem so pointless. like, yeah, it's great to know of the history of libraries and to know these things, but these analytical essays--i mean, i doubt this will make me a better childrens' librarian. it's busy work, like you did when you were in third grade and your teacher was sick.

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