cherie needs advice: should i stay or should i run?

i'm having difficulty making a decision.

after i ran the vt 50 miler, i became addicted. that high...oh, it was amazing. (or maybe it was all the cake i consumed while running?) i want do do another 50 miler...so badly. i really want to do a 100k.

why? b/c once you do one, you crave more...even those times at the vt50 miler, when i was dealing with tummy troubles, i still was having fun.

so i want to do the san fran north face challenge...it's supposed to be a great race, lots of fun. it all comes down to money. should i spend $300 on plane fare, $100 or whatever it is on race fees, and assorted other moneys (food, etc.) to do one race? i can probably stay with an old college friend, but i also don't know how i'm getting in and out of SF to the race (which is a 30 min ride outside of the city).

i want to do another race before i go to argentina...but should i pick one more local? the only ones i can really do within driving distance are the mendoza 50k one week after the nyc marathon (ouch!) or the fells trail race on nov 29. should i save my money for doing lots of ultras next year? probably. but i can't decide...this looks so fun.

travel updates

i'm going to argentina instead of ecuador.

i will tango my way into your heart. or stumble.

i may stop at uruguay along the way. plans include patagonia, iguazu falls, buenos aires, hitting up the coast (beaches! surfing! sun!). maybe tierra del fuego instead of patagonia?

you'll miss me over the holidays, but we can eat those red & green m&ms in the new year.

i think i'm going to take up a gentler sport...like football

who knew running was a contact sport?

of all the crazy trail races i do, the time i get the most injured running is in front of a club in my neighborhood on a street i've probably run down 100 times. i was running with crista, chatting abt nyc decompression (we went on sat and had a blast -- i'll post photos soon) when suddenly, i was tripping over a piece of sticking up concrete and hit the pavement and SLID! the palms of my hands are covered in cuts and are sore (and typing is slightly painful), my right shoulder is missing a large hunk of skin, there are cuts, scrapes and bruises on my elbow and legs and knees. ow.

then, this morning, miserable rain, gale-force winds, i did my last speed run (15 min tempo at MGP, 8xaccelerations of 150-200 meters) and just as i was finishing my tempo run (which i actually planned on doing 20 min), i slid as i was pushing it across the street. luckily, there were no cars, but i completely slid into a puddle, slamming into the ground. my left knee was throbbing, my gloves and pants were soaked, and i was more miserable than i have been in a while. my palms are still smarting from sunday's smash into concrete, and my shoulder is aching and it hurts to lift my arm.

but you know what? i'm so psyched for sunday's nyc marathon!

happenings: excerpts from my second grade journal

March 18, 1987
My wish would be that if Ann-Marie could be my sister. We would be sisters forever. I wish it we were sisters. Then we would get bunk beds. I would have such fun. I would love for Ann-Marie to be my sister.

April 6, 1987
Today is Monday, April 6, 1987. We have been having a lot of rain. When it rains I go downstairs and take my sister and play dress-up. I said, "I'm the mother and you're the baby." And I like to play with my hamsters. When we play dress up I put on the fanciest dress, hat, coat, and a fancy purse. And I dress up my sister too. I always have fun!
And sometimes I play school and read. I read my library books too.

May 11, 1987
Fun!
Last week was my commioun [sic]. It was fun. In the church when my brother recieved the host he put it in his pocket. I had fun on my ommoiun [sick]. At the party I got one toy. It was a little bear that said "You're tops." It was from Eryn. I ate zita and hero and salad and juice. My mom made a punch with Lemonaid, Fruit Punch and Gingeral [sic]. My aunt let the kids drink until my mom saw Erin take some. The cake was good! I had fun on my commoiun. I had to read long loines on the aulter [sic]. The lord is my shepard.
This entry has a scary picture of me standing on an alter. I mean, an aulter, with a blinking microphone. Ah, the eighties.

May 18, 1984
Today is Monday, May 18, 1984. I had fun at my cousin Michelle's party. We had fun. Kristeena brought two whooler whoops [sic]. When we ate the cake I sat next to Michelle. She was the sloopiest [sic] eater. Michelle got a kitchen set. She was only one years old! My Aunt gave us party bags. In the party bags I got a bracelet, a twinkie, a mint, and a tootsie roll pop. We had fun.
On Sunday I went over Nicole's house. First we had a swirl pop. Then the ice cream man came and we got ice cream. I had fun!
The person downstairs of Nicole's house moved! We played hide 'n seek down there. We had lemonade and heat doritos! We watched the Wizard of Oz! "Boy," did we have fun!! I had fun when my Grandma came over! I missed her. She went to Florida.

June 3, 1987
Today is Wednesday, June 3, 1987. Yesterday we went to Bethpage Village. First we took the bus on the trip. I sat with Rebecca. We talked. I brought a little game in my pocket called Ring Toss. Then we went to Bethpage and went to the gift shop. I bought a little pink china doll. I was going to buy a rabbits foot but I thought of my rabbit being killed. We ate lunch after. I sat with Ann-Marie, Theresa, and Lisa Ann. We saw a movie. It was about the olden days. It was a really good movie. I wanted to see the Village. Last we went on the bus. I sat with Rebecca again. We played Ring Toss again. We talked. We opened our gifts and played with them. I had a good time at Bethpage. We had no homework.

June 5, 1987
Summer Fun
Today is Friday, June 5, 1987. IN summer I like to go to the beach. I like to eat lunch at the beach and make sand castles and swim. I like to walk and pick up shells. I like to get a sun tan.
One time I made a sandcastle that needed water. It was close to the water. At the beach I always have fun.

naomi wolf quote

the real issue has nothing to do with whether women wear makeup or don't, gain weight or lose it, have surgery or shun it, dress up or down, make out clothing and faces and bodies into works of art or ignore adornment of it altogether, the real problem is our lack of choice.

happenings: excerpts from my second grade journal

Today is October 14.
The rain is wet.
But it's not dry.
I feel mad because I'm having Ann-Marie over my house today, and we will not be able to go outside.
So we will go downstairs, and my sister's friend Eryn will come over.
Well when we're in the basement, they come down and put on the record player and put on the song, Rain Rain, go away, Come again another day.
By the way my sister has the prize popple. I love my sister, but I hate, Eryn.
I like rainbows.

Today is Monday, November 24, 1986.
I feel happy because I got two gerbils on Friday, and one Saturday we got more. We have three [sick] mails.
I like them a lot.
There [sic] names are Midnight, Orange, and Da. [I don't remember these; they must not have lived long.]
They eat raisins and cherries.

December 15, 1986
Christmas is coming.
There are only ten days till Christmas. I feel good because my sister is always a chatterbox so I won't get sleep and I can see Santa Claus. I wonder what he will give my brother and my sister and me! He puts small things in your stocking. I wonder how the elves are working? I will give Santa Claus cookies and milk. I will give the raindeer [sick] carrots and cerly [sic]. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Today is January 5, 1987.
On Christmas I got a Furskin, a radio, a baton, a bookmark and the Heart Family Playhouse from Santa. I got My Child and the My Child Stroller. And Fluppy Puppy. I got Miss Piggy lip glass and Miss Piggy nail polish.
My brother wanted his prensent [sic] early. He cried. I gave it to him. So did my sister. She did no give anybody anything. My grandma got something specil [sic], her ears pearced [sick]]. I saw Mary Poppins.
Ann-Marie sleept [sic] over. We stayed in bed till 11:59. We had popcorn.

Today is Wednesday, January 7, 1987. After school I like to play with Ann-Marie. We play with our dolls, we play barbie, dress-up, and drawing.
Sometimes we watch T.V. But we say "Melissa you can't play." Then she cries. Then we play. We go outside.

clavicles as a sign of beauty

In our country, thinness=beauty. It's our national obsession here in the U.S. (and in many other countries as well). I wonder if there is a correlation between the rising obesity crisis and our obsession with thinness and hating our bodies?

I am not obese. I'm actually considered thin. I like to think I'm athletic. My arms are thin (though they are growing muscles, which is very exciting), my legs are all muscle ("I want legs like yours. How can I get them?" "Run for 16 years, and focus on ultramarathons and marathons for at least 4 of those years."), but I've always had issues with my stomach. I've hated it, moaned, "I'm so fat," way too many times when I'm not. Why do I engage in this hating?

Recently, I lost a bunch of weight -- 7 or 9 pounds, which is a lot for someone my size. It become immediately noticeable, and I got a lot of comments. I was pleased, but losing weight was never my intention. (It was a combination of my stomach getting really messed up with food poisoning, followed by going to Burning Man and having no appetite, followed by a general lack of appetite. I'm eating though. I'm actually about to have a veggie burger, so don't worry about me.)

What happened when I lost weight was that I lost boob. I ended up having to buy new (padded, push-up! They were the only ones that fit!) bras.

I was staring in the mirror, moaning the loss of my boobs, when I thought, "It can never be perfect, can it? Will you ever be satisfied?"

I stared at myself, and saw my clavicles sticking out. I recalled a NYT article on how women were only considered thin enough if their clavicles were sticking out. After the article, many women began obsessing. "Is it sticking out?" I even stared in the mirror to see the protrusion of my clavicle.

Why do we do this? Why can't we just love who we are? I decided I'm sick of hating, and am trying to love and enjoy my body. Smaller boobs mean less fat so maybe I'll run faster? I know that beauty comes from within, and I wouldn't someone to not love me or want me because I was too small -- how shallow, and how obviously not worth my time.

Love yourself. Run, eat cake, do whatever. Don't let the fashion industry and the media tell you you are fat.

addict

"you're an endorphin junkie. it's worse than heroin. if you don't run, you like, freak."
--patrick to me

patrick, you are so right. as i get more and more involved in the ultrarunning community, i find it more addictive. i haven't lost my zeal and lust for life otherwise -- going to visit rosa tonight (maybe hiking or apple picking or baking), nyc decompression next weekend, still working on my halloween costume, really enjoying wine lately, tea as autumn comes in. but still -- i think things like, "hmmm, the san diego 100 you say? might be a nice way to spend my 30th birthday." (on second thought, that's probably a terrible way to spend your birthday -- sweaty, stinky, hallucinating, oh joy! hahah!)

i signed up for a 100k next may the weekend before my birthday, and am seriously pondering doing the san francisco north face challenge 50 miler in dec. i've been having some good, tough, fast runners -- and have had runner's high twice this week! i don't need caffeine, i just need a good run.

it helps that most of my good friends are runners. when we do a relay, it's more like a party than anything else. i'll be hosting my second annual post-nyc-marathon potluck pigout this year (lots of running followed by lots of food -- what's better than that?). so being a runner is so natural when many of your friends are runners.

but not everyone is a runner. that's okay. i still like to drink mojitos, wear fairy wings, dance, sing, read poetry, look at art, and i can do that with you. yes, YOU!

thank you for speaking up; f* you to sarah palin

life can be

full of homemade apple pies and amazing mojitos and dancing at hookah bars surrounded by smoke and egyptian boys and the italian navy and champagne-infused love speeches at wedding and long runs along the beach with good friends and dancing in high heels and it feeling normal and filling up a large tote bag at the farmer's market and smiling to your grandma,

"yeah, i'm happy."

and sometimes there are ups and sometimes there are downs but mostly, i'm running towards the rainbow.

ready, set, TRAVEL!

so i bought my plane tickets to ecuador and i'm going there for three weeks! i can't wait! finally, another trip...

i plan to:

• go on some sort of jungle tours/exploring the rain forest
• surf
• chill on the beach
• hike
• meet cool new people
• go to the galapagos islands
  
• improve my spanish

oooh and something different...crista will be with me for the latter two weeks of my trip. should be fun (and lots of running!).

races for 2009

who knew? the umstead 100 (a 100 mile race in april with a very high finishing rate) is already full! i'm really bummed b/c this is right by my little sister's house, so i could've probably conned her into pacing me (or at least crewing me). oh well, next year.

i need to start figuring out next year's racing schedule. tentatively, i'm thinking:

sarasota half marathon
april's big sur marathon
ultimate xc - jay & quebec (possibly)
vt 100 miler
vt 50 miler

other races i'm thinking of include the boulder 100, avenue of the giants marathon, costa rica challenge, hood to coast, and many others. i'm trying to find some 50ks, 50 milers, and 100 milers between now and june to prep for my first 100 miler. i'm open to any suggestions.
nyc marathon

rumi poem

"The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you,
not knowing how blind that was,
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along"

Rumi (1207-1273)

wouldn't it be nice if...

...life were about dancing in fake-fur costumes until 5am, under a haze of delicious drinks, followed by sleeping until you're no longer tired, long runs after the rains, and cooking complicated recipes while drinking cups of delicious english tea, eating homemade ice cream, and reading on the couch, sprawled out with a cat at your feet?

register to vote, people!

mccain is scary, i think venessa is more qualified than palin for vp (she lives 2 miles from canada! she knows all abt foreign policy, right v?), so please, register to vote so we can barack the vote.

reasons:

• you want to end this war in iraq
• you value freedom -- freedom of choice, of voice
• you are pro-choice and respect women
• you realize abstinence only education does not work (palin should as well, seeing as how her teenage daughter is pregnant)
• money for books and education, not for war and occupation!

and so many other reasons.

bart yasso quote

running inspires creativity, relieves stress, and gives us insight into ourselves and the world, making the human condition more tolerable.

--bart yasso

why i love nyc

because there are signs saying "did you 'misunderestimate' your closet space?" on the subway

Runners, Yeah We're Different

I was running with this guy, and we were talking about Crista's swelling fingers (more salt, baby!) and he said, "Well, make sure you're peeing enough. Have you peed yet?" No, I told him, but I would at the next aid station (mile 25). "Make sure you do," he told me. Then he said,

"You know, it's weird, but normally, you don't talk to people of the opposite sex about these sort of things."

I know exactly what he means! I was telling runners, "Yeah, my stomach has been totally wrecked, and I keep running behind a tree," and they would reply, "Oh, that sucks. Have you tried Ginger Ale?" So, all you non-runners reading this blog, runners are different. Poop and pee and whatever else, it's all part of the long run, especially for ultra-runners.

Runners. Yeah, we're different.

full report: VT50 miler!

VT 50 mile overall result: 11 hours 06 minutes 33 seconds!

i was super excited for this race--my friend mason told me it was an amazing race, and reading postings on sherpa john's blog really excited me. so i decided to do it, and my fabulous friend crista decided to do it with me. yay!

i got up at ten of five, ate a bagel with pb&j, and got ready in our hotel room that was literally, right next door to the race start. we headed out the door in time for the 5:45a.m. race meeting. we all focused on success in the port-a-potties (which we all had, yay!), stretching, and getting nervous. i finally met sherpa john, and wished our good lucks to each other.

the race started at 6:45, and we started slowly and easily. crista and i started the race chatting, asking each for advice and admiring the beauty of the course. the first few miles were relatively easy, and we walked or ran slowly the hills and inclines.

we skipped the first aid station, filled up on water and ate very little at the second. at the third aid station, we saw our good friend shawn, who was there with cookies, cheer, and our drop bags. i replaced two gels that i had already eaten, and shawn told us how strong and great we looked.

we left shawn and proceeded down the road. crista was not feeling so great -- her fingers were swelling a TON and her wrist started swelling and she felt dizzy. i was asking fellow runners, and we thought it had to do with salt. i asked at the next aid station -- they had no clue. i encouraged her to eat more salt, and she tried to ignore the discomfort.

i was slightly ahead of crista at the aid station around mile 25. i ate some cake (coffee cake, yum!) and other random foods, and was taking my endurolytes every hour, at a minimum. i also peed, which was good, showing that i was drinking enough. i lost crista behind me a little.

there were a LOT of downhills between 25 and 30.2 i really hammered those hills, running fast, feeling strong. the other runners were super encouraging: "wow, you got it! you are looking strong!" i felt great.

at 30.2, i saw shawn again. i pulled some gels and gummy bears and pretzels from my drop bag, replenishing what i ate. shawn gave me some m&ms, and i ate a big handful. and i was off. shawn said i looked strong, and i felt great.

several miles later, my stomach felt a wreck. "maybe too many m&ms?" i wondered. i persevered...until i had to stop to go to the bathroom behind a bush. and again. and again. and again.

runners i had passed a while back passed me, and i struggled to keep up with them. a friendly runner saw me coming from behind a tree, and i asked her if she had anything. she sympathized, and checked but didn't have anything. i made it to the next aid station, where the volunteers didn't have anything. (note to self: always carry immodium on long runs!!!) but drank ginger ale. i never drank ginger ale in my life, but slowly sipped a can while running slowly with this other woman. "my stomach is a wreck, i can't eat anything. i'm only drinking coke!" she was awesome. i let her go ahead as i had to head behind a tree again. ugh.

i mostly ran, though found myself reduced to walking on some uphills i normally would have been able to run on without any problems. at the next aid station, i drank more ginger-ale, and took a bunch of peppermints, which slightly helped. my stomach issues continued, and i was so upset at how i felt, but knew there was nothing i could do. duck behind a tree, go, and head back out and persevere.

i saw shawn again at mile 40. despite earlier threats, crista did not drop out, and he said she wasn't so far behind me at mile 30. i was relieved, and drank more ginger ale and grabbed another large fistful of peppermints. i ran on to the next aid station -- that's how i ran this race, thinking in terms of the next aid station (especially the next ginger ale). it felt like forever. lots of ups and downs and switchbacks, and i ran alone much of the time. my stomach sent me off the trail once more, but i felt very weak. i tried to eat some pretzels and continued to take endurolytes, but felt like hell.

when i finally arrived at the final aid station, i was so drained. i drank more ginger ale and ate two large fistfuls of animal crackers, which were great. i'm going to run with them at all the ultras i do!

it began raining as i started my final section, and certain parts were incredibly muddy and so slippery. since the path was at the edge of a drop-off, i worried i'd fall off, and ran when i could, but ended up walking, as most others were doing.

seeing the 1 mile sign got me extremely emotional, and i had tears in my eyes. i tried to run as hard as i could, but felt delusional and weak. i finished strong, running down the hill, with my arms in the air. i was SO happy!

the course was absolutely beautiful. i wish i had ran with a camera. the trees were absolutely beautiful, changing. because it was a misty day, the view was gorgeous and peaks were covered with this lovely mist at the top. the weather was mid 50s-high 60s -- perfect, although it was a tad humid at times (and overwhelming almost).

i'm sore today, but okay. i think i would be worse if i had run hard during those tummy trouble miles. i also think i probably could have run 30 minutes faster if i didn't have those problems, but either way, i'm really pleased with my time of 11 hours.

the verdict? i'm an addict. i definitely want to do this race again next year. it was extremely well-organized, i had SO much fun, the bikers were super nice and added an interesting element, and i really like running for LONG periods of time.

next up: i want to find a good 100k, run some more 50 miler races. and i think a 100 miler may be in my future. i'm not sure which one, but sometime in the next year or two, i'll be looking towards a 100 miler!


*note: pictures to come! once shawn sends me photos, i'll post them*

i did it!

i finished the vermont 50 miler!!!!!

what i did at burning man...amongst other things

i can't embed this video anymore b/c apparently it plays automatically. so if you want to see my 5 minutes of burning man fame, check this out.

why i love my friends: because they say things on my voicemail like this:

"i don't know if the teased hair and the horns would work."

something that just popped into my head...

life would be easier if i didn't ask any questions. if i just glided along, accepting what i'm supposed to accept (job, relationship, marriage, children, retirement, house in the suburbs, american dream), it would be so much smoother and easier. would i be happy? no. maybe content. i would be okay. just okay. should i have done that?

asking questions is my style. complicating things is my style. it's more interesting. it helps me grow, live, explore, reach out, and be.

next steps

stop trying to figure stuff out. sometimes, when you hit a downhill, you just have to go with it. slide into that downhill. move those legs faster.

you can cry. it's okay. you can shout, you can dance. you eat a hot fudge sundae. dance in your living room like a maniac. kiss your best friend and say, "that was nice." sleep with a stuffed animal. do whatever it is you aren't supposed to do. don't question. just go with it.

i'm going to buy a plane ticket. talk to boss first, make sure time off is okay. then buy a plane ticket. someplace warm with a beach, surfing, jungles, hiking, and fun. probably ecuador. or maybe panama. no, argentina. or chile.

just go with it. do what feels right. stop questioning. stop stressing. stop these "you didn't take the garbage out" stresses.

lift your hands to the sky. wear all white, or nothing at all. enjoy each and every moment.

send a chocolate bar to someone you love in the mail -- a really good, fair-trade organic bar. tell your mother you love her. take your grandmother some home-baked cookies. masturbate with the lights on. tell someone on the subway they look beautiful.

smile. live. be.

follow my own advice.

Gloria Steinem Quote

"If men could menstruate ... clearly, menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event: Men would brag about how long and how much.... Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of such commercial brands as Paul Newman Tampons, Muhammed Ali’s Rope-a-Dope Pads, John Wayne Maxi Pads, and Joe Namath Jock Shields—”For Those Light Bachelor Days.”"

superchunk "throwing things"

I'm blowing up the street like a leaf
I skin my back a few times you'll see
Head over heels, my hands on my heart
I'm making a promise, and that's a start

chorus
You're leaving a trail for me
I see you up in the tallest tree
(You're) throwing things down at me
I'm starting to climb, well I'm starting on my knees

Somewhere along the way
Dusk it turns back into day
The sky is orange
The trees lie down against it

Chorus

where to go next?

i want to go someplace fun. i'd like to speak spanish, hike, be in nature, be on the beach, go surf, dance, meet some rad people. i've already been to brazil and costa rica, and loved both, but want to try someplace new in latin america. i'm really leaning towards ecuador, if i can afford the flight/use my parents' frequent flyer miles (what a great holiday gift!) i'm always thinking of Nicaragua and Panama. shawn recommended Guyana, but I want to utilize my Spanish skills....

Any ideas? I want to go solo around the holidays.

my pj shirt says...

boys are stupid. throw rocks at them.

fiction/not fiction

She waited until she heard his car turn down the drive before making any rash decisions. Once the sound of the car faded away, she set to work doing the things she had always wanted to do, always for the past eighteen years. She opened the blinds, wide, to let the sunlight in. (“And the heat,” he would say.) She cut a slice of apple pie she made for last night’s desert, plopped a large hunk of rice pudding on top, and ate it for breakfast. (“Dear, that is not even an acceptable dinner.”) And then she stretched out completely nude, on the sofa (“Dear, please! Dress yourself!”) and slept.

When she awoke, she knew what must be done, and decided to finally do it, with her entire heart, with her entire being, with herself for once.

6 days...

until i run the vt 50 miler!

when i'm single, i clean more

i was thinking about how i need to clean my bathtub this morning...maybe it's b/c i'm feeling the need for a little romance????




i always hate the way cleaning products are marketed towards women. it makes me ill. why is it assumed that men and children are so stupid that they are pigs and unable to clean? i don't like cleaning that much -- though i do it. but people, please use natural cleaning products b/c they're better for your health (unless, of course, you decide to use them as part of your std-prevention programs...jk, that part in the video is mad funny!)

still carrying that white privilege knapsack?

more to think about white privilege, in relation to the u.s. presidential 2008 elections. this is a must read.

you know how it goes

i've been dealing with a lot of emotions flying all over the place, and it's been pretty crazy. my throat is starting to hurt and i'm worried i'm getting sick. i can't get sick; i have a 50 mile race next weekend.

this weekend, i took it easy. rosa came on friday after work, and it was fantastic to see her. i prepped an appie plate for her, followed by my homemade apple crisp. we walked to manhattan, all over the lower east side, stopping by babeland, then heading over to benny's burrito's in greenwich village, followed by cupcakes at magnolia's. get a vanilla and then your mouth will have an orgasm. it's that good. we couldn't shut up, talking nonstop. the next morning, rosa rode mabel (my purple bike) while i ran 10 miles. we made french toast, went to the farmer's market, ate more apple crisp, went to prospect park to pedal boat, then smelled the roses in the brooklyn botanic gardens, and then took a nap. we made vegetable ratatouille, and went to a party in dumbo. today i ran 7 miles, then met my mom to buy a comforter (i wanted purple but chose light blue...i know others are not so keen on purple). i want to paint my room. then we worked on my halloween costume, after brunch of course. still working on the costume, after dealing with sewing machine drama. baking bread, and the smell is making my mouth water.

so why do i blather on here? i'm feeling relaxed and normal, but also overwhelmingly sad. i either have to work things out (which hasn't seemed likely) or start going through stuff, sorting things out, "that's mine!" "i want those plates." and etcetera.

i'm lucky to have people to listen to me, and glad to have running to sustain me. 50 miles in vt next weekend...i can't wait!

reach the beach

12 runners. 209 miles. 3 legs each. 28 hours. new hampshire. too much fun. too many pyramids.

last weekend, i ran with 11 friends on a 209 mile relay across the lovely, surprisingly hilly state of new hampshire. with two fabulously decorated vans (big headshots of all the runners superimposed onto elite athlete's bodies and lots of car marker) we got a fairly late start time -- 2:20 (you could start as early as 7 a.m. or as late s 4 p.m.). kevin started, running fast! i ran the 2nd leg, which was 8.9 miles, mostly uphill. it was pretty crazy, and i'm not used to running so fast, but i pushed myself as much as i could. midway through my run, van #2 raced by me, taking photos out of the side of the van, screaming. they stopped to cheer for me. van #1 shortly followed, cheering as well. it really felt great and was motivating and pushed me along. when i finished, i passed the baton to dan, our fastest runner. he ran amazingly fast, and then emily was next. she conquered those hills, and shawn followed, then crista. crista wore the headlamp and vest, though the sun was still out. we drove ahead, being silly, eating random food in the van (cold pasta, tofu, meat, quiche -- the quiche was the best idea!). no one could really sleep -- it was too early. we mostly talked, relaxed, used the stick. we stopped at a transition zone that had food, and ate some soup. i also ate a brownie, which i'm pretty sure is superfood. during this time, van #2 -- mark, cara, mecca, michael p., mike o., and brenda -- were running. we had walkie talkies, but they didn't work much of the time, and cell phones were often dead or out of range. it was a little sad to not bond with them as much. we started up again a little after 11pm, with kevin running fast, and passing to me. i began running at midnight, and ran 7.7 miles on fairly hilly terrain in pitch black. my headlamp helped, but there were tons of potholes and i was cautious. it was super spooky (i'm a city girl!) and i ended up saying random words to freak the bears that might be lurking in the nearby woods away. "dark." "fast." "run." i finished, passing to dan, who passed to emily, and then shawn. i waited with crista for shawn to come in...hmmm, he was taking a little longer. it got to the point where we were on the verge of sending the van out to look for him when he came in. a poorly marked turn led shawn to run four extra miles. he was so pissed! crista took it to the streets, and then we drove to the next major transistion zone where kevin would run hours later.

i dozed a little and then tried to sleep on the van floor when we got to the transition zone. i woke up and tried to sleep. i got cranky and yelled at everyone, and slept for about 20 or 30 minutes. good times. at one point, we were all cranky, and i whipped out the video camera to record us bitching. i'm sure that will be funny to watch later.

we ended up getting up, trying to eat a little, and stretching. we met the other van around 10:15 a.m., and cheered mike o. into the finish as kevin passed off. and then off to our final legs.

i ran 4.1 miles, mostly uphill, and was very proud. "i passed four runners." good job, cherie, but dangerous dan (fueled by rock star energy drink!) passed 22 runners in his 9.1 mile leg. go dan! emily, shawn, crista, and kevin all rocked it as well.

we went and got some amazing ice cream, and then went to the beach to wait for our teammates. when mike o. came in, we crossed the line, cheering -- like the true team we were.

s.s.o.r.e. = secret society of running endlessly

and having way too much fun!

i heart new york

lately, i've been pondering living other places. it might be nice to run for hours on trails that are mere minutes to run to, or to have a variety of farmer's markets, or to bike everywhere sans pollution, or to take post-dinner strolls along the dream. pipe dreams, perhaps. everyone who knows me knows i'm a new york city girl. still, i can dream....and one day, i will escape the city!

here are some reasons why i love new york:

• i skip up wall street, listening to paul van dyk, feeling great, and i'm sure someone other than me is smiling
• the man walking past me skipping on wall street who is in the middle of the street, waving his boxing gloves around
• whatever you want -- english sweets, obscure running snacks, dog food bakeries -- nyc has it
• amazing food -- cupcakes, indian food, any kind of cuisine, and often for cheap
• walk on a new street and discover a new life
• the attitudes. i love the ego sometimes -- i saw a man last week wearing a shirt that had an arrow pointing up to his face, saying, "THE MAN." an arrow pointing down said, "THE LEGEND." i love it.
• my running friends. they sustain me.
• close proximity to my fam.
• brunch! my favorite meal of the week keeps getting better and better, esp when served with (unlimited!) mimosas!
• not too far from the beach; not too far from the country; not too far from the suburbs
• fantastic shopping
• great fun free events
• amazing djs and musicians are constantly in nyc
• nothing like xmas in nyc!
• the diversity of people, thought and ideas. i hated the whiteout of boulder.

one day i'll be gone, running on lovely trails and enjoying the beach daily, but until then, i'm a new york city girl.

after

i smell you everywhere

in response to an email from a close, amazing friend, asking me, "am i still a traveler if i'm not traveling?"

I have a sticky note on my igoogle page that I've had up there for a while: "Never forget the things that make you alive." That's my reminder to myself to not stray far from who I am or what I love or what I do. That's why I insist upon traveling as often as I can; it reminds me of who I am and what I love.

Burning Man really re-instilled a lot of that. It woke me up. It reminded me that I'm running around too much, not doing things I place priority on (I haven't been surfing in months, which also is due to the fact that the waves have sucked or I haven't had access to a car with room for a board a lot of the times...), losing track of the important things. When I get away, I remember who I am.

I think you are still a traveler if you can keep a fresh perspective on things, and if you never stop dreaming. Right now, I'm thinking abt Dec. I have off work for two weeks, and can take additional time. I looked at plane fares to Argentina, and then gasped. 2k! I am hoping to play around with the dates and go anyway. Surf, chill, meet rad people. Tango.

Do you travel with your vacation? I do, though I lack the money. (I like my job, but nonprofits lack profit...sigh...esp for me!)

If you want to keep traveling, if you don't want to stop, you are. You are what you want to be...and more. I think you need to take that annual leave and put it to good use. Go someplace you've always dreamed of going. Meet new people. Drool after those who tell you, "I'm traveling for a year or two...until my money runs out." Re-examine your life. Put things in perspective. Keep going.

I have rent. I have bills. I have a cat, a rent-stabilized one bedroom apartment with a job and sick leave and responsibilities at work that make me a "go-to" person. I'm proud of the things I have...but I'm more proud of what I've accomplished -- my races, my stories, who I am.

If you can't go, gaze at the map. Think about the Northern Lights. Think about the South Pole. Worry about getting eating by penguins or grizzly bears. Don't stop dreaming.

Plan that next step of the journey, even if it's two years from now. Too scary and too close? How about ten years from now?

Keep going. Keep traveling. Keep moving. Keep being. Keep dreaming. Keep living your life.

burning man

burning man was the best week of my life.

"it's like summer camp for adults," my little sister told me, as i shopped for practical shoes at DSW the other day. yes, indeed it is.

i went out with my friend bill, not sure what to expect, but knowing that i'd have fun. it was even better than i expected.

i can't give a play-by-play because i'd be writing for 12 hours and STILL not get all of it. i'll just give you some highlights of this amazing week that i encourage all to attend (but be prepared for harsh conditions -- just remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger).

• winning the black rock city 5k (and setting the record!) -- beating a naked guy! woooh!
  
• going out deep into the playa, looking at amazing art, underneath SO many stars
• tassel twirling class
• dancing with mojitos at dementhe, an awesome camp
• meeting tons of amazing people
• a camp set up like a zagat-rated hotel
• dancing at a huge club-like place, deep end
• biking on a flame-spitting bike
• dancing to "my adidas" during a dust storm, complete with goggles and face mask
• running 5 miles during a dust storm
• meeting all sorts of random people
• big hugs from total strangers
• hula hooping
• making necklaces and making friends
• librarian cocktail party
• the "triathlon" involving swimming through dirt
• watching the man burn
• hitching a ride on art cars
• yoga
• sharing a piece of myself with so many others -- and them sharing themselves with stories, hugs, jewelry, whatever we had to offer

an amazing week. i met so many wonderful people. this week also forced me to re-think a lot of things in my life, how they are progressing...i am trying to figure things out, but it's slow-going. i feel like i'm treading water -- i want to be swimming.

42 baby!!!!

i ran 42 miles yesterday. it was not easy....towards the start, i was having a lot of difficulty with my asthma and had to stop at a mile to rest my lungs. i did not think that was a very good sign, and persevered, slowly. i continued, and ran over the 59th st bridge into central park, where a race was to begin shortly. i passed the runners warming up, and exited the park at good old 110th st. i ran through morningside park, and then cut over to riverside park, running along the park and streets until i got to the george washington bridge. on the bridge, i saw a guy with fantastic abs, feet stuck under the railing, doing stomach crunches...yes, only in new york.

in jersey, i headed to the pallisades park, and enjoyed running on some pretty trails along the hudson. i was completely alone, passing only one other runner, and almost felt scared at times. i had my mobile phone in the front pocket of my fuel vest in case i needed to call 911, and the pallisades was RIGHT there, so i'm sure it wasn't too dangerous.

hanna stayed away for most of my run, but the last hour, the rain came down strong. i was over by bloomies, crossing madison avenue, and a guy saw me and i just laughed and held up my hands. and he did the same.

i arrived home, completely soaked. i immediately stripped (ooooh!) my stinky clothes (ugh!) and showered. i made a protein smoothie (yum) and headed on the train to my mom's. i was so rushed after i didn't get a chance to pat myself on the back -- lately, it seems like no one supports my running. people are annoyed at how much time i spend running or worry about me, but i'm so proud of myself. even back in april, the thought of doing 42 miles was daunting. now, i know i can handle it.

i can't wait for the VT 50 miler!

End of Paul Theroux's "Ghost Train to the Eastern Star"

"Is there hope? Yes. Most people I'd met, in chance encounters, were strangers who helped me on my way. And we lucky ghosts can travel wherever we want. The going is still good, because arrivals are still departures."

the times i feel free....

when i am dancing
in the middle of nowhere
with my arms out

when i am hugging
or my eyes are closed
and spinning,
i don't know where i'll end next

or when i'm laughing, falling off the williamsburg bridge ramp,
to be mistaken for a yuppie by a hipster,
glad to have friends who make me laugh, who run, who help me feel free

Paul Theroux Travel Quote

"Travel is at its most rewarding when it ceases to be about your reaching a destination and becomes indistinguishable from living your life."

--Paul Theroux

running and running and running

i did a 34 miler yesterday--ran over the 59th st bridge, around central park, along riverside park and the hudson river, up around the cloisters, then back down the hudson, and took the 7 train home. it was a pretty crazy amazing run, full of snacking on pretzels, thinking about life, love, running, amazed at how beautiful new york city can be...

but early on, the pain took forth. no, i wasn't experiencing any running-related pain other than the chafing of my fuel vest against my back. it was hot (mid-eighties) so i skipped a shirt in favor of a sports bra and feeling cooler. well, i felt pain. around mile five, i began feeling the chafing, and i tried to rearrange things but it wasn't happening. i ended up buying vaseline, but that did little to soothe my pain.

my bright idea: remove my underwear (hey, the shorts have inside underwear) and tuck it into my sports bra to provide an extra layer. while they kept moving around, i must admit, it totally made things MUCH more comfortable.

great quote from haruki murakami that i've thought myself multiple times....

...where did their thoughts, their hopes and dreams, disappear to? When people pass away, do their thoughts just vanish?

olympics

years ago, i protested, "NO OLYMPICS IN BEIJING UNTIL TIBET IS FREE!"

tibet is not free. sadness. i still hate the chinese gov't for what they've done to the tibetan people.

however, i am (i'll guiltily admit this!) obsessively watching the olympics. right now, i'm watching the women's marathon (my favorite race, my favorite event in the entire olympics!!!) happily. deena kaster DNF'd due to injury--sadness. she was my favorite runner.

song in my head

i've been listening to a lot of bob dylan lately, and "the lonesome death of hattie carroll" is one of my latest favorites. i just read this article about that song, and became even more profoundly depressed.

Quote

"I always loved running..it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs."

--Jesse Owens

next steps

with 55 days until the vt 50 miler, i'm really trying to step up my mileage and strengthen myself for the challenge that lay ahead. crista and i are running it (and completing it) together. we're both quite nervous, as the time limit of 12 hours will definitely force us to work hard. we have the next two months to experiment with race day nutrition, long runs, and delirium.

at jay, i hallucinated a person reading a book on a tree stump, and then i thought a man at an aid station was wearing american flag shoes. he was wearing trail shoes. crista hallucinated once yesterday. good times. i guess we'll have to figure out how to prevent getting too slap-happy

we did a 33 miler in minnewaska state park, one of my favourite places to run. the path was rolling hills, rocks, but carriage paths. we hid a gallon of water and a small bag of food (pretzels and sliced oranges) under some bushes by the start of our loop, so every 11 miles we were able to recharge ourselves. we both learned that pretzels are a godsend for trail runners. i can't wait to get my new running vest, which hopefully has additional room for running snacks. i just checked the tracking, and it should be arriving today. hurrah!

my knees feel a little stiff and i know i need to take care of my IT band. t is going to sea for a week, so i'm going to take advantage of his absence and hit up some yoga classes, maybe punk rope at the gym, get extra sleep. i have to comb through my cookbooks and find some yummy stuff to make b/c i'm in a vegetarian rut...you know, tofu stirfry, pasta, rice & beans, veggie burgers, and repeat.

but i'm super excited abt the 50 miler, and even more thrilled we completed yesterday's run in 5:51:19. hopefully, this means that we can complete the vt 50 miler before the 12 hour cut-off. and if we can't? well, at least we had fun trying.

jay ultimate xc 2008

I did this race in 2007. You’d think I would remember. No, I didn't. I didn't remember how hard, how utterly painful, how insane this race is -- yet I finished with a smile.

Crista, Brenda, Mike, Michael, Rich, Mark, Cara, Erin, and I all have been training for this race with long trail runs almost every weekend. Shawn and Jeff were supposed to run but pulled out due to injury; Dennis had his thesis to focus on. We rented a large mansion to spend the weekend in running heaven/hell.

Saturday morning we woke up at six to focus on fueling, hydrating, and eliminating. The house was an insane buzz of, "I took care of business!" "Does anyone have any sunscreen?" "I can't find my lube."

We drove to the start, and somehow, Cara (who was taking care of business) got left behind at the house. When I realized she was not there, Trevor sprinted to his car, sped down the road until he saw Cara who was jogging/walking. “I was sticking my thumb out,” she later told me.

The start was slightly chaotic, as all races are. Running to the bathroom, last-minute gels, water, stretching. And we lined up…and we were off!

Knowing how everything is so narrow, I went out hard. Shortly after the start, there are lots of single-track trails, where it’s difficult to pass people. I had fun on the hills, pulling myself up on the rope, falling in the first few miles facedown – but pulling myself up, laughing. In the beginning, people who don’t know any better try to avoid the mud. I plowed through, knowing it would only get worse.

Early on, there was a good deal of brook running. Luckily, the brook was shallower than I remember it to be last year, and I knew how to run. I focused, looked straight ahead, and stumbled through the brook. I lost a lot of time, as usual, but tackled it in a better fashion this year.

We had to pull ourselves up into two culverts. The first was rather long, the water rushed through it and it was totally creepy. When I climbed out, I caught up with a guy ahead of me. “What a mindfuck,” we mused. The second one was really high up and it was hard to pull yourself up into it. This guy behind me said, “Want me to help you up?” but I wanted to try. I succeeded.

At aid station two, I changed my socks (dry socks felt great!), ate some food, and Trevor refilled my water bottles. I kissed him goodbye, and ran to the ski mountain that my boyfriend skied down last winter. When I got to the steep incline, I began walking with a guy who worked for Smucker’s. We joined two Jay vets and talked about how much tougher it seemed this year. It was incredibly steep and we grew out of breath just walking this hill. Towards the top, there were all these rocks we had to climb on, and I ended up having to pull myself down the last part. The aid station at the top had oatmeal cookies, and I refilled my water bottles before my descent. I ran at a good pace until I heard someone screaming and apparently I missed the turnoff. I’m good like that. I ran the 100-150 meters back and went down the steep mountain.

When we got to the bottom, we entered woods, with some crazy, windy trails and lots of mud. Good times. I fell in the mud, and was covered with mud. Pretty revolting. As I ate my sports jelly beans, I was covering them with dirt first. Mmmm.

We ran back in the brook, and again, I focused at my own pace. We went in and out of the brook multiple times during this race. When the rocks are small, it’s easier to run. When they’re big and flat, I would take my time. Sometimes I would stop, not sure where to step next, and when I lost my momentum, it made it harder to keep going. One guy told me, “Just pretend you’re a kid again,” and I tried to, but ran my race. I didn’t run faster than I felt comfortable in the brook.

I ran on various trails, meeting all sorts of different people – talked with a guy who spent some years in LI about the beach, recognized someone else I ran with last year, met other amazing people. At mile 19, I made the cut-off but by less time than I did last year. The race was tougher than I remembered. Trevor was at nineteen. “Don’t let me do this race again,” I ordered him. “Don’t!”

He laughed. “You said the same exact thing last year at this aid station!”

Hmmm. I stuffed another salted potato in my mouth, and sucked down some Gatorade. I gave him a kiss and ran off. There was a steep incline into a meadowy part, exposed to the sun. I remembered a chat I had last year during this part with a runner who told me he arranged his family vacations around his ultras; his family was shopping in Montreal while he did his ultra.

(I may be getting this slightly out of order; I apologize but my memories are foggy.)

More brook running. More suffering. But…the beaver swamp!

Last year, the swamp had high grass and some mucky ground, but nothing I remember as too horrendous. This year, the grass was high (2-3 meters high, or more) and the ground was…well, it was somewhere below water. You were walking through mucky mud, water up to your waist, sometimes even chest, pulling yourself up onto chunks of grass, running, walking in mud. Somehow I ended up passing people here; some people were really freaked out and hated it, but it was easier than the brook (no rocks). I just tried not to think about water snakes. People did see leeches, but luckily, I did not.

After I got out of the stream, I may have run more in the brook. We ended up getting to the river, which last year I swam across. This year, I was beat and pulled myself across with the rope. I stumbled out, told the guys, “I’ve never been so happy to see you.” I ran ½ mile to an aid station, meeting a lovely French Canadian woman, Mary. At the aid station, my boyfriend was there, again to fill my water bottles. I inhaled two cups of organic blueberries from the organic blueberry farm whose property we were on, changed my shoes and socks (I had at least ½ cup of dirt in each shoe), ate some pretzels, oranges, drank some Gatorade, kissed Trevor, and left.

Of course more uphills, and I slowly pulled myself up the hills. The energy was sagging in those around me. We were tired. I was glad there was no more brook running…but there was definitely more mud…lots of it.

It’s funny – the last 9 miles (from mile 24 to the end, 33) are probably the easiest. True, there’s a HUGE sand dune, lots of hills, uneven footing, bushwhacking, and there was a ridiculous amount of mud, but no brook running or mountain climbing. I ended up meeting this really rad runner from VT who highly recommended the VT 50 miler (which I’m doing next) and ran with Mary. We were all running together, and people told us about cut-off points and we were worried about friends. Suddenly, we saw the lake. “We’re almost there!” Mary took off but then yelled back at me, “We’re finishing this together!”

We finished strong, in just over 8 hours 40 minutes. I felt a little depressed at it being slower than last year, but you can’t compare, and I was happy to have finished. I was mostly sad that some of my friends didn’t make the cut-off point.

Still, it was a fun race – I had a blast. Sure it was hard, and yes, I did tell Trevor I wouldn’t run it next year…but I have this feeling like I probably will!

bad news first

i ran the jay ultimate xc this weekend...it was a lot of fun and i'll post the full race report later. some of the negative things about it first:

• increased difficulty -- steeper route to the top of the mountain, shorter cut-off point -- this meant that a lot of people -- approximately 70 out of the 290 that started -- missed the cut-off point -- many by mere minutes. six of these individuals were my friends.
• less grub at aid stations. the aid stations were missing some of the things they had last year, such as pretzels, gummy bears, m&ms, and other things. cookies, sweets dominated the aid stations. i didn't take in enough calories.

those are my main complaints. i'll write a full report soon. t is ready to throw a broom at me, so tonight i must focus on cleaning. but sometime this week, i'll give you the full story, plus photos!

p.s. i'm still in pain!

olympics

Just a reminder -- the Olympics start on August 8. I know I'm excited, especially about the marathons. Can't wait to watch them!

jay

i finished jay. hard. tired. rejoicing and relaxing with a lovely glass of riesling. will update more soon.

p.s. signed up for the vt 50 miler -- my first!

things to bring to burning man

• crappy bike
• u-lock
• headlamp
• flashing light/glow-sticks
• halloween costumes
• tank tops
• sunglasses
• sunscreen
• daypack
• cup (with handle so you can hang it on your daypack)
• cutlery, bowl, plate
• tent
• pad to sleep on
• pee funnel (for women)
• goggles
  

so nervous!!!

i prepped so much but i still hope i'm ready for the challenge: the jay challenge ultimate xc!

intro to drop bags

i'm creating this entry, making it specific to the jay ultramarathon. i've used drop bags twice, both for ultimate xc races (so i was covered in mud, water, and absolutely filthy), but here are some suggested items to include in a drop bag. this may or may not be applicable to all races.

so brenda, others, here you go!

• clean socks. i'd say include this for any ultra, if there is a chance of stepping in a wet puddle. a clean, dry pairs of socks feels amazing.
• clean shoes. changing my socks and shoes after the river part felt amazing. it was so nice. haven't you ever been in the rain before, cold and freezing, and maybe you start to get used to things...and then you get inside and you realize how much it sucked outside and how much better it is insane? word.
• body glide, vaseline, lube for your tootsie. your feet will be gross, in and out of rivers, streams, mudpits...someone recommended using body glide and i have no recollection of blisters. i probably had one or two, but nothing that prevented me from running.
• a towel. this will be good to dry your face and clean your tootsies free from any debris.
• food! this is SO impt. i stashed extra gels, extra jellybeans, along with peanut butter on a bagel and pretzels. i had a bite out of each of the latter two, but it was great. i'm starting to become a big believer in "real" food during competition.
• change of clothes. i didn't change my clothes, but i could see how it might be useful. i still plan on including a change of clothes in my drop bag, just in case. what if something chafes you? you rip your shorts on a sharp rock? or you just want to feel dry and fresh b/c you were so crankily wet.
• face wipes/baby wipes. i haven't used these, but other ultrarunners recommend these for quick freshening up.
• sunscreen and bug spray. you probably sweated both off at this point, or they washed away in the stream. reapply to stay cancer-free and anti-bug.
• plastic bag. i'm going to do this from now on. if you remove your muddy shoes or socks, everything else in your bag will be tainted and gross.
• ben gay, tylenol, endurolytes -- i can't tell you what to use, but if you ever use things like these, put them in your drop bag.
• hat, sunglasses. if you don't start the race wearing them, you will probably want it.
• beverage. maybe you want a specific kind of gatorade at some point during the run -- drop it in.

final drop bag (for post-finish line):

• towel (there are outdoor showers -- you will be showering in your clothes, but a towel would probably be nice for after)
• soap
• comb/hairbrush (us long-haireds need it!)
• deodorant (if you want to talk to anyone who didn't run)
• flip flops (this is HEAVEN after a long race)
• food (there will be food at the finish line, but maybe you want a chocolate bar right when you're done. put it here.)
• change of clothes. think comfy: t-shirts, shorts, yoga pants, whatevs.
• face wash
• cell phone (so you can brag after you've used all of the above)

good luck, jay runners! we're all gonna rock this course!

if you think it's hot today...

remember that today, the 31st running of the badwater ultramarathon is being held. this may be the toughest race on the earth. i'd love to do it, but don't know if i'm tough enough. i'd need several years of training for it.

good luck, runners! i'm thinking of you today!

how to live your life

Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.

-- St. Francis de Sales

pictures from the ultimate xc quebec

you know you're hungry on a long run when...

someone says, "if we ripped open our empty gel packets, i bet there's a lot of gu in there that we could lick out" and you think that sounds like a good idea.

post-race roundup: the ultimate xc at quebec

I ran the Ultimate XC Quebec on Saturday. It was the most fun I'd had in while. It's put on by the same people who put on the Jay Ultramarathon that I love so dearly. I think i liked Quebec better b/c it lacked the brook running, which I found immensely difficult. Both were rather insane.

The race began with a decent crowd, and took off across a street. The trails immediately were up and down, roots, single-file. The energy was high and my friends and I--Cara, Crista, Shawn, Michael and Mark--shouted back and forth to each other. So fun! I ended up losing my friends rather quickly as I began a conversation with someone from NYC's Reservoir Dogs. Realizing I lost my friends on what we meant to be a training run, I held back, jogging slow, walking some of the uphills, waiting for them. They were taking a while, so I began chatting with random strangers, having fun, feeling great.

The first aid station was just liquids. I took a quick sip of Heed (I LOVE the Subtle Berry flavour) and kept going. Maybe two miles after that, Cara and Mark caught up with me. We had a reunion, screaming and hugging. I believe we also took a photo to celebrate.

Shortly after, I smacked my knee really hard into this giant boulder we were running around. We had to stop because I was screaming and in so much pain. I was holding it tightly, fighting back tears, feeling enormous amounts of pain. Finally, the pain mostly subsided, and we continued running.

We hit the swamp section. Picture grass on top of layers of water. You step, and your foot is covered. Step, ankle. Step, holy crap, water up to my knees. Shawn saw some guy who stepped in water up to his waist. It was insane and we were screaming, laughing, shocked. "This is insane." Bring it on!

At the next aid station, we gorged on salty potatoes, gummy bears. I think this may also have been the fondue one. I dipped one banana in chocolate (yes, this race had chocolate fondue at the aid station!!!) and Cara had four. I filled up with water, astounded at how much I was drinking. Drank some Heed and ran past a waterfall as it was starting to rain -- which we realized we wouldn't even mind if it did since we were mostly in the woods, covered by trees. We had the aid station attendants take a photo of us doing a pyramid. We did another in the woods. We were feeling good.

Passed another aid station about ten minutes later, barely stopping. Continued and spent some quality time with mud! Mark lost his shoe and couldn't find it -- the mud had already globbed up around the sides. We were laughing. Shortly after that I fell in a giant pile of mud and started screaming. Or rather, I didn't fall, but stepped and then fell. Yummy.

I suddenly heard, "Cher!" It was Crista and Michael. "I could hear you yelling, and I got so excited!"

We all hugged and I showed off my mud-covered legs and hands. We took photos. We exchanged stories, and began running. Crista and I took the lead, which is not a good thing as we have no sense of direction (as you'll see), catching up on our running stories, talking about our love lives, chatting. "I'm so glad to see you!" We took more photos (Mark was carrying a running camera throughout).

Soon, we approached the beaver stream. "Oh my god!"

"Grab the rope! Grab the rope!" we heard. Dan (the race director) had warned us not to drink the water. "You'll get beaver fever!" Apparently, beaver fever is giardia, which no one wants to get. So we kept Dan's wisdom in mind. After following Cara and grabbing the rope, I promptly got water in my mouth.

"Argh! I got water in my mouth! I swallowed water," I screamed.

"Oh no!"

Then I started wheezing and had an asthma attack and started panicking -- especially scary b/c I was in water. I ended up going around Cara and scrambling to the shore, where my breathing calmed down. I took some of my inhaler and began kicking off my shoes to change. The race director gave me my bag and helped attach my chip on my new shoe and help me put it on. We scrambled to wipe off beaver water, stuff our faces with salty potatoes and gummy bears and hammer energy bars. The volunteers were amazing at this station and every station -- filling our water bottles for us, chatting with us (if they spoke English, and if they didn't, their warmth and friendliness came across).

We did another pyramid (I'll post links to photos once Mark and Cara upload them) and took off. Crista and I were in the front, and I made a wrong turn. We realized a bit later when we couldn't find the markings. We found out way back to the path, and Cara and Mark had passed us and were ahead of us now. I scrambled to catch up with them, running hard. I was so focused on trying to catch up with them that I accidentally made a wrong turn down a path. I kept following the pink ribbons for a while, wondering how fast it was that Cara and Mark had sprinted ahead of me that I couldn't even see them! Finally, I saw a man walking towards me and he said, "You're going the wrong way."

"No I'm not!"

"This is the half-marathon course. You're in the full, right? You went the wrong way? I don't know the full marathon course, but I have this map..."

We're walking back in the way I just ran from. "Are you sure?" I'm on the verge of tears when I see Crista.

"What?"

"We're lost, Crista."

"What!?"

"Now, if you look at this map..."

"I don't understand maps."

Finally, we find our way back to the trail and see how we got it wrong. The half-marathon came UP the trail we ran down, and the full should have continued straight. We continued running and I was so glad not to be running alone. The trails at points were not marked so well, and it got confusing, so it was nice to run with someone else.

We ran, walked on the insane hills, laughed, talked, gelled, complained, ate salty potatoes at aid stations, worried that there were no aids stations. It was fun -- to be on insane trails with one of my best friends, with one of my oldest running partners. We were so happy. Yes, we were in pain when our quads and calves were screaming on those hills, but this to us was fun. Sure, my stomach was hurting (no 100% success beforehand, as Cara would say), but I loved this. We were running with this guy for a while, chatting. Interesting!

There was a chalk marking the ground: 800 meters. They must have been off by at least 400 meters.

When we crossed the finish line, we were holding hands. We felt victorious. We got medals, which looked similar to dog tags. We took off our shoes shortly to examine the toes, but did not see the full extent of the black toenails until later that afternoon after swimming in the pool. I'm losing 1-2 or more; Crista is the same. Shawn probably doesn't even have any, Mark never takes his shoes off so he doesn't know what's there, Michael is probably fine, and Cara probably has 5-6 black/missing toes. It's all good!

I'll be back next year!

oh-so-busy

i haven't posted in a while. why? let's see...

• i had another birthday
• running lots and lots (trail runs every weekend!!!)
• ran a relay with friends (need for speed, with crappy race management and lack of planning by race officials for the heat)
• got a PR in the half marathon (1:35!!!)
• working too much
• friends in town, sister in town
• not relaxing enough
• birthdays supreme -- too many friends are geminis, and late may/june is celebration time!
• dreaming about ultramarathons -- i think cara, crista and i are going to do our first fifty miler (yes, 50 miles!!) this autumn
• trying to figure out who i am, what i want, where i'm going next
  

sylvia plath quote

why do we electrocute men for murdering an individual and then pin a purple heart on them for mass slaughter of someone arbitrarily labeled enemy?

--from the journals of sylvia plath

i'm glad i have the freedom to love who i want

Indian Village Proud After Double "Honor Killing

misogyny at its worst

my heart is in my throat; i feel pain for this woman.

good graffiti

a revolution is when you don't have to say i don't have health insurance.
--side of new building going up in williamsburg

if you haven't felt enough pain already from the chinese govt...

an appeal from the dalai lama

boston

i worked for a year and a half for this one race and how did i finish? with my arms in the arm oh-so-weakly, to stumble, drink water, and later, on the pavement, to cry.

marathons are such a crapshoot. you can wake up and not feel 100%--you never know what will happen. the weather could suck. you could have your foot stomped on by a large man on the subway. i felt great--the first ten miles were lovely. i was enjoying running (though i did a 6:57 for the first mile!!) and chatting with a very fascinating woman about eating habits and nutrition and how much we loved running. she dropped off around mile 11 to go to the port-a-pottie and i picked up the pace a notch, feeling good. i started feeling a little queasy but forced a gel down and drank more. it was hot. it was sunny. i was in boston.

the wellesley girls were all that i was promised, and more. i heard the screams from down the road. i ignored the advice and slapped the hands of all the girls, blowing kisses. they gave me so much energy. i loved them. i wanted to kiss all of them (their signs invited me to do so, but i was afraid if i stopped, i would never start again!). i ran.

and then the nausea really hit. hard. i stumbled. i stopped at one point by an water station, telling myself aloud, "i'm not going to throw up" - and much to my amusement, several spectators took a step back. i continued running. run. run. slower. don't stop.

it was hard to run, feeling like crap. i won't lie - it was one of the hardest races i've done. then the hills came. "just let this race be over. i hate it, i just want to be done. i want to lie down on the pavement," i thought many times.

mile 16, i began scanning for boston bill. i almost gave up hope when i saw him right before mile 17! he cheered me up with a giant hug and i ran. i felt like crap but i ran. i took to the hills...literally. the hills at boston are 17-21. i can't remember them all too well now (yesterday is a giant blur) but there were hills. cheering people. i was searching for pretzels, to calm the queasiness. stopped at an aid station to take an endurolyte. felt like crap. kept running. ugh. running. running.

mile 21, the top of heartbreak. "i actually don't feel so bad." i ran, but without any nourishment (read: energy gels), i was weak. i tried to push myself, but it was impossible. i sucked on oranges from spectators, took water, probably drank too much but it was sunny. i was hot, thirsty. i ran. i ran slower, yes, but i ran. i would not stop. i ran. i ran.

boston college. someone who broke my heart, the second person i ever loved, went here. (so did boston bill, who did not break my heart but was the highlight of my marathon.) i LOVE boston college. the students were AMAZING--cheering, screaming, i think, louder than the wellesley girls. they were amazing, out of control, put a smile on my face. "PRETTY IN PINK," the crowd kept screaming. i loved it. i love running. marathons. run. run. running.

the end felt like forever. "only mile 22?" "maybe i passed mile 23 sign and didn't notice...no, of course not." hills. ugh. crowds screaming while i wanted to die. legs. hurt. feet. hurt. ow. ow. so. tired.

ran. ran. the final stretch. so happy. screaming crowds. arms in the air. yes. i did it. okay, maybe 20 minutes slower than what i had hoped, but i finished. i finished with arms in the air.

finish. get water. medal--i earned it! get food bag (dark chocolate? cookies? bagel? i LOVE the boston marathon!), get pick-up bag. cry. cry a lot. cry, with face in hands, while sitting on pavement. cry. nice people. cry more. meet boston bill, who cheers me up. meet friends--cara, who didn't run as well as she hoped (but did not train as hard as she possibly could have due to illness and work) and mark (who ran 11 min slower than his best)--everyone was bummed but we cheered each other up--we'll try harder next time. we always do.

but in the meantime? we'll run. run. run. keep running. run.

what i want

I wanted every day to be different; I craved the novelty of sleeping in a different place each night, waking up to unfamiliar smells, sounds and languages. Most of all, I wanted to be moving along, to always be going somewhere. It’s as old as mankind, the urge to roam, but when you get it and succumb to it, for a fleeting moment, you kind of feel like you invented it.

- Lois Pryce, “Lois on the Loose”

run fast. run hard. just run.

"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or a gazelle-when the sun comes up, you'd better be running. "

Inspirational sign on a runner's office wall

Robert Frost Quote

Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

Running quote

"Running is like the pause before writing-the contemplation of the blank page. Without it, the words don't flow. "

Elizabeth Arnold, journalist

why i'm out there

running is my drug of choice

"the sky is blue"--david ignatow

Put things in their place,
my mother shouts. I am looking
out the window, my plastic soldier
at my feet. The sky is blue
and empty. In it floats
the roof across the street.
What place, I ask her.

this is how it is

"The richest 1 percent of the world's population owns 40 percent of total global assets, while the poorest half of the world shares less than 1 percent of these global assets. In the United States, the richest 1 percent of the nation's population holds over 50 percent of total household wealth."

--World Institute for Development Economics Research

Living

"Seven sins: wealth without work, pleasure without conscience, knowledge without character, commerce without morality, science without humanity, worship without sacrifice, politics without principle."
--Mahatma Gandhi

never stop living

"There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don't expect you to save the world; I do think it's not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your life those who offer depression, despair, and disrespect."

--Nikki Giovanni

i ate two magnolia cupcakes tonight and i feel great

"stressed is just desserts spelled backwards."
--andrea tasha (pastry chef)

push yourself

"most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
--william james

just you and me--no one else

i've been thinking a lot about monogamy lately. t just moved in, so i'm really committed to monogamy. it's not even like i am doing it for ____ or for t. i'm doing it because in my eyes, i don't want to be with anyone but t--why bother? t is the essential, what makes me feel amazing inside..a.k.a., i'm in love. when i am with t, there is an intense emotional connection that does not happen with other people, and i want that--not some "oh this feels okay."

but are humans truly meant to be monogamous? do other couples start out like us and somewhere along the way, take a different path? i read in an article the other day that most species are NOT monogamous--are humans somehow doing something drastically different by being monogamous (or pretending to be)? there are cultures that do not practice monogamy.

but why can't people be monogamous? why does everyone have to cheat on everyone else? there was a time when i would not finish a book if a cheating character really upset me with their cheating. it still does. i love brightness falls, but the first time i read it, i got super depressed. did russell have to act like that? now i am more adjusted, but i still get upset.

and we've all cheated. we've fucked up. but why is it so acceptable? why does it happen so often? i have a friend who jokingly says that he specializes in married women and women in relationships. why?

and these politicians--don't they know how public their lives will be? we have no moral expectations for celebrities--it actually seems the obvious as the public loves to gawk at the latest wreck the celebrities put themselves into. but why can't they be more discrete? and why must they keep cheating, cheating, cheating? if they aren't getting what they want in their marriage, why not get a divorce and pursue it elsewhere?

i know i am asking questions that have a multitude of answers, and none of them are easy, but it's still a lot to think abt.

when i was in CR, i was chilling with a bunch of hippies. i mentioned "my boyfriend" and this woman was quick to tell me "i don't believe in one person owning another."

me either. i don't own my partner, just as t does not own me. i love him, yes, and i respect him, yes, and i share my life with him, yes, but i don't own him. we compromise. we work together. we love together.

and i'm happy with just him, in a form of monogamy. but really--is it right for everyone? after 8.5 years, i know we are right for each other--but i don't think everyone is with their right partner. and sadly, instead of fessing up or dealing with it, they cheat.

you must live as honestly and truly as you can, to be as happy as you can.