Running to Myself.

The past few years, since I began addicted to ultras, I've been constantly training. A 50k. A 100miler. Training runs. Long runs. Eating to run. Social life around running. As my last relationship got worse and worse, I ran more and more. Running healed me, provided me happiness like nothing else. I found much of myself in running, while running towards the next finish line.

I have no races for the next two months. That's the longest I've had in a few years. I was supposed to do a 50k this Saturday, but decided I'd rather go to Santacon, plus I have ton of packing/prep to do for my seven-week Central America backpacking excursion. 

I also like the idea of no races. It feels a little relaxing. I haven't become burnt out - I think the 2week running hiatus I took in May after my surgery really prevented me from becoming burnt out. Also, falling in love puts things into a new perspective, and takes away some of the stressful focus. It also provided something I'd rather do...look into B's eyes, kiss him...he provides the happiest moments I have now. Really, being in love is the most wonderful thing in the world.

But while I'm in Central America, I will be running - just not hardcore racing. I have Dances with Dirt 50 Miler a week and a half after I return, and Umstead 100 two months...I hope I'm ready. I hope my easy time (no gym time for 7 weeks, ugh! I do hate lifting weights, but I recognize how I get stronger, faster, less likely to get injured, plus I do love the cross-training at the gym, esp my beloved rowing machine (How does anyone find it boring?)) means I run faster. We'll see. Maybe if I'm surfing as much as I'd like to, I'll really work on core strength.

But running...I'm running to train, but I'm also running for fun. I'm running tomorrow for good conversation with Nelson. I'm running for that feeling - you know, that amazing free wonderful feeling...I running for myself, and I'm running to myself.