napoli

i was supposed to be in napoli longer but i couldn't leave amalfi. as soon as i got there, i dumped my stuff at the hostel, grabbed a slice of amazing pizza, and caught the bus to pompei. at pompei, i got the audio guide and wandered in the sweltering dry suffocating heat until i felt i thoroughly knew the culture of pompei. truly interesting. everyone was clustered around the bodies that were there, that are somehow replicas of bodies--covered in plaster cast or something like that. (at the point i saw them, i was thinking, water shower ugh.) after, i went back to napoli and got super lost trying to get back to my hoste; two neapolitan police officers drove me to my hostel. i got horrible directions to a pizzeria, ended up finding a pretty good place where i got an entire margherita pizzeria and a fantastic calzone, eating both for dinner in a park. yum. yes i did eat my way across europe. i hung out at my hostel, too paranoid to be wandering the neapolitan streets at dark, as petty crime is EXTREMELY prevalent. i was exhausted, and fell asleep early with the lights all on and the hostel cat taking up most of my pillow. awwww, simon! the next morning i went to the archeological museum, which is where most of the things they could take away from pompei are kept. i ended up befriending a security guard who let me into closed-off sections of the museum. he was really cool but ended up trying to take me out. instead, i headed back to my hostel, grabbed my pack, and set off for the train station to head to roma.

amalfi

besides the cinque terre, amalfi stole my heart. ahhh, i already pictured myself climbing 300 plus steps to my house each day, views of the ocean from high above, strolling through my small vineyards...ah, it seems like heaven. i planned on staying two days, but stayed longer: i was in love.

after a chaotic struggle to arrive in amalfi, i found the owners of the hostel with some difficulty. they placed me with my backpack, my daypack, on the back of this guy's scooter, and we scooted around the mountains, yup, all those hairpin turns. my mouth was permanently open--omg!!! i buried my face in the guy's back, nervous. i was convinced death was near.

after arriving, josh showed me around ("he has a crush on you, fo'sho," i was later told. i mentioned, "my boyfriend," several times. now that things with t and i are bad, i think, "wow, you could be living in napoli and amalfi with an ozzie. but not, that could never be. i was never into josh anyway.), and then harmony and dylan arrived. ah, harmony was a wonderful, wonderful person who i adored. harmony and dylan and i headed the 1,000 steps down to the beach (you had to climb 300 steps to get to our hostel from the main road!), pausing often as we were exhausted. we swam for a while, and i hadn't showered since before swimming in croatia so i'm sure i mixed up seawater! yippie!

after, the entire hostel went out to dinner. we had so much fun, drinking, chilling, eating, and then we went out to the bar. the bartender, willy, was awesome, and he and his brother owned the hostel--i LOVED them! plus, vodka and blood orange juice, YUM!

harmony and i did the walk of the gods, which we got super lost on and had a brilliant time. we drank more, went to the beach, that was amalfi. when i left on the ferry to napoli, a huge lump in the bottom of my throat created an ache within me.

another bratty library patron

this woman at the library prints out an entire college catalog--you know, all the information about courses, financial aid, etc. i'm like, "who the hell would print out 200 pages?" and i ask politely, and this woman volunteers that it is hers quite boldly.

i say, "you can't just print out all this! you should contact the college for a catalog, or print out the necessary pages. it's a lot of paper, and we can't afford to waste it."

bitchily, she glares at me. "my admissions counselor told me that since i pay tuition i can print all the pages i want."

really? does that go along with since you pay tuition, you can repeatedly flush the toilets in the bathroom, just for the hell of it????

library drama

here are some recent insane things that have happened at my job as a librarian for a two year college.


on thursday, i was at the desk by myself, with a fairly humming library, but in control. i heard screaming, and saw a flurry of people in the hallway. i picked up the phone to call security but realized by the time they would get up there, it might be too late for them to do any good. as one of the only "adults" (the students are often older than me but act years younger; does college mature one? have they not reached that point?) i ran out into the middle. the two women were held back by their friends (one or two people held each woman back) and they were screaming, attempting to leap out of their friends' arms to scratch the other one's eyes out or punch them or whatever it is people do in fights. i tried to scream, "STOP IT, STOP IT! LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!" but my voice almost seemed swallowed. another man also inserted himself in the middle. the women were dragged into opposite stairwells by their friends.
i went back into the library, to staff the desk and finish cataloging the new criminal justice and fashion books. one of the women who was part of the fight came in with her friend several minutes later.
"she only acts ghetto when her friends are around," she said angrily.
hmmmm, seems like acting ghetto is a way to impress others?????



R, one of the regulars, began hanging around the reference desk. due to the earlier chaos, and the fact that we were quite busy, i was behind in my cataloging. he kept talking to me and talking to me.
a female student J came up.
"i need a book on dream interpretation."
i told her we didn't have much on the subject, but she should try the public library.
she goes, "i want to see what you got."
i tell her the only two titles are by freud--"he is going to tell you some different sorts of things about your dreams, like you want to sleep with your father, things like that." she stares at me blanky, snatches the scrap paper with the call number on it from my outstretched fingers, and heads to the stacks.
R asks, "who's freud?"
"freud? sigmund freud? you don't know who he is?" i am shocked; how can someone not know who freud is. i'm not a fan--i read dora for a class once--and don't know too much about him, but i know who he is, the basics. it's like an american not knowing the george washington cherry tree story.
"is he, uh, is he like einstein?" R asks me, serious.
i try not to laugh.
"no einstein is quite different. einstein developed the theory of relativity--he was the one who thought of e=mc2. freud was the father of psychoanalysis. he..."
R looks lost.
J comes back out from the stacks. "i got these two i want."
i check them out, later noticing they are two different copies of the same exact title. i suppose she's quite perceptive.
R begins quizzing me on einstein and freud and nuclear war. i have to do original cataloging for four more fashion books. finally, i hand him over to T who is decorating the library with holiday decorations. i pass out scissors and white paper.
"here, make some snowflakes."
R shows me each rather un-crafty snowflake he makes and i praise him. i feel like we have a very odd relationship.
when i close up, i have to kick him out, gently. after i punch out, i head to the elevator where he pops up again. he starts talking to me in the elevator about how he's going to be a cop. great, if he's protecting nyc....
on the street, we walk to the subway together, me asking him about where he lives, that sort of thing. R is the king of mumbles; i miss half of what he says, and he speaks softly, so it's hard when you work in times square. right as we walk approach 7th avenue, he says, "I need to get your number."
i stop it before it starts. "i have a boyfriend."
"oh. oh." we say nothing for several beats, and then he says, "where's greenpoint?"

missing traveling: who i am

i feel like i can't do this anymore. i like being a librarian, but looking at photos on Why Go (part of the brilliant
Bootsnall), i feel, no, i'm in the wrong place. i need to be traveling. i need to go to latin america, to tibet, to nepal, to india, to russia, to
fiji. i need to be with my pack, talking with people, learning so much that i could never learn from books. i miss my backpack; it is hibernating
on the top shelf of my small closet. even my sucky pack towel, i miss you. i miss traveling so much right now, i know i will never be a cheery
wife and mother or a careerwoman. i'm a librarian, and i'm a radical cheerleader and a radical librarian, and i love to read and write and
practice yoga and run, but my spirit belongs on the open road.

financially, i am not yet on my feet. i took a temporary job at a brooklyn college for the exam period and that is going to the trip fund.
those days when i eat an apple and yogurt as my snack instead of heading outdoors--that saving money is my trip fund. i'm going to go again,
hopefully soon, because it is out there, the open road, that i truly feel free.

it's a winter wonderland

it's snowing here in brooklyn, quite early in the season (technically it's not even winter yet) but it's still delightful. i left work a tad early to hop the 722 train to long island, and went to my parents' house. my father got pizza, calzone, and a salad, and we ate it, and then decorated the tree while the wonderful black and white edition of miracle on 34th street played. we got the tree decorated pretty fast, and it was beautiul. multi-colored lights, my fave, with such beautiful ornaments. i love my parents' tree.

i announced my intention to return to brooklyn and my father seemed disappointed in the car ride to the train. "i was waiting for the snow to come down harder, so we could take a walk." all at once i felt terrible and almost asked him to turn the car around, but i really wanted to get back here; i have heaps of things to do, and wanted to get a decent night of sleep. i thought how nice it would be, it's so pretty, especially with all of the christmas lights lit up in the snow; so beautiful.

getting back to brooklyn, the snow wasn't as heavy, and it wasn't sticking; whereas there is grass in long island, we have cement in the city. it seemed ugly almost, and i felt depressed, imagining myself drinking chammomile tea after a hearty walk with my dad. instead, i'm where the snow isn't as lovely, in my long nightgown, readying myself for bed.

happy holidays!

dubrovnik, croatia

dubrovnik was truly beautiful. i took what turned out to be a 6 hour bus ride from split to dubrovnik. going to the bus i met rachel, a super cool ozzie. we met these two english guys who were drinking their way across europe. we decided to try to find an apartment when we got to dubrovnik; what the woman advertised and what we saw was different; there weren't beds for all, but rachel and i shared a big bed. we had separate linen and it was totally fine. rachel and i spent the days together, walking the city walls in dubrovnik, exploring local restaurants, sunning on the glorious beaches and swimming in the beautiful clean oceans--with views to boot. i adored dubrovnik, even the touristy bits. i also heard some of the most amazing street performers in my life--they played vivaldi so beautifully that i felt shivers.

croatia: split & hvar island

i was in split and hvar only for three days, but was able to enjoy the loveliness of these places. split is full of beautiful old buildings, even if people seem to hate it. i only spent a day there, but enjoyed myself, wandering, looking, walking. on hvar, i stayed at a shady hostel and spent most of my time sunning on the rocky beaches, swimming amidst italian tourists, and drinking with my irish roommates. i had a blast. the ferry from ancona to split took forever, and i was wise to get a cabin--a 4 person (the cheapest) which was totally empty--i slept the best i had in my entire life.

Firenze (Florence)

I adored Florence. It was a lovely city, big, but not too big--you could walk everywhere. Seeing David was captivating--I waited in line forever, and then an American tipped me off that everyone was cutting--so we did and cut our waiting time by half an hour. But I stood in front of David for a long time, amazed by the immensity and the beauty of the sculpture. I saw a great amount of art--at the many museums of Florence, including Galleria D'Arte Moderna, Galleria Del Costume, Galleria Palatina, Museo delgi Argenti, Giardino di Boboli, Antoniomanzi a corte, Museo delle Porcellane, Duomo Church, Museo dell Opera di Santa Maria del Fiore, Galleria degli Uffizi--yeah, I spent heaps of time in museums. I also stayed at the raddest hostel, Ostello Gallo D'Oro, where I met Felicia and Andy, two awesome New Yorkers--and Felicia turned out to have gone to the same college as me, also a journalism student (and I ran into her at 3am at Beauty Bar several weeks ago, how random!). I had so much fun, chilling, eating, running, viewing art, having fun.

venice!

venice, i was warned, was such a cliche, so touristy, so crowded, so hot and sweaty, so dirty. true, true, but it was lovely. some of my greatest photos are of venice, so pardon me if there are heaps of photos. don't plan on spending that long in venice--there honestly isn't too much to do. i was there for two and a half days, and visited the museums i wanted to (the peggy guggenheim, the museums of st marks (doge's palace, museo correr, museo archeologico nazionale, monumental rooms of the bibliotecca nazionale), gallerie dell'accademia--went into way too many venetian glass shoppes, seeking the perfect gifts for lissy, mom, and nessa, ate pizza (because everything else there is super expensive), walked around with a couple (she was 22, he was 40) and this really cool guy from turkey, chilled. it was fun to walk everywhere and get super lost, and it's just a charming place you really must visit, but please, don't spend too long: the crowds and the boredom will drive you mad!

bitter

perhaps i came across as bitter in my last post, but i guess i'm sick of hearing other people's good news while i'm stuck in a shitty relationship. it's inevitable that t and i will end things unless i am prepared to live by myself while he does his thing elsewhere (and i'm not, and he's just not realizing this, and things are not good now) . but if you haven't, there is an episode of sex and the city where someone at a party steal carrie's manolo blahnik sandals that are $400-something, and the hostess of the party balks when she hears the price, blaming carrie for making irresponsible decisions. carrie is pissed, because she has given bridal shower gifts, wedding gifts, baby shower gifts, birthday gifts for the children, etc, and because she hasn't had that, that makes her irresponsible. likewise, i'm hearing about what my sister wants for her engagement, etc. and carrie set up a registry for the shoes at manolo and the woman eventually purchased them. i told my mom i wanted a gift just for being me, and as she is pissed at the way things are with t, she said, fondly, "i'll be you an un-engagement gift." i'm hoping it's a pair of manolos, but knowing my mother, it's a pair of guess heels she found at bloomies on an amazing sale for $6 (my mom finds these crazy bargains). and you know what? that's okay with me.

it's me, who i am

can i help it if i'm not married with 3.2 kids, can i help it for not thinking the way i'm "supposed to"? i don't want to be a drone, i never want to work in a cubicle again, and i want to be free. i dream of latin america, of the himalayas, of meditating for months in india. i dream of being free, of running, of reading, of knitting, of being myself. i don't dream of careers and marriages and family: i dream of a universal concept of love, of life, of being, of helping, of happiness.

take off that ipod!

lately i have been meeting people all over new york. last weekend, waiting for the R train, i met this group of german students, and we had a great discussion about germany vs. the united states, new york city as a fabulous place to visit. the train took forever in arriving, but i did not mind as we had such a good time talking. now they are back in engineering school, and their traveling energy inspired me.

today i met an israeli man waiting for the 2/3. he came to the usa so his 14 year old daughter could get a kidney transplant at johns hopkins, which was successful (but expensive). we had an interesting conversation, and he kept insisting "you have a jewish face" (something which i don't think i have, as if anything, i look english, but not jewish) and then he wanted me to cash his check. it was 11:54 and i had much more than 6 minutes on the train to make it for noon work, so i could not.

but put those ipods away. in high school, i would meet heaps of people on the trains--even my idols like thurston moore. a book is a much better conversation piece than headphones in your ears.

i admit: during rush hour, when you cannot even read you are so squished, an ipod is often the only thing that prevents insanity. but keep on opening up, as being a human is all about engaging with other humans.

graffiti i saw during my morning run

ignore patriotism
support humanism

smile

going to work in the morning, i see people's faces as i transfer my trains: long, drawn, sleep-deprived faces, filled with regret and hatred and exhaustion. and i try to brighten up these faces, let their eyes lit up above the bags, with a smile and such. i always try to say hello to the forgotten people: janitors, track workers, homeless people, whoever. the executives have enough people saying hi to them; i need to cheer up whoever i can. when i worked for d, i became friends with the cleaning staff, who was primarily a woman the mail room guys (who i also hung out with) called speedy. there is a janitor at g who looked so sad always, the first few times i said hello to him, he almost regarded me with suspicion. but now he sees me, his face lights up, "hey, hello!" and i say it back. i feel good cheering people up, because honestly, the person-to-person connection is what keeps me going. at my library, i treat the patrons with respect and kindness, and they usually treat me the same. it makes me feel like i'm doing something useful at work. people is useful; helping people is useful; making money for a corporation is not.

homesick for the road

right now, i'm busy working, getting ready for the holidays, i have a pile of laundry to fold in the other room, christmas gifts to make, a cat to exercise and play with, a floor to sweep...and i feel so homesick for the road. i miss traveling so much, and wish i were taking a photograph or engaging in a conversation with someone or not reading because living is so much more exciting. i love being a librarian, and i'm good at engaging with people and doing research: but i miss traveling and i know my heart lies in writing and traveling. still, i keep a smile on my face wherever i am because being miserable will not change a thing.

i am working now, and although there are immediate needs for my salary (like rent, utilties, that sort of thing), i see it going towards a grander trip.

zurich

i went to zurich for the main reason that i wanted to attend the street parade, zurich's rave in the streets. heaps of trucks (nearly 30) carry trailers filled with djs, dancers, and decorations, and people dance in the streets behind the trucks (of whatever truck you chose, wait till one passes with music you like), and the parks are overfull with djs and dancers, and the entire city takes over. it's great fun. this is why i went from austria to the cinque terre, and back to switzerland: so i would be in zurich for the weekend of the street parade.

i stayed with marco, who i met through hospitality club, and he was awesome. we had such an amazing time talking, cooking, hanging out, swimming, biking. he was amazing. i also hung out with his friends and his roommates and his roommates' friends, and everyone was so welcoming.

smash

i'm reading smash by koren zailckas, which is somewhat good, and also funny because right now i am a bit smashed. well, not totally; i had one drink, but lately, one drink gets me tipsy. i ran home, ran, ran, and all these hipsters stared out of their converted loft as a woman in a sparkly sweater ran down green street. wheee!

i'm taking on another job, a part-time temporary job (during exam week) for some extra cash. hopefully, i'll be better financially in another month. i hate this stress of everything.

this year i am not going crazy over the holidays; i am making a few gifts and will buy other things, but i just don't have the money and time for elaborate gifts. luna, however, will get heaps of kisses and hugs from me, because she is my baby. meow!