26 December 2005

the worst christmas of my life

so i don't feel like turning my blog into a sob story of how my brother is an asshole/lunatic/racist/sexist/hates everyone and how he destroyed christmas, or was christmas just fucked when my mother chose my brother over my sister and i...not sure but lissy came over and spent much of the day in tears on my couch while i read joyce carol oates, trying to cheer lissy up. we went to carmine's for dinner, lissy and i and her boyfriend, eating a lot, trying to maintain cheer. but while i feel pain and yes, anger towards my parents for yet again chosing the asshole over their two daughters ("because i know you can take care of yourself, and i know he needs me," my mother explained), i tried to diffuse the anger and pain by thinking positive thoughts...and it was hard. and how do you think positive thoughts when you feel pain everywhere? try to think before you speak, try to breathe, try to relax, try not to speak out of anger. now i'm going to read a dalai lama book to help soothe me.

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