26 January 2011

"I love that you exist, Cherie."

Another day online, I discover another sad, awful thing. This breakup is destroying me like I've never been destroyed before...I have never felt this hopeless, this saddened, this terrible...and I just start crying in the Internet cafe. Luckily, Brian was here to witness my tears and hug me, good friend that he is (and then I added on, "And the plane tickets are really expensive to Belize City," and at least he could offer me comforting advice about that: "Just take a shuttle up to Tikal and then you can easily get up to the border from there" - and he's right. But my other problems...).

And I sat here, crying, emailing my sister, friends, trying to figure travel plans out, when I see a comment on something I had written from a pure stranger,

"I love that you exist, Cherie."

What gratitude I had towards that comment. How badly I needed it right now ... and I welcome it with open arms, welcomed how wonderful, how helpful it was. I'm so happy to have received such a comment.

I'm crying. I'm a wreck. I'm missing B. I'm feeling devastated.

But it's going to get better. It has to. It can't always feel like this. I won't let it.

Maybe things will get better...maybe B and I will be together one day? Maybe? I hope. But if not, that's not meant to be and something else will work out.

Now, I'm healing. Yoga. Running. Cacao therapy (group and an intensive today). Hugs. Lots of love.

And I'm enjoying each and every moment there is, trying to, through my tears.


steve said...

I agree with the pure stranger. I'm privileged to know you and hope I never take it for granted.

Paulette Jo said...

I saw the most amazing (and maybe useful to you) quote in a chic coffee house.

"the beauty of being worn is that you made it through"

I was in emotional wrecks the day I saw it, and it made me contemplate the otherside of the emotion.