07 February 2011

Reflections on a Trip

Two months in Central America.

Panama City
Bocas del Toro

Costa Rica:
San Jose
Santa Teresa/Malpais

Big Corn Island
Little Corn Island
San Juan del Sur

San Jorge
San Marcos

Cayo (Bullet Tree Falls, San Ignacio)
Caye Caulker
Ambergris Caye

Hostels. Hotels. Cabanas.

Love. Heartache. Tears. Healing. More tears. It’s a long process. It doesn’t get easier, but I’ve gotten used to the pain.

I’ve met so many incredible people from so many countries. Some of my favourite people include my Bocas del Toro crew – Brian, Merja, Rio, Lando.

My favourite places? Bocas del Toro. San Marcos. Little Corn Island. Caye Caulker.

A lot of people said, “Are you crazy to have traveled with your boyfriend after you broke up?” Well, maybe a little. But we loved each other and had one last hurrah. It was a painful hurrah, and now we’re trying to figure out the other details now.

It hurts. It still all hurts.

My main regret is that I couldn’t properly function after the breakup. Much of Guatemala and Belize (and much of Nicaragua) were clouded by tears. Clouded by wanting to be with him. Clouded by the pain. Clouded by the hurt, the impossibilities – and what once were possibilities. It was hard to enjoy the monkeys, the wildlife, the nature, the people, the things.

The worst is travel days – I always turned into a blubbering lonely mess. Today on the ferry, while crying, an Australian guy kept staring at me. I thought my shades would hide it. Later, it turns out, he just thought I was someone else and was confused as why I wasn’t saying hi back.

This is my favourite trip I’ve ever taken, despite the breakup. I saw so many wonderful places. I spent a lot of time on the beach. I missed out on the crappiest December and January and part of February that New York has ever seen in my life. I learned new skills. I got healed with cacao (and we all knew chocolate could cure a broken heart!).  I surfed. I ate too many beans. I had a love affair with Trits. My Spanish drastically improved. Skype helped connect me with my family and loved ones.

And now I type this from the Belize International Airport (one of the saddest airports, by the way; I think West Palm Beach is a better airport, or even, Melbourne Airport in Florida), I think of what a wonderful, amazing time I’ve had: full of writing, running, exploring, kissing, crying, hiking, swimming, surfing, beaches, snorkeling, exploring my true self, daydreaming.

And now it’s time to get back to reality, I suppose…but I’ll keep dreaming about where to next. I’ve always wanted to do the Inca Trail. And Chile sounds amazing. I’ve never been to Asia either – and India has always been my #1 travel destination.

It’ll happen eventually. It’s all about getting to the core of me, finding happiness, discovering myself, while discovering the world.

Happy travels…and travels are always happy...

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