Leadville 100 Mile Ultramarathon

Leadville.

Just the name itself has the ability to instill fear and admiration in any ultrarunner, and many others as well. I admit I am very frightened of it...but kind of want to do it at the same time. I started going to as Pema Chodron advises on, the places that scare me.

Why is Leadville so scary? The race starts at 9,200 feet, and reaches a high point of 12,600 feet at Hope Pass. (I tell myself I can handle it - I visited V who used to live at 9,000 feet in Nederland and I was okay there. I even went running (getting lost usually in the woods) and didn't have trouble. I lived in Boulder for two years...but the thin air did kick my asthmatic butt from time to time.) It looks so tough..it has an insanely high drop-out rate. 

Iliana planted the seed in my head and keeps nagging me...and I admit I want to run the Leadville 100 Miler, maybe even this year. I don't know if I'm ready, but Iliana sent me a guide on how to run Leadville in less than the cutoff (which is a real killer at just 30 hours). Then there's also the financial implications; supporting my ex last year really drained my bank account, along with ultrarunning (not to mention the fact that I work at a nonprofit). I may need to take on some very unusual methods of raising funds for Leadville.

But I still have the taste in my mouth...I have terrible willpower (which is why I have trouble keeping chocolate in my house for long) and when I want to do something, I usually do it.


I haven't made any decisions yet, but it will be a little logistically confusing. (Burning Man is the following week and I can't afford to be flying back and forth so I might try to stay in CO and go to BM straight from there...). I'm not sure what shape I'll be in (My doctor hasn't even seen me to give me the okay on running yet!), especially with running the Vermont 100 Miler the week before. But the idea keeps circulating...and circulating....

I know I've posted it before, but I'm still dreaming...

Long Slow Road to Recovery

Right now, I'm trying to make patience my mantra but it's hard. It's hard when all I want to do is run, run, run! I guess this recovery is teaching me patience. I have not run yet, which is a miracle. I'm mostly feeling in no pain, though certain movements do cause pain (and whenever someone (inc. my cat) bumps into my incisions, which seems to happen way too often). The rest of this week I plan on resting, sleeping, and taking walks when I feel up to it. I hope to have a smooth recovery to running.

I've had a pretty crazy year. Thinking back to a year ago, my life was completely different. I went from living with someone who I was going to spend my life with to being completely stepped on by them and being single. I went from feeling healthy to having surgery that reshaped my confidence in my health (and has prevented me from running for at least 2 weeks!). I went from feeling like I understood the world and my future...to not knowing what comes next.

I don't know where I'm going. Maybe I'll be single my whole life, just running lots, working, traveling. Maybe I'll fall in love with someone I meet buying milk tomorrow. Maybe I'll quit my job and become a dancer on a cruise ship. Maybe none of these things will happen, and maybe all of them will. I don't know. I just know I have to not plan so much and be ready to welcome anything that comes my way with open arms.

Still, I can plan and dream. Right now, I'm planning on upping my training once my doctor approves. I hope to start training twice a day, doing a lot of commuting on my feet. I hope to go sub-24 at Vermont. I want to do Leadville 100 Miler. I want to do the Sri Chinmony 6 day race in Flushing. I want to get my book published. I want to see my grandfather live to his 91st birthday. I want to help my sister run her first marathon. I want to travel around Central America. I want to dye my hair pink, again. I want to get another piercing in my ear. I want to surf better.


And I don't want to just want - I want to do these things. And I will.

Why Do You Run?

Fantastic video, found on Herb's blog.

Do You Know Where Your Limits Are?

Right now, I'm taking things very easy, recovering from surgery. I'm out of work another two weeks, and I don't think I'll be running too soon. I went for a walk today, which was successful in that I didn't pass out, but I am pretty tired from that. I'll be heading to bed pretty soon (around 8:30pm). Getting back to normal is going to be a slow process and I'm trying to be smart. My doctor's appointment is next week and I hope the 24th to be the magical date upon all is normal.

My mother got very upset with me before. "You don't know when to stop. You worry me..." My painful performance at Miwok 100k worried the hell out of her. To recap, my shins hurt, my feet were swollen with blisters, my asthma was bothering me, and I was terribly dehydrated. I was crying much of the last 12.5 miles. I was so proud of myself that I didn't quit.

"I want you to promise me that you know when to quit." I knew none of those things were causing permanent damage, just temporary misery. The misery wasn't so overwhelming, and I knew once I stopped I would feel relief...but how amazing it felt to finish when I was so weak and I had struggled so hard.

Was it smart that I pushed? Do I not know when to stop? How can I stop when I'm constantly pushing? My mother asked me these questions  and I didn't know how to answer. I know how to be strong; how to push; how to keep going and dig deep; how to grin and bear it. Sometimes, digging deep is harder than other times. Miwok was mentally a challenge because of the pain and dehydration...but when should I stop? How do I figure that out?

Surgery

I am recovering right now from surgery. This means no work (yay), no running (boo!), lots of pain (boo!) and lots of painkillers (ugh). I've been napping, forcing myself to eat so I can take more painkillers, drinking lots of tea, and watching movies w/ my dad.

For years, I've had painful periods, heavy & extremely long periods. Starting since I was just 13, I've seen many doctors who never could figure out what was going on; I've had MRIs, ultrasounds, sonograms, blood tests, bed rest, various pills, medicines...no one can figure out what the deal is. After the latest bout of bedrest last November after a bad period, my doctor and I had a really long talk. She consulted an expert doctor, Farr Nezhat, and recommended I see him.

I was really impressed with the thoroughness and knowledge of the doctors at my first appointment. We decided that the way to (hopefully) solve & determine my problems would be to investigate. My doctor for years had been wanting to do a D&C, so that would be part of it. They also would be reconstructing my uterus as I had a septum (which is abnormal), and doing a hysteroscopy and laparoscopy.

So I prepped by getting my full of running - Umstead, followed 3 weeks later by Boston, a week and a half later with Miwok 100k. The surgery means no running until I'm recovered.

I got surgery and everything went remarkably well. I've had some pain and the painkillers have really helped. I was a complete wreck after the surgery, but am able to mostly walk around by myself. I haven't taken any walks yet anywhere far, and am planning on taking things very easy the next few weeks. I can't go back to week for another 2 weeks, so I'm taking it easy, letting myself recover. I'm hoping I can start running then and getting back to normal. Until then, I'm sitting on my parents' couch, watching Mamma Mia and reading books.

Miwok 100k Videos!

I've never taken videos during a race before, but these two videos should give you a good idea of how I act during a 100k race...

Mile 46 or so...

Mile 57 or so....

The Miwok 100k

I was really excited to run the Miwok 100k – it was on some of the same trails as the North Face Challenge – San Francisco 50 Miler, trails that are so gorgeous you will (if you are me), shout to the nearest runner, “Oh my god! Isn’t that gorgeous?” It is that amazingly beautiful. It makes me want to pack up my cute little apartment and head to the left coast for a lifetime of amazing trail running.

The race started at 5.40a.m. on the Beach. Starting on sand was a little challenging, but fun. We quickly filed into one-by-one and headed up a trail. Some people had headlamps, but most didn’t. We all went on a short out-and-back, and I got to see some of my friends, which was really nice – and of course, be wowed by Kami Semeck, Anton K., Jen Shelton, among others.

The hills were tough, but I was feeling pretty good. However, I very quickly felt the heat. At mile ten, I dropped my long-sleeved shirt and gloves into my first drop bag, and headed on. Around mile 15, I realized I would soon be out of water. I’m usually fine at ultras – but I usually don’t run upwards of 7 miles with no water, and I’m usually not suddenly thrust into heat like this.

At the mile 19 or 20 aid station, I asked a volunteer if they had an extra water bottle. We improvised; she filled an empty plastic juice bottle with water.  I ran with this rather awkwardly the rest of the way.

The course was full of ups and downs…I got passed on those horrible, somewhat technical section leading down to the beach, but then felt strong going upwards. There was tripping, gasps at beautiful views of the water, of beaches, of rolling hills. I could not believe there were this many trails with phenomenal views, just outside one of the coolest cities in the U.S.

Mile 28.5 (and again around mile 40-ish) had a great Hawaiian theme, complete with leis, popsicles, potatoes, and very friendly faces. Scott Jurek was helping out; I think his girlfriend was running the race as well.

Everyone loved my all-pink ensemble: pink visor, pink tank, pink polka dot skirt, pink compression sleeves, pink gaiters. “The pink lady!” It cheered me up, but at the end, when people told me how good I looked, I ensured them that I felt like utter crap.

I tripped on the clumsy grass and fell. A man running behind me had me take a salt pill, and I stumbled on awkwardly. I felt like I was falling apart.

Around mile 49, I just wanted the stupid race to be over. That’s why 50 milers are my favourite race: just when you’re aching for it to be over, it is.

I continued on, mostly alone, as I was most of the race. I met some kickass people, but found myself running ahead of them or falling behind – towards the end of the race, it was mostly falling behind.

My shins were aching increasingly, on the lower anterior portions. I could feel blisters growing. I was very sunburnt, dehydrated, lacking salt, electrolytes, sugar. My asthma (usually quite in control) was not very stable and I found myself using my inhaler multiple times, especially whenever I tried to push it on an uphill. (At the end, I simply walked every uphill rather than run, for the mere reason that I was worried my asthma would not push me into a full-on asthma attack.) I was quite disoriented and was crying hysterically on and off the last 12.5 miles.

At the final aid station, not knowing there was another aid station (and hoping, oh please, we were almost at the finish), when a woman told me how much longer, I allowed myself to bawl in front of her.

“Take some ibuprofen,” she told me. “I can give you some.”

“I can’t,” I wept. “I can’t take ibuprofen.” Stupid surgery messing up everything. “I hurt everywhere,” I told her. “My shins hurt…my asthma is messed up. I have blisters and I’m so out of it. I hate this race.”

She listened to me cry. “Would you like me to run the rest of the race with you?”

I stared at her in shock. “That’s five miles!”

“So?”

“No, you need to run your race.”

And that’s why I love ultrarunners…this woman, who did now know me at all, would throw her race (and any training she had put into it) to help me – a complete stranger. (I remember at The Boston Marathon when I paused to find my endurolytes, completely dizzy and not a single runner offered support. Road runners are a different breed.)

I encouraged her to go on, and was weeping as I entered the final aid station.

The volunteers were quite concerned. They made me take endurolytes, eat jellybeans, cookies. “Sugar depletion,” they diagnosed. They asked me if I was sure I was okay, told me I would be okay. Before leaving, I threw myself in a volunteer’s arms, completely bawling. I felt selfish for crying at a wonderful, beautiful race when I have so much to be thankful for in this world, but I just couldn’t stop.

I went on, crying, eating jellybeans. I stopped crying, and pushed it up the hills. The last 3.8 miles felt like 20. I used my inhaler, cursed my shins, struggled on the climbs, cried some more.

Finally, you get to the top and see the race down below. It looks so close – but it’s SO far. Much of the downhill was on asphalt, and I’m pretty sure the course is designed this way is so that it could torture my aching shins. I almost cried with each and every step, and tried to run in a very controlled fashion.

The finish was windy, but beautiful – waves crashing in, cheers. I crossed the finish line and began crying out of control. Karen helped me, along with some of the race volunteers. They covered me with blankets as I cried, shivering, suffering. It was over, but I still hurt. I lied down on the dirt ground in front of the heat lamp with a fleece blanket saying MIWOK 100k (BTW, great race swag: a t-shirt, hat, bottle, bag, bottle of beer, blanket, more), crying, shivering.

I woke up, sunburned, in pain, feeling horrid. I felt nauseas, almost like I had the flu. Was it sunburn? Was it hell? Who knows, but it sucked.

I got this feeling of being so selfish for not enjoying this beautiful race and wonderful opportunity (especially when I won’t be able to run post-recovery), but I just couldn’t make myself do it.

Overall, it was a beautiful struggle. I’m SO glad I finished, although the end completely sucked and was painful and unhappy. However, finishing when you’re in pain – it proves just how strong you are.

And just because I’m from New York and weak on the hills doesn’t mean I’ll let the hills conquer my soul.

Self-Transcendence Six and Ten Day Races 2010

Last night, armed with a pineapple pizza, Iliana and I visited (once again) the site of the amazing Self-Transcendence Ten/Six Day race. Everyone looked exhausted, but happy the rain had stopped.

All photos are current as of 10:30pm Tuesday. 

10 day results

6 Day Results - Notice How Dipali is in front of all women AND men!

And tables belonging to racers

The future...

I'm really excited about Saturday's Miwok 100k...In the North Face San Fran 50 Miler, I was able to run on some of the trails in the area, and they're just gorgeous. I know it's an insanely tough race - the altitude profile is more than a little scary!

I don't have a specific goal time, but I hope to run a strong, happy, good race. I'd like to finish in the top half (the top third would be even lovelier!) and learn more about what makes a race a good race for me! Mostly, I love races with fantastic scenery...and that's what this is.

May will be a quiet month. I'm taking care of a medical procedure (more on that in a later post) which means NO RUNNING! If possible, I hope to run the Mayapple 100k on May 22nd, but that depends on how everything goes. We'll see.

I want to celebrate my birthday with the Peaks Race 50 Miler - sounds tough but I hope to be in shape enough for it. And then a few other random races...and Vermont 100 again in July!

But also - I can't forget who I am. I'll be doing some writing, trying to submit my novel to agents, spending time with family, friends, working on some Burning Man costumes, growing tomatoes, basil and mint on my fire escape...and discovering the glowing life inside me and the glowing life in my hometown city.

Inspiration

Iliana and I went to watch the Sri Chinmoy 6 and 10 day races in Flushing, Queens on Friday. It was pretty amazing - they have a whole mini-village set up, with kitchens, showers, port-a-potties, dorms w/ cots, tents, tables for the runners' supplies. The course is a 1 mile course around paths and parking lots of Flushing Meadows Park. You're rather close to the Grand Central, but also to the lake. It's weird - I never thought I would like doing such a race.

On Friday, I ended up hanging out with one of the runners for 7 laps or so. Barbara was on the first day of the 6 day race, and we chatted about the course, running, surgeries, ex-boyfriends, anesthesia, life, love, multi-day races, taping feet, our lives. It was pretty amazing to be out there and get into the pace. I haven't been so inspired in a while - I really want to do this race.

It doesn't sound lovely - a mile loop for 6 or 10 days? But honestly, it was really a beautiful and amazing thing, and I saw the way the runners dug deep inside themselves for the courage and the strength to push on.

Boston Marathon Recap

The Boston Marathon was okay. I went into the race, knowing the chances of me PR'ing were quite unlikely (and I didn't PR), but hoping I would run strong. I felt the effects of many things:

1. Running Umstead 100 Miler 3 weeks prior
2. Training primarily in ultra mode (lots of long slow distance)
3. No speed workouts
4. Some recent time off since Umstead due to knee and foot pain

My time was either 3:52 or 3:54 - something like that. I felt okay but quickly realized I would miss my PR and goal and decided to try to enjoy the day to the best of my ability. I slapped little kid's hands, smiled, chatted, felt happy. I re-experienced all the stupid hills of Boston (I forgot how many hills there are!), and the quiet spots of the Boston course. Around Mile 21 (actually, in the midst of Heartbreak Hill), I began feeling dizzy and my electrolyte levels were out of wack. I took an endurolyte, ate some pretzels, chilled, and felt better. I picked up the pace but then began feeling like a complete slug the last 3 miles with extreme hamstring pain. I was SO glad to be done.

I'm not doing that one again.

I understand what an honour it is to qualify for and run Boston, but I don't know - I miss ultras. I love the comradery, the people, the beauty of trails, the pace. Ultras are much more my speed than marathons. I'm doing NYC this year, though I do plan on doing some speed training (which should help w/ ultras as well) and I have to figure out how to run it w/o getting all stressed about time.

It's the Struggle that Motivates Us

Learning something big...

I'm excited/dreading the Boston Marathon...I'm dreading b/c I know I haven't done enough speed workouts. I ran a 100miler 3 weeks ago, so am still in that slower mode. I also have recently dealt w/ two injuries - top of my foot pain and I'm still dealing w/ some knee pain (though it luckily hasn't been bothering me while running) so I've had to scale back my training a bit more than I would have liked, and took off too many days.

I've never felt like this about a race before. I'm trying to feel excited, but I'm mostly nervous now. I just don't want to feel horrid and slow and miserable.

Nelson wrote me some sage advice, and I will do my best to heed it:

I think you are going to learn something big... It amazes me that for someone I admire so much I hang out with so little... Just run! It is what you like to do anyway. Slow? Well then see the sites! Fast? Then just see a blur! 3:30? Then just be in the pack! 2:10? Ha, to funny to think of anything... You are wonderful and amazing, you have great friends... What you do in Boston is a side issue because we will all run Boston vicariously through/with you...

Life or Death....

My Papa (grandfather) said to my mother, "I want to die. I've had a long life. I'm happy. I want to die."

Selfishly, I don't want him to die - he gives so much happiness to me and many others who loves him (and admittedly, aggravation to my grandma), but my mother asked me, "Why shouldn't someone be able to decide when they are done? If they've lived a full life, why can't they choose to stop?"

I am not making anyone's decisions on what to do with their lives. I don't want anyone to have unnecessary suffering or unhappiness, and if people can't do anything to alleviate pain - well, people need to live their lives as they see fit.

That said, if my papa did take his life, I would collapse into tears. 

Right now, I'll continue to cherish each and every beautiful moment of my life -- runs, a smile from a strange on the street, a delicious cup of tea. I'm looking forward to seeing my papa again, whenever he is strong enough to make it back to NY or I am able to fly down to see him.

I Belong on the Trails

My next ultra is Miwok 100k...I'm so excited to hit the trails, to see some really beautiful scenery, and to run my heart out...

why i'm not super excited about running the boston marathon this year

I've gotten SO into ultras lately. I love the distance, the speed (or lack thereof!), the eating chocolate/cookies while running, the trails, the scenery, but especially, the people! I'm running Boston and I'm just not that excited this year.

I am proud that I qualified, and it will be fun to be up there with my NBR teammates, and oh yeah, shopping at the best runner's expo is going to be fun - but I'd honestly rather be on trails.

I'm also pretty nervous - I haven't done very much speed training at all. I've done some fartleks and tempo runs, but speed has fallen off the table so I will probably not be so fast...not to mention the fact that I ran a 50k in January, 50 miler in Feb, 50k in March, 100 miler in March...so I'm all about running slow and long, not fast...I hope I don't die out there.

I do know the course, which gives me confidence at least. I also know I can manage the hills. For those who obsess over Boston's heartbreak hill, it's not THAT bad.

I

I'm pondering Leadville, and I wanted to do Western States (lottery shut me out!), so I know what Heartbreak Hill is...and it's manageable. 

So I want to run Boston to have fun! I'm hoping I have some speed, and plan on pushing myself however fast that I can. 

My Papa is also in the hospital. He turned 90 yesterday (yay!), and has been having back pain. I'm going to dedicate this race to him, and whenever it gets tough, I'm going to push as much as I can because I know he's had worse pain - and because I love him, I will succeed for him.

Here's to Boston...Heartbreak Hill, you won't break my heart! We're going to fall in love...or maybe it's just a crush until I head to Vermont 100, someone I really love.

Someone Might Need to Lock Me Up

After watching this video, I want to do Leadville. Bad.
 
I can't! I already am doing a total of three 100 milers and two 100ks.

But, what a beautiful day...

Great Ultra Quote

"When my longest run was 13 miles, a marathon seemed nearly impossible.

When my longest run was 26 miles, 50 miles seemed nearly impossible.

When my longest run was 50 miles, 100 miles seemed nearly impossible.

When my longest run was 100 miles, 50 miles seemed like a nice, long
training run."

~Karl King

Skirt It!

Running skirts make me dance!

Striking a pose in my running skirt during the VT100!

Since I first heard of the concept, running skirts have been my favourite thing to keep below the waist while running. I remembered when I ordered my first skirt from RunningSkirts.com, and how I loved it - I did that thing you're never supposed to do, which is ran for the NYC Marathon without testing it out on a long run, and loved it and felt great! At mile 11, some woman watching me remarked to her friend, "A skirt? Women can run in skirts?" My boyfriend at the time was standing next to her and responded, "Yeah, that's my girlfriend. She's wearing a running skirt." "A running skirt? They make such a thing?" "Yeah, it's from Runningskirts.com." (Isn't he a great advertiser?)

The big pockets on the side allow for plenty of things - my inhaler, sports jelly beans, gels, bags of pretzels, fistfuls of animal crackers, you know, the normal things one puts in your pocket. Plus, they look cute. If you're not into pink, they do have other colors and prints.

There's a myth that running skirts will be constrictive or uncomfortable, but I prefer them to running in shorts. They don't ride up or move around - I feel quite happy in them. Plus, I love how people are always shocked, "You ran 100 miles in a skirt?"

Recently, I sent them an email about something. They didn't respond, despite a follow-up email...and then they responded. They read my blog, even saw how I struck a pose at Umstead in one of their skirts...and sent me a super sweet care package. Will you be at Boston or Miwok? Well, you'll see me in one of their skirts then, in my newest one!   

Why I'll Never Be 70.3

I was trying to be good this morning and went to the gym to lift weights and do a water workout. I almost wrote swim, but if I did, I'd be lying - I wasn't exactly swimming. 

I did water running and yes, some pathetic attempts at the breaststroke and crawl stroke for about a half hour. I never feel as good after swimming (I pretty much spend most of the time checking out the clock to see if it's time to stop.), but I figured I should do some sort of cross-training.

In May, I have a surgery scheduled that will sadly pull me out of training. My focus should be recovery, though of course my immediate questions were, "When can I run???" It looks like I can expect to go back to work within 1-3 weeks, so we'll see when I can run - when I have no pain. The doctor suggested swimming, so we'll see how that goes. I'll try not to drown, and don't worry, I won't do it when I'm on pain medication.

But yeah, I'll never be an Ironwoman. (My coworker used the term "Ironwoman" and I love it!)

First Sponsorship!

I recently received my first sponsorship with Team Odwalla - so exciting! It's the first year they'll be doing the program, but I'm proud to be sponsored by a great company whose products I enjoy.

When I told my grandma, she said, "Finally, all that work pays off." Well, that wasn't the point of running all these miles, but it's really nice to get a nod.

There are ups, and there are downs, or, I don't know what this pain in my foot is

Post-Umstead 100 Miler, I was experiencing an ultimate runner's high. I felt sore, yes, but pretty good and emotionally great. 

Sunday, very sore, could barely sleep. After the race, I slept for three hours and woke up because I was in too much pain. I took a bath with epsom salts, inhaled alleve my sister's doctor husband insisted I take, and sat around their house for most of the rest of the day.

Monday I was wore but feeling okay. I worked at home. After work, I walked to meet some North Brooklyn Runner friends to chat about the Boston Marathon. On my walk back, I felt mostly okay; my feet were still blistered but I was wearing my Birkenstocks which let my feet breathe.

Tuesday I ran to the gym, worked out on the elliptical for an hour (nice & easy), and then ran home, showered. Walking around my house, I notice a slight *twinge* in the top of my foot. Whatever. I ate my breakfast. I walked to the train in the horrible windy miserable rain and got soaked. On the platform, I noticed my foot was still kinda hurting - and overwhelmed by the crappy weather and not wanting to hurt myself, I walked back home and worked at home. I iced my foot for a while which seemed to help.

Wednesday I did a short run and felt great. A little twinge in the foot, but nothing too crazy. Walking around in my Birks at work I felt some slight pain. Ummm...not cool. I ended up going home early with an awful migraine.

Thursday I woke up - with my migraine. And a cold. And my foot was hurting. I decided to work from home (I probably should've called in sick in light of how awful I felt). I worked from my futon, lying down, trying to relax. I went to my podiatrist at 10:30...who said I probably don't have a stress fracture but it's probably just tendinitis. 

The next week - no running. Ugh. I have to wear a stupid ugly surgical boot (I know, when it's the FIRST weekend of spring sandal weather!!!!) and soak my foot in these stinky Chinese herbs my doctor gave me.

I only hope I can run soon - the Boston Marathon is in two weeks (which I'll probably be slow anyway since I'm used to ultra pace) and Miwok is in four weeks. I already have to take off in May for surgery, so this is a super bummer.

Sigh. 

Cobblestones: Fiction

She walked alone through the streets of SoHo. It didn't matter which streets, it's just that these were streets she had once walked before with much different meaning. These were streets she walked when she felt like she was untouchable. She felt slightly nauseous at a memory of herself telling a good friend,

"I can't believe it, but my life right now is practically perfect."

It was way too late. The party she was at -- streets behind. Slightly sobered, but still, a taste of salt and lime on her lips from her last margarita. She stumbled on the cobblestone streets, glad no one was around to see the tears. 

"I am not crying. I am fine. I am good. I am better off alone."

She pushed on. Two drunken girls passed her, not noticing the devastation on her face. Their laughs echoed in the street, and a full cab sped by her. 

"I couldn't get into that even if it were empty." 

Her tears left her outside.

A glowing 24-hour bodega ahead; she pushes on, pushes past.

The subway ahead; she walks past.


She pushes on, walking dozens and dozens of blocks, sobering up, the tears drying up. When she arrives at her new home, she shoves the key in the lock, trudges up the stairs, and tosses her purse on the table by the door. Her cat meows.


"That's right, Sinda," she tells the cat. "I'm home. I'm going to make us some food and I'm so glad to see you. There's no place I'd rather be."


She remembers what her tears and drunkenness prevented her from remembering earlier, remembers reasons why she had ended everything.


It's not perfect, but it would be again - someday. She knew it, she just had to walk there, walk her way all the way to perfection.

Umstead 100: 22:32: Race Report

"An easy 100," I've heard said of Umstead before. I don't think there is such a thing, but Umstead is easier in terms of 100s - the course is 12.5miles long, and you run it 8 times. There are two big aid stations where you can have drop bags and there is quite an array of a variety of food (baked potatoes, pretzels, m&ms, oranges, cantaloupe, hot dogs, pizza, hot cocoa, soups, potato chips, animal crackers, I can go on and on...), so with these two logistical issues taken care of, the 100 becomes *slightly* easier. There's also several intermediary aid stations I usually skipped that just had water and gatorade (some with a little bit more) and usually no volunteers. The footing is quite good (nothing technical) and while the loops can become a little boring...but it's a good race if you love to run. That makes it "easy" too.

The course has some flats, some steeper hills, some rolling hills - nothing too awful, but when you're feeling like death later in the race, it's hard to motivate yourself to do anything but walk up the minor hills.

The pre-race meeting was too long and boring, and I felt bad for my poor sister and her husband (They put up a lot this weekend!) so we snuck out early to head back to their place to eat pasta. I ended up falling asleep around 8:30, and woke up around 3:30 when my parents arrived at my sister's.

The start was fun. My mom, sister, and Brian were a little overwhelmed by the start ("Why do these people need coolers?" "What are they wearing?" "That's what they're leaving at the aid station?" etc.), and quite underwhelmed by the start (One second, I was chatting about where to buy running skirts, the next I was running!).

Lap 1:
I felt pretty good. I went out strong, was happy, and warmed up quickly. (It was in the 30s when we started.) I ran with Tony for a while, scaring myself. (He's a quite bit faster than I.) I felt good though, quite comfortable. (About 2hr16minpace)

Lap 2:
I chased after Tony and kept up on my pace. I met new friends. One of the greatest things about the course is you can see people (like Paul, Shannon, Steve Tursi, and many others) in multiple points -- there's an out and back each time to the main aid station, and another on the "airport spur." It made for a very friendly ultra, with almost a party-like atmosphere. Lap two I continued to feel great. My sister, father, and Brian were at the HQ aid station again (and the intermediary) and brought me some bottled water - the water had a funny taste (which others have remarked on as well). (About 2:20 pace or so)

Lap 3:
Felt great still. Just enjoying the race, the day. Tony was a bit ahead of me and I wanted to catch him, but didn't want to burn myself out. Felt strong. (About 2:20 pace or so) 

Lap 4:
The first half I started to feel really hungry. I had eaten a gel but needed solid food. When I got to the middle aid station, feeling famished, I gorged on pretzels and M&Ms. I learned a very powerful lesson a half mile later: too many M&Ms in too short a time can result in nausea. I ended up clutching my stomach, pausing to dry heave. People passed me, all inquiring (I was bent over, holding my stomach, walking a lot) and one woman paused to help me, giving me Tums. They were magic. (Note to self: carry Tums on every ultra from now on!) I felt a lot better...until my stomach began hurting in a different way - and let's say that a half mile to a portapotty can be too far and I was so glad I had immodium. I lost A LOT of time and felt awful - I was soaked with sweat from illness and this messed my stomach and appetite up a lot.

This one guy passed me and said to me, "You know, you can still do sub-24 if you push yourself." I was walking, feeling horrid and said, "My stomach hurts SO bad." (I was literally moaning to myself b/c I was in so much pain.) He said, 

"If you're gonna walk, walk like you mean it. You can whine when it's over."


That kicked something in me. I ran until I had to run behind a tree to go to the bathroom.


This phrase echoed in my head anytime things got tough.

Lap 5:
When I got back to HQ aid station before starting, I took medicine, drank ginger ale, and ate some pretzels. Some random crew person helped me (I LOVE the runners, pacers, crew, and volunteer at ultras; they always go above and beyond helping, way beyond anything that would happen in a road race).  

I kicked it up. I picked up the pace where I left off, pushing, pushing, passing people who had passed me. "You look great!" "Someone looks a lot better." It was such a welcoming and nice environment and I felt so great and happy and SO much better.

Lap 6:
Pacer time! My little sister met me, all ready to go. I drank some coconut water (mmmm, Zico!), took more endurolytes, and ate pretzels. The rest of the race, due to my messed up stomach, I stuck to a steady diet of pretzels, animal crackers, and Power Gel Bursts. I also took a 5 hour Energy Shot, which helped keep me awake.

I also changed my shoes to a half-size bigger - this helped my swollen feet have room to spread out, and I highly recommend this to anyone running a 100 miler. I also changed my bra and tank top and put on a long sleeved and a pair of gloves.

It got dark slightly before we hit the second aid station, and my sister somehow figured out how to break the head lamp (just kidding, but it did disassemble) and we had to figure it out. The moon was full and some people opted for no head lamp, but I found it mostly helped. I still felt pretty good.

My sister carried my fuel belt which helped lighten things up for me - every little thing like that is always nice!

Lap 7:
I had never met Kelsey before, but she volunteered to pace me. She was fantastic and I couldn't have asked for a better stranger to become my friend during the course of pacing me. She was sweet, funny, interesting, motivating, smart, and a great runner. I was struggling a lot, and Kelsey tried to get me to eat. I tried to eat crusts of white bread. The promise land of pancakes never materialized, despite promises from the RD that there would be pancakes. (Apparently they were made WAY after I finished running, Boooo!) I was a little out of it, swaying and shivering, and Kelsey pushed me. I struggled hard as my time dropped.

Lap 8:
Ow. My feet hurt so bad. At one point, I said something like, "I'm running like a little old lady in high heels." Step, step, step. I think when I was running hard on lap 5, trying to make up for lost time, I ran too hard on some of the downhills...and my quads were reminding me on laps 6, 7, and 8 what happens when you do that.

The first 7 miles of this lap were awful. We walked a lot as Kelsey engaged me in various conversations. When we got to the final aid station, happiness surrounded me but I knew I needed to get something in me or it would last even longer. I opted for hot chocolate, made from a mix, something I'd normally snub but that really helped me. Kelsey encouraged me to eat and I stuffed animal crackers into my pockets to eat during the final miles.

The hot cocoa really warmed me up. I pushed, pushed, pushed as much as I possibly could, running more, feeling good.

And then - then it was over! Down a hill, up a hill - and to my sister, mom, and Brian screaming. It felt great! 55 overall -- and over 220 starters. Wow! A PR of over 6 1/2 hours!


What would I do differently?

• Not eat so many M&Ms at once
• Get my mom to bring me pancakes
• Figure out other food that works for my stomach (and bring more Powergel bursts)
• Pack bottled water for next year's Umstead

I think that's pretty much it. I ran as hard as I could - and I'm so pleased.

Now - next goals...I would love to break 20 hours! Hah!
 

A thought that struck me today that's getting me through the day...

Sometimes the things you're not supposed to do are the things you need to do.

umstead 100: quick update

So I did it! I broke the 24 hour 100 mile barrier and ran Umstead 100 Miler in 22:32. I'm sore, exhausted, but so full of life.

Full race report coming soon!

P.S. I think I like 100 milers a lot more now...!

Umstead 100

This is it - off to JFK to catch my flight to Umstead 100 Miler!!!

The One

You may think 

I'm the one

and yes I am

but not for you.

A 50k a Day (Part II): Volunteering at the Caumsett 50k

Iliana has become my ultrarunning partner in crime lately. We email about ultrarunning, talk about it, run long runs together, plot races together. Our vacation time in the next two years has been getting planned out around races. We both have no money due to our expensive ultrarunning habits. It's all worth it, though.

So when Iliana asked me if I'd volunteer at the Caumsett 50k (which I did last year), I said, "Of course." I had a blast volunteering at the race - the race directors were nice, the fellow volunteers hilarious, and I really liked giving back and helping out other ultrarunners. I didn't need volunteer credit, I told her - but of course changed my mind about needing that credit. I will most likely be running the Vermont 100 again - it was so much fun last year, how can I not run it again?

We got to the race at 7:30 and began setting up the aid station with food. Blaming it on the fact that it looks like poo and she did not grow up in the U.S., Iliana left me to spreading peanut butter (though she did spread jelly on some of the sandwiches). We poured snacks into trays, poured cups of water and Gatorade, sliced bananas, made more sandwiches, cut more bananas, handed cups of water, cheered people on, gave people Ibuprofin. It was a blast!

It's also nice to not be in pain and just be chilling and cheering on others. Because I know how much hard work goes into each and every run, I tried to pump up the runners. 

Iliana got into a great system of handing water and drinks to the runners. She got to know the runners, and would call me, "Cherie! Michael Wardian!" That meant two cups of water. Jill Perry? That meant a cup of coke and a Gatorade. Iliana knew everyone's drink preference - after 10 laps, she was a true expert. I may as well slathered my body with peanut butter and jelly in my sandwich creation, but I had a blast.

I knew a lot of the people out there. I got to see the lovely Scott Dunlap (Funny - I saw him, knew I knew him somehow, asked him, and then realized he writes one of my fave blogs, A Trail Runner's Blog), Tony, Steve Tursi again, and others. They were all running and I wished I was running too - but was glad I was helping out.

When it came time for Tony's final lap, Iliana and I began running with him. Iliana ran ahead to pace a doctor on her final lap, and I kept pace with Tony, trying to do my best to cheer him up. I kept chatting about Umstead, races, random things, trying to perk him up. He seemed cheered as he pulled into the finish.

Then, Iliana and I ran with the infamous Ray K from the Ultra list. ("I love his posts," Iliana confided in me.) He shared all sorts of great wisdom, advice, running tips, racing reports. I'm excited that he'll be at Umstead, and he might even have time to run a lap with me (which sounds even better, especially after my pacer AKA little sister's email of this morning complaining that her hip flexor is bothering her).

After we finished volunteering, Iliana and I headed for a long run ourselves. It was getting dark and cold and we explored the trails as much as we could during the daylight. We looped around the pavement, avoiding oblivious children on out-of-control tricycles and old men on wobbly bicycles. 

After the run, we piled back into Iliana's car to finish the Banana Oat Choc Chip bars I had made, drink some water, and say goodbye to a weekend of fun 50ks.

A 50k a Day...(Seneca Trails 50k Race Report)

I have no willpower. Seriously. Especially when it comes to running. Iliana asked me if I wanted to do the Seneca Trail 50k: "It's only $20." And into my training plan. And it was trails. And it sounded fun. And it was running!

So of course I signed up.

The race was cold at the start - just around freezing. I was shivering in a pair of running tights, gloves, my long sleeved running zip up, hat, and yes, hand warmers. We shivered around a registration area utilizing free heat sheets and hand warmers, and the RD encouraged us to use bag balm on our feet - "because your feet will be wet the whole time." Um, I guess I missed the wet factor when skimming the course description...

We started off on a slippery asphalt path, and I slowed down, worrying about ice. I'm a big fraidy cat when it comes to ice, but luckily, it was fairly minimal throughout the race. Most of the race was on trails which were often quite slippery due to snow and mud.

I found myself enjoying the snow and the sunshine, and warmed up after about two miles. I kept my eyes on the path, unwilling to slip down into the creek (which yes, I almost did on more than one occasion), but the scenery was quite lovely (though winter-like). I was not pushing it, as I didn't wish to race this (Umstead 100 is just in three weeks, eeek!) but pushed myself mentally to keep up with certain people and not fall behind.

The trails were fairly flat with some rolling small hills. They were mostly single track and highly enjoyable. There were a few spots with creek crossings - including one where you had to hold onto a rope. That first creek crossing was a bit of a shock - I had no idea there would be creek crossings (mostly ankle high water, but occasionally, mid-calf).  I couldn't help laughing as I crossed - there was just no way to avoid the water, so I tried to embrace. Squish, squish, for the next few minutes after exiting the creek.

The race volunteers were cheerful and had great aid stations (featuring delicious homemade oatmeal cookies!) and cute signs. The aid station at 28 had the theme of "Goldfish" and signs throughout the race talked about goldfish (like "Believe in the Goldfish") and when we finally got to "The Aquarium" we got to chow down on goldfish, yummy homemade treats, pretzels, oh and so many wonderful treats!

It's nice how mellow a 50k feels, especially a "local" one like this. 50 milers are fun but you're aware that there's a lot of work ahead. 50ks feel quick, I guess because I will sometimes do 50k or more as a training run. This was a fun training run with great trails, nice volunteers, and a chance to meet new running friends (and exchange running stories).

I ran the final 10 miles or so with Bekkie and Joe of the Silk City Striders, and chatted with them about the Vermont 100, Massanutten attempts, ultrarunning, life, the usual.

I felt great, running strong at the end. I finished, and immediately was presented with more delicious oatmeal cookies (Yes, ultrarunning will get you fat for the aid stations can more than replenish your lost calories!). We walked to a meat-heavy picnic (RDs, can't you be more like Ann Trason and make your race vegetarian-friendly? The post-Dick Collins 50 Miler BBQ was the absolute best post-race food I ever enjoyed...), ate more oatmeal cookies (Did I ever mention oatmeal cookies, especially good ones, are my fave cookie ever?), and left having met new friends, a great run under my belt, and a feeling of euphoria over my body.

If I ended up getting married...

Chances are, my spouse would serve me with a divorce, for reasons similar to this.

Packing List for Umstead 100 Miler

Because I don't want to forget anything (I'll have houseguests the week prior to Umstead and my work conference, so I'll likely be packing days in advance), I already made a packing list for the Umstead 100 Miler. (Okay, so I was bored in a meeting the other day...)

• 3 sports bras
• 3 tank tops
• 3 running skirts
• 3 pairs of underwear
• 6 pairs of socks
• 2 sneakers
• rain jacket
• thin long-sleeved shirt
• warmer running shirt
• running tights
• two visors
• 2-3 pairs of gloves
• sunscreen
• baby wipes
• body glide 
• pack of tissues
• foradil (asthma medicine)
• albuertol (asthma medicine)
• 15-20 gels
• 2 sports chews (power gel strawberry blasts)
• 4 sports beans
• 30 endurolytes
• gaiters
• velcro for gaiters
• 2 water bottles
• fun-sized snickers bars
• 2 5-hour energy shot
• ziploc
• sunglasses
• headlamps (2)
• small flashlight
• extra batteries
• advil
• immodium
• ginger candies
• for post race: sandals, fleece socks, comfy pants, warm hoodie, clean undies, t-shirt

Did I forget anything???

Because we all get hysterical after doing anything too long

I tend to freak out too; I remember yelling at mile 48 after an insanely hard hill at the Bear Mountain 50 Miler, "Don't tell me I look good! I don't look good! I look horrible and I feel horrible."

Sorry, volunteers. I was a little...ultra-d out at the time.



I know it's a commercial but I think it's hilarious.

Weekend of Running

My weekend was very rewarding in a physical sense - full of amazing runs!

Saturday I met Iliana to do a long run in Central Park. We originally intended to run long with Tony, but icy roads everywhere kept us in the plowed Central Park. I felt quite good, and Iliana wanted to stop after a little over two loops, and taking it easy was probably smart, esp. since we had an overnight run planned. Running loops in Central Park was better than I expected; we had good conversation, Iliana is very patient with my ice fears, and I ran into three running friends in the Park.

I spent the rest of the day getting my hair cut, doing errands, walking around. Iliana picked me up at seven for our journey to Jersey. The original plan was to run 40 miles point-to-point on the Paulinskill 100 Miler course - which will be Iliana's first 100 miler. However, two feet of snow was going to make that difficult, so we opted to run on the South Mountain Reservation (where I ran last May's and will run this May's South Mountain 100k). 

Iliana, Rick (the RD for Paulinskill, Watchung, Muddy Marathon, and many other local races), Tom (also running Paulinskill), and I began running across the snowy trails up to the top of the mountain. It was fairly challenging (esp with the snow), and I found myself laughing hysterically as I repeatedly slipped.

There was a long straight path where you could run covered with snow that led to a paved loop. The snowy path was slippery and challenging, so we mostly stuck to the paved loop.

Iliana was doing her 10min run-1min walk, and Tom began on the snowy path (until he realized how crazy it was) and Rick and I ran around the paved path. It was a lot of fun; the temperatures were fairly warm, I was feeling quite good, like I could run all night. The moon was full so we didn't even use our headlamps.

After a little over two hours, I must've stepped in a puddle. But wait, my legs were really wet and there were no puddles - what? Suddenly, my back, my legs were soaked. The straw fell out of my Nathan bladder and I was suddenly soaked. "Augh!" I screamed, pulling off my backpack.

I quickly evaluated the situation; I was totally and completely soaked. I could change my shirt, but my pants, underwear, socks were totally soaked. I let Rick go ahead, ran in the opposite direction on the loop until I found Iliana. Her piriformis and ITB were hurting, so she wanted to go to the car and just go to sleep.

We hiked all the way down to the car which was pretty miserable. I was completely soaked, hiking through snow. When we got to the car, with my teeth chattering, I wondered why I should even bother going back. I had an extra pair of pants, extra running jacket. I borrowed a sports bra and socks from Iliana; I didn't have underwear but figured I'd be fine.

When I got to the top, I was ready to run again. I was bummed at my problem, but felt fairly good. Rick and I ran together for a few more laps until he decided to leave. I said goodbye and then ran in the opposite direction until I found Tom. Just having met him that night, we easily chatted about races. He was quite interesting.

However, the lack of underwear was making me miserable. Let's just say I was experiencing some pretty horrid chafing. I finally had to stop, and Tom decided he'd leave as well. We hiked down the mountain together.

I probably would have stayed out a few more hours if I had been wearing underwear. Lesson learned? Pack extra underwear.

This morning I finished my weekend of run with a 2hr run, weight lifting, and a yoga for runners workshop. Now I'm ready for bed.

I can taste the fun I'll have at Umstead 100 Miler; I can't wait! 

Why I Run Ultras: Two Videos

Sometimes, between the bills and the subway being late and the snowfall and the annoyance with stinky, sweaty sports bras, I forget why I run.

These two videos remind me of why.




UltraRunning from Matt Hart on Vimeo.

Bigelow Tea Social

I feel bad because I never properly blogged about the wonderful Bigelow Tea Social I went to last month. It was a really fantastic night, and I was surprised at what a great time I had.



I'm a pretty big tea drinker. I like the ritual of it; the steeping, the pouring, the sweetening of tea. I love the whole process and enjoy every delicious moment. I hate getting tea on the go and drinking it out of a paper or styrofoam cup. I guess for that reason, that's why I like.

I'll be honest - I wouldn't say I was a dedicated Bigelow Tea drinker before the event. I have some really delicious high-quality loose tea, but when it goes for boxed tea, I have a few favourites:

•  Choice Organic Green Moroccan Mint Tea
• Traditional Medicinals Organic Raspberry Leaf
• Celestial Seasonings Candy Cane Lane 

I must admit, I've always been a big Celestial Seasonings fan, especially after I visited their tea factory in Boulder (which is actually a lot of fun; even my non-tea-drinking-at-the-time-ex-boyfriend loved it!). However, I learned a lot at the Bigelow (including at how Celestial Seasonings Teas are not tightly packed and won't last long), and how they tend to use tea crumbs instead of full leaves (which obviously have a fuller, richer flavour).

We started out the night chatting with Cindi Bigelow, the granddaughter of the founder. We had tea, and I tried the most amazing tea -- Constant Comment! I can't believe I never had this before, and must admit it's now one of my favorites! I also tried a Vanilla Tea, which while it was good, I went back to Constant Comment. (Yes, I had two cups of it!) There were also tea sandwiches (which I've never had before, and I must admit the cucumber and butter sandwiches were not as fab as I thought (I'm not the hugest butter person) but were quite dainty. The scones were phenomenal and I loved them.

We chatted about tea, about how we prepare it, the history of tea. Then we began to do some taste testing, trying different kinds of green tea, black tea, peppermint, chamomile. I was won over by the high quality of Bigelow Tea, especially with the richness of the flavours which greatly overshadowed the much weaker teas of their competitors. 

After, we had wine, chocolates, desserts, and of course, more tea. It was a truly lovely night.

We were sent home with various samples and a tea book. It was a really lovely night.

Pot at the End of the Umstead 100 Rainbow

Right now, I'm really focused on Umstead 100 Miler. I want to go sub 24 so bad I can taste it, but I also know it depends upon so many different things. If I'm having a good day, I KNOW I can do it. So many little things - chafing, blisters, upset stomach, electrolyte imbalance - turn into much bigger things in a 100 miler. I'm doing everything I can to be prepared - but the day of, we'll see what happens.

Using the sage advice of others on the ultra list, I have developed a plan to go sub 24.

I must run the first 50 miles in anywhere from 9 hours to 11:30 (depending on who you talk to). I'm hoping to do it in around 10ish.

The RD sent me an excellent race report that I've used to help develop my race plan. Each loop is 12.5 miles, and I need to run appropriately to finish in sub-24.

Lap 1: 2:20
Lap 2: 2:30 (Total time: 4:50)
Lap 3: 2:35 (Total time: 7:25)
Lap 4: 2:45 (Total time: 10:10)
Lap 5: 3:00 (Total time: 13:10)
Lap 6: 3:15 (Pick up pacer!) (Total time: 16:25)
Lap 7: 3:25 (Pacer!) (Total time: 19:50)
Lap 8: 3:40 (Pacer!) (Total time: 23:40!)

Obviously, it's going to be really tight, but I'm hoping I can make it.

The RD and others say if you want to finish sub-24, you need to bucket in enough extra time - so 10 hours for the first 50 miles, 13 for the next. Seeing as I've only gone sub-10 hours once in a 50 miler, I know it's going to be really, really tough. However, I have on my side:

• Intense training
• 5 Hour Energy Shots
• My mom, dad, and sister crewing me
• My sister pacing me for one loop (I wish she could do more because she's not afraid to beat the crap out of me when I need it but she's not an insane runner like me!)
• Kelsey pacing me for two loops (who is totally awesome!)

I can't stop thinking about Umstead...counting the moments down...it's going to be a blast, amazing, insane fun - and one of the toughest things I've ever done!

George Eliot Quote

It's never too late
to be what you
might have been.



Special thanks to Pomsey for filling my mailbox with this great quote and love on a day when all seems to be a giant stressball.