if you are gonna look at me, i am gonna get a prize

When I was running today, I felt consumed with depression about money and my job situation and my whole life. It's like, when you grow up you think you'll be like your parents, but things are so different. As if I would graduate college, find myself propelled into a fascinating career, maybe go to grad school, work at the same wonderful job, get married, buy a house, have kids (this part is def out of the picture now!), do fascinating things like change your child's diapers and drink white wine with dinner. and now i'm 26, and i will probably have to borrow money from my parents to pay my rent, and i can't find a job full-time permanent doing what i'm doing, and i feel so depressed, like a failure. i've been dating someone for six years who can't bear to be living in the same state, much less get married, and the only exciting thing in my future is the possibility of getting another cat. and that i can't even afford and luna would probably claw its eyes out. and really, all i want to do is travel.
so i'm thinking all this as i'm running, getting sick of men old enough to be my grandfather checking me out, thinking, you should pay me to look at me, getting the old bikini kill song "tell me so" in my head.


Take out a piece of paper
Put your name up in the corner
Take out a piece of paper
Write everything down
Then you can read it back to me
And maybe you can hurt me
You can read it back to me
Maybe you could know something
About me
About me
If you are gonna look at me
I am gonna get a prize
If you are gonna look at me
I am gonna get a prize
If you are gonna look at me
I am gonna get a prize
Oh tell me so
I wanna know
Oh tell me so
I wanna know
And don’t stall
Tell me now
Oh shower stall
And I fell down, down
Down down down
If you are gonna look at me
I am gonna get a prize
If you are gonna look at me
I am gonna get a prize
If you are gonna look at me
I am gonna get a prize
Oh tell me so