jay ultimate xc 2008

I did this race in 2007. You’d think I would remember. No, I didn't. I didn't remember how hard, how utterly painful, how insane this race is -- yet I finished with a smile.

Crista, Brenda, Mike, Michael, Rich, Mark, Cara, Erin, and I all have been training for this race with long trail runs almost every weekend. Shawn and Jeff were supposed to run but pulled out due to injury; Dennis had his thesis to focus on. We rented a large mansion to spend the weekend in running heaven/hell.

Saturday morning we woke up at six to focus on fueling, hydrating, and eliminating. The house was an insane buzz of, "I took care of business!" "Does anyone have any sunscreen?" "I can't find my lube."

We drove to the start, and somehow, Cara (who was taking care of business) got left behind at the house. When I realized she was not there, Trevor sprinted to his car, sped down the road until he saw Cara who was jogging/walking. “I was sticking my thumb out,” she later told me.

The start was slightly chaotic, as all races are. Running to the bathroom, last-minute gels, water, stretching. And we lined up…and we were off!

Knowing how everything is so narrow, I went out hard. Shortly after the start, there are lots of single-track trails, where it’s difficult to pass people. I had fun on the hills, pulling myself up on the rope, falling in the first few miles facedown – but pulling myself up, laughing. In the beginning, people who don’t know any better try to avoid the mud. I plowed through, knowing it would only get worse.

Early on, there was a good deal of brook running. Luckily, the brook was shallower than I remember it to be last year, and I knew how to run. I focused, looked straight ahead, and stumbled through the brook. I lost a lot of time, as usual, but tackled it in a better fashion this year.

We had to pull ourselves up into two culverts. The first was rather long, the water rushed through it and it was totally creepy. When I climbed out, I caught up with a guy ahead of me. “What a mindfuck,” we mused. The second one was really high up and it was hard to pull yourself up into it. This guy behind me said, “Want me to help you up?” but I wanted to try. I succeeded.

At aid station two, I changed my socks (dry socks felt great!), ate some food, and Trevor refilled my water bottles. I kissed him goodbye, and ran to the ski mountain that my boyfriend skied down last winter. When I got to the steep incline, I began walking with a guy who worked for Smucker’s. We joined two Jay vets and talked about how much tougher it seemed this year. It was incredibly steep and we grew out of breath just walking this hill. Towards the top, there were all these rocks we had to climb on, and I ended up having to pull myself down the last part. The aid station at the top had oatmeal cookies, and I refilled my water bottles before my descent. I ran at a good pace until I heard someone screaming and apparently I missed the turnoff. I’m good like that. I ran the 100-150 meters back and went down the steep mountain.

When we got to the bottom, we entered woods, with some crazy, windy trails and lots of mud. Good times. I fell in the mud, and was covered with mud. Pretty revolting. As I ate my sports jelly beans, I was covering them with dirt first. Mmmm.

We ran back in the brook, and again, I focused at my own pace. We went in and out of the brook multiple times during this race. When the rocks are small, it’s easier to run. When they’re big and flat, I would take my time. Sometimes I would stop, not sure where to step next, and when I lost my momentum, it made it harder to keep going. One guy told me, “Just pretend you’re a kid again,” and I tried to, but ran my race. I didn’t run faster than I felt comfortable in the brook.

I ran on various trails, meeting all sorts of different people – talked with a guy who spent some years in LI about the beach, recognized someone else I ran with last year, met other amazing people. At mile 19, I made the cut-off but by less time than I did last year. The race was tougher than I remembered. Trevor was at nineteen. “Don’t let me do this race again,” I ordered him. “Don’t!”

He laughed. “You said the same exact thing last year at this aid station!”

Hmmm. I stuffed another salted potato in my mouth, and sucked down some Gatorade. I gave him a kiss and ran off. There was a steep incline into a meadowy part, exposed to the sun. I remembered a chat I had last year during this part with a runner who told me he arranged his family vacations around his ultras; his family was shopping in Montreal while he did his ultra.

(I may be getting this slightly out of order; I apologize but my memories are foggy.)

More brook running. More suffering. But…the beaver swamp!

Last year, the swamp had high grass and some mucky ground, but nothing I remember as too horrendous. This year, the grass was high (2-3 meters high, or more) and the ground was…well, it was somewhere below water. You were walking through mucky mud, water up to your waist, sometimes even chest, pulling yourself up onto chunks of grass, running, walking in mud. Somehow I ended up passing people here; some people were really freaked out and hated it, but it was easier than the brook (no rocks). I just tried not to think about water snakes. People did see leeches, but luckily, I did not.

After I got out of the stream, I may have run more in the brook. We ended up getting to the river, which last year I swam across. This year, I was beat and pulled myself across with the rope. I stumbled out, told the guys, “I’ve never been so happy to see you.” I ran ½ mile to an aid station, meeting a lovely French Canadian woman, Mary. At the aid station, my boyfriend was there, again to fill my water bottles. I inhaled two cups of organic blueberries from the organic blueberry farm whose property we were on, changed my shoes and socks (I had at least ½ cup of dirt in each shoe), ate some pretzels, oranges, drank some Gatorade, kissed Trevor, and left.

Of course more uphills, and I slowly pulled myself up the hills. The energy was sagging in those around me. We were tired. I was glad there was no more brook running…but there was definitely more mud…lots of it.

It’s funny – the last 9 miles (from mile 24 to the end, 33) are probably the easiest. True, there’s a HUGE sand dune, lots of hills, uneven footing, bushwhacking, and there was a ridiculous amount of mud, but no brook running or mountain climbing. I ended up meeting this really rad runner from VT who highly recommended the VT 50 miler (which I’m doing next) and ran with Mary. We were all running together, and people told us about cut-off points and we were worried about friends. Suddenly, we saw the lake. “We’re almost there!” Mary took off but then yelled back at me, “We’re finishing this together!”

We finished strong, in just over 8 hours 40 minutes. I felt a little depressed at it being slower than last year, but you can’t compare, and I was happy to have finished. I was mostly sad that some of my friends didn’t make the cut-off point.

Still, it was a fun race – I had a blast. Sure it was hard, and yes, I did tell Trevor I wouldn’t run it next year…but I have this feeling like I probably will!

bad news first

i ran the jay ultimate xc this weekend...it was a lot of fun and i'll post the full race report later. some of the negative things about it first:

• increased difficulty -- steeper route to the top of the mountain, shorter cut-off point -- this meant that a lot of people -- approximately 70 out of the 290 that started -- missed the cut-off point -- many by mere minutes. six of these individuals were my friends.
• less grub at aid stations. the aid stations were missing some of the things they had last year, such as pretzels, gummy bears, m&ms, and other things. cookies, sweets dominated the aid stations. i didn't take in enough calories.

those are my main complaints. i'll write a full report soon. t is ready to throw a broom at me, so tonight i must focus on cleaning. but sometime this week, i'll give you the full story, plus photos!

p.s. i'm still in pain!

olympics

Just a reminder -- the Olympics start on August 8. I know I'm excited, especially about the marathons. Can't wait to watch them!

jay

i finished jay. hard. tired. rejoicing and relaxing with a lovely glass of riesling. will update more soon.

p.s. signed up for the vt 50 miler -- my first!

things to bring to burning man

• crappy bike
• u-lock
• headlamp
• flashing light/glow-sticks
• halloween costumes
• tank tops
• sunglasses
• sunscreen
• daypack
• cup (with handle so you can hang it on your daypack)
• cutlery, bowl, plate
• tent
• pad to sleep on
• pee funnel (for women)
• goggles
  

so nervous!!!

i prepped so much but i still hope i'm ready for the challenge: the jay challenge ultimate xc!

intro to drop bags

i'm creating this entry, making it specific to the jay ultramarathon. i've used drop bags twice, both for ultimate xc races (so i was covered in mud, water, and absolutely filthy), but here are some suggested items to include in a drop bag. this may or may not be applicable to all races.

so brenda, others, here you go!

• clean socks. i'd say include this for any ultra, if there is a chance of stepping in a wet puddle. a clean, dry pairs of socks feels amazing.
• clean shoes. changing my socks and shoes after the river part felt amazing. it was so nice. haven't you ever been in the rain before, cold and freezing, and maybe you start to get used to things...and then you get inside and you realize how much it sucked outside and how much better it is insane? word.
• body glide, vaseline, lube for your tootsie. your feet will be gross, in and out of rivers, streams, mudpits...someone recommended using body glide and i have no recollection of blisters. i probably had one or two, but nothing that prevented me from running.
• a towel. this will be good to dry your face and clean your tootsies free from any debris.
• food! this is SO impt. i stashed extra gels, extra jellybeans, along with peanut butter on a bagel and pretzels. i had a bite out of each of the latter two, but it was great. i'm starting to become a big believer in "real" food during competition.
• change of clothes. i didn't change my clothes, but i could see how it might be useful. i still plan on including a change of clothes in my drop bag, just in case. what if something chafes you? you rip your shorts on a sharp rock? or you just want to feel dry and fresh b/c you were so crankily wet.
• face wipes/baby wipes. i haven't used these, but other ultrarunners recommend these for quick freshening up.
• sunscreen and bug spray. you probably sweated both off at this point, or they washed away in the stream. reapply to stay cancer-free and anti-bug.
• plastic bag. i'm going to do this from now on. if you remove your muddy shoes or socks, everything else in your bag will be tainted and gross.
• ben gay, tylenol, endurolytes -- i can't tell you what to use, but if you ever use things like these, put them in your drop bag.
• hat, sunglasses. if you don't start the race wearing them, you will probably want it.
• beverage. maybe you want a specific kind of gatorade at some point during the run -- drop it in.

final drop bag (for post-finish line):

• towel (there are outdoor showers -- you will be showering in your clothes, but a towel would probably be nice for after)
• soap
• comb/hairbrush (us long-haireds need it!)
• deodorant (if you want to talk to anyone who didn't run)
• flip flops (this is HEAVEN after a long race)
• food (there will be food at the finish line, but maybe you want a chocolate bar right when you're done. put it here.)
• change of clothes. think comfy: t-shirts, shorts, yoga pants, whatevs.
• face wash
• cell phone (so you can brag after you've used all of the above)

good luck, jay runners! we're all gonna rock this course!

if you think it's hot today...

remember that today, the 31st running of the badwater ultramarathon is being held. this may be the toughest race on the earth. i'd love to do it, but don't know if i'm tough enough. i'd need several years of training for it.

good luck, runners! i'm thinking of you today!

how to live your life

Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.

-- St. Francis de Sales

pictures from the ultimate xc quebec

you know you're hungry on a long run when...

someone says, "if we ripped open our empty gel packets, i bet there's a lot of gu in there that we could lick out" and you think that sounds like a good idea.

post-race roundup: the ultimate xc at quebec

I ran the Ultimate XC Quebec on Saturday. It was the most fun I'd had in while. It's put on by the same people who put on the Jay Ultramarathon that I love so dearly. I think i liked Quebec better b/c it lacked the brook running, which I found immensely difficult. Both were rather insane.

The race began with a decent crowd, and took off across a street. The trails immediately were up and down, roots, single-file. The energy was high and my friends and I--Cara, Crista, Shawn, Michael and Mark--shouted back and forth to each other. So fun! I ended up losing my friends rather quickly as I began a conversation with someone from NYC's Reservoir Dogs. Realizing I lost my friends on what we meant to be a training run, I held back, jogging slow, walking some of the uphills, waiting for them. They were taking a while, so I began chatting with random strangers, having fun, feeling great.

The first aid station was just liquids. I took a quick sip of Heed (I LOVE the Subtle Berry flavour) and kept going. Maybe two miles after that, Cara and Mark caught up with me. We had a reunion, screaming and hugging. I believe we also took a photo to celebrate.

Shortly after, I smacked my knee really hard into this giant boulder we were running around. We had to stop because I was screaming and in so much pain. I was holding it tightly, fighting back tears, feeling enormous amounts of pain. Finally, the pain mostly subsided, and we continued running.

We hit the swamp section. Picture grass on top of layers of water. You step, and your foot is covered. Step, ankle. Step, holy crap, water up to my knees. Shawn saw some guy who stepped in water up to his waist. It was insane and we were screaming, laughing, shocked. "This is insane." Bring it on!

At the next aid station, we gorged on salty potatoes, gummy bears. I think this may also have been the fondue one. I dipped one banana in chocolate (yes, this race had chocolate fondue at the aid station!!!) and Cara had four. I filled up with water, astounded at how much I was drinking. Drank some Heed and ran past a waterfall as it was starting to rain -- which we realized we wouldn't even mind if it did since we were mostly in the woods, covered by trees. We had the aid station attendants take a photo of us doing a pyramid. We did another in the woods. We were feeling good.

Passed another aid station about ten minutes later, barely stopping. Continued and spent some quality time with mud! Mark lost his shoe and couldn't find it -- the mud had already globbed up around the sides. We were laughing. Shortly after that I fell in a giant pile of mud and started screaming. Or rather, I didn't fall, but stepped and then fell. Yummy.

I suddenly heard, "Cher!" It was Crista and Michael. "I could hear you yelling, and I got so excited!"

We all hugged and I showed off my mud-covered legs and hands. We took photos. We exchanged stories, and began running. Crista and I took the lead, which is not a good thing as we have no sense of direction (as you'll see), catching up on our running stories, talking about our love lives, chatting. "I'm so glad to see you!" We took more photos (Mark was carrying a running camera throughout).

Soon, we approached the beaver stream. "Oh my god!"

"Grab the rope! Grab the rope!" we heard. Dan (the race director) had warned us not to drink the water. "You'll get beaver fever!" Apparently, beaver fever is giardia, which no one wants to get. So we kept Dan's wisdom in mind. After following Cara and grabbing the rope, I promptly got water in my mouth.

"Argh! I got water in my mouth! I swallowed water," I screamed.

"Oh no!"

Then I started wheezing and had an asthma attack and started panicking -- especially scary b/c I was in water. I ended up going around Cara and scrambling to the shore, where my breathing calmed down. I took some of my inhaler and began kicking off my shoes to change. The race director gave me my bag and helped attach my chip on my new shoe and help me put it on. We scrambled to wipe off beaver water, stuff our faces with salty potatoes and gummy bears and hammer energy bars. The volunteers were amazing at this station and every station -- filling our water bottles for us, chatting with us (if they spoke English, and if they didn't, their warmth and friendliness came across).

We did another pyramid (I'll post links to photos once Mark and Cara upload them) and took off. Crista and I were in the front, and I made a wrong turn. We realized a bit later when we couldn't find the markings. We found out way back to the path, and Cara and Mark had passed us and were ahead of us now. I scrambled to catch up with them, running hard. I was so focused on trying to catch up with them that I accidentally made a wrong turn down a path. I kept following the pink ribbons for a while, wondering how fast it was that Cara and Mark had sprinted ahead of me that I couldn't even see them! Finally, I saw a man walking towards me and he said, "You're going the wrong way."

"No I'm not!"

"This is the half-marathon course. You're in the full, right? You went the wrong way? I don't know the full marathon course, but I have this map..."

We're walking back in the way I just ran from. "Are you sure?" I'm on the verge of tears when I see Crista.

"What?"

"We're lost, Crista."

"What!?"

"Now, if you look at this map..."

"I don't understand maps."

Finally, we find our way back to the trail and see how we got it wrong. The half-marathon came UP the trail we ran down, and the full should have continued straight. We continued running and I was so glad not to be running alone. The trails at points were not marked so well, and it got confusing, so it was nice to run with someone else.

We ran, walked on the insane hills, laughed, talked, gelled, complained, ate salty potatoes at aid stations, worried that there were no aids stations. It was fun -- to be on insane trails with one of my best friends, with one of my oldest running partners. We were so happy. Yes, we were in pain when our quads and calves were screaming on those hills, but this to us was fun. Sure, my stomach was hurting (no 100% success beforehand, as Cara would say), but I loved this. We were running with this guy for a while, chatting. Interesting!

There was a chalk marking the ground: 800 meters. They must have been off by at least 400 meters.

When we crossed the finish line, we were holding hands. We felt victorious. We got medals, which looked similar to dog tags. We took off our shoes shortly to examine the toes, but did not see the full extent of the black toenails until later that afternoon after swimming in the pool. I'm losing 1-2 or more; Crista is the same. Shawn probably doesn't even have any, Mark never takes his shoes off so he doesn't know what's there, Michael is probably fine, and Cara probably has 5-6 black/missing toes. It's all good!

I'll be back next year!

oh-so-busy

i haven't posted in a while. why? let's see...

• i had another birthday
• running lots and lots (trail runs every weekend!!!)
• ran a relay with friends (need for speed, with crappy race management and lack of planning by race officials for the heat)
• got a PR in the half marathon (1:35!!!)
• working too much
• friends in town, sister in town
• not relaxing enough
• birthdays supreme -- too many friends are geminis, and late may/june is celebration time!
• dreaming about ultramarathons -- i think cara, crista and i are going to do our first fifty miler (yes, 50 miles!!) this autumn
• trying to figure out who i am, what i want, where i'm going next
  

sylvia plath quote

why do we electrocute men for murdering an individual and then pin a purple heart on them for mass slaughter of someone arbitrarily labeled enemy?

--from the journals of sylvia plath

i'm glad i have the freedom to love who i want

Indian Village Proud After Double "Honor Killing

misogyny at its worst

my heart is in my throat; i feel pain for this woman.

good graffiti

a revolution is when you don't have to say i don't have health insurance.
--side of new building going up in williamsburg

if you haven't felt enough pain already from the chinese govt...

an appeal from the dalai lama

boston

i worked for a year and a half for this one race and how did i finish? with my arms in the arm oh-so-weakly, to stumble, drink water, and later, on the pavement, to cry.

marathons are such a crapshoot. you can wake up and not feel 100%--you never know what will happen. the weather could suck. you could have your foot stomped on by a large man on the subway. i felt great--the first ten miles were lovely. i was enjoying running (though i did a 6:57 for the first mile!!) and chatting with a very fascinating woman about eating habits and nutrition and how much we loved running. she dropped off around mile 11 to go to the port-a-pottie and i picked up the pace a notch, feeling good. i started feeling a little queasy but forced a gel down and drank more. it was hot. it was sunny. i was in boston.

the wellesley girls were all that i was promised, and more. i heard the screams from down the road. i ignored the advice and slapped the hands of all the girls, blowing kisses. they gave me so much energy. i loved them. i wanted to kiss all of them (their signs invited me to do so, but i was afraid if i stopped, i would never start again!). i ran.

and then the nausea really hit. hard. i stumbled. i stopped at one point by an water station, telling myself aloud, "i'm not going to throw up" - and much to my amusement, several spectators took a step back. i continued running. run. run. slower. don't stop.

it was hard to run, feeling like crap. i won't lie - it was one of the hardest races i've done. then the hills came. "just let this race be over. i hate it, i just want to be done. i want to lie down on the pavement," i thought many times.

mile 16, i began scanning for boston bill. i almost gave up hope when i saw him right before mile 17! he cheered me up with a giant hug and i ran. i felt like crap but i ran. i took to the hills...literally. the hills at boston are 17-21. i can't remember them all too well now (yesterday is a giant blur) but there were hills. cheering people. i was searching for pretzels, to calm the queasiness. stopped at an aid station to take an endurolyte. felt like crap. kept running. ugh. running. running.

mile 21, the top of heartbreak. "i actually don't feel so bad." i ran, but without any nourishment (read: energy gels), i was weak. i tried to push myself, but it was impossible. i sucked on oranges from spectators, took water, probably drank too much but it was sunny. i was hot, thirsty. i ran. i ran slower, yes, but i ran. i would not stop. i ran. i ran.

boston college. someone who broke my heart, the second person i ever loved, went here. (so did boston bill, who did not break my heart but was the highlight of my marathon.) i LOVE boston college. the students were AMAZING--cheering, screaming, i think, louder than the wellesley girls. they were amazing, out of control, put a smile on my face. "PRETTY IN PINK," the crowd kept screaming. i loved it. i love running. marathons. run. run. running.

the end felt like forever. "only mile 22?" "maybe i passed mile 23 sign and didn't notice...no, of course not." hills. ugh. crowds screaming while i wanted to die. legs. hurt. feet. hurt. ow. ow. so. tired.

ran. ran. the final stretch. so happy. screaming crowds. arms in the air. yes. i did it. okay, maybe 20 minutes slower than what i had hoped, but i finished. i finished with arms in the air.

finish. get water. medal--i earned it! get food bag (dark chocolate? cookies? bagel? i LOVE the boston marathon!), get pick-up bag. cry. cry a lot. cry, with face in hands, while sitting on pavement. cry. nice people. cry more. meet boston bill, who cheers me up. meet friends--cara, who didn't run as well as she hoped (but did not train as hard as she possibly could have due to illness and work) and mark (who ran 11 min slower than his best)--everyone was bummed but we cheered each other up--we'll try harder next time. we always do.

but in the meantime? we'll run. run. run. keep running. run.

what i want

I wanted every day to be different; I craved the novelty of sleeping in a different place each night, waking up to unfamiliar smells, sounds and languages. Most of all, I wanted to be moving along, to always be going somewhere. It’s as old as mankind, the urge to roam, but when you get it and succumb to it, for a fleeting moment, you kind of feel like you invented it.

- Lois Pryce, “Lois on the Loose”

run fast. run hard. just run.

"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or a gazelle-when the sun comes up, you'd better be running. "

Inspirational sign on a runner's office wall

Robert Frost Quote

Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

Running quote

"Running is like the pause before writing-the contemplation of the blank page. Without it, the words don't flow. "

Elizabeth Arnold, journalist

why i'm out there

running is my drug of choice

"the sky is blue"--david ignatow

Put things in their place,
my mother shouts. I am looking
out the window, my plastic soldier
at my feet. The sky is blue
and empty. In it floats
the roof across the street.
What place, I ask her.

this is how it is

"The richest 1 percent of the world's population owns 40 percent of total global assets, while the poorest half of the world shares less than 1 percent of these global assets. In the United States, the richest 1 percent of the nation's population holds over 50 percent of total household wealth."

--World Institute for Development Economics Research

Living

"Seven sins: wealth without work, pleasure without conscience, knowledge without character, commerce without morality, science without humanity, worship without sacrifice, politics without principle."
--Mahatma Gandhi

never stop living

"There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don't expect you to save the world; I do think it's not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your life those who offer depression, despair, and disrespect."

--Nikki Giovanni

i ate two magnolia cupcakes tonight and i feel great

"stressed is just desserts spelled backwards."
--andrea tasha (pastry chef)

push yourself

"most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
--william james

just you and me--no one else

i've been thinking a lot about monogamy lately. t just moved in, so i'm really committed to monogamy. it's not even like i am doing it for ____ or for t. i'm doing it because in my eyes, i don't want to be with anyone but t--why bother? t is the essential, what makes me feel amazing inside..a.k.a., i'm in love. when i am with t, there is an intense emotional connection that does not happen with other people, and i want that--not some "oh this feels okay."

but are humans truly meant to be monogamous? do other couples start out like us and somewhere along the way, take a different path? i read in an article the other day that most species are NOT monogamous--are humans somehow doing something drastically different by being monogamous (or pretending to be)? there are cultures that do not practice monogamy.

but why can't people be monogamous? why does everyone have to cheat on everyone else? there was a time when i would not finish a book if a cheating character really upset me with their cheating. it still does. i love brightness falls, but the first time i read it, i got super depressed. did russell have to act like that? now i am more adjusted, but i still get upset.

and we've all cheated. we've fucked up. but why is it so acceptable? why does it happen so often? i have a friend who jokingly says that he specializes in married women and women in relationships. why?

and these politicians--don't they know how public their lives will be? we have no moral expectations for celebrities--it actually seems the obvious as the public loves to gawk at the latest wreck the celebrities put themselves into. but why can't they be more discrete? and why must they keep cheating, cheating, cheating? if they aren't getting what they want in their marriage, why not get a divorce and pursue it elsewhere?

i know i am asking questions that have a multitude of answers, and none of them are easy, but it's still a lot to think abt.

when i was in CR, i was chilling with a bunch of hippies. i mentioned "my boyfriend" and this woman was quick to tell me "i don't believe in one person owning another."

me either. i don't own my partner, just as t does not own me. i love him, yes, and i respect him, yes, and i share my life with him, yes, but i don't own him. we compromise. we work together. we love together.

and i'm happy with just him, in a form of monogamy. but really--is it right for everyone? after 8.5 years, i know we are right for each other--but i don't think everyone is with their right partner. and sadly, instead of fessing up or dealing with it, they cheat.

you must live as honestly and truly as you can, to be as happy as you can.

good quote

we apologize for the inconvenience, but this is a revolution.

--subcomandante marco

it's an animal, not an accessory!

i'm not at all a fan of the recent fad of dogs being accessories--like little jewels you tuck into your oversized louis vuitton purse. people no longer walk their dogs--they walk them in baby carriages (called dog carriages, but those are really cat carriages!) and if they don't have one of those, they carry their dogs. it's important for your dog to get exercise, and always carrying your dog is not a way of doing that. i'm kind of sick of this isn't-my-doggy-so-cute thing. dogs are little animals with distinct personalities, and i wish people would honour and respect that.

little moments of peace

i think part of what we live for in this world are those little moments of peace. my old teacher called it "moments of zen."

like when i was in a meeting with my boss, and spontaneously glanced out the window over her shoulder. this enormous boat came by--but it was being moved by a tiny little tugboat. she was blathering on about something that seemed immensely important, but just seeing this little precious moment reminded me of how much world there is outside of our confined walls in our office.

or the other day, when after a good 8 miler, i was running home, thinking about how thirsty i was, when movement in the sky above me caught my eye. a plane was flying low, probably to land at laguardia. however, much closer to me were many birds, soaring and flying over the ugly pulaski bridge. i was struck at how beautiful they were when they soared, and stared as they flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-sooooooooooooooooar. it was so beautiful and pulled me out of my running reverie to watch the beauty filling my sky.

and these are the moments that we live for.

along with my recent surfing obsession

i realized i have too many things in my life--an awesome relationship with a loving partner, my cat, running (which involves 6 days of 1-4+ hours of running per day, plus 2-4 days of strength training, cross training in pool and on elliptical), writing, traveling and travel dreams, and oh yeah, full-time job, along with social life, keeping my apartment clean, family...i don't have time to pursue surfing like i'd like. (plus i'm also a wuss; i just watched blue crush and those waves in that movie are totally fierce!!!)

however, a girl can dream. i'm reading surf books, looking up places to surf online...t and i are talking about a big trip to the south pacific in december, and i'm hoping for bali. i can surf! he was planning on scuba diving, so while i probably won't surf as much as he'll dive (i need to cram those multiple-hour-long runs in at some point!), i def want to spend some time in the waves. i'm also reading the article that blue crush was based on; really fascinating!

i want to get my own board; probably the best way to start. i am hoping to spend as much time as possible this summer in the waves, surfing...also have that ultramarathon and marathon...but i want to just have fun, prioritize my life, but really, get the most out of everything.

Really interesting news link

The NYT decides to interview sex workers and have them speak. Pretty interesting stuff, especially in light of how sex workers have been treated in the media since the Spitzer scandal.

why i started crying when i logged into the NY Times today

i am proud of the tibetans for speaking up, and so upset at what happened to these monks and all these people...

oh how i love my sister

elliot spitzer, governor of new york, who is all about ethics and morals (and is super pro-choice, so that's why i like him), got caught involved in this prostitution ring. of the $4600 per hour prostitution charge, my sister asks,

"what? $4600??? did she have a diamond encrusted vagina or something?!?!"

r.i.p. kitty genovese

i heard that the man that murdered kitty genovese in kew gardens over 40 years ago is up for probation. she's the woman that inspired the first verse in this phil ochs song--as she was being murdered, dozens of neighbors heard, but no one acted to help her. sad--our society can be so insular, selfish and harmful.

Outside Of A Small Circle Of Friends
By Phil Ochs

Look outside the window, there's a woman being grabbed
They've dragged her to the bushes and now she's being stabbed
Maybe we should call the cops and try to stop the pain
But Monopoly is so much fun, I'd hate to blow the game
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends.

Riding down the highway, yes, my back is getting stiff
Thirteen cars are piled up, they're hanging on a cliff.
Maybe we should pull them back with our towing chain
But we gotta move and we might get sued and it looks like it's gonna rain
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends.

Sweating in the ghetto with the colored and the poor
The rats have joined the babies who are sleeping on the floor
Now wouldn't it be a riot if they really blew their tops?
But they got too much already and besides we got the cops
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends.

Oh there's a dirty paper using sex to make a sale
The Supreme Court was so upset, they sent him off to jail.
Maybe we should help the fiend and take away his fine.
But we're busy reading Playboy and the Sunday New York Times
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends

Smoking marihuana is more fun than drinking beer,
But a friend of ours was captured and they gave him thirty years
Maybe we should raise our voices, ask somebody why
But demonstrations are a drag, besides we're much too high
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends

Oh look outside the window, there's a woman being grabbed
They've dragged her to the bushes and now she's being stabbed
Maybe we should call the cops and try to stop the pain
But Monopoly is so much fun, I'd hate to blow the game
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends

[ Additional verse, 1974]

Down in Santiago where they took away our mines
We cut off all their money so they robbed the storehouse blind
Now maybe we should ask some questions, maybe shed a tear
But I bet you a copper penny, it cannot happen here
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends

hatred hurts

this is why i'm almost in tears right now.

dominical, costa rica

i hadn't planned on staying so long in dominical. i had hoped to head down to the peninsula de osa, but if i did so, flights back were going to be crazy. i ended up spending more time in this fantastic town, and loving every minute of it. it was jam packed full of fun and eating lots of mangoes, and flew back, yet i did a lot!
i'll start with a later discovery--my love for surfing!!! i didn't discover this until after i met shaun. he offered to teach me surfing--and i have had offers before but for some reason, i accepted. the next day, super nervous (but knowing to at least wear a tank top while surfing--just swimming in dominical pulled my bikini top sideways and too many people saw my boobs!), i arrived at shaun's room. he showed me how to wax the board, and then i carried it down to the beach. he showed me techniques, told me when to paddle, showed me how to paddle, when to jump. i did it repeatedly and kept falling off and finally, he said, "one more time."

and then i surfed! i was standing up! of course it wasn't for long, but it was awesome!

we kept going for a longer time after that. it was super fun and i couldn't believe how much i loved it!

my final day, i decided to look for a surf school. i mentioned it to my rad friend brett, and this guy he was talking to turned out to teach surfing...we hit it off really well. i went back to his place (where i had chilled the first night) and i read a book he wrote abt surfing. then we surfed for about two hours and i was MUCH better! he was super impressed and said with practice, i could be an average surfer in six months--"and i don't tell that to anyone! you are one of my top five beginners." i was shocked. i had tons of fun, stood up only a few times, but it was SUCH a blast and such a high. it's amazing. i'm looking for a board now.

but i did other things! i swam, i relaxed on the beach. i talked with locals--surfers, ticos, others. i hiked at hacienda baru with forest, sharing special moments like you can see below.

one day, brett and i also hiked down to a waterfall on a trail covered with muck and mud and horse poop. it was worth it when we got to the waterfall--absolutely amazing.
i also took a day trip to corcovado national park which was totally awesome and amazing. the mangroves were really beautiful (on the boat ride there) and we saw monkeys and coatie (i am spelling that wrong). it was awesome.

i also met a lot of beautiful people--hippies, surfers, travelers, ticos. i met this amazing man below on our hike back up from the waterfall. brett and i chatted with him and he gave me bananas. he was so sweet and i miss him. he made the poopy trail totally worth it.

manuel antonio

next stop--manuel antonio! after an outrageous bus ride including a stop in puntarenjas (dirty beaches, friendly people, though it's supposedly super dangerous), i arrived in manuel antonio. got my dorm bed sorted out, then immediately donned my bikini and headed to the beach. i swam, walked alone, chatted with people, including a rather persistent tico who wanted to practice his poor english (and also take me out to dinner, which i politely consistently refused). after the beach, i headed back to my hostel, went running on this amazing hill with an awesome sunset view. i showered, ate with two american girls from my hostel, and then the entire hostel piled into this surfmobile (a pickup truck with a metal box above the back of the truck where we piled!) and headed out for drinks. yummy strawberry coladas and musica and dancing and fun...
the next morning i woke up early and ran down to manuel antonio park. a stream makes entrance a little difficult, and while i was pondering the choices, a middle-aged german-speaking man pointed to his back. i hopped on, he took me to the other side, while all of his friends laughed hysterically, as did i.

the park was empty just after it opened. manuel antonio park is famous for its wildlife, but all of its trails lead to beaches. i swam alone at various beaches (no one else around) in calm, calm water. i took photos, admired scenery, examined flora and fauna, scanned the treetops for wildlife, saw more insects than ever. a really lovely morning.

monteverde, costa rica

i started off my trip in monteverde, which is the center towards the northern part of costa rica. as it's in the mountains, it's rather colder than the rest of the country (which i discovered, and i was quite cold at many points!). i had a blast, despite the nighttime temperatures necessitating two blankets on my bed!

in monteverde, i started off by doing a bridge walk. in santa elena preserve, bridges and trails are built high up so you are at the treetops--with amazing views and a unique experience in the park. i met up with some rad boys--these three argentinian boys--pablo, carlito and federico

i also went on a dusk hike, where i saw a white-faced monkey, a sloth (woohooo! it was actually moving too!!!), a tarantula, various insects, birds, and learned a lot about nature.

after, we went to a bar, los amigos, which was filled with ticos, dancing and smoke. i was tired so i left early.

the next day, i awoke early, did a long run (getting lost in the mountains, and practiced my spanish by asking for directions many times!), and then ate a quick breakfast of mangoes and yogurt. i lost 4 pounds in costa rica, simply by eating lots of fruit and less heavy things. oh yum, i LOVE the food!

after, we did ziplining. it was SO fun! you fly through the air on wires. it was absolutely brilliant--i felt so free and amazing! after ziplining, i explored monteverde a little more, and then made a kickass hostel dinner--pasta with tons of veggies, inc avocados! the avocs in costa rica are absolutely delicious!the next day was super crammed--i woke up early, caught the 615 bus to monteverde, went on a guided nature walk which was awesome--i saw the beautiful quetzals!!! also saw tons of birds, learned lots. my guide was super knowledgeable and passionate and spoke about global warming. we stopped by the hummingbird gardens which were really beautiful, as they were filled wtih the fluttering birds. after, i hiked alone which was an amazing and spiritual experience. i was completely alone, hiking, seeing beautiful animals and creatures (not even sure what a lot of it was). after, i went to the cheese factory (to get kickass coconut ice cream!), then got a terrific lunch at stella's (yum yum!), then went on a tour at the butterfly gardens (super interesting and beautiful), followed by a tour at the orchid gardens. it's amazing i still had energy to go out that night to hear michael play and drink pina coladas!

nature

hikes alone
guided tours
butterflies
frogs
ocean
transport hell
meeting new people
laughing at things that will only be funny tonight

costa rica, continued

wake up 530 am. eat yogurt and fruit.
take 615 bus to monteverde cloud forest reserve.
guided tour
go to hummingbird garden
walk around on own, in middle of nowhere
walk back, thinking
monteverde cheese factory for homemade coconut ice cream
stella's for lunch, one of the best sandwiches of my life
butterfly gardens--amazing
orchid gardens tour
run 90 minutes in the hills and beauty of costa rica--great views of penninsula de nicoya
eat more vegetariano casado--yum
going out with hostel friends to see band

life is good. life is exploring. life is learning about myself. life is learning about others. life is about experiencing and exploring and observing new cultures.

i can never stop traveling. i just wish luna was in my backpack, and t holding the toiletries in his bag. ;)

costa rica thus fa

transport hell
san jose prison

pura vida en monteverde
hiking
canopy
trees
swinging through a line 200 meters above the ground
too much fun
backpackers
being reminded who i am

i'm off to costa rica

i don't know where i'm going but i hope to have fun.

another reason to hate the superbowl

the commercials. i never get people who watch the superbowl for the commercials. what?!?! you good american consumer, you.

now did a really interesting examination of the images of women in superbowl ads. check it out.

there is no mr. cherie

i am on the mailing list for cabot cheese.

this is the point in the blog in which the vegans turn away, disgusted, and others think, "weird that she's on the mailing list for cabot cheese." i didn't mean to be, but am on it, and every so often, i get invited to cabot cheese events. i got invited to one at the end of the month at the marriott in brooklyn. free cheese, free brooklyn brewery (though i don't like beer; i'll just eat extra cheese), why not? so i'm rsvp'ing, and say, "there will be three of us."

the guy on the phone--who sounds as if he lives somewhere in the middle of the country says something about "your husband, mr. cherie." he uses my last name, but uses it as if it were not my own but some copy i adopted from my "husband" so i could show everyone that i'm property of someone else. wtf is up with women STILL doing that?!?! we are no longer property; we are our own people. and um, hate to break it to ya, but 50% of marriages end in divorce. anyway, i like my last name. i wish it didn't start with the letter Y (this means i'm one of the last people to leave the nyc marathon b/c my baggage truck is always the last) but it's unique and it's part of me.

i tried to nicely tell him, "you shouldn't assume that everyone takes their husband's name to demonstrate that they are property. i am not."

also, he was assuming that i was bringing my husband--what if it was my girlfriend? or my sister? or my best friend? i guess the crowd at cheese events would tend to be families, but have an open mind, people!

i have no cheese right now, so instead, i'll think about how rad my freedom is.

quote from THE SPIRIT OF THE MARATHON

sometimes the moments that challenge us the most define us.



oh so true.

Travel Quote

Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps. The sleeper must awaken.

- Frank Herbert

This is why I travel...sometimes I forget about myself and the world and my goals, and it isn't until I'm out there that I remember: oh yes, there's a world besides my little box, my little cubicle and apartment and cat and rent and bills and running gels. there's so much more i want to indulge in.

sometimes, you need to do the things that aren't ordinary for you

i have been agonizing over where to go next. i had decided on turkey and morocco, but somehow, didn't feel excited about it. i was reading a lot of stuff that sounded interesting, but i keep being drawn to india...india is the #1 country i want to go to, followed by tibet, nepal...and then fiji and indonesia, amongst other places. i want to go to argentina, chile, peru...

so t and i had a talk, you know, that talk couples have after they've been together for a while. no, not the down-on-one-knee-talk; the practical talk. the i-need-to-figure-out-if-we-are- traveling-aka-celebrating-getting-married-so-i-don't-use-all-my-vacation-time-talk. oh, maybe it's not such a common talk.

anyway, so chances are good we'll be going to bali in dec. if not, well, then i'll go someplace for three weeks solo. i hope that we are celebrating our love by traveling around another country.

so i still have extra vacation time. i could totally wait for my race-filled next few months (march: sarasota half marathon; april: boston marathon; june: quebec marathon; july: jay ultramarathon challenge; november: nyc marathon; possibly also moab ultramarathon), and i do have burning man...but i kind of want to go someplace warm. plus i've been depressed and hating the winter.

so i randomly checked on expedia to see what the prices to costa rica were....without taxes, less than two hundred u.s. dollars!!! i think i have to go!

so i debated. i asked my mom if she would mind (i'd be yet again missing her birthday), "GO!" she was actually encouraging. t was a little miffed as he had wanted help--he'd be moving in while i was gone--but he ultimately thought i should go. everyone told me, "GO!"

i'm a huge planner; i spent MONTHS planning for my other trips. this is very different. this is spontaneous. if i had known, i would have spent more time brushing up on my spanish, staring at maps. instead, i just bought my lonely planet guidebook today, and i'm skipping novels for spanish textbooks and flashcards.

i'm so excited. this is huge....11 days in a spanish-speaking country, exploring rain forests and beautiful beaches and snorkeling and running and being alone...it's a little scary, but those are the things that make me grow.

tea

there is something very ritualistic for me about drinking tea. i don't like getting tea at a deli where there is no thought or preparation or love into it; i prefer to make it myself or go to a good tea shop. today was a lovely day for tea; i had a pot in the middle of the morning, straining the tea leaves as i poured into my cup, stirring the tea my friend brought me from london with sugar and milk. right now i am drinking a lovely vanilla rooibus with milk and sugar. i am enjoying the simple pleasures of a cup of tea.

i love how tea warms me so, all over...i love the simple preparation in stirring quality sugar into my cup, sipping, warming my hands. i love to make a pot of tea for a friend and i, to chat, to share stories and love, as we sip the world's most popular beverage (after water).

changing

i'm about to go through some major changes in my life. my partner of eight and a half years (including a year of instability) is moving into my decent-sized (for nyc; elsewhere, it would be considered small) apt. i guess i'm trying to figure out what i want out of life.

i know i don't want the traditional things. my little sister is engaged, having a big fairytale long island wedding next autumn, lives with her fiance who owns their house, is set up for an american dream lifestyle involving babies (at some point, not soon, i hope, because i'm not ready to watch home birthing videos)--and i'm really happy for her. i'm actually excited about throwing her a bridal shower/bachelorette party (well, really the bachelorette party b/c that is very untraditional and will be super fun; the bridal shower will involve a brunch and other sorts of fun). a lot of the traditions surrounding weddings seem rather antiquated these days.

i feel like my parents look at her and think she is doing the "right" thing. i wouldn't mind getting married, but when i think of getting married, i think, "what country would i go to to celebrate my occasion? what a great excuse for traveling!" my goals are different--a RTW in a few years, getting my books published (but they need a helluva lot of editing right now, which is what i'm doing, with special thanks to v), running more ultras, eventually doing 50 mile and 100 mile races...i don't know. i'm not sure if these are "acceptable" goals, but they're mine and i'm happy with them.

i'm going to live my life--writing, editing, running, reading, traveling, drinking good tea, loving...and enjoy it. i'm not going to listen to pressures, have people tell me i'm weird b/c i never want to own a car, have people tell me i'm destroying my knees, have people telling me NO...i won't listen to NO.

i will only listen to yes...my internal YES.

tired...running

too often, running breaks one down, crumpling into small pieces of themselves. i love running, but training for a marathon requires so much commitment. cara and i ran 18 miles today in the freezing cold (23 degrees, but "feels like" 6)--it was ridiculously cold and hard. i haven't run that much since training for the nyc marathon. i felt dizzy at times and it was so overwhelming and difficult. i'm grateful cara was there to push me...

but now, i'm am drained. i finished running hours ago. i have not done much today; made soup, ate, took a bath, did laundry, did some editing...and nothing else, really. it's not a school night and i could easily head out, but i'm too exhausted to move beyond the perimeter of my apartment which feels so cozy with candles, my kitty, and writing...

last night i went out with a really good old friend and we danced a little; his friends were amazed that i went out with them to a bar, danced, had a blast--all without drinking. i am fine not drinking, often don't feel like it, but part of training for a race is not drinking.

the cold...i cannot deal with it. i am thinking of purchasing a plane ticket to either someplace in central america for a week and just being away from the cold...if i could fine cheap fares, i'm leaving!

observations

There are all these generically pretty girls--you know the type. They have the look--stylish (or at least presentably pretty) clothes--even if it's their only thing like it in their wardrobe. They seem pretty enough--they're the kind of girl that asks way too often while peering intensely into the nearest mirror, calling over her shoulder to her boyfriend (because she's never a lesbian, and if she's bi, it was just for that threesome once--which doesn't count), "Do you think I'm pretty?" and he'll answer all exasperated like he always does, "Of course, yes!"

These girls are the apple pie smile of Middle America yet when you look close, you'll notice something's off--with all of them. (They often travel in packs so scrutiny of many at once is quite possible.) One will have overdyed hair that does not match her skin colour, another's nose is too big (and with a slight bump--oh, how she hates looking in the mirror), another has only old hand-me-downs and cheap, unstylish clothes--but they all look very pretty, very "American" pretty--at first glance, but you soon see the truth:

They're merely average.

from the mouth of t

"mitt? what kind of name is mitt? we can't have our president be named mitt? what kind of name is mitt?"

my response to t: "it's the name of an asshole."

an anti-woman asshole.

i don't want any

the past few days, due to some health issues, i've been ordered on bed rest. it's been nice. i've read a lot, learned who some of my real friends are, ate a lot of soup (thanks Mom & Cara), slept a ton, spent quality time with Luna, wrote V some pretty fabulously long letters, chatted on the phone, dreamed and plotted about travel, talked with trish about jewelry, spent some time with my fam and too much time in doctor's offfices. it's been quite hard, actually.

when trish was over last night, she kept yelling at me, "stay still! you're not supposed to be moving around!" it's really hard for me to not run around all over the place--that's just how i am. today i worked at home and it was actually with enthusiasm that i tackled my work (i missed work last monday afternoon, all thursday, and friday half days). i had some interesting tasks and focused quite well.

post-work, i realized i needed to get yogurt, and since i'm picky about the yogurt i like (brown cow lowfat vanilla yogurt), i didn't want to ask someone else to go to the store on my behalf, and i'm almost okay...so i walked to the store to get it.

i saw all of the things i had missed (or rather, not missed!) the past few days...the hipsters...the way the hood is changing...construction of stores...trash on streets...and i missed the comfort of my bed...

it made me realize there are things i don't want and i am not going to take it. i'm not going to do things i don't want. i know after t moves in, it will be blamed on the fact that i am devoting all my time to him...but that's not it at all. i am spending time alone, doing what i want, and this is how i want to live my life.

to write, to run, to dream, to travel, to be...

to be me.

some small steps to saving the earth

not sure where to recycle eyeglasses, printer cartridges, or mobile phones? check out here.

some local supermarkets (including whole foods in new york city) recycle batteries, plastic bags, and other objects.

RECYCLE! REUSE, REDUCE, and RECYCLE!

too disturbing

this is a time when i want to bang my head against my desk and cry.

what is the message of this article? complain after being raped, and members of the marines (yes, defenders of our country) will murder you.

disgusting. disturbing. i cannot believe misogyny and hatred like this still exists.

this is why i consider thich nhat hanh to be my teacher

"Recommendation"
by Thich Nhat Hanh

Promise me, promise me this day,
promise me now,
while the sun is shining above
exactly at zenith, promise me
even if people crush you
under a mountain of hatred and violence,
even if they walk on your life
and crush you like a caterpillar,
even if they amputate you,
disembowel you,
remember, brother,
man is not our enemy.
Only your compassion and
your loving kindness are invincible,
and without limit.
Hatred can never respond
to the beastlines in humankind.
One day when you are by yourself
facing cruelty,
your courage intact,
your calm eyes full of love,
even if no one knows of your smile,
blossoming as a flower in solitude and great pain,
those who love you will still see you
while traveling through a thousand worlds
of birth and death.
Alone again, I will go on
with my head bent down,
knowing that love has become eternal.
And on the long and difficult road,
the light of the sun and the moon
is still there
to guide my steps.



This is something that is quite intense to practice on; my mind will be full for a long time with these thoughts. Thank you, Thich Nhat Hanh.

i hate the u.s.'s health insurance policies

okay, why the fuck should only the rich be fully covered? everyone should have the right to being healthy--not just the employed or the rich. i do have insurance via my job but i shouldn't have to pay $32.79 for my uterus--that should be free!!

something i loved in oslo, norway

you may say i'm a dreamer...but i'm not the only one

i'm trying to finalize some upcoming travel plans...i have planned on going to turkey and morocco right after the boston marathon but t moving in complicates things...we want to go away at some point for a big, ahem, celebration, AND i'm going to burning man, and running an ultramarathon in vermont, and possibly another in moab and a marathon in boston (duh) and possibly a marathon in quebec...so i need to figure out if i can manage all my few vacation days.

*sigh*

too fun

sitting at home, sipping wine on an empty stomach, writing, laughing, with my cat, my comfy clean home, happy, knowing food will be on its way soon...

i am happy to be alive.

new year's resolutions

new year's resolutions are stupid unless you intend to keep them and they are realistic. like those, "i'm going to lose 100 pounds" ones are pretty pointless. as if you are going to stop watching teevee six hours a day, go to the gym daily, and eat only superfoods--c'mon america!

my new year's resolutions are:

1. be more productive at work (which will hopefully end up with a promotion--woohoo!)
2. stretch more before and after running to prevent injury;
3. strength train to strengthen my muscles to prevent injury;
4. cross train to give my legs some rest and prevent injury;
5. eat less sweets. notice i didn't say i'm giving up all sweets; i won't buy packaged cookies and will resist sweets wherever and whenever possible, and will try to incorporate natural sweeteners like agave nectar into my baked goods.
   
6. eat less. my portion sizes have been getting very american. of course when i'm training for a marathon, this gets thrown out the window. (when i run 23 miles, i burn 2300 calories, and my regular intake of 2000 calories means i'm going to feel faint if i don't eat more than normal!)
7. exercise luna. this is the only resolution i am not very confident about. luna is lazy. imagine if you took sleeping pills all the time...you wouldn't be very active. this is what my cat is like. she sleeps, lies around, eats, begs for food, cleans herself.
   

happy new year!

i am so glad there are other women out there speaking up

i'm lucky enough to be in a committed relationship for the risk of rape is much lower. yes, most women are raped by people they know (are dating, are friends with, whatever)--to this i can testify. sure, it can happen when you're not dating someone, but date rape is way too common. way too fucking common.

too many rapists are out there in this city. this post brought up a lot of older memories, and i'm so glad she spoke out about this. it's so hard to. by the way, one in four women is raped; you probably know more than one.

just a reminder: the yoga sutras

By cultivating attitudes of friendliness towards the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard toward the wicked, the mind stuff retains its undisturbed calmness.



This is how I try to live my life.

how to live your life

I was just writing an email to a friend, talking about how I've made life decisions regarding things that may not be healthy for you. i've realized certain times i do things or spend time with people i may not like or that may not be healthy for me...those are things i cannot continue to do. for instance, only on certain occasions do i enjoy hanging out with large groups of people, so why am i doing it?

i think too often we do things b/c we feel obligated--we need to learn how to say no. your new years resolution should be to do what you want to do and what is good for you.

purity

i consider myself to be a running purist. i never wear headphones when i run. i do wear them at the gym (which is appalling tedious, in my opinion; music alleviates the boredom as i cross-train and strength-train to prevent injury), but never when i'm running.

why do i need headphones when i'm running? running itself and the scenery (although it is not always lovely, as i am a runner in new york city) captivates my interest. i am entertained by the very act of running.

but no, that's not all running is to me. running is also a place for me to clear my mind, to meditate. my old roommate didn't think running was a form of meditation; my buddhist landlord and i argued to her that it was where i cleared my mind. i do sitting meditation, but for me, i feel a lot better about things after a run. running is where i am able to make decisions, where i am able to clear everything out of my head, and just run. just be.

run.

the kind of traveler i am

although i call myself a travel cherie, i do love travel betty.

albert einstein quote

"All the knowledge in the world is not wisdom."

this way

i hate feeling so sad for no reason, for not wanting anything, for wanting to just be solitary, wanting to cry, curl up and not have anything to do with the world.

Word of the day

Buddheaucratic.

When Buddhism is forced to become bureaucratic to survive.

Fabulous feminism

I love Girlistic mag. Read it all here.

Still, it continues...

My god…how can it go on?

Sad story of the day.

to travel to?

el camino de santiago
guatemala
costa rica
belize
argentina
chile
peru
cuba
egypt
turkey

too many places....

what's the dealio?

so lately, i've been super swamped. i've been working too much, not running enough or working out, holiday shopping like crazy, and making people gifts. this week i have a department holiday lunch, job holiday lunch, running friends holiday dinner (the latter two in the same day!), plus a ton of cookies to bake!

i guess the other thing that's going on is i'm feeling ambivalent about future travel plans. i was all set to go to turkey and egypt and suddenly am not really feeling it...i'm not sure why. i want to go but at the same time, i'm a little nervous going alone, and am wondering, "should i go someplace i want to go more?"

the thing is, in 2-5 years (depending on money and life situations), i plan on traveling extensively. that means, quitting my job (which i actually really like, though it does not pay very well), giving up my apt, and traveling for a year or so--central and south america, and asia, and hopefully australia/new zealand. after that point, i might be taking a big move (depending upon t--we could move to ecuador or australia, who knows?).

so should i go someplace i'll have the opportunity to go to in a few years? i will plan on going to so many places, so maybe i should go to one of those places...the question is, which one? i don't feel like going to asia...i'm drawn most to central or south america...turkey and egypt still seem interesting, but i don't know...something in me isn't making me want to run there.

advice?

i had a wonderful dream last night

i had run two marathons in the same day; i was almost done with my last one (and it was actually more like an ultramarathon). i was feeling pretty tired, but okay otherwise. i was about to eat a gel and running with this nice guy. cara was behind me and i told her not to sit on the couch or she'd never get up.

but i know i'm a runner because i was SO happy in this dream--running two marathons in the same day could be fun!!!

like back in the days

about a hundred years ago, the second person i loved broke up with me. we had a tearful breakup after fooling around in his parents' bed (i know!), and he said, "it must be. we must end this." i was crying, pleading, doing all those sorts of things you do when your heart is being broken. as we got into his parents' car to drive me home (from NJ to my parents' on LI), he put a smiths tape in the cassette player and said, "we have to listen to the smiths." i wanted him to turn it off, but he refused. it was the most miserable ride of my life home, and i cried the entire way, hating the smiths.

since then, i have never listened to the smiths (no surprise). it was always associated with a painful and teary breakup. recently, at a friend's house, the smiths came onto the ipod during shuffle play. i remembered, yes, the smiths fucking rule! so i got a cd at the library, and am now once again enjoying them. yes, a little depressing at times, but i can finally appreciate the beauty of the songs.

snow

it's our first snowfall of the year. i woke up at 730am so i could get a good workout in (7 mile run, lifting weights at the gym, half hour on the cross-trainer) before the snow started. it started hours earlier than it was supposed to. i ran quickly but carefully on the white streets, taking care not to slip, enjoying the sound of snow falling..so many people were inside missing one of the few times that my neighborhood in brooklyn looks pretty...i truly got to appreciate it.

because beauty is in everyone...

i recognize that people are beautiful from the inside...and i have seen beautiful people of all races, sizes, ages, abilities, classes, religions, nationalities, etc...but the idea of having miss landmine strikes me as rather odd, and i'm not sure i'm a huge fan...i'm not a fan of any kind of beauty pageants (because why do we need to judge women on beauty) and this could be seen as fetishization...what do you think?