i hear that song...

and it makes me want to cry. it makes me feel like i am in the middle of a field, covered with a thin layer of grass, in the middle of nowhere, and it starts to rain. i am lost and i don't speak the language. i am wearing thin clothing. i crouch down as the rain throttles me. i put my hands around my head, squatting close to the ground. my clothes become drenched and transparent quickly. i begin crying, hard, harder. and the rain becomes louder and i realize there is nothing to do but cry.

only in new york: fishing edition

today i was running on roosevelt island on my ten miler, when i saw a bunch of people fishing. fine, though i don't understand why you'd want to fish in the east river as the fish probably have three eyes and high levels of toxins--if your sport is to murder animals, i don't get that. but anyway, two men were fishing, and had several fishing poles set up...but were lying on the ground by their fishing poles.

only in new york.

a quote i read years ago i still agree with

"we refuse to congratulate corporations that engage in abusive labor policies simply because they have a non discriminatory policy towards LGBT workers."

i want to give every woman and every girl the courage...

...to speak out. i wish i had years ago.

jay challenge

if you want to see the insane ultramarathon i plan on doing this july, check out the jay challenge.

oh, and for the full effect, click on this map, and click on the yellow circles for the pictures.

here's a description from the website:
The Marathon is a 31.5mile, mostly off-road, run. The race starts by climbing 4,000 feet over 9 miles to the summit of Jay Peak. Then racers head downhill for 4 miles, descending 2,000 feet on Ullr’s Dream ski trail, continue on a series of trails through the woods connecting to Wilderness Village back road, and through Jay Village. Then racers will cross fields and rivers, follow a deer trail, and run in a brook. Yes, in the brook, for about 3 miles. A bushwhack and beaver dam leads to a swim across a 50-foot river, (aided by volunteers and a cable), and then racers will reach aid station # 6. It is advisable to re-fuel and rest at aid station #6, because the worst mud hole in the world is yet to come on the last eight miles of the course!

yikes! i can't wait. i am already training, and already excited!

only in new york city

on a fifteen miler this morning, i saw two women and one man at the side of the lake in central park, meditating. that was normal. i found it slightly amusing that the women were wearing bikinis. hey, i can meditate and tan at the same time!

congrat-u-fucking-lations

i've never had anyone else make me as unhappy as you have.

deciding

i'm almost 28 and it's time to make some decisions about my life. should i stay in nyc forever? why am i not writing? when will i get my books published? how can i ever possibly save up living as i am in nyc? when will i go on a RTW? is marriage right for me? should i quit men and go back to the ladies?

there's so many decisions and i won't make them all. so i'll make these:

• yes i'll be an ultramarathoner. in fact, i may do one this july!
• i'm going to dance today. dance. that will solve all my problems!
  

top 10 things of this friday night

as i sweat gently in my apartment, still not sure what i'm wearing but i know i'm going out, i just wanted to make a list of ten fab things i'm enjoying this lovely evening:

1. fruit. i LOVE fruit, especially when it's ripe and delicious in the summertime. yum.
2. fancy delicious drinks, like the pear-lime martini i had earlier.
3. madonna's good songs, singing along.
4. good drum n bass that makes me wanna dance--that sustains me as i walk along wall street.
5. my new white fabulous shoes!
6. loads of fab vegetarian cookbooks from the library.
7. dreams of traveling, revived by a fat stack of lonely planets on my bedroom bookshelf.
8. how much i like the way i rearranged my furniture in my bedroom.
9. loud good techno bouncing out of a car's open windows when i'm on my way somewhere fun, possibly with an italian ice in my hand.
   
10. feeling free and happy and full of life in the summertime!
    

eugene marathon results

So I ran the Inaugural 2007 Eugene Marathon--and the best part is, I qualified for Boston 2008. Boston is one of the biggest marathons--some say the best, though how could anything beat NYC?--and to enter, you either have to raise like a billion dollars for charity (okay, maybe it's a little less) or run fast. I ran fast. For a woman my age, I have to run 3:40 or faster. Today I ran 3:36:09. The last two miles were the hardest--my stomach was really not happy (that last hammergel made me feel like I was going to throw up) but I kept telling myself, MIND OVER MATTER--I wouldn't let myself slow down or walk or quit, and it's so hard to not do any of those. My back was aching (damn fuel belt), my stomach was hurting (evil energy gels), blisters were growing at an alarming rate (Who ever heard of blisters on the pads of your feet???), but I persevered. I just kept digging deeper, running a hard as I could--and I knew I could do it. I'm so, SO happy. Here are my results:

Out of 1496 finishers (not sure how many were DNF), I placed 339. Out of 659 women, I placed 73--getting me a TOP FINISHERS coupon, woohoo, to a store in Eugene I won't go to! But anyway, I'm really happy.

The part I'm sad about is my beloved running partner, Crista, wasn't feeling so hot--her stomach was really hurting her and her knee was really bothering her--so we couldn't finish together. But she did finish--and at a sub-four hour pace--so I'm really proud of her. It is SO hard to run--and to finish--and at a good rate--that I am very happy with my fast friend! Go Crista! I love you! Run hard at Marine Corps--I'll be there!

The things I did that I want to repeat include:

*Carbo loading all week

*Speed workouts

*Took energy gels religiously every 45 minutes (I LOVE Strawberry Banana gu)

*Took three salts

*Drank lots of gleukos (yummy and less sickenly sweet alternative to Gatorade)

*Slept really well the previous two nights to the marathon

I'm in a lot of pain right now but really proud of myself. I'm running Boston in April, maybe I'll even do Big Sur, and Cara, I'm ready for the Jay Mountain Challenge. Thanks to all of my friends and family who support me, and I'll be looking for you at the sidelines of a future marathon!

don't ask me about my friend--it's really not your business

"When I started meeting regularly with Christina [a transgender teenager]] and therefore talking about her to non-transsexual friends, they would often ask, “So, has she had the surgery?” This is a very personal question and not my place to answer—as I don’t make it my business to talk about anyone’s genitalia without their permission. Still, it’s an understandable question. Everything in our culture pushes us to be “completely” male or female. It’s in the language: a transsexual is either “pre-op” or “post-op”—the “operative” being presumed and nonnegotiable. But contrary to mainstream imagination, there isn’t one way to be a transsexual—there isn’t a fixed trail of body modifications you undergo, leading to the genital surgery. Rather, there’s a range of physical alterations you can make, depending on your financial situation, how permanent or temporary you want the change to be, your patience with the lengthy process, your tolerance for risk, and what you want to look like in the end."

Transparent: Love, Family, and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers by Cris Beam

she said

she said, "sometimes i want to stop living this lie. sometimes i just want to start over. i want to be something else. i want to be someone else. like, you see that red lipstick? sometimes i want to smear it. smear it all over my lips, in a thick and sexy way. like something i'd never do. and i'd look at the mirror, and think, 'who is this?' and it wouldn't be me. so i'd do things that wouldn't be me. like i'd finally go home with my pizza man, smearing my red lipstick all over his face and all over his pillows. i'd flirt with bus drivers, drink cafe lattes with extra foam. maybe i'd even smoke cloves again, like i did when i dated that painter for two weeks in college. i'd wear all black, strappy heels, laugh in a sexy manner. i'd be someone else. it would all be to the red lipstick. but in the end, it would be me. the me i want to be. the me i need to become. and i'd really be me all along, and i'd buy that red lipstick by the case, and i'd never stop being the daring me i'd always wanted to become."

dream

"i can't dream for us all."

so dream. go ahead. dream. create those outrageous dreams. one day, they will come soon.

George Mallory, 1922

What we get from this adventure is just sheer joy. And joy is, after all, the end of life. We do not live to eat and make money. We eat and make money to be able to enjoy l ife. This is what life means and what life is for.

where's cherie going next?

on the internet today, i stumbled into a website, where's cherie, and thought, hey, that's me. not really, but it's another cherie who has a deep love for travel. it made me happy.

i'm trying to decide where to go next. i can only afford (plus i don't get much vacation time) one trip a year. my eventual plan is to quit my job (this is several years down the road) and extensively travel throughout latin america and asia. so i'm not sure if i should go someplace else...

t and i talked about going to bali, but he may not have money. that may not happen, as love is like an egg sitting on the side of the bathtub. still, that's what i'd like to--no, LOVE TO do most. but my backup plan is turkey--egypt and morocco have also captured my interest heavily, as has finland, and so many other places. when i do my big trip, i'll have plenty of time to explore the places i really want to go--india, tibet, russia and nepal. so three weeks someplace that i can spend a lot of time...i need to think about it. but i'm leaning towards turkey.

i also want to take a very short (5 days or so) trip at christmastime. my family is psychotic, as are all families, but i think i would be happiest if i were away from them christmas. really, you're not supposed to cry hysterically at christmas, and if i didn't this year, that would make me very happy. i've given up on the idea that my family will give me happiness--so that will be a short (hopefully cheap) trip. i'm thinking mexico city, costa rica, belize, panama...i'd love to go to cuba, but i'm not sure about that. but, oh, i'd really love to go.

any ideas?

the art of losing isn't hard to master

things that have been last in the past few days:

• my sister's cat. eden's been missing since fri! they saw her once but she ran away.
  
• my really nice pendant (one of two really nice pieces of jewelry i own); i suspect luna swatted it somewhere around my apartment, but am also checking her poop just in case she ate it. yuck.
• my bracelet that was handmade that i bought from a native amazonian
  

hardcore

saturday morning, 6:50am. i'm out there, fuel belt, running clothes, running over the pulaski bridge--not even at .5 mile. a cyclist passes me, and says, "wow, you're a real runner." yep, it's 35F or so. i tell him, "i'm running 20 miles." "you're hardcore." i know--and i'm proud of it.

luna's birthday party

luna enjoyed hiding under the futon, watching the action; she did not like tina, gwendolyn's kitty. meow!

the samba drone

although i missed carnaval in rio (i was in salvador which was totally nuts!), i was able to witness the samba winner's parade. i got cheapish tickets to the samba drone and went with this supersweet ozzie girl, jenna. it blew my mind--the amount of money, time and energy that went into the creation of the floats and the costumes and the routines--it's just nuts. i can't even describe it properly so i'll include some photographs to speak for me.

rio de janiero

rio. rio. if i could go anyplace again in brazil, hands down, it would be rio. i fell in love with this city, so much that i could picture myself living there. it is SO beautiful--a major city, plus beaches, plus mountains! although there were dangers, things were sketchy, etc, i still loved it. i spent as much time as possible at the beach (something prized in rio, which is a terrific reason for me to want to live there)--i read don quixote as the waves crashed by, and people-watched. i ran along the water, which i very much prefer to the congested streets and sidewalks of new york city. i went to sugarloaf, christo statue, hanggliding, too much! i had so much fun and was so sad leaving. my taxi driver to the airport noticed my lump and played all sorts of brazilian axe for me. i miss brazil, esp rio.

kissing, salvador, carnaval

now let me explain the kissing.

kissing at salvador is as standard as caipirinhas--and i don't mean kissing your partner. i mean kissing strangers. this came as a bit of a shock to me--yep, this shocked a new yorker.

the men would come up to you--"posso eu beijo-o." i would reply, "no falo portugese." then they would say, "english?" "sim." "you are very beautiful. can i kiss you?" for some of them, this was the only english they knew. if you said, "no," they would ask you why. if you had a boyfriend, well, unless he was right there in sight, that's not a good enough reason. "don't you want to experience a real brazilian kiss?" they were very persuasive, and aggressive. they didn't take subtle or nice let-downs, but kept trying. "kiss meee, kiss meeee."

the gandhys (according to the guys i talked to) were started in the south of brazil to protest racism and to promote peace. now, "gandhys believe in peace and love. especially love." if you see the blue beads in the picture above, they would exchange a string of beads for a kiss--and really would try to get a kiss out of every woman that walked by! meanwhile, they were dressed with turbans, long white outfits (white skirts and these tied white tops) and sandals. they were bizarre but funny.

kissing is this weird element of carnaval. people will just grab each other and make out. i couldn't believe it--suddenly, my friend is next to me, the next minute she is making out with some random short brazilian guy. and then he's gone and she's saying to me, "let's grab another caipie. mine's almost done."

what else could i do but the obvious--get another caipirinha. i didn't need an excuse, and if my friends want to celebrate or ignore a kiss, well, drink up!

author's note: i did not kiss this man in the photo. i had some random person take it. i did not even speak to him. being a gandhy, i knew he would happily pose. he didn't even try to kiss me--very un-gandhy-like. i also succeeded by leaving carnaval without kissing a single gandhy--not something many carnaval-goers could brag about!

kissing

i wake up your in arms. i'm warm, feeling good all over. the cat is purring, sleeping, at our feet. your breath is soft and gentle, caressing my neck. a breeze, gentle, comes in through the window. i do not want you to ever wake up because i want this beautiful moment to last forever.

i shift, the cat meows, and you wake up. your eyelids flutter, big blue eyes sleepily stare into mine. we don't waste time with small talk; we never did. we always were deeper than that.

and you kiss me.

you kiss me.

it's the kiss i can feel in my toes, the kiss that makes me lose control--were we standing, you would have to hold me upright because i would not be able to support myself. i taste you, i taste myself, i explore sections of your mouth i swear i never knew existed. your fingers run up and down my back, my fingers comb through your blonde curls...

i kiss you back.

carnaval in salvador, brasil

i went to salvador for the infamous carnaval. it was all that and more. i can't describe it with words because that is all it would be: just words. i cannot even begin to explain the insanity...the intensity...the energy...the fun!






each day is a party...here would be a typical day for me...because i am crazy, wake up at 8am to go for a run (marathon training!). come back, shower, eat. maybe take a nap. walk around in the afternoon with friends, watching local bands storm the streets with their instruments...maybe do some reading or relaxing or chilling with other people in my hostel, or sit outside and watch the musicians parade by, or walk along the pelhourino or campo grande circuits, enjoying the music, jumping up and down to the music, following the trucks like the popcorn we are...in the evening, shower again (so hot!) and start getting ready...if in a camaroche or bloco, try to modify the shirt so it isn't SO ugly, put makeup on (because it's carnaval!), grab something to eat (a major task at times for the vegetarian!), get a capirinha (honestly, is there anything else to drink in brazil?! i probably had more capies than water!)...head out in a cab to the barro-ondina circuit or walk to the campo grande...join up with my friends, get some capirinhas, chat with the locals...avoid the gandhy guys trying to kiss me ("i have a boyfriend!" "where is he? can he see us?" wtf?!), toast each other...have too much fun...when it's done, you have the saddest feeling but know you just had one of the funnest weeks of your life.

wish

one of my wish bracelets from salvador came off--now my wishes will come true!

my cabbie

my cab driver last night was talking to me about dating and romance among other things. "you like your boyfriend?" he was very, very shy, and when i exited the cab, he asked, "do you have any-any friends you could set me up with?"

so i gave him your number.

photos from amazonas, brasil

i haven't written much about my trip, so let me start. i first went to manaus, which was a real dump. the only highlight was the pre-carnaval party, which was pretty fun (and at which i drank a caipirinha com fruta e crema) and danced. however, the real highlight of amazonas was going on a jungle tour. i spent three days in a remote region of the amazonas--we took a van ride, boat ride, another van ride and another boat ride--several hours of traveling. however, when we got there, it was worth it. we went swimming in the river (our lodge was on a remote river in the amazon), chatted with people, drank caipirinhas, hiked in the jungle, slept in the jungle, met local families, went piranha fishing (i didn't and i was glad no one caught anything b/c i don't like fishing!), canoed, went through aquatic forests, saw pink dolphins, saw fruits and plants and birds that exist only in amazonas--in short, had a great time. here are some of my fave photos.

knitting quote

"Jose brought up the blueprints for a new ranch house. I have this strange feeling that the blueprints and the knitting instructions got switched. I may be knitting a ranch house!"

--Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany's

dear city of new york,

please turn on your water fountains. i know we still have a bit longer until spring, but runners across the city are thirsty.

love,
cherie
and many, many other runners

interesting

there are several disgusting men who regularly sexually harass me, hit on me, stare me up and down in my neighborhood. every so often, i see them with their children--it seems to be daughters usually--and they look the other way, shy, meek, silent. i want to ask them, "do you want men to treat your little daughter like you treat me?" i find it ironic that they have daughters--that they do this--that they who are probably oh-so-protective of their little ones, wrapping their large hands around the miniature ones, feel the need to harass other women.

my favourite song from carnaval

pick which version:

quebra 1

quebra 2

quebra 3

i think my favourite time singing this was pre-fat boy slim/dj marky/layo e bushwacka bloco where this supercute gayboi, felippe and i just started singing this at the top of our lungs!

quebra ae asa!

i don't know them

two people pass me--tightly holding hands.
my heart crumples.
i ignore it, alone, and continue walking, fast.

nothing bonds new yorkers like a crisis

coming home from work today on the G train, my train suddenly stopped in the station and i heard a cluster of voices, rising. i pulled my headphones out of my ears (sometimes, you don't want to listen to your ipod) to see what was going on. the train operator was leaning out the window and i heard someone say, "someone has a bomb on the train."

"what?" i got up, and went to a middle-aged guy standing by the door in a grey sweater with an open leather jacket. "what? did he say a bomb?"

"a bong?" someone asked.

"oh, a bong."

"no, a bomb. not a bong--" gesturing like he is holding a bong--"a bomb. b-o-m-b."

"shit! should we--evacuate?"

at this point, the train conductor leaves the train and begins walking. "someone in the last car says he has a bomb. a disorderly passenger. not sure..." the conductor says, walking towards the last car that may or may not have a disorderly passenger with a bomb. people start leaving.

"shit..." a twentysomething woman with lovely brown hair and i exit the train and begin walking up the stairs. "i didn't want to die today," she tells me.

"me neither..."

"i don't feel like i'm going to die," she says.

i don't know what i feel but i know i'm scared.

"oh the police," she says, pointing at the precinct inside the station that i usually ignore. "do you think they know?"

"i don't know," i respond, "but i'll tell them." i walk towards the precinct, which, incidentally, is in the direction that the last car that may or may not contain the disorderly passenger with a bomb. it's below me, but in the same direction.

inside, two police officers are talking. "sorry to interrupt, but i think someone might have a bomb on the train," i blurt.

"oh, don't worry," another police officer tells me, smoothing her hair. "there's cops on the platform."

um, okay. so it's safe?

"what do you think?" the girl with the lovely brown hair asks me. she really is quite pretty, and her eyes are frightened, like mine probably reveal.

"they said there's cops on the platform...so maybe it's safe?"

"um..."

we walk towards the stairs and go down them. we see the train operator in the front again.

"is it okay?" we ask him.

"yeah, the cops are getting him."

people are watching the cops through the television on the platform, but i can't see what is going on. a minute or so later, the train departs.

we start chatting--about how we're so relieved, what craziness people can be--all bonded by a crisis. while i don't like scary things like threats to my life, i always like the way people become so friendly in new york

where should i move?

i recently read on curbed that not only is there a starbucks opening in greenpoint (now we're really gentrified!) but the building across from me is going to be a mega-condo with over a hundred apartments. great, just great.

i'm getting sick of greenpoint and have been hoping to move on for a while. but where should i move? i need someplace where i can go running and that limits most places in nyc. i will only live in brooklyn or manhattan, and don't want to live far. yeah, who doesn't? oh, and i have cheap rent.

my lease is up late may but i may extend for six months, and then figure out what to do. that building will be open in a year no doubt.

i wish i was in brazil for this

no, i don't.

sometimes, i like to forget about shitty things are.

but i will be at this.

missing

yes, i miss where i've already been.

but i also miss where i haven't been yet, and i really miss where i will one day be going.

my favourite chai recipe

Venessa passed along this recipe to me from Bon Appetit. However, I didn't like it as they had it, so I made some minor adjustments to suit my taste.

Enjoy!

1 1-1.5 inch piece of fresh ginger, peeled, cut into thin rounds
(the original recipe calls for a 2 inch piece; if you are a huge ginger person, add that much, but i think it becomes overpowering. i prefer a 1 inch piece or a 1.5 inch piece if my ginger is quite thin.)
2 cinnamon sticks
2 teaspoons (heaping if you like) of black peppercorns
11 whole cloves
(i may try adding even more than i do, as i like cloves)
7 cardamom pods
6 cups cold water
6 bags black tea, preferably darjeeling
2 cups organic milk
(i add 2% but whole would be excellent as well)
1/2 cup packed golden brown sugar
2-3 teaspoons of vanilla extract
(my secret ingredient for everything!)

1. Lightly crush first five ingredients with a mallet in large saucepan, or use a mortar and pestle (my way) and transfer into a large pot.
2. Add 6 cups of water; bring to boil over high heat.
   
3. Reduce heat to medium-low; partially cover pan and simmer gently 10 minutes.
4. Remove from heat. Add tea bags and steep five minutes. (If you want more of a caffeine buzz, leave the bags in a bit longer.)
5. Discard tea bags. Add milk, sugar, and vanilla.
6. Bring tea just simmering over high heat, whisking until sugar dissolves.
7. Strain tea.

This recipe makes enough for six servings. It stores well in the fridge, and you just pop a cup in the microwave (or you can warm it up on the stove as well) to have another day. I just had some leftover chai and I loved it! This time came out my best--I added less ginger, more vanilla, and it was just lovely!

when human contact makes you want to cry

today, everything just hit me so intensely.

i was waiting for the light to change when this guy stole this woman's cab. "i was here first," he told her. "i didn't see you," she responded. "well, i was here first," he said, getting into the cab. she leaned in, "can we share it?" "i was here first," he said, sliding the cab's minivan door shut.

how cruel and selfish people are.

i was carrying a package from paragon, along with a large bag of cat food (for my large cat!) when the l train came. i was listening to my ipod (standard for rush hour) and reading dh lawrence's women in love. the train doors opened, and this guy came out and my earphones were ripped out of my ears and he was moving, with my earphones. "hey!" i shouted. he looked disturbed, and then relieved. he gave me my earphonoes and a weird, sensitive moment passed through us. i got onto the train and read.

i went to the lab as i was supposed to get a test. this guy ran up to the counter and wrote his name ahead of me. the receptionist left. i couldn't take it. i left.

quiz from the guerrilla girls

snow

a morning run
white
slippery sidewalks
frozen face mask
faster
slip
snow

snow

a morning run
white
slippery sidewalks
frozen face mask
faster
slip
snow

good ways to spend your sunday afternoon

• at the colombian cafe with a colombian hot cocoa (and yummilicious double chocolate pecan cookies), studying spanish.
• enjoying art in a museum.
• post-run, post-shower, post-brunch, with lover in bed, snuggling, talking, dreaming, loving.
• taking my cat on a walk (only in the warmer weathers!)
• making a big delicious soup or stew or meal
• reading in the park
• reading at the beach
• drinking tea with grandma
• poring over a large map with a head full of dreams
• piling books in my arms from a local library--like shopping, but free, and books!
  

the rain always follows the sun

i had a brilliant time in brasil. here are the crappy things that have been following me:

• my computer completely crashed. being the numbskull that i am, i haven't backed up my data in months. i brought it the computer repair place around the block and my hard drive is completely destroyed. they can extract the data, but it will cost me. plus the repairs. i hate money headaches. that is a huge one.
• in brazil, some jerks stole my bank data and sucked $3100+ out of my bank account. hsbc rocks and i'm getting the money back, but it's going to take another week or so before i get it. in the meantime, i have little cash.
• i'm sick. i picked something up in brazil--probably from the amazon--and i've been feeling awful lately. my doctor can't figure it out so i'm going to an infectious disease specialist.
• it's really, really cold. cold like "feels like minus 15F." put a sweater on.
  
• i spent too much money on groceries. at least it's good food and i won't need to spend much in the near future. but damn, i needed to buy milk and juice.

but i have to look for the sun:

• 2 weeks i go to florida to see my grandparents and for the winter music conference!
• crista and i run the eugene marathon next month!
• i have good friends close by.
• i'm starting to study spanish again.
• my data wasn't lost. thank goddess.
  

back from brasil

yes, there will be more posts. but i've been feeling ill, and finally headed to the doctor today. his diagnosis? "i don't know what." but they took blood tests, and i'm getting more tests monday, and i'm going to take cipro, and if no clue, then i go to his associate, an infectious disease specialist. "oh, and sometimes the malarie medicine doesn't work." you don't say....!

written on the national day of hangover--the day after carnaval (salvador, brasil)

so carnaval finally ended. i never thought it would. cairpirnhas, dancing, axe, i love it!

basically, it~s like a week of constant street parties. samba bands frequently marching past my hostel, drumming groups, dancing, it~s over. i~m really into axe music now, and can sing along. i~m probably going to head out and buy a couple cds later this afternoon.

last night was the best night. it was fat boy slim with layo e bushwacka and DJ MARKY! you know who i was there for! mr marky himself! i paid 260 real for my tickets and they were up to 400 real at the end and it sold out. it was basically like zurich~s street parade with thousands of brazilians and gringos dancing in the streets. when the drum n bass came on, i of course got a little bit crazy with my dancing, but so did others. heaps of fun. i ended up going to bed at 730 this am if that~s any indication.

otherwise, the carnaval week was just nuts. the bands did circuits around the pelhourino district, and i would hear noise from my hostel from about noon until two am. it was just nuts. the carnaval was everywhere.

carnaval also brings out this thing in people where they just want to kiss you. i.e., a guy says something, i say, ño falo portugese, he replies, english, i say sim, then he says you are beautiful can i kiss you. i say no and he asks why not. when they start to get upset and ask why not i tell them it~s because they are ugly.i~m mean, haha but i~m getting sick of these annoying guys!

i had some weird swollen ankle thing. at first i though it was an allergic reaction to a bug bite but rebecca (my roommate who~s doing an internship on tropical diseases in forteleza and is in med school) read the packet of malarone and one of the possible side effects is fluid in the legs. i finished my malarone yesterday and the swelling appears to have gone down. i went to a pharmacy and they gave me some stuff too. i just love getting medical assistance in foreign countries. between rebecca~s portugese and my translation book and the minimal english of the pharmacist, we were able to get it sorted out. oh and crista, i had to skip running yesterday and have been decreasing my running during this. i knew i wouldnt run that much, and there certainly have been no twelve milers or twenty since ive been here.

i~m feeling really sad. for me traveling is a way of life. going home after such a short holiday--i dread the thought, esp the five million questions at work. i know im going to isolate myself. t and i talked abt going on the big trip i~ve always wanted to do with a heavy focus on asia. we~ll see...hopefully!

right now, i can~t get into my email for whatever reason. frustrating b;c i paid in advance and now i~m not using it all. but that~s the deal for now, so if i~m not responding to your emails, that~s why.

so another night in salvador (there are still drumming groups making the circuits), some kiwi caipies and maybe a fun things tomorrow--i leave for rio in the afternoon. i~ll be home tuesday.

i know i sound bratty with my whining~~~i~m so glad to be here and knoiw i~m lucky to travel but at the same time, i~m sad to leave. i miss you all and hope everyone is doing great. i know sad things have happened at home but i love you!!!

manaus, brazil

so after too many hours crammed into airplanes, i arrived at manaus. i hear bk in nyc it~s freezing and there~s a winter storm advisory but im pleased that it~s humid, mid 80-s or so--very comfy.

so far i havent done much--ive only been here a handful of hours. i started my time in manaus by booking a jungle tour--i~ll be in the rainforest from tomorrow morning until tuesday early evening. it sounds good and the guy said they~ve had vegetarians before so hopefully i won~t starve. i~m really excited about that.

my hostel is a bit of a dump but i~ll survive. only two nights here total.

after i signed up for my jungle tour, i went on a run of manaus. the streets are crazy--absolutely crammed with people and it was an adventure but kind of fun. i went to see teatro amazonas which was pretty, and tried to find food--unsuccessfully. brazil is not kind to vegetarians.

i must find food or i~ll surely faint.

mahatma gandhi quote

"whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."

religion

Sometimes, I think religion is to blame for many of the evils in the world. I just saw a thing on the BBC about a terror plot foiled—apparently, these individuals planned on beheading a British Muslim soldier and posting a video of it on the Internet. Today, when I was running in Greenpoint (Greenpoint has traditionally been a very Polish, thus, white neighborhood), several cars had swastikas and anti-Semitic comments and symbols drawn in the snow on the hood of the car. I was so angry and did my best to wipe them out, and was not struck by the irony of anti-Semitic comments followed by, “Jesus loves everyone.” Yeah, everyone except you, you hateful jerk, is what I thought.

Reminds me of the bumper sticker my mom loves, "Jesus may love you but everyone else thinks you're an asshole."

sunday's half-marathon

so i ran the coldest race i have ever run before on sunday: a half-marathon in central park. i know, sounds fun? at the start, it was 20 F (feels like 7F!) and i was literally crying. it was that cold. my hands and my toes hurt so much. my feet started to thaw out after the first four or five miles, but it was such a miserable race. while running, i realized i was running way slow, and told myself it was okay. honestly, i haven't been training that hardcore lately, just starting to get back into things. and because i was crying in the beginning of the race, i told myself, "this is just a training run, not a race. a run." as long as i finished sub-two hours, i'd be happy.

if you're wondering, how bad was it, here's how bad:

• there was black ice all over the course, mostly by the water stops
• when you got to a fluid station, instead of grabbing a cup of water, you'd grab a cup of solid ice. this happened to be on several occasions.
• my fingers hurt with the cold the entire race.
• when i peed around mile 8 (i had to go!), steam rose up in the porta-potty after i peed!

so i finished in sub-two hours, to trev cheering me on, "hurry up, let's get pancakes." after, mark and mark and trevor and i got hot cocoa and then mexican food "that you don't need a wheelbarrow to take you home afterwards" and i spent the rest of the day warm--hot shower, warm apartment with candles burning, lots of tea, moving-watching under the blanket. i hate the cold. training for a spring marathon is hell, i'm slowly learning.

i keep checking the weather forecast...

as if suddenly weather.com is going to reveal to me it's spring. *sigh* i must be patient.

why i'm anti-car

i ride in trains, buses, cabs, and yes, sometimes even cars. (the overly-anal out there will try to point out that cabs are cars, but this is nyc, baby, they're magical! ha!) i understand that for some people (like my darling crista), cars are a necessity in your life. the grocery store is five miles away, there is no easily accessible public transport system where you live, you have a disability and a car allows you to get around, you work 70 miles from where you live (and you are not moving from where you live because your honey cannot move or whatever!) and you need to drive, whatever--i understand you have your reason for driving.

now here's some of my reasons for NOT driving!

• environmental destruction. cars produce heaps of pollution.
• oil. oil equals the reason we're in iraq, the reason chevron and others have destroyed huge sections of the rainforest and alaska and too many other places.
• people drive like morons. the less i drive, the less i have to be around morons.
• i don't want to drive. i can't picture myself hopping into my ugly little (or big, gas-guzzling car) car every day to drive to work, deal with snarls of traffic. i like walking, running, riding my bike, taking the train, and even the bus, much more. these are also all methods i use for getting around.
• i hate the way people can't seem to walk five minutes or ten minutes. they complain about being overweight but then won't walk to the deli 3 blocks away. they drive. this seems to be a very american thing, from what i've seen.
• i like being able to read on my commute. right now, i'm reading we don't need another wave and news of a kidnapping. i recommend both.
• i don't want to be another driver. i don't want my commute or my transport to be causing excess environmental damage. yes, i know, buses and trains are not super friendly, but it's MUCH better for me to cram on a bus with 50 other people than me to get in my car and drive behind 49 other cars with 1 person in them each.
• um, i've forgotten how to drive. i haven't driven in over 2.5 years and i honestly forget which is the gas and which is the brake. seriously.
  

for v and w, who are also carless by choice. i'm sick of defending my decision to never want to own a car. perhaps this will change someday, but i hope not.

be a smart pedestrian

i'm a pedestrian, and i never want to own a car. that said, stupid non-car-drivers really piss me off. well, it's more like i'm annoyed at their stupidity which is extremely dangerous to them. please, don't do these things unless you want to die:

1. run in the street with headphones on.
um, you can't hear the cars and you're in the street. first off, why do you need to be in the street. yes, i run in the street when crossing or if the sidewalk is closed off (but i run to the other side generally), but there's no reason to run in the potholed streets of nyc. but to do this with headphones--you're in car territory, and if you can't hear them, you may get hit. and you may die.

2. ride a bike on the sidewalk.
in nyc, the rule is: you ride in the road. if there isn't a bike lane, you get to take an entire lane. (okay, car drivers in nyc, you hear this? stop honking, i know you're there, and i ride towards the side but i'm not gonna pull over and stop. honking makes me nervous, and i could fall and get smushed and then you'll have to go to jail for involuntary humanslaughter, or whatever they call it.) so don't ride on the sidewalk when people are running, walking, etc. generally, there's not enough room!

3. ride without a helmet.
rachelle covered this in her blog a while ago, but if you get hit, and you fly off your bike, and smash your head, a helmet could save your life. if you want to die, though, by all means, ride helmetless. show off your hairdo in that case.

4. walk with your ipod blasting, completely oblivious to others around you.
(or whatever music device you use)
i admit, when that song comes on my ipod, i'll turn up the volume, start rocking it up, maybe dancing, mouthing the words, even singing. i rationalize that i'm entertaining and shocking all of the bored people in the financial district. BUT i try not to turn the volume up so much that i can't hear what's going on. (like in the bank, when they say, "next! NEXT! NEXT!" and that woman in front of you still doesn't move. you have to remember: i am out in public, and yes my music is making this tedious walk a bit more pleasant and even bearable, but you need to keep the volume low enough so you can hear things. (if you want to keep it at max, you'll prob destroy your ears and perhaps get smushed by a car.)
saturday i was running fairly fast on the sidewalk outside central park, at mile 14 or 15 of an 18 or 19 miler, feeling like i wanted to hurt someone and wanting some waffles, no more power gels or energy jelly beans, when this guy in front of me was walking down the sidewalk, hogging it. "excuse me!" i shouted. he did not turn around or move. "EXCUSE ME! PARDON!" and still he did not move. and i'm pretty loud. finally, "EXCUSE ME!" as i'm running past him--which is the point at which he decides, "i think i'll randomly move over." so i ran into him. he was a pissed off tourist and i shouted at him (could he hear me over his ipod?) and he started yelling at me in a foreign language (i was shouting so i didn't get a real sense of it--something eastern european, but not polish because i know that so easily, living in greenpoint) and i yelled back, including, "i hate tourists!" he was a tourist (you can tell, especially with this damaged-hearing person) and i was so frustrated.

and i'm not saying i'm perfect. this is my blog and my space to offer a bitchfest to the world, and i'm merely voicing my opinions. i listen to music too loud and sing too loud and i cut across the street (jaywalk) when i probably shouldn't, but i try to keep as smart as possible and generally don't allow anything stupid to become a habit.

the main thing i'm sick of

years ago, a good friend of mine suddenly broke her lease, mid-month. she had a dirt-cheap apartment in washington heights--this was several years ago but it was something ridiculously like $500 or $700 for a 1 bedroom. really nice. the reason she broke her lease? "i couldn't stand being sexually harassed every single day. i never could leave my house without hearing shouting. i stopped wearing revealing outfits, heels and skirts. it was so bad. i just couldn't take it."

i've been getting really frustrated with some of these jerks in my neighborhood. no, not the hipsters that are raising the rents. well, yeah, i'm frustrated at them too, but i'm frustrated by these certain men. elsewhere in my hood it's fine, but they seem to congregate in this ten block or so radius--the ten blocks closest to me that i pass whenever i go to my health food store, train, anywhere basically i want to go. to escape my house, i must pass these jerks.

they see me daily but still, they must stare and leer. if i wear a short skirt, or have my hair down, or wear my big hoops, or more makeup, or even, if i'm simply well-covered up, they say stuff to me. they hang out all along the main strip, but especially in front of this one loser's deli (#1 reason to never, ever shop there), harassing every woman that goes by. there is this one jerk i especially loathe that i want to throw up on. he has children yet likes to say revolting things to women as they walk past--when his kiddies are away.

basically, i'm frustrated. i understand why my friend broke her lease and lost her apartment. i'm starting to get incredibly frustrated with these men and want to just feel comfortable walking down the street. i may move but i may not but for now, i dream of a world where i am free.

one tree grew in brooklyn

this is sad, but amuses me...my block is so sparse of trees (there are several at the far end of the block, and then one in front of my house, followed by a few more), that when i give cabbies directions i'll say, "my house is three-quarters of the way up the block, the one with that tree in front of it."

where i used to live--in southern brooklyn--we had trees. prospect park was a paradise. i tried to convince a friend from colorado that there were trees. "oh, i know what you meant," he said. " there was a book. a tree grows in brooklyn. it didn't say, 'many trees grow in brooklyn.' a tree. so i guess you have seen that one tree." ha-ha, seanne.

from a story i wrote a while ago (i love this line!)

I went horseback riding last year and it occurred to me I didn’t need anything from Vin.

the savages: my version of a book review

i just finished reading joe kane's THE SAVAGES today. it's the story of the huaorani and their fight against the oil companies that are ruining great expanses of the amazon. when i finished it today, tears were in my eyes (and i was on the train, so i'm sure i looked bizarre, but that ought to tell you how powerful it was) and i am so glad i don't own a car. oil is dirty, dirty business, and the way that the oil companies have ruined the lives, health, and civilization of these people disgusts me.

what was 2006

before i go congratulating everyone on HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007, i thought i'd do a little thinking about my 2006 (prompted by an email from steve).

my 2006 was full of a lot of changes:

• lost a long-term temp job with one-day's notice when the assignment was up
• quit my job at the technical college
• started working at the amazing nonprofit i currently work at
• went to boulder for a long weekend to see many old treasured friends
  
• went to london for andrew and john's wedding
• spent a lovely summer in nyc with heaps of free concerts, free shows, and so much fun!
• went to the beach as many times as possible
• became a better knitter
• ran the nyc marathon with a personal best of 3:51
• decided to start running more marathons
• realized my family is totally crazy and i'm spending holidays away from them
• turned 27
• realized what my priorities are in life: my happiness, my health (go organic foods!), my running, my cat, my traveling, my writing

and the list goes on. most importantly, 2006 was a year of self-reflection. i broke up with my boyfriend, thought a lot about how he treated me and what i want. i realized that traveling is something that is a lifestyle to me. now, i'm in the perpetual state of confusion, but when at least that exists, you know you can just go with the flow.

and now...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

samba into my heart

as i'm going to brazil for carnaval and fully experience the magic of it, i took a samba class last night. i learned i can pick up moves pretty quickly (which i knew already) but need to practice shaking my hips/ass (which i also knew already). but i had *heaps* of fun, tossing my body in ways i only did to crazy music on the dance floor, but throwing it in these bizarre leaps of heaps that somehow worked. TOO much fun. A coworker of mine asked, "How will you be sore from dancing?" I am sore--my body is not used to bending like that. I was sweating profusely--hair stuck to my face. It was a beautiful, living, amazing experience, complete with live drummers. I'm a convert. I plan on dancing as much as I can afford it until I go to Brazil...and then some afterwards!

you have those days....

where everyone can't stop looking at you, and you get all defensive, "what? WHAT?" and then you have those days no one notices you, and you think, "what? WHAT?"

and then you have those days where you notice no one. and honestly, those are the most peaceful of all.

when i'm a cat, i don't meow, i roar

merry christmas

after sleeping for ten hours, i feel heaps better than i did yesterday (think flu-like symptoms, nausea, chills, aching). am now drinking a cup of emergen-c in my running clothes, ready to stretch and head out for a run. i think i'll go along the italian catholic hood b/c it's likely to be a lively scene. i'm glad i'm not missing seeing my grandparents (already missed christmas last year b/c my parents have a psychotic son) as i feel well enough to attend the formalities associated with cousins you try to stomach and questions you're forced to answer as you realize, your life is your life and a question put forth to the entire dining room table will never properly sum it up.

a good run

had a really great run. made christmas gifts, then went out for a nice long run and came home to some amazing cookies v baked me. (i love you, venessa!) during my ran, while speeding past fortunato brothers (the best italian pastries in nyc!), someone was blasting "i'll be home for christmas" (i think it was the frank sinatra version) and i just started singing along.

my mom was wrong

according to a study mentioned in today's times, most americans have had premarital sex. 91% in fact. shocking! i like that the researcher talks about because of findings like this (and they go back into adults from the 1940s!), it makes it more relevant than ever for our teens to get sexual education--which, in the usa, is very hard. i know my mother--though i do love her--gave me very little sexual education, and school wasn't much better. abstinence-only education is horrible, as people ARE having sex.

what people also forget is that one of the ways so many women get stds is FROM THEIR HUSBANDS. (related.) you think, "we're in a monogamous relationship..." when he's cheating on you and not using condoms... i'm sure it also happens in the reverse way (women giving men stds) but you mostly hear about the husbands giving the wives the stds. and if you have no education, you may not understand the signs...

it's just really, really sad.

education is key. and mom, i really do love you.

what luna thinks of the holidays:

"i like hiding under the tree. that's about it. and lying on top of the wrapping paper you're trying to use. merry catmess."

people are humans

new yorkers will know what i mean.

tired, after christmas shopping all day, t and i were waiting for the L train to whisk us back to brooklyn. when the train came, of course, we were standing between two cars, and as the left looked nearly empty, and the right, the last and always the most crowded, was quite crowded, we immediately went into the train car. we were tired, and wanted to sit.

immediately, we both noticed the foul smell in the car, and commented on it, but were tired. people moved to the next carriages, noses wrinkled, while others, like us, grateful to have a seat, remained. it wasn't the worst i've smelled, and i've smelled some really terrible things before. we ignored it as best we could, and talked about our day. at the next stop, people entered, made faces, and ran into the next very-crowded cars. (this is the same as the non-air-conditioned train in the summertime.)

at 3rd avenue, these boys--probably fourteen years old to seventeen years--ran in, whooping, shouting. then--"damn, this shit stink!" "this car smell like SHIT!" "disgusting!" "what the fuck smell so awful?" and etcetera.

the smell was coming from a man at one end of the car (we were at the other) who was obviously homeless. he had a bunch of stuff--his personal belongings--with him, possibly all he owned. he was wearing an ill-fitting shirt and stood there stoicly, not letting his facial expressions change.

but as the boys shouted (some of the large group ran into the next crowded car, while the others stayed to complain and shout about the smell), i could see his eyes. his eyes were obviously sad. he was not some shadow with a pile of cardboard boxes. he was a person. a person who has hopes and dreams and one day probably lived in a home like me too. and something went wrong. everyone has their own story. you can't forget this; everyone has their past, present and future.

on the walk in the train station, we entered at 16th street and walked down the long platform underground (as opposed to walking above ground in the freezing cold) and saw several different people sleeping, cardboard covering them or below them, and i thought about how truly lucky i am. i also thought about how silly the packages we carried in our hands as christmas gifts.

when we left the train, rather than feeling grateful to be exiting the smell, we both felt sad at how the feelings were hurt of that person. "kids are cruel," could be an easy excuse, but i was a kid, and i had more empathy than that. rather, instead, i thought about how people forget kindness and forgot that all people are humans and all humans are people.

i don't know what's next...

but i know what i love--traveling, feminism, running, writing, and of course, my kitty. the love for these things will keep me going...

again

50 shots. is there really a reason?

i am disgusted. and the sadness--his wedding the next day. how horrific.

nypd, you fail to surprise me and many other new yorkers. we want you to change.

looking through photos...

i was looking through some photos on my computer and saw this one--me, darian, lindsey, and marco, having the time of our lives. notice the cheap bottles of french wine by our feet. we didn't have a corkscrew but somehow, opened the bottles and thought it was simply divine to walk around the streets of paris, passing around the bottles of wine, getting tipsy and having a blast. later, we met a latvian guy and ended up talking with him and hanging out. we had an amazing night, being so free with no curfew, no restrictions--just absolute freedom.

i know, i know, i'll be in brazil in just two and a half months, but that will be different. then i'll be gone for just 2 1/2 weeks, without time to fully explore and be free. i know i'm lucky to be able to have the time (and the money, which is thanks to my tax return of 2006!)), but still, i miss the days of absolute wanderlust.

brazil!

so i bought my tickets a few weeks ago and it's totally official--i'm going to brazil! i'm looking for hostels, have to make the visa application, am going to get the yellow fever shots soon--i can't wait! though i love my job, i definitely have itchy feet!

brazil!

so i bought my tickets a few weeks ago and it's totally official--i'm going to brazil! i'm looking for hostels, have to make the visa application, am going to get the yellow fever shots soon--i can't wait! though i love my job, i definitely have itchy feet!

this is what i look like when i run a marathon

i'm the one in the pink skirt, running with crista (pink shirt next to me)! hah!

holidays suck

i'm all for holiday songs and mistletoe and eggnog and pfeffernuese, but i can't stand holidays where you have to see family that suck, like your cousin's stupid girlfriend who proclaimed herself a vegetarian (because she rarely ate red meat, except, "oh yes, mrs. y, i'll take another piece of ham") and after a while, it's not about celebrating, it's about obligation, and it's annoying and draining and upsetting.

cherie's yummy sangria

so last night i modified wanda's delish-ma-tish sangria recipe. i highly recommend this version. everything requires you to modify to your own taste, but this is what MY taste recommended. yum!

3 bottles of trader joe's sav blanc (yep, the $2.99 one)
1 bottle (64 oz? the big one) of white grape peach juice (welch's)
three green apples, chopped
1 bag of frozen raspberries (16 oz)
several spoonfuls of sugar (realistically, probably 10, maybe more)
1 bag of green grapes, sliced in half
ice

put everything in a big pitcher (or several pitchers, as i did. if you don't have several pitchers, go to the 99cent store or use your blender!). stir. add ice to glass and have your guests pour. some like more fruit than others.

drink up. now you can look like me! hah!

fashion faux pas

i had a fashion faux pas party last night. here are the ingredients:
bad fashion
too much blue eyeshadow
lots of sangria
equals
loads of fun

i generally enjoy my parties. none of my friends know each other so it's an interesting combination of people, and everyone is suddenly myspace friends. i can't believe i broke down and got myspace, but it's seriously just for my friends. as much as i love soulslinger, he and i are not friends; he is simply one of my face djs.

i feel i must point out that my outfit was made up of designer clothes. the silver top was from my (ex?)boyfriend, the yellow dress is betsy johnson as is the skirt (all plastic, comfy, ha!). quite fun. i think crista's "i got lost on my way home from dance class in 1986" outfit rocked. check her out!

pictures from halloween

I was a lion! ROAR!

memorable moments of the marathon

• hearing the rocky theme song in brooklyn
• "i like your hair." "go pink skirt!" (towards me)
• being handed a bottle of water, drinking it, and then looking to see a jay-z label on the bottle
• "what's that all over your face? salt?" my mom, post-marathon
• being so dizzy i'm forced to grab onto a spectator for a moment
• the absolute ROAR upon entering central park for that last stretch into the finish line
• the absolute ROAR upon exiting the 59th st bridge
• 1st ave; the people--dizzying!
• finishing and having a packet of salt poured into my mouth--yuck!
• candice in the bronx! yay!
• the man handing out soda on the willis ave bridge
• a man pushing me, and me tripping and accidentally tripping a woman because of this--who yelled, "get away from me!" i ran sideways, and then past her.
• shouting at quiet hipsters (who probably didn't hear me) in williamsburg, "if you're gonna raise the rents, raise your voices!"
• listening to trev's brother who is normally quiet (around me) scream my name
• finishing. finishing. FINISHING!
  

nyc marathon

so i finally ran the nyc marathon on sunday, november 5. it was a day i have looked forward to for months--and this was truly a day of celebration.

for months i have trained hard--i never missed a day of training (unless i was injured). i slept good, ate good, and didn't drink the month before the marathon. i stretched, saw my podiatrist when i was injured, read about marathoning, lived the marathon. and finally...it came.

saturday i continued my cycle of carbo-loading with crista, and went to bed at 9pm. we woke up at 4:30 am. i fixed my hair, toasted our bagels that we slathered with peanut butter, stressed, got ready...into a car at 5:15, on a bus at 5:30, at fort wadsworth park before 6am...and to wait. we waited in the cold, stressing, jogging, stretching, waiting in line to pee. "boston, here we come..." we hoped.

shortly after 10:10, the race started. discarded clothes littered the sides of the verazzano as we ran! oh yes, we ran! excited, "we're doing this!"

and down the verazzano into brooklyn, my home boro! i adore 4th avenue--the crowds, the people! "i love you brooklyn!" i ran, i ran. crista's shins hurt so i ran without her for several miles--and i won't dare say "i ran alone" b/c i ran with nearly 39,000 others! after seeing my mom around mile 8, crista popped up next to me! we ran the next 9 miles together, through williamsburg (hi crista's mom and sister! hi trevor and damon!), into greenpoint (rachelle! natasha! i missed cara!) and long island city (hi kathleen!) and then, i started getting appalling dizzy...and i kept up, and finally, on the 59th street bridge, i let crista run ahead, but kept still on our good pace (we were on pace for a 3:36).

when i got off the bridge, the roar of the spectators kept me going, despite the fact that i felt dizzy and nauseas. i saw my parents, the spectators roared--and i ran on. sponge bob sponge, ahhhh, so cooling. power gel, YUM! i was running strong...

and hit the willis ave bridge and started feeling worse. a man handing out cups of coca-cola on the bridge--ugh. i ran on--and saw candice and her awesome sister sheryl--happy to see them, i smiled big...

and ran on. dizzy, it got worse. i ran back into manhattan, down 5th ave. i smiled weakly at the bands, reached for a bottle of water, drank, felt dizzy. i ran, feeling delirious, in a fog. i ran. i ran.

at one point, i grabbed one of the 2.5 million spectators. "please. i'm so dizzy. i'm going to hold onto you. i'm so so dizzy." and i held onto this complete stranger and then said, "i'm okay." i walked about 5 or 10 feet, then began running again.

and running. slower, yes, but still, strong.

and i finished.

i finished.

i finished.

with a personal best (though neither crista nor i qualified for boston), i headed to the medics who poured salt down my throat and powerade (which i prefer to gatorade!) and stumbled to my friends, family, and brownies. (the brownies my mom made.)

a hard race, which i trained for months.

now, what next? la? perhaps. we'll see.

i tried to run yesterday but couldn't make it around the blog. i am to run tomorrow.

and run, and run, and run.

and run.