21 November 2004

another day in paradise

whenever i ask my coworker how he's doing, he says, "another day in paradise." i think it's in relation to some song or movie or something. right now i'm in my little paradise--my apt. i've got my raspberry/apple vitamin water, my cat, my computer, and some good music (right now erykah badu, some songs, courtesy of v.). being at my job in an uncomfortable environment (1. we're having heating probs right now so it's either freezing or sweltering; 2. corporate=stiffy and uncomfy; 3. i like to wear yoga pants (although edmund insists they are hideous!) or pjs and other comfy attire which i cannot wear at work.)

do you ever wonder why you do this all? doesn't the idea, the very concept of money and working and all this stuff--isn't it so stupid?

i've been dutifully paying off my loan, waking up at the sound of the alarm, paying my bills on time, and i'm like, why am i doing all of this again?

and then: what did i get this mfa for?

okay it's a quarter-life crisis, i admit. i'm examining my life the way it is. i don't want to live as i am now.

so i have a plan.

(t makes fun of me for my plans but it helps me stay on focus, on target. some people could learn a little organization themselves!)

my plan is in the works, and i don't want to say it now lest i back down and look like an idiot. it doesnt involve anything dangerous (tho for my mother, me walking home from the train at 11:00 pm is dangerous) but involves a whole self-examination.

the plan would begin when i graduate, but right now is the real beginning.

i'm trying not to take all this shit seriously. like, "largest banks by assets"--do i care? no. stop pretending. library school i'm just going to get by.

i want to look more within. luna helps me. i know this sounds so stupid, but luna and, we think alike and act alike.

i think she also has her period today, not physically but emotionally.

till then, stay focused and pick yr plan. you don't have to live with only 10 vacation days a year. i sure as hell dont.

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