stand up! fight back!
give sexual harassers a heart attack!

on my run this am, wearing not-so-sexy running clothes from college, the light is walk but one of those annoying massive trucks so common in greenpoint turned even tho i had the walk signal. fine. as soon as it's done, i cross, but this other large truck who HAD the red light honked at me. i gave him the finger. then the truck went through the red light and yelled at me, "don't give me the finger or i'll shove it up yr a**hole." i gave him the finger. then i cut down noble, where some guy made a kissy noise. i responded with a gagging noise.

i shouldn't have to live like this!

this is part of the reason most of my male friends, if not all, are gay.

my friend jen, who also grew up in LI speaks often abt the drive by honking. where, you'll be walking, and they're drive--or more often, speed--by, honking and perhaps yelling various things out the window you can't often understand. jen always asks, "but what if i wanted to get in your car? you just drove away so fast..." with sarcasm there.

i dont' understand why men think this is okay. my boss says, "enjoy is while you can. once you turn 30 no one looks at you." great, something nice to look forward to, turning fat and ugly and wrinkled at 30--but seriously, i am not abt to "enjoy it." a friend of a friend says, "sometimes i whistle if she's really pretty. but i know it makes girls feel uncomfortable. but if she's really pretty, it's flattering." um, no, it makes me feel vulnerable. if i really catch your eye, stop your car, walk down the block, and strike up a conversation with me in a nonthreatening way. OR better yet, why don't you get together with girls that you are friends with or that you know and you date them because of the inside?

a prayer

please don't let george bush win
please don't let george bush win
please don't let george bush win

people are dying!
people are dying!
people are dying!

inspired by new kicks by le tigre

we need freedom in this nature. fuck my broken heart. yes joyce epiphanies happen in real life, i just had one which is why i'm writing this instead of working on my thesis that feels like it will last the rest of my life. "Show me what democracy looks like!" "This is what democracy sounds like." kissing anarchists, twisting tongues, we show them our underwear. the cheerleaders in the background ignoring everything but their demands. "kerry or bust" reads the sharpee across her breasts. "we will not give up." i have given up, in terms of some things. but NO, never this, i will fight for FREEDOM! "Show me what democracy looks like!" "This is what democracy FEELS like!" i feel it, do you feel me? i feel it, defiance, cherie. feel it. give up what is holding you back, say fuck it. a thesis? i can handle it! if only, peace! if only something beyond what i have known. to lose what you have loved. "it isn't enough to talk about peace, one must believe in in. it isn't enough to believe in it, one must work at it." (eleanor roosevelt) pick up the hammer and the sword, pick up your love, pick up your heart, wear pants, men don't deserve, a selection, ban hate, ban "family values" and accept love and freedom and acceptance. annie on my mind should be read by all, luna in my lap. need to escape the doldrum. "we will not back down. we will not compromise." scream it louder. "i see all the world's heros." there is too much pain to be bombing countries that do not have weapons of mass destruction. shout it out sister. let your pain go. the tears will go away when you put your hands in the dirt, fuck up that perfect french manicure and begin digging. dig up turnips for the hungry, hold up plywood and get a splinter so someone can have a roof over their head.

do it for someone else.

wild orchids
by katha pollitt
thanks for subtalk for showing this

At the foot of a rock, bamboo and orchids
small furled flowers that had themselves aloof
from the mist that is everywhere.
you have left newspapers, indolent
quarrels over sunday morning coffee
to come to the museum with your lover

and admire these swirls
swept onto the paper by an old monk
in less than ten minutes six hundred years ago

depicting the orchid,
which signifies the virtues of the noble man:
retinence, calm, clarity of mind.

to know what i'm all abt right now...

just visit: http://www.ingnycmarathon.org/

oh yeah, my stupid thesis? and work? and activism? and my kitty?

but the butterflies in my belly!!!! (okay my entomolygist sister, i know butterflies can't go there but they're there)

remember those days when you were young and yeah work sucked but you lived with yr parents or in dorm rooms or had cheap rent and you could just do whatever you wanted with whoever you wanted and you had DREAMS and you were going to make a DIFFERENCE and change the WORLD and you laughed and believed rumours, even lies, had no idea the country you lived in was bombing other ones, had no idea they didn't want you to own your own body, you were too busy experimenting with your body, wow, it can do this, and telling your best friends every single detail (or holding it back if that was just too much for them).

and suddenly you realize that your job is not your job but a CAREER and your CAT is your FAMILY and the savings in the bank are outnumbered by an extraordinary amount of loans from an MFA that you can't DO anything with and you don't like what it is you do between 9 and 5 or it's okay really, compared to with what others do, but really, IS THIS IT?? and you have yet another migraine and you hate school and there's dishes in the sink and you broke another glass and your cat is hungry and you just want to cry or sleep, really sleep b/c you have yet another migraine and you are afraid you are going to eventually fulfill the librarian stereotype: bun, conservative clothes, old maid, quiet, lives alone, lots of cats. my hair is in a bun now, i'm wearing old cords and a tank top, my one cat is munching, i live alone, i date a boy who insists upon always living in another state (you have a boyfriend?) and i'm like, really, i am a librarian, i know it's not hard to tell.

one of my favorite sleater-kinney songs, "good things" from call the doctor

good things
got this feeling when i heard your name the other day
couldnt say it couldnt make it go away
it's hard place cant be friends we cant be enemies
it's just too much feel the weight crushing down on my face

the hardest part is things already said
getting better worse i cannot tell
why do good things never wanna stay
some things you lose some things you give away

broken pieces try to make it good again
is it worth you will it make me sick today
it's a dumb song but i'll write it anyway
it's an old mistake but we always make it why do we

this time it'll be alright
this time it'll be okay

i love this new le tigre song, "seconds."

SECONDS
by le tigre

pipe down baby why so fake loud?
you've lied now ten thousand times
it's show business anyhow
why don't you put that tongue back in your mouth?
you make me sick sick ...
where'd you get all the attention?
your dad's money's too base to mention
his coattails are looking worn
you've had a nice ride that's for sure
better thank yr brain-dead clientele
for all the money taht you'll spend in hell
you make me sick, you make me
you make me so, you make me so sick, sick sick...
wanna percent of every nation
you're the type to rise to that occasion
stole the race no surprise there
the elevator always beats the stairs
you make me sick, so sick, you make me sick
on a golf cart
wearing some uniform
bombing in the nighttime
lying on tv
you make me sick sick sick sick sick sick


i'm sure you can guess what it's about! but you really have to hear the song, go buy the cd now!

prose

she saved me a seat even though she didn't know who i was. shoving over down the bench, i smiled and thanked her. perhaps she could tell i was tired or that my feet hurt. we smiled.
over the crackly intercom, the conductor made an announcements to make sure we had all our personal belongings close to us, and that we should report if we see any suspicious packages to mta employees or the police. she laughed.

"that's the stupidest announcement ever," she told me, laughing harder. it didn't matter that we were strangers, twenty or more years between us, different skin colors, different backgrounds. i laughed with her. the village voice nominated these announcements and signs for the biggest waste of mta funds.

"you know, if they really want to see unattended stuff…come to the streets of brooklyn. in my neighborhood, there's garbage on the street, unattended bags, bags ripped open, crap everywhere. come to my brooklyn!"

she laughed at what i said, and told me, "and my brooklyn too! it's not just manhattan! what about our dirty streets, that's suspicious! our health is in danger!"

we laughed and then smiled. then we sat--her staring at the people, me reading a novel. and then when i got off, i knew i had another friend in another part of new york.

november 2nd is coming up. what are you doing on november 2nd to make sure bush does not stay in the white house another hellish four years????

(i'll be cheering in pa, a swing state...swing, oooh!)

so it's sunday, 11:29 am. i ran, showered, ate, and am dressed in these very comfy jeans my cousin gave me and my "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" t shirt. i always feel better wearing this when i'm upset with boys (i.e., trev). i'm not upset at t, just circumstances. today i'm going to do errands. i sliced my finger accidentally very deep when slicing open a bagel. it bled a lot and i think it's time to change my bandaid. anyway this is more of a pep talk to myself and the world:
YOU CAN DO IT!
me, i'm running the nyc marathon--that's also known as THE marathon. (thee, not thuh.) it is the marathon that everyone wants to do--why i wanted it to be my first. aches and pains and yeah i am so not ready for this but i am psyched!!!

my sister sent me this quote and i liked it so much i decided to post it.

"I'm not a girl, I'm a guy you know? But at the same time, I tell ya how you can solve this abortion issue right now. Ready? Those unwanted babies that single moms leave in alleys and in dumpsters? Leave about 12 of those on the steps of The Supreme Court. This is over. Like that. 'You guys said we had to have them? Then you guys...FUCKING RAISE 'EM. Raise 'em then, you fucking fucking raise 'em. YOU raise 'em. You said I had to have it? Then it's yours. Fuck. It's yours..Take it'" - Bill Hicks

At eight a.m., they were filled with more energy than anyone else on the train. Their voices carried across the train car, although they were only talking to each other--they were seated in three adjacent seats--or to the boys who were sitting directly across from them. "Yeah, that!" The beautiful one asked the boys to keep her jacket in his locker. There was much discussion, and finally, he agreed.

Giggles. Louder laughter. The boys teasing, and shrieking from the seats across. It made me miss being sixteen. I knew that they were going to Brooklyn Tech.

At Fulton, I rose, as did they. At the door, the girls stood in the front, boys behind them. The beautiful one tugged her hair impatiently as she waited for the doors to open. Olive skin, long, dark, wavy hair, bright clear eyes. Lip gloss hovered outside the edges of her lips.

The second one I did not pay attention to. It was the third that caught me.

The third girl wore a black headscarf, in accordance with her religion. A delicate scarf, with scalloped edges. While her hair was hidden, it was obvious that the true beauty was in her face. Her dark eyes were framed with mascara and thick amounts of shadow and liner. Her bright fuchsia lips were bold, as her smile was shy. While she was wearing more makeup than anyone else on this train, on her, it did not make her look bad or slutty or cheap.

On my commute today, they were not there. I was running late and the train was oddly quiet.

I wondered who she was, the truly beautiful one. I wonder if her parents forced her to wear the scarf, or if she chose, or felt it was right. Did her parents know about this makeup, this generous and careful colors across her face? The work looked too intricate to have been done on the train. Did she, as I, sneak to a friend's house before school with absent or sleeping parents, and apply gobs of color to faces before school? Did she crouch behind a bush down the block from the train? Did she sit on the benches in the station, waiting for her friends, applying gentle strokes with small, soft brushes? Who was she anyway?

I remember right before the doors opened yesterday, how suddenly she had laughed. Nobody had said anything, but she did it anyway. The girls began laughing. "What? What's funny," one of the boys who I didn't look at asked.

I held back my laugh, and watched the girls exit the train and then through the turnstiles, and then we had parted our ways up different stairways, and different lives completely.

here are a few websites that will make yr day nicer:

http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/7423/youarehere.html chris dodge of street librarian has this website of his travels. beautiful, especially while listening to:

http://www.kcrw.com/online/ KCRW is an awesome internet radio station (and on line, if you live in CA) featuring innovative and eclectic music. Awesome.

http://www.ingnycmarathon.org/generalinfo/spectatorguide.html# OMIGOD! i'm running the marathon on nov 7th, send me good energy and cheer me on. i'm the one in pink.

http://www.lisnews.com/ News for nerdy librarians like me.

http://www.siecus.org/shop.html If you want to shop amazon you can support siecus (sexually information and education council of the united states)--every purchase you make, amazon donates a portion to siecus. rad.

http://www.librarianactivist.org/index.html I'm a nerdy librarian.

http://www.archive.org/audio/audio-searchresults.php?submit=ByRelease&limit=100&start=0&sort=collectionid&collection=naropa&PHPSESSID=0993fc1eb82a7a03a09c726e80a7f320
Listen to the Naropa audio archives

http://www.lipsticklibrarian.com/ i love the lipstick librarian! i have one of her t-shirts!

http://www.lipsticklibrarian.com/tips.html and that has some funny library-glamour!

http://www.lipsticklibrarian.com/quiz.html and that's best of all--the quiz to see if you really a lipstick librarian!

http://www.libr.org/PL/contentsFT.html many full text articles in the progressive librarian yay!

http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/ lyrics and other rad things to bob dylan songs and abt robert zimmerman & listen to samples of songs b/c everyone forgets what the title of this or that song is…

what's yr favorite bob dylan song? mine is "sad eyed lady of the lowlands." second place--"tangled up in blue."

Libraries Rule

as krs one calls himself, Knowledge Reigns Supreme Over Nearly Everybody being a (junior librarian) has offered me the entire world. before i entered library school, and started my library job (even if it is corporate, we all come from the library mindset), i would wonder things. "hmmm i wonder if Fahrenheit 9/11 is true." "wow, i wonder what jennifer belle's background is." "does anybody know any good recipes for chai?" now that i research regularly for work i have become more experienced, and more aware of my ability to leave no question unanswered. at work, i find myself googling veggie burger recipes, searching for information on how much the ceo of amex makes, checking out the background of various companies to see if i should support them, reading intelligent antibush news, etc. becoming a librarian has been an empowering experience--anybody who tells you knowledge is not power is different--KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! with knowledge you can do anything--go to school, find out what your senator did on this or that bill, do research for your boyfriend, grandmother, friend. i have researched for radical cheerleading, radical librarians, and radical cherie!

EMPOWER YOURSELF! READ & RESEARCH! KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

three girls on the train

i see three girls on the rush hour morning G train. they are going to brooklyn tech, i'm sure of it. three boys sit directly across from them, and they loudly talk, distracting me from my reading. i watch them. remember a shadow of myself, who i used to be. "no, you!" that's a sentence. they're loud. teens. laughter. my book does not entertain.
we get off at fulton, all of us. this is where brooklyn tech is, somewhere around here, the exact location i'm not sure of. and this is when i get to look at them.
one, long, dark waving hair, gorgeous olive-colored skin. she's the beauty of the group, the boys who i don't look at would probably say. the second one i don't look at. but it's the third girl i stare at.
she is wearing a head scarf, but i doubt it's her hair that would attract men. this girl is beautiful, hidden away in an untucked corner. a full face of makeup, that's what stops me. more makeup than anyone else on the train, but it does not look trashy. almost out of place with the headscarf, but perfect for the face. i wonder if she did the eyeliner before she got on the train, or if her parents knew about it. the eyeliner was thick, framed by eyeshadow and her beautiful eyes. deep lipstick.
will i see her today? does she take off her scarf when the boys kiss her? i don't know enough about scarves but sometimes i really wish i could just go back in time, make friends with the world and kiss everyone else in the process.

so i think i see my ex-boyfriend on the train and is that why he keeps staring at me? he's writing, staring at me, then writing. it's not drawing, which is what he does. now i'm listening to antibush punk bands, procrastinating, yes, a test in online retrieval that is made up of THREE essays. i'm not sure how a test with 3 essays on ONLINE RETRIEVAL can exist but...i wrote my grandma a letter asking her to vote for kerry. my ex-best friend's ex-boyfriend will be performing at a club after i am done cheering, how bizarre. a day of exes. ex-schools i spoke at. i am confused. library school is messing up my head. i reheated risotto, better the first time. i'd like to go to sleep. i like big butts and i cannot lie. this is the true me. you ever drink so much it all comes out and it doesnt make sense but it's who you are? need sleep. read pema chodron, thich naht hanh. i miss my old roommate but she, i dont know. i am not punk rock. i am punk rawk. you are rockin. he is a punk. my cat is lazy.
"it's such a sad state of affairs."
"i'm in a rogue state."
songs, then poems. love then life. help me sort it out, kay? what to do when love runs away and you realize a city is holding you back--you need to stay, help them change. wilderness therapy? you need a motherf-in hug! a kiss for you, maam. ma'am if yr 50 or above. i'm not ma'am. sexy ms. yeah!

oh my god, i just ran 3 hours 30 minutes and 29 seconds!

welcome to training for the marathon

on nov 7th along with tons of other crazy people i'm going to run in the nyc marathon. i'm totally not ready for it--i have not been doing the distance i should, my distance runs are not as frequent as they should be. anyway watch yr tv, i'm psyched, nervous and i know that i'm absolutely insane!

if you want to come, bring orange slices and hand them out to me and other runners and hand out water. if you volunteer by handing out water you get tons of free stuff. it's so awesome, even if you dont run. and be careful where you're going on that day or yr liable to be stuck on the wrong side of the street for hours.

www.nyrrc.org has tons of info on the marathon. click on the part abt the ing nyc marathon

my blue period

so i haven't written in a while. what can you do to cure a broken heart? here are some things that have been helping me since my boyfriend decided that a job as a fisheries observer in massachussets was more important to him than anything.

1. chocolate. you cannot lift out of a depression without chocolate. this is a fact.

2. good music. i have been listening to a lot of indian music, esp. ones that are good for yoga. it's soothing and calming and energizing at the same time. also, a cd ed gave me eons ago with way too much happy hardcore for anyone else is good. please note: if you are crying, happy hardcore makes you feel worse than before b/c all of the songs are about love. but it's a good cd anyway.

3. good food. i have trouble eating when i'm upset and i estimate i've lost 5 pounds at least since trevor and i have been having problems. some people eat a lot. i feel nauseas or queasy or just don't have an appetite. and hello, i'm training for the marathon and i am also the queen of food. i have heard, "i've never seen a girl eat as much as you." not anymore.

4. also, if i have the stomach and time, i cook. lentil soup, broccoli-gorgonzola risotto, mmmm!

5. a quiet space of your own that is nice. i love my apartment, it's so cute and perfect for me. it would be even better if trev lived there, but i'm not going to dwell on it. drink tea, write, work on my thesis, practice yoga, chill, play with luna.

6. play with my kitty. she knows i'm sad and she is super affectionate. or maybe she just wants to eat.

7. when it gets hard, call venessa, my mom, sister, other friends. i am so lucky to have so many rad people in my life.

8. write down what i feel.

9. read. no romance novels, none at all. humor is good. i like buddhist books abt sadness to help me through my times. pema chodron is really helping me out right now, thanks pema.

10. do me things, like dance like crazy or mop my apt while singing along with talib kweli, or yoga at 1am.

if you ever need a friend in a hard time, i'm here for you. thanks for listening.

A terrific book I just read is "Revolting Librarians" by Celeste West, Elizabeth Katz, et al. There's a newer version that is sitting on my bookshelf waiting to be raed, and this is the original Revolting Librarians from 1972.

Here's some wisdom I picked from it:

"To tell the truth is a revolutionary."
--A. Gramsci


"what is the afternoon for"
by tod hawks (c) 1972

what is the afternoon for
but to listen to the sonata
of footprints peering at
pictures hanging on plaster walls
perhaps a little child searching
for peanuts and parables
a saraband of gentle sounds
whisper the turning pages
i utter causes socialistic
evoking from the dark
'do you want to ruin this country'
and i pause to swivel in my chair
and think of little people
who lie dying
in the corner of streets
unpaved with human kindness


"those who profess to favor freedom yet deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning; they want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters."
--Frederick Douglass

Homage to RB
Elinor Martin (c) 1972

I look like I am filing catalog cards
But actually I am filing shadows of birds
Someday they will open the trays
And there will be only feathers.

THE DRAFT?!?!? from an email I got from a librarian (you can always trust librarians with the truth)

The Coming Draft - Skills & CombatAnti-war This is a Special Military Draft Alert.In May, the Seattle Post Intelligencer published an article about a document they received through the Freedom of Information Act. It was revealed that the SSS is currently “designing procedures” for the implementation of a “Skills Draft” and had held a top-level meeting on it with Deputy Undersecretaries at the Defense Department. This draft would change the essential mission of the Selective Service and require “virtually every young American,” male and female ages 18–34, to register for the Skills Draft and list all the occupations they are proficient in to fill labor shortages throughout nearly the entire government. If enacted, the Skills Draft proposed in this FOI- recovered document would change America as we know it.The Pentagon is suffering from immediate labor shortages. Recently, the inactive Ready Reserve had to be called up for the first time since the Gulf War to fill 5,600 job shortages in the Armed Forces. DoD said in the recent IRR callup “20% of the call-ups are truck drivers, 12% are supply specialists who can use a computer to track supplies, 10% are Humvee mechanics, 7% are administrative specialists and 6% are combat engineers” (USA Today, August 8, 2004).Although Congress would have to approve new legislation to create a Skills Draft or reinstate the combat draft, Family Circle reported in its July 13 issue that Karl Rove had polled GOP members of Congress in September 2002 to see if they would support the President if he requests reinstatement. The Republicans said they would vote for the draft. They would likely support the new legislation needed to create the Skills Draft. While Bush and the Republicans are of course keeping the return of the draft and the new skills draft as quiet as possible, many anti-draft organizations have recently begun warning of a “Coming New Draft. ”The Issue Paper document was revealed through the Freedom of Information Act by Seattle Post Intelligencer reporter Eric Rosenberg, who wrote a partial explanation of it that was printed May 1, 2004.Rosenberg’s article was edited, however, and some key points about this document were omitted in the published article. What follows is a full explanation of the document.This document is real, having been acknowledged by the DoD and the SSS when they said no action is being taken on it at the present time. However, given the current manpower shortages for certain skills and nurses, if Bush gets back in, expect all the options outlined in the Issue Paper to be implemented by the end of December of this year, and at the least a non-combat skills and medical draft to start next year, if not the male combat draft, ages 18 –25.Despite Rumsfeld saying the draft is not needed, this is the same neo-con administration that has repeatedly lied to and misled the American people. Draft-age youth and their families are left looking at a “long, hard slog” in Iraq (Rumsfeld secret memo), the neo-con plans to invade still more nations, and then having to take Rumsfeld and Cheney’s word not to worry about the draft, that they “are not considering it at this time.”Although official word is that this secret list of options is not being implemented—the Issue Paper options have NOT been rejected and the 6-page proposal is rather sitting in the Pentagon, waiting. In addition, the SSS itself has said that it is “designing procedures” (Seattle PI, May 1, 2004) to implement the skills draft, meaning designing the compliance cards and the data fields needed to keep track of “virtually every young American” and their skills. Acting Director of the SSS Brodsky has also said the Skills Draft is the “top priority” of the Selective Service for 2004.>From the FOI document, we now know that on February 11, 2003, Charles Abell, the Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Personnel and Readiness, and William Carr, Deputy Undersecretary for Military Personnel Policy, met with Lewis Brodsky, the Acting Director of the Selective Service and some other officials. This is the highest-level meeting you could have about the Selective Service, outside of Rumsfeld and his inner circle. They were there to discuss the urgent “issue paper” now revealed, which starts: “With known shortages of military personnel with certain critical skills, and with the need for the nation to be capable of responding to domestic emergencies as a part of Homeland Security Planning, changes should be made in the Selective Service System’s registration program and primary mission.”Although it would require changes in current draft law, the far-reaching proposal shows how far the Republicans are going to plan and prepare for a huge expansion of the draft. The Issue Paper options include: Change the very mission of the SSS to become a massive conscription service in the War on Terror for the entire government. Conscript men and women in a critical skills non-combat draft up to age 34 with no deferments of any kind, except “essential community service” (like the Medical Draft). Allow a non-combat draft for shortages in critical skills, without calling a combat draft. Fill labor shortages of all kinds throughout not only DoD but the whole government, especially high-paying professionals like computer networking specialist or linguist. Create a massive database of “virtually every young American” ages 18 to 34. This database would be used to draft in war and to recruit in peacetime. State and even local governments would be given access to the names for recruitment and help in emergencies. Create a single-point, all-inclusive database, in which every young person would be forced to send in a “self-declaration” of all of their critical skills, chosen from a long list of occupations like the Armed Forces Specialty Code. The self-declaration is similar to IRS compliance and the filling out and signing of your tax forms. All young people would be required to keep the government updated if they acquired a new skill. SSS Compliance forms will be available at every Post Office. The usual penalties of imprisonment and/or a $250,000 fine would apply to all non-registrants. A draft or recruitment could be for any one of the skills you self- declare on the compliance form, not your current or primary skill. This greatly increases your chance of being drafted if you are 18–34. Bring the Medical Draft (HCPDS) up to speed and fully test it through readiness exercises. Reduce induction time from being able to deliver all inductees in 193 days down to just 90 days for skills inductees.This secret paper urges the mission be changed “promptly,” meaning they really need it, it would draft for the Pentagon as well as the enormous Homeland Security branches as well as other government agencies, even state and local!For obvious political reasons, the decision was made by Bush, Cheney and Rove to sit on this 6-page proposal until after the election in November. Yet the SSS was told to go ahead and begin “designing procedures” for the Skills Draft in 2004 and make it their “top priority.” It can be expected that if Bush gets back in, and the DoD and SSS are still asking for the Skills Draft, the “Next Steps” part of the document will be put into action and the most expansive option to change the SSS mission will be rapidly legislated.In the secret planning meeting document, the next steps strongly recommended by SSS Acting Director Brodsky were:1. “Promptly” redefine the SSS Mission to draft men and women up to age 34 for skills, and deliver them within 90 days or sooner to the Department of Defense. Program a massive database to be ready to enter millions of names of those registering their critical skills.2. Expand mission to deliver personnel in skills draft to the Department of Homeland Security and other agencies, including FEMA, NSC, Border Patrol, INS, Customs, Corporation for National Service, Public Health Service and other federal, state and local government agencies.3. Form interagency task force to provide Administration with recommendation on this skills draft for the entire DHS and the rest of the government.4. Obtain White House Statement of Administration Policy on the future of the SSS.5. Be prepared to market the skills draft, raising the non-combat age to 34 and the drafting of women to the Armed Services and Appropriations Committee.This proposed expansion of the draft, forcing all people under 35 to register with the SSS, man or woman, is primarily proposed, according to the document, because the cost of providing contract professionals, like computer network specialists, would be “prohibitive.” In this way, the proposed Skills Draft would help preserve Bush’s massive tax cuts for the wealthy by lowering the massive budget deficits.That’s the new Skills Draft and the secret document behind it. But what about the Combat Draft?Selective Service has been registering young men for over twenty years and at any moment the President can go to Congress and ask them to reauthorize conscription for the male combat draft for ages 18–25. It doesn’t take much to imagine a re-elected Bush going to Congress and saying “We cannot cut and run from Iraq or the War on Terror. I need you to reauthorize conscription.”And they would not have to pass a whole new draft law to do it. All that is needed is a “trigger resolution,” which could be passed in the dead of night—and bingo! No debate, no regular bill, just a short resolution passed quickly and the draft for men 18 to 25 is back.That is why the Democratic draft resolution being offered by Rangel and Hollings is totally irrelevant. These are known protest bills and actually propose drafting women for the combat draft, just to make sure they will never see the light of day. Rangel and Hollings offered them to raise the issue and confront Bush. Hollings even said he wouldn’t vote for his own bill!They are not needed—and the press and the Republicans will bring them up as red herrings to distract everyone from what is really going on: the Republicans, and the SSS are quietly, behind the scenes, oiling up the draft machinery—getting ready to reinstate for the Spring of 2005. Taken singly, each of the clues indicating the return and expansion of the draft might seem insignificant but when you add them all up with what the Selective Service is doing to gear up the combat draft, a clear pattern emerges, leading to the inescapable conclusion that a Bush re-election will see not only a Skills Draft, but a return of the Combat Draft as well.What is the proof? The government’s own document, the SSS Performance Plan for Fiscal Year 2004.The Selective Service System, or the SSS, has for decades operated at a low level of readiness. Readiness Exercises are conducted on a multi-year cycle but historically these have been little more than getting draft board volunteers together and going over the procedures of what would happen under reinstatement and training new members every summer. And the draft boards themselves have become 80% vacant over the decades.In the current 5-year cycle of exercises, however, the SSS is clearly ramping up the draft machinery to an unprecedented level.“Strategic Objective 1.2: Ensure a mobilization infrastructure of 56 State Headquarters, 442 Area Offices and 1,980 Local Boards are operational within 75 days of an authorized return to conscription.”Tie that to this objective:An annual report providing the results of the implementation of these performance measures will be submitted by March 31, 2005.75 days from March 31, 2005 is about June 15, 2005. According to the 2004 plan, the draft boards will be “operational” then, meaning that they will be set up in 1,980 local offices around the country. If Bush asks for reinstatement on April 1, Congress could pass it that night and the first batch of more than one million 20 year-olds would face the national lottery as soon as that date, June 15, 2005.Here is how the $28 million is being spent according to the official document. Although the Senate rejected the funding request to bump up the SSS budget to $28 million, the SSS says in one paragraph of the Performance Plan that budgets will be “adjusted” to cover the additional cost for 2004:Strategic Goal 1: Increase the effectiveness and efficiency of the Manpower Delivery Systems (Projected allocation for FY 2004: $7,942,000)Strategic Goal 2: Improve overall Registration Compliance and Service to the Public (Projected allocation FY 2004: $8,769,000)Strategic Goal 3: Enhance external and internal customer service (Projected allocation for FY 2004: $10 ,624,000)Strategic Goal 4: Enhance the system which guarantees that each conscientious objector is properly classified, placed, and monitored. (Projected allocation for FY 2004: $955,000)In analyzing each of the 2004 goals in detail it is obvious that there are hidden “activation bombshells” in this so-called Performance Plan. Goal number 1 in particular brings the combat induction process up to 95% operational readiness, going so far as to actually hold a mock lottery drawing this year and to issue sample orders to report for the famous medical exam. The document does not reveal the day in 2004 the mock lottery is to be held.In addition, the Medical Draft, or Health Care Personnel Delivery System (HCPDS in the document), is for the first time brought up to full readiness by next year. This draft would take men and women up to age 44 if they are doctors, nurses or one of 60-some medical specialties. No medical deferments allowed. Previous readiness exercises merely went over what would happen with HCPDS and updated the guide. The 2004 plan actually develops a readiness exercise for the Medical Draft that would be conducted next year. Plus HCPDS must be ready to conscript by June, being part of the system.Goal number four is particularly ominous:Strategic Objective 4.1: Ensure a mobilization infrastructure of 48 Alternative Service Offices and 48 Civilian Review Boards are operational within 96 days after notification of a return to induction.Strategic Objective 4.2: Develop a Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for the Alternative Service Employer Network to specifically identify organizations and associations who can, by law, participate in the Alternative Service Program. This network will provide jobs for ASWs at the local level. Prior to activation, SSS will develop a draft MOU for use when obtaining agreements with qualified employers at the local and national level.For 31 years, the Conscientious Objector system, called the Alternative Service, has lain dormant. The 2004 plan also calls for this to be brought up to speed and to be ready to decide cases and place COs in the Alternative Service by July 6, 2005 (96 days after March 31, 2005). The SSS is even going so far as to draw up the SOPs, the Standard Operating Procedures which identify local employers eligible to receive cheap AS workers and to also draw up the actual MOU, the Memorandum of Understanding the employer must sign to get their CO workers and allow their mandatory attendance to be monitored. This is the last obstacle to be hurdled before the draft could actually be ready for quick activation under the law.In sharp contrast to all this preparation for a Spring 2005 draft by Bush, Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry has proposed a military plan that rejects any draft, by adding 20,000 active duty combat soldiers and 20,000 active “reconstruction specialists.” At a Wisconsin high school, Kerry pledged in June, 2004, that the draft would be “absolutely unnecessary.” When asked in April by 130 college editors in a conference call as to whether he would support a draft, John Kerry said unequivocally: “No. No draft” and he has criticized the use of the Guard and Reserve and now the Individual Ready Reserve as a “back-door draft.”Kerry plans to spend an additional $7 billion to strengthen the Volunteer Army in what is essentially a “No-Draft Plan,” Moreover, Kerry is strongly opposed to the neo-con plan revealed in Wes Clark’s book, in which Clark was told by a senior Pentagon official that invasions of Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Sudan and Somalia are still to come over the next three years.Source: http://www.blatanttruth.org/alert.htm

How to Surviving Library School

1. Never take it seriously. However, you will still learn a lot.
2. Take off at least one class per semester--drink beer or cook yourself an elaborate meal or take a bath or dance sweaty and naked at a popular club instead. If you go every week, you will drive yourself nuts!
3. Hold your nose and dive into cataloging. Once you understand it, it will be clear. I once spent 12 hours studying cataloging in one day. Ow.
4. Take as many different kinds of classes as possible. I have taken classes in Readers' Advisory, YA Services, Marketing of Libraries, Online Research, Archives & Manuscripts.
5. Before taking classes, ask around. Library students, like librarians, are usually friendly and will offer you advice about classes.
6. Keep up-to-date on what's happening in the library world.
7. Join library associations--most organizations have student rates which are WAY cheaper. ALA is about $25 or $30 (can't remember), and I also belong to SLA, NYLA, and the New York Library Club. Once you graduate, they're a lot more $$$.
8. Learn to love ALA and RLIN and OCLC and MARC and YALSA and etc etc etc. You will soon learn what all of these mean, that is, if you enroll.
9. Get the Nancy Pearl Librarian Action Figure.
10. Don't worry about shushing--no one does it anymore.
11. If you are white, with glasses, and female, you fit the standard of 99% of librarians. I do not have glasses, but am everything else.
12. If a class is boring, amuse yourself in other ways--write notes, write letters to friends (hi venessa!) in your notebook and mail them, do reading for other classes, day dream, make grocery lists, etc.
13. Librarians are friendly. Ask for help!

i don't know why i thought i could handle two classes plus write my thesis plus stopping dubya from getting selected again. oh yeah, plus get ready for this huge wedding (shoes? updo? an updo in greenpoint? exactly.) oh and i may or may not be going through a breakup of a 5 year relationship (no dates please, i really dont want anyone but the one i have, but if he leaves, we have no future...he may be taking a job in mass-ugh-chew-sits.)

i've been sad lately, and here's how i plan on doing staying strong:
1. spend a lot of time alone. i don't want to be around others when i'm sad.
2. cook. i made lentil soup AND a quiche yesterday (well two actually because something happened when i messed up the recipe.)
3. yoga.
4. run.
5. write.
6. don't talk to other people, or if you do, limit what you need to converse with them about.
7. cry. when it gets really bad, call trish. or melissa or venessa or jessica or my mom, but really, my mom doesn't want to hear it all. she would but then she'll hate trev. my friends get over it quicker.
8. work on thesis.
9. read books in bed. wear long pajamas, hair in a braid. cat is on pillow next to me, just a little lamp on, a cup of tea next to the bed. sleeping cap optional.

how silly this all is. i'm depressed. give me a hug!

oh my god i'm watching movies!

anyone that knows me knows i rarely watch movies. i've been getting into the documentary bandwagon (although i always liked docs, there's really so many terrific ones out lately!) and have watched several movies worth of watching again.

farenheit 9/11
amazing. i hated bush but i didn't realize how hardcore he had betrayed me and other americans. it's insane. sad. angry. wanting to create social change. it's the story of how dubya knew abt 9/11 and his actions. i watched it twice, in the theatres.
twice in the theatres is a world record for me.

the yes men
i cheered for them at the human rights film festival and then watched their film. amazing. it blew me away. i enjoyed it so much i am going to pay to see it this weekend. basically it's the story of these guys who create a wto-look-a-like website www.gatt.org that gets them several invitations to speak as wto reps...and the hilarious results. inspiring for activists.
one at a preview, once (to be) in the theatres.

the corporation
amazing. http://www.filmforum.com here in nyc is showing it. it's amazing and examines the corporation psychologically as if it were a person--and the insane results. very informative and interesting.
once in the theatres

outfoxed
i wanted to see this and finally rented it from photoplay. i got so mad at o'reilly when he's yelling at this guy who is against the war and whose dad died in the wtc--SHUT UP!!! it's insane and you also learn more abt how rBST is so evil. i drink organic milk, you should too!
rented once

the weather underground
in 1969 a group of people broke off fr sds to form the weather men. these people advocated violence to create a revolution. crazy the things they did, but it was really interesting.
rented and watched 1 1/2 times.

any movies to recommend??? let's have a date!

what is an antonym. no, what is a synonym.

how do you do with a breakup or a reunion? how do you deal with a kiss or a fist? what do you do with a cat and a mouse? and how does a thunderstorm with a sunny sky exist? your body when you work in a cold office in the dead humid heat of summertime? what is the purpose of opposites? of dirt roads and a konkrete jungle? of family but a family that lives far? can it all exist, within the same universe?

i'm posting on my blog a lot lately...i don't know, i really like my computer. trev has been away so i'm totally being productive. the house is clean, the laundry hanging, homework being done (some of it), calls returned, cats on diet, bills getting paid..we might break up forever, and then what? i'll be productive but alone..."sad and lonely" as my grandma would say. let's not think about this all, my cat is trying to eat my receipts as my love has not called me back.

a terrific anonymous Salvadoran poem:

I, Like You
Love Life, Life the Sweet Enchantment of
Things, the Celestial Blue Countryside on
January Days.
But My Blood Boils and I Laugh With the
Eyes That Have Known Tears.

What do you do when you really don't like yr job but it's not all that bad but still you've been looking for as long as you work there but everytime you talk about leaving your mom and others say, "But it pays so well! And your boss is so nice, and it's flexible and good to work at during school..." And you just want to scream, "I choose the poverty of a librarian over this crap!"

Welcome to my life.

My friend Kickassica is leaving her corporate job for school. Lucky her. I know that I'm only going to be here till May at most but still I want to escape. I have an interview in a few weeks for a job at a public library--paying less than half of what I make now. (But with benefits, etc.) I don't know what to do.

Why does my job suck?

1. For starters I hate the corporate world.
2. It's located in the Financial District.
3. I am a temp and they refuse to hire me as a perm. This means I don't get health benefits, when I do anything my email is US NY Library Assistant.
4. Even though I was hired as an assistant, at some point my boss decided I'd be a junior librarian, and I started doing research. I think she likes to call me her assistant (her=powerful) but I hate it. I absolutely hate it.
5. I hate photocopying.

So what should I do? Should I escape? Should I run away? Should I suck it up and stay?

disgruntled, part 2

everyone seems unhappy here at work. what does this mean? i don't know. i have to carry a heavy backpack (with all my books for my thesis that i'm returning) to a school in another borough...

you don't want to hear me whine though! (and neither does trevor, but poor boy, he does!)

weather.com lied--there wasn't any rain during the day today either! i would've worn flipflops but instead my dirty pink diesel sneakers.

the state of the world is unsettling. i mean, gwb is prezzie! um, i don't think so!

can someone figure out a way for me to maintain my sanity? thanks, i really appreciate that....

until next time, i'm a tomato lover. my dad grows the best tomatoes, the best, i love sliced cold tomatoes with salt on them.

disgruntled and tired

the semester just started and already i'm tired. my thesis is going to be super time-consuming (that's why it's worth three credits, cherie, duh!) and my head feels heavy. i would like a blanket and a pillow, please. sleep at work.

lately work is back and forth. i'm doing "clips"--you gather all the news from the past month or so on a specific topic or company--i've been doing banks--retail and investment. i know, sounds pretty thrilling but i WANT to do research and honestly, i've been bored to tears lately.

i wish my job was in soho. or it was not in the financial district. and i wish i didn't have to deal with the corporate types. this job is good for now--very good financially--but i'm confused abt my future.

queens and i have an interview--the question is: can i settle for that much less $? (yes as long as trevor doesn't leave me.) can i deal with a longer commute? (not really.) can i do public? (yes as long as i'm not working in a horrid hood.) we'll see.

it's crappy weather--rain all week--although tomorrow it's just supposed to be cloudy. i'm not a duck, i hate rain.

pause. sit in your little chair at your computer and pause. read this and then close your eyes. where would you really like to be? now close your eyes.

did you close your eyes? close them! now relax.

me? i'd like to be in a tropical cabin on the beach on my porch or in my porch at my house in greenery--sleeping on a comfy porch futon with my honey and my kitty. then, then i can dream of bigger things. like a good job at an academic library and more $ and getting my novels published and two cats and happily ever after...

so i actually did something today, and it's only 2 pm!!

i got up, swept and mopped the floors, and did all that boring cleaning crap yr lucky if you do once a year. before trev moved in, i'd clean weekly--usually i'd straighten up daily and on sundays or some weekend day, i'd spend a few hours mopping and that sort of thing. so i'm proud i cleaned today. of course, i must admit trev is away.

if he was here, there's no doubt in my mind. we would've slept later, lazed around in bed not doing much of anything, checked my email, etc. so i'm glad i cleaned.

damn, there's all that boring reading i have to do for library school. i'll go over to the greenpoint cafe and drink some blood orange tea and read. how dull.

here's my top ten of things everyone should do in the next month:

1. register to vote.
2. register others to vote. check out the swing states. if you liked farenheit 9/11, visit http://www.michaelmoore.com and read all his stuff, then visit the section on what can i do. there are tons of sites where people are registering people to vote.
3. clean their houses. dust is sucky!
4. make love, not war.
5. get yr pet vaccinated. there's tons of places that provide low or free pet vaccinations. i'm going to the sunday petco extravanganza. poor kitty!
6. follow the news. follow at least one thing in the news so you can talk intelligently about it. hurricane francis? the tradgedy at the russian school? who can't afford the hamptons because they can't even afford to eat? you choose.
7. buy a birthday gift for your friend. now buy yourself a gift because you're so cool!
8. do something totally outrageous. go to the financial district in fishnets with anti-bush pins all over your purse. use food coloring to dye all your food, invite friends over for breakfast, and serve them green oatmeal, purple eggs, red water.
9. do your homework, call your relatives, iron your clothes, and be a good girl.
10. kick out the prezzie bush, and love your fuzzy bush. "my bush is better, it's fuzzy like a sweater! not like that prezzie peter, my bush is simply sweeter!"

that's all folks. have a lovely day! i promise to be updating this blog with increased regularity.

okay i am totally procrastinating at this point. i have to read six chapters plus two articles for class. my stomach hurts. let's see...

wait, i heard a question. what does miss cherie do in a day?

MS. CHERIE!

okay, what does ms. cherie do in a day?

here's what i did today:
630 am: snooze goes off.
730 am: i get out of bad. change into very unsexy running clothes (neon pink spandex shorts and gray sports bra). put on of those "water bottle on a skinny fanny pack type strap" on. put half of a power bar in my pocket.
930 am: no water, no powerbar. i ran all the way to the botanical gardens. eat cantaloupe while standing in front of the fridge. shower.
1030 am: after cereal, go to the bank. there are literally 30 people in front of me. there are two or three tellers. go to the library. b/c of the holiday, it is closed.
1100 am: eat couscous.
1130 am: take the 7 train to 5th ave. go to the verizon store who updates my phone which i doubt will help this problem. (how come my settings have been updated twice already with verizon and never with att or voicestream? what's the deal?) return a pumice stone at the body shop that was defective, and get a new one.
1131 am: the library is closed, the midmanhattan one. curse.
1134 am: get a large smoothie. feel better, but realize i make smoothies better.
12noon: check my email. straighten up the house.
2 pm: decide luna needs some exercise. take the b43 to the park (i'm not walking with that fat thing in a bag on MY shoulder!). some guy tells me all about his dead cat. heshe is freaked out and pees on her leash. good kitty.
230 pm: get peaches. old ladies think luna is so cute. she is clutching onto me like never before. i know she's not being affectionate.
240 pm: luna does not even TRY to go after the pigeons.
3 pm: take the b61 back home. i am filthy because kitty got dirty. take a shower.
320 pm: keep smelling smoke. smoke comes in my winter. i decide the building is on fire. grab my flash drive (my writing!) and am stuffing luna into a bag in the hallway. see my neighbor and tell him i smell smoke. i run outside.
my downstairs neighbor is barbecuing under my window.
330 pm: leave my house for upper west side.
4 pm: see this performance "circus amok." kids like some parts but it's mostly geared towards adults. a lot of antibush jokes! yay! the cheerleaders and i laugh.
6:30 pm: get home. my stomach feels like it's about to explode. try to do work. procrastinate instead.

i'll probably actually do my homework later. my friend was supposed to come over today but i don't think i'm up for anything. brown rice please. and water.

plenty of water!

why i am so mad right now

Police and Protesters Spar a Last Time, Over the Peace

September 4, 2004
By RANDAL C. ARCHIBOLD and MICHAEL WILSON



Police and protesters are engaged in one last dispute - this
time, over why the demonstrations outside the convention
ended up relatively tame.

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/04/politics/campaign/04protests.html?ex=1095339312&ei=1&en=ba2af72921cb8ecd


Okay so the above article is such BULLSHIT!!! I can't believe the NY Times totally lied like that. One of my friends (a cheerleader) was arrested and the stories she told...I almost cried. Cops tightening plastic handcuffs after someone complained that they were too tight and the hands turning BLACK. people fainting. medication denied. phone calls, lawyers denied. bathrooms denied. food and water denied. crowded conditions. the people were kept in a former bus garage and there was oil all over the floor and probably asbetos in the air. Sugar cane, who has asthma, had trouble breathing and was denied her inhaler.

For more of the truth, email me cheriecat at aol dot com That is such BS.

a gigantic apology

i know i have totally neglected doing this blog over the past month and a half, but here's a bunch of reasons why. (oh yeah and please note, i feel so ill as i'm writing this and keep having to run away from my computer. i have cramps and a stomach ache and this feeling that won't let me do the BORING reading i have for school!)

1. I am in school. This summer I suffered through a treachorous "Archives & Manuscripts" class which would have been wonderful had the teacher been able to teach. She looked down at us, and talked constantly of Long Island. I grew up there but...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! If you are interested in going to library school, Queens College has a cheap program: http://www.qc.edu
2. MY TRUE LOVE MOVED BACK TO NEW YORK!
3. MY TRUE LOVE GOT A JOB OFFER IN MASSACHUSSETTS! (Hopefully if all works out well with this one job, then he will be here, yay!)
4. I have somewhat but not totally been writing. My writing partner, Venessa sends me edited drafts, which has really helped. Don't worry, my novel (one of them) will be coming out one of these days. In the future, I will be posting more of my writing to http://www.worldofcherie.blogspot.com You should check often.
5. My sister moved to Wisconsin. I drove out there with her. I really hate Pennsylvania, also Ohio and Indiana and Illinois. Driving in a car crammed with stuff where you barely can fit in--not fun.
6. I worked. My job is the same. Bleh. I like some things (like the $) but honestly, I need out. I have an interview for less than half of what I'm making at the end of the month--we'll see.
7. Radical cheerleading! I will post something separate about the RNC protests but for the past three months we have been having practice once a week, cheering at various events, sometimes cheering throughout the streets in our "Happy Hour Cheertime." Very fun. Exhausting, too, though. http://www.nycradicalcheerleaders.org
8. I am in the NYC marathon this year and have not been regularly lately--bad girl. This marathon is gonna kick my ass for real! Today I ran for two hours. I'm tired. If you want to start running check out http://www.runnersworld.com
9. Being part of a rad project called Radical Reference. Librarians offering reference on the street to activists. Check us out on http://www.radicalreference.info

Have a wonderful day and don't get as busy as me. This fall I'll be busy with:

1. Training for the marathon.
2. Taking two classes--Online Retrieval and Young Adult Reader Services, as well as writing my thesis (on the topic of Alternative Libraries) which is worth three credits.
3. Working. Trying to find a better job.
4. Trying to write and work on inputting all the edits Venessa recommended.
5. Going with the cheerleaders to various states to register votes and cheer. We are going to PA next weekend (or VA if that falls through) and possibly some of us (probably not me) to Colorado. WE NEED TO GET DUBYA OUTTA OFFICE!

Library School

My teachers (all white) have been:
a hip (now pregnant) Hungarian special collections guru who was supernice and sometimes wore glasses;
a computer nerd (he agrees) who wore glasses and was nitpicky, to say the least;
a lazy Merchant Marine librarian with a thick Greek accent;
a glasses wearing romance-novel-loving lesbian;
a hip middle-aged woman with a terrific energy and a wonderful passion for libraries and books;
a Jersyite obsessed with Jasis and the intellectual world of library science;
and a 60-something with short blonde hair, small thick glasses, earrings that look clip-on, and sensible shoes.
The last teacher lullabyes me to sleep Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6 to 8:30 p.m. She has a kind grandmotherly voice, perfectly manicured nails, and rarely moves from her seat during class.

I wonder if an MLS will make me happy. I'm exhausted, wishing I weren't just halfway through library school.

I miss childhood. Or collegehood. Or MFAhood.

here's some of my favourite sites…

www.nycradicalcheerleaders.org
okay I am the webmistress, but it's rad!

http://www.abebooks.com/
a great website for finding hard-to-find books.

http://www.yourdictionary.com/
I use this site at least weekly…has terrific translation advice as well as articles and information about languages that are becoming extinct, etc.

http://www.airamericaradio.com/pub/globalDefault.htm
if you haven't started listening yet, you will. I never thought I'd be into talk radio, but I'm totally addicted now…! yow! "unfiltered" is good, as is everything. I laugh like crazy during the randi rhodes show. you can listen over the internet, thru satellite tv, or over the radio.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/
music of all kinds. right now I'm listening to judge jules. amazing stuff, really. plus those cute british accents. yum!

http://www.archive.org/audio/audio-searchresults.php?submit=ByRelease&limit=100&start=0&sort=collectionid&collection=naropa&PHPSESSID=0993fc1eb82a7a03a09c726e80a7f320
my alma matter…this is the website with readings of waldman, ginsberg, and many of the other postmodern greats and others. terrific stuff. you can dl and then listen…!

some other news sources:
http://www.atrios.blogspot.com
really funny political website, often featuring news fr the extreme left field. right on! I read daily…

www.nytimes.org
I read this paper b/c it's written intelligently, and b/c it's good to know what's happening worldwide.


very funny…and I must break it to you, but although it seems true, it's a satirical paper.

www.alternet.org
another one of my fave sites. a good alternative news source.

www.salon.com
you have to watch a brief ad, but it's worth it.

after running an amazing pr and nearly winning an extremely difficult 10k, my college coach asked me what my secret was. this is also the secret to life:

1. eat candy bars (powerbars are also good but i prefer the real chocolate!)
2. eat half of a entire vegan cake (well, it has honey but we lied and said it was vegan)
3. stay up all night dancing
4. get no sleep
5. cold and pouring rain
6. leave late but speed up to catch up
7. be in a bad mood and say constantly how much you hate everything
8. stretch
9. eat 4 of mrs. schemerhorn’s cookies prior to race
10. go out slow
11. get boxed in at the beginning
12. run hard

i had already been involved with it for a while before i began to think about it. before i began to actually think about what i was doing. it’s like i knew it but i was in denial so that others wouldn’t realize. but then i was in love and it was time to think if this was for me and of course it wasn’t, nothing ever is for anyone unless it’s love.

mermaidia


through territories i navigate my way through the thickness of the air, as if water. pass schools of fish with ties, carrying briefcases, cell phones glued to ears, “yes sir,” corporations, capitalism, american way of life.

manhattan island, surrounded by water. connected by bridges, tunnels, ferries, trains both above and below water.

run along the east river. pass pollution, south street seaport smelling fish, seafood. see old asian men grinning with sunburned skin and fishing poles, squinting at sun. run over brooklyn bridge into magic, over water, what if the bridge collapsed.

or greenpoint, little polish girls staring at me as i show them yes you can show skin/be sexy/do anything as a woman as i run along the “beach” in williamsburg/seaside/what call it.
(where zodiac serial rapist and murderer preyed on his victims, all young women.)
scared, not enough cop cars, run over the williamsburg bridge.
(a woman was attacked on the bridge, raped and they/he pushed her body off the bridge into the water. that was late at night but still, sometimes you don’t see anyone but the occasional j/m/z train which can’t help you.)


we’re in kensington, 10 min train ride to brighton beach or coney island. eat cotton candy and nathan’s and june’s mermaid parade, ride oldest surviving rollercoaster, the cyclone, screaming from the top as you think the rickitiness is going to push you off the edge, a good view of the ocean. dirty.
(hospitals in the eighties were discovered to be dumping medical waste into the ocean. people started getting murdered at coney island. bad. people went to public pools, not risking the dangers of the beach. everyone was afraid of syringes with the aids virus stabbing them mid-swim, or gang members stabbing them as they might be trying to win a stuffed animal for their sweetie.)

here i survive. a mermaid on land. blow dry my legs daily after my bath to ensure that i will not reveal my true self. when the j train goes over water, i am sometimes tempted to stand in between cars and jump off. return.


garbled words, water fills their ears. their mouth can’t hear not sure what to say or do and nothing makes sense. skip shells and rocks along the beaches of far rockaway. nothing in the sky, not starfish or stars or fish, but lights, fake created with no imagination.

revere another way of life. i reject stability on land. i cannot help but feel this way in myself. it is time for a swim away from civilization.

(c) copyright 2002 c. yanek

we're so cool, yeah yeah, yeah we're so coo-cool! (bratmobile...right???)

anyway im totally beat. dyke march was today--awesome and incredible!!!! lesbians dancing topless and wearing outrageous apparel and they LOVED our cheers. had SO much fun. lost my voice.

"you cheer? why?"

"we cheer! we lead! we know there is a need!"

okay b/c it's entertaining, b/c it has a political message, b/c it's fun, b/c it's exercise, b/c i love my squad!

also i saw michael moore's farenheit 9/11. everyone EVERYONE should see it. it links bush with how he pushed us into the iraq war, and his relations with the saudis. crazy.

so you need to check out these two sites:
our radical cheer site

and michael moore's site


i'll write more after i've slept

hugs and kisses!

FICTION:

she arrived late to work that morning, but it didn't matter. on the rare occasion that her boss arrived on time, he was likely to be eating a fried egg and cheese (sometimes with ham, on one of those "un-heart healthy days" as he liked to call them), spilling his latte on his paperwork that he tried to ignore as much as possible, or participating in a loud conversation on his cellphone about matters that could never be mistaken to be work-related.

she took off her coat and put her soup she made and ate the night before in the fridge. she washed her hands to clean them from the subway grime, and turned on her computer. at the tea and coffee station, some overworked/underpaid administrative assistant had brought in a coffeecake, and she steeped a cup of earl grey tea in a styrofoam cup as she sliced herself a piece of the aforementioned cake, placing it on a napkin. after her tea was dark, she threw the tea bag in the garbage, added a packet of sugar (not sweet n low) to her tea, and poured in enough milk to make it "light." she returned to her desk with the tea and cake. she thought about getting a slice for jimmy, her boss, but she worried about him getting too fat. she stole the jetblue crunch airplane guide to yoga from a recent flight and got a book of "stay slim from your seat" exercises, including her personal favorite, squeezing a massive dictionary between one's thighs. she only had a pocket, which did not work as well. with these methods, and irregular attendance at the gym, she managed to avoid the infamous "secretary butt." she could even eat cake with tea, after an earlier bowl of granola with peach yogurt.
she logged into her email, typing in "freedom" as her password. she checked her voicemail, and wrote the detals on a yellow post-it pad. she opened up her personal email account, deleting the porn first, and listened for her boss. she sipped loudly at her tea and felt impatient for five o'clock already. it was 9:34 a.m.

i cleared out one of my closet. i think only drag queens have more clothes than i. for me to clean out my closet, it's a HUGE deal!

it's official: trevor and i are meant for greatness!

so...my life as a "single" will change. i'm kinda nervous. i'm busy, running around, barely seeing my friends, neglecting to call my crazy grandma. my laundry is piling up. i haven't written in weeks. hopefully venessa and i will become famous writers b/c then we can have fifty collected letters books. i write this girl a few times a week.

so what else is going on with me?

things at my job are VERY unstable. my boss is super cool, is going to try to give me a raise to help me pay for my insurance. rah! my job isn't perfect but it's really nice for now...i hate the financial district ugh. basically there are rumours "we" are being "bought" and this is why they don't want to increase their head count. which means if/when "we" are "bought" i may not have a job. so i've been looking....

i got called for an interview for a press liasion/digital archivist. hmmm not sure if i'm going to be okay for it. i hate interviewing. i'll have to lie to leave work early.

i'm going to san francisco this weekend to see mikey. it turns out he has to work for part of my trip (great....) but i'm psyched to go. i really love san francisco.

trevor is convinced there will be a terrorist attack during the RNC. while i'll be in a cheerleading skirt, shouting about social injustic. *sigh* i don't know what to do. weren't we warned/worried thanksgiving/new years/etc/etc..."we think something might happen"...color levels rising...yellow orange red whatever. i just want bush out of office.

thinking abt how all of us use the word "bush" in that sexual way a lot more than ever lately. we're all so funny in the activist world...

i've been cheering A LOT lately. i am the webmistress of our website (totally ghetto, i don't have the time or skills...) so check it out if you want to check us out, let me know.

what else...i'm running a race on my birthday in central park! i'm turning 25 can you believe it? i'll also be having a "girl drink" party, so if yr my friend, you know the deal.

luna just got a new collar. it's purple with "rhinestones." she's not impressed.

LOVE TO MY FANS!

how to avoid looking like a sweaty pig in the midst of summertime heatwaves

yes you look like a pig, sweating and wiping your brow with the bottom of your shirt. interested in looking a little less gross? well summertime means sweat but here's a few ways to look a little nicer.

1. deodorant plus antiperspirant. i have a little debate within myself because i am scared of aluminum (breast cancer and alzheimers may be somewhat caused by this) which is in most antiperspirants. trevor uses arm & hammer's manly man deodorant which is okay but i smell like him all day. by the end of the day i smell gross, so i won't be lifting up my arms. i also have the kiss my face deodorants which are okay...but again, towards the end of the day you won't be lifting your arms. use aluminum and get cancer or alzheimer's possibly (most people's choice) and not sweat or use something else and be stank. if you choose the latter option, be sure to carry around the deodorant and reapply in the midst of the day. now hug!

2. keep it all trim. a while ago, i decided i didn't need to shave my armpits. no i didnt but i soon discovered that the sweat hung around longer because it got caught in the hairs and i smelled more. yuck yuck! keeping body hair (including the hair on yr head for that matter, though who am i to talk) neat and trim will make you sweat less.

3. fans, and air conditioners.

4. sandals, open-toed shoes of all kinds, and light fabrics. i was running in shorts and a sports bra this morning and saw some dopey hipster with a knit cap and jeans on. it was only what 80, with 90% humidity? no wonder he's sweating...and probably smelling!

5. determine where it is you sweat. the small of your back? your forehead? behind your knees? i sweat within where my cleavage would be were my breasts big enough. i used to tuck a paper towel in between my breasts walking to work or the train. this way, the paper towel, not my shirt would absorb it. this may not work for all areas.

6. drink a lot! NO NOT ALCOHOL! i'm talking water, cold juice, icy smoothies. caffeine (what's in most sodas, coffee, and teas) actually dehydrates you! if you're going to drink caffeine, be sure to drink a lot of water too. gatorade is great.
ed tells me, "for every alcoholic drink you have, drink two glasses of water." if you are planning on getting hammered, when you come home, don't pass out into bed. get a LARGE bottle of water at a deli by the bar, and drink it on your way home. drink as much water as possible before going to bed, and leave a big glass or bottle of water next to your bed. tylenol is good to prevent hangovers.

7. furry friends, your fur on me makes me feel gross. luna, sorry. MEOW!

8. don't go running at high noon. tanning at the hottest part of the day may get you a terrific tan but will dehydrate you. please drink lots of water. you will sweat.

9. hey remember, sweating is your body's air conditioning! right on!

10. "air conditioned" clothes are acceptable provided your air conditioning is not in certain...er, locations.

HAPPY SWEATING!

a few types and people in my library school
sad but true

1. middle aged moms. usually nice, sometimes annoying. the worst thing they ever do is talk about their children too much.

2. twentysomethings. that's me. we're either hip (me) or dorks. the middle aged moms look down on you, "oh you don't understand/know that. you're too young." whatever. it's their revenge for getting old. or something. now i hate proving myself that i'm smart even at 24 (25 next june 5!) but whatever, i'll be like, i miss those days, when i'm old.

3. middle aged men. they drive me crazy. they think they know it all and never shut up. they are SO annoying. like the jerk who harassed me after my presentation on censorship and wouldn't shut up b/c he's a boy scout leader and thinks we shouldn't have books on sex b/c he thinks his son should find out abt sex from him. yeah, if i was his son, i'm sure i'd prefer a book than him. but honey, it's not just you using the library: what about the people's whose parents won't tell them? freedom of information and access to information: the two fundamental beliefs that libraries are founded upon.

4. the paper eater.

5. the fussy nitpicky wannabe libraries who demand everything is JUST SO. AUGH!!!!

ME? i'm twentysomething but i'm a chatoic librarian. i support cats in all libraries!

so i need to figure out my life

god, will this girl stop whining? yr probably wondering. nope. my mother raised me to whine. it's a yanek trait. just kidding. but seriously, i can't go on like this anymore.

my job:
it's OKAY but JUST okay. the pay is fairly good, most of my coworkers are very cool, and i really like my boss. im not too fond of the financial services industry, and i hate the financial district. not to mention im not getting BENEFITS YET! i am trying very hard to find a new job but no luck so far. why wont they just give me benefits???

how does anyone else get along in life?
for example, i set my alarm for 510am, i wake up at 610 or 620 (the former being if my mother calls me, the latter if i get up myself), scoop the litter box, change into running clothes. i wish i could run for 60 minutes but i usually only have 30-40, and that's pushing it. then i go to work (sometimes late which doesn't really matter), imitate "office space" for a few hours, email jessica and venessa. lunch i go to the library or wander around battery park or try to write. then i get out at 5pm (5:01 i'm already on the street, don't try to stop me), if i have class i have to walk to the e at wtc, which means i go to class and don't get home till 10pm, but if not, i go home. laundry, feed cat, clean house, make dinner, do homework, talk on the phone with trevor/family, it all seems pointless. i don't have time/energy to write: AND THAT'S THE ONE THING I LIVE FOR. of course i live for luna and trevor and all that other good stuff but writing, that's what keeps me going. and i'm barely going.

i'm already late for work so i'll end this now but any advice would be appreciated...

i decided it's best for all of us to abstain from carbs.

wait, i didnt mean bread. i love bread. and cookies and pretzels and fruit and bagels.

i mean, carbs, and rice.

C Cheney
A Ashcroft
R Rumsfield
B Bush

No Carbs!
No Rice, No Condoleeza Rice!


influenced by a stranger in tompkins square park

HOW TO SURVIVE A DULL CLASS



*yawn*



ever had a boring class? of course. a boring day at work with nothing to do but you need to look like you are doing something? a telephone conversation with a friend that sucks? a wedding that bores you?



here are some useful tips to liven up any boring moment. remember: be subtle and quiet, and every so often, lift your hand up to your face, gently touch your lips, nodding your head, “of course,” and repeat words that may be important.



1. discreetly create your grocery and to-do lists. while it may be difficult to recreate the missing items in your refrigerator, a quick call on your mobile phone to others in your house will surely help. just keep your voice down so you don’t draw any attention to yourself.

2. on the same paper as your notebook paper, write letters to friends, relatives, and politicians. consult with a pocket dictionary only when your teacher says a big word.

3. stay in shape. all these classes are going to give you “student stomach” and “secretary butt.” flex and stretch your legs, squeeze in and hold your stomach, and do butt clenching exercises. yeah! now you don’t need to go to the gym.
4. if you must drink alcoholic beverages during class, please keep the alcohol in a sealed thermos. straight up vodka is okay in a water bottle. be careful—if you spill it, others will smell it, and want some too.

5. doodle. draw pictures, write words, including any anger you may feel towards boring and annoying classmates performing their latest monologue.
6. put an e book on your pocket pc or tablet pc and pretend to take notes. you will be reading a wonderful book instead. try to pay attention every so often.

7. to ensure your professors will leave you alone, before or after class approach them, and say, “I’m going through some very hard times lately. I apologize if I’m not performing my fullest.” they will be sympathetic and look at you less.
skip it altogether.

8. if possible, give yourself an extensive manicure and pedicure.

so you want to go to a rally.
here's some surefire preparation tips. remember: the less you have on you, the better, because if you're going to be screaming, kicking, jumping, marching, dancing, flyering, whatever, you want to have as little weight on your shoulders as possible (unless you have someone who wants to hold yr stuff, then bring the world!).

SUNBLOCK
this is impt even if it doesn't appear to be sunny. get a small size to keep in your bag with you just in case you need more.

THROAT DROPS
these are essential if you're going to be doing any amount of screaming, and prevent voice loss to some degree.

TISSUES
portapotties rarely have tissues.

WHISTLES
for when you lost your voice and want to cheer.

WATER & FOOD
need i say more? luna bars are great to bring.

CLOTHES
you will be marching, with lots of people, and if yr a cheerleader, jumping around. dress appropriately. don't dress too warmly or in too many layers. you'll be carrying any layers you shed.

LIP BALM

MONEY
to buy buttons, tshirts, food when you get sick of luna bars

FLYERS
to hand out for yr cause, and a pen to write any extra info on them

SUNGLASSES

COMFY SNEAKS
on yr feet

What if there were no more offices? What if there were no more office jobs ever, no more offices ever again? What would you do???

Yesterday, it was beautiful. 65. and there i was, typing things into an excel spreadsheet, emailing obsessively, editing venessa's brilliant story. (okay so i'm often left with not much to do at work.) sitting at my little desk, looking out the window next to me...god it was beautiful! were people walking around in bikinis? okay maybe not that but it was gorgeous.

i get off work. i have a headache, bleary-eyed from staring at a computer for eight hours. it's wonderful. hot. f*ck my winter coat. it's beautiful.

i run in my house, nudge luna away from me as she meows for food. (this cat can stand some exercise, too!) "later, wait a bit sweetie," i tell her, slipping into a tank top/sports bra and the appropriate spandex short shorts. sunglasses. sweatband. and i'm gone.

i run up franklin, to oak, over to berry, down and make a left on metropolitan, run down roebling, where i pass a fellow runner, "hello." run fast, hit mccarren park and feel good. lie down on the side of the track and begin stretching.

the runner comes next to me. we begin chatting. awkwardly.

"oh it's so good to be outside. after being at work all day. the office."

"definitely...so hard to be in work when it's like this."

we get chatting, she works for a publishing co. we talk abt how our jobs rob us of our time. "i was thinking," i tell her, "that it's crazy how we go to work and don't have enough time to do what we want to do, and i think there is absolutely no way i can live the rest of my life like this."

we begin running. she asks me, "what would you do if there were no offices? no office jobs?"

"no offices?"

"yes. no office jobs. no such thing as offices. you could do anything else. be a nurse, a gardener, a janitor, a bartender. what would you do?"

"work in an academic library...that's what i want to do."

"no. no libraries."

i think. "i want to write...but that isn't paying the bills yet. umm...ummm....i'd be a track coach."

"so be a track coach."

"i can't with my job now. and more school it probably requires."

she says she would work with children and paint.

i realize how trapped i have been feeling lately. like i'm going nowhere. eventually, after i get my MLS i can become a REAL LIBRARIAN. but lately, with not having benefits or anything ("we're not real people," liz always says to me, another "temp" librarian who has yet to be hired. my boss says, "i don't get this. they can hire 1600 consultants but I have to jump thru flaming hoops to get a part-time librarian (liz) and a junior librarian (me) hired.") i think the white paper corporate bullshit is really turning me off from wanting to stay there.

i'm sending out resumes. i'm hoping someone buys my book. i just want to write all day, is that too much to ask.

it'd be awesome if trev did get a job in another country that paid well and i wouldn't be able to work--i could write all day. but honestly, the city inspires me and i want to stay here for a while.

my ideal day would be:
wake up leisurely (no alarms!)
go running for an hour or so
indulge in stretching while drinking gatorade
yoga
shower and eat
write for a few hours
meet a friend at a cafe; discuss books and our writing
write more
go to my writer's group and critique each other's work
go home and meet my lovey for dinner, maybe wash some dishes or something domestic like that (okay that's a bit of realism eh?)
and read before bed. (i know other people watch tv, yuck, i read yay!)

so how can i accomplish this?

i don't want to dream anymore. i'll take something else; i just don't want to be trapped.

i wish there were no more offices.