so i actually did something today, and it's only 2 pm!!

i got up, swept and mopped the floors, and did all that boring cleaning crap yr lucky if you do once a year. before trev moved in, i'd clean weekly--usually i'd straighten up daily and on sundays or some weekend day, i'd spend a few hours mopping and that sort of thing. so i'm proud i cleaned today. of course, i must admit trev is away.

if he was here, there's no doubt in my mind. we would've slept later, lazed around in bed not doing much of anything, checked my email, etc. so i'm glad i cleaned.

damn, there's all that boring reading i have to do for library school. i'll go over to the greenpoint cafe and drink some blood orange tea and read. how dull.

here's my top ten of things everyone should do in the next month:

1. register to vote.
2. register others to vote. check out the swing states. if you liked farenheit 9/11, visit http://www.michaelmoore.com and read all his stuff, then visit the section on what can i do. there are tons of sites where people are registering people to vote.
3. clean their houses. dust is sucky!
4. make love, not war.
5. get yr pet vaccinated. there's tons of places that provide low or free pet vaccinations. i'm going to the sunday petco extravanganza. poor kitty!
6. follow the news. follow at least one thing in the news so you can talk intelligently about it. hurricane francis? the tradgedy at the russian school? who can't afford the hamptons because they can't even afford to eat? you choose.
7. buy a birthday gift for your friend. now buy yourself a gift because you're so cool!
8. do something totally outrageous. go to the financial district in fishnets with anti-bush pins all over your purse. use food coloring to dye all your food, invite friends over for breakfast, and serve them green oatmeal, purple eggs, red water.
9. do your homework, call your relatives, iron your clothes, and be a good girl.
10. kick out the prezzie bush, and love your fuzzy bush. "my bush is better, it's fuzzy like a sweater! not like that prezzie peter, my bush is simply sweeter!"

that's all folks. have a lovely day! i promise to be updating this blog with increased regularity.

okay i am totally procrastinating at this point. i have to read six chapters plus two articles for class. my stomach hurts. let's see...

wait, i heard a question. what does miss cherie do in a day?

MS. CHERIE!

okay, what does ms. cherie do in a day?

here's what i did today:
630 am: snooze goes off.
730 am: i get out of bad. change into very unsexy running clothes (neon pink spandex shorts and gray sports bra). put on of those "water bottle on a skinny fanny pack type strap" on. put half of a power bar in my pocket.
930 am: no water, no powerbar. i ran all the way to the botanical gardens. eat cantaloupe while standing in front of the fridge. shower.
1030 am: after cereal, go to the bank. there are literally 30 people in front of me. there are two or three tellers. go to the library. b/c of the holiday, it is closed.
1100 am: eat couscous.
1130 am: take the 7 train to 5th ave. go to the verizon store who updates my phone which i doubt will help this problem. (how come my settings have been updated twice already with verizon and never with att or voicestream? what's the deal?) return a pumice stone at the body shop that was defective, and get a new one.
1131 am: the library is closed, the midmanhattan one. curse.
1134 am: get a large smoothie. feel better, but realize i make smoothies better.
12noon: check my email. straighten up the house.
2 pm: decide luna needs some exercise. take the b43 to the park (i'm not walking with that fat thing in a bag on MY shoulder!). some guy tells me all about his dead cat. heshe is freaked out and pees on her leash. good kitty.
230 pm: get peaches. old ladies think luna is so cute. she is clutching onto me like never before. i know she's not being affectionate.
240 pm: luna does not even TRY to go after the pigeons.
3 pm: take the b61 back home. i am filthy because kitty got dirty. take a shower.
320 pm: keep smelling smoke. smoke comes in my winter. i decide the building is on fire. grab my flash drive (my writing!) and am stuffing luna into a bag in the hallway. see my neighbor and tell him i smell smoke. i run outside.
my downstairs neighbor is barbecuing under my window.
330 pm: leave my house for upper west side.
4 pm: see this performance "circus amok." kids like some parts but it's mostly geared towards adults. a lot of antibush jokes! yay! the cheerleaders and i laugh.
6:30 pm: get home. my stomach feels like it's about to explode. try to do work. procrastinate instead.

i'll probably actually do my homework later. my friend was supposed to come over today but i don't think i'm up for anything. brown rice please. and water.

plenty of water!

why i am so mad right now

Police and Protesters Spar a Last Time, Over the Peace

September 4, 2004
By RANDAL C. ARCHIBOLD and MICHAEL WILSON



Police and protesters are engaged in one last dispute - this
time, over why the demonstrations outside the convention
ended up relatively tame.

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/04/politics/campaign/04protests.html?ex=1095339312&ei=1&en=ba2af72921cb8ecd


Okay so the above article is such BULLSHIT!!! I can't believe the NY Times totally lied like that. One of my friends (a cheerleader) was arrested and the stories she told...I almost cried. Cops tightening plastic handcuffs after someone complained that they were too tight and the hands turning BLACK. people fainting. medication denied. phone calls, lawyers denied. bathrooms denied. food and water denied. crowded conditions. the people were kept in a former bus garage and there was oil all over the floor and probably asbetos in the air. Sugar cane, who has asthma, had trouble breathing and was denied her inhaler.

For more of the truth, email me cheriecat at aol dot com That is such BS.

a gigantic apology

i know i have totally neglected doing this blog over the past month and a half, but here's a bunch of reasons why. (oh yeah and please note, i feel so ill as i'm writing this and keep having to run away from my computer. i have cramps and a stomach ache and this feeling that won't let me do the BORING reading i have for school!)

1. I am in school. This summer I suffered through a treachorous "Archives & Manuscripts" class which would have been wonderful had the teacher been able to teach. She looked down at us, and talked constantly of Long Island. I grew up there but...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! If you are interested in going to library school, Queens College has a cheap program: http://www.qc.edu
2. MY TRUE LOVE MOVED BACK TO NEW YORK!
3. MY TRUE LOVE GOT A JOB OFFER IN MASSACHUSSETTS! (Hopefully if all works out well with this one job, then he will be here, yay!)
4. I have somewhat but not totally been writing. My writing partner, Venessa sends me edited drafts, which has really helped. Don't worry, my novel (one of them) will be coming out one of these days. In the future, I will be posting more of my writing to http://www.worldofcherie.blogspot.com You should check often.
5. My sister moved to Wisconsin. I drove out there with her. I really hate Pennsylvania, also Ohio and Indiana and Illinois. Driving in a car crammed with stuff where you barely can fit in--not fun.
6. I worked. My job is the same. Bleh. I like some things (like the $) but honestly, I need out. I have an interview for less than half of what I'm making at the end of the month--we'll see.
7. Radical cheerleading! I will post something separate about the RNC protests but for the past three months we have been having practice once a week, cheering at various events, sometimes cheering throughout the streets in our "Happy Hour Cheertime." Very fun. Exhausting, too, though. http://www.nycradicalcheerleaders.org
8. I am in the NYC marathon this year and have not been regularly lately--bad girl. This marathon is gonna kick my ass for real! Today I ran for two hours. I'm tired. If you want to start running check out http://www.runnersworld.com
9. Being part of a rad project called Radical Reference. Librarians offering reference on the street to activists. Check us out on http://www.radicalreference.info

Have a wonderful day and don't get as busy as me. This fall I'll be busy with:

1. Training for the marathon.
2. Taking two classes--Online Retrieval and Young Adult Reader Services, as well as writing my thesis (on the topic of Alternative Libraries) which is worth three credits.
3. Working. Trying to find a better job.
4. Trying to write and work on inputting all the edits Venessa recommended.
5. Going with the cheerleaders to various states to register votes and cheer. We are going to PA next weekend (or VA if that falls through) and possibly some of us (probably not me) to Colorado. WE NEED TO GET DUBYA OUTTA OFFICE!

Library School

My teachers (all white) have been:
a hip (now pregnant) Hungarian special collections guru who was supernice and sometimes wore glasses;
a computer nerd (he agrees) who wore glasses and was nitpicky, to say the least;
a lazy Merchant Marine librarian with a thick Greek accent;
a glasses wearing romance-novel-loving lesbian;
a hip middle-aged woman with a terrific energy and a wonderful passion for libraries and books;
a Jersyite obsessed with Jasis and the intellectual world of library science;
and a 60-something with short blonde hair, small thick glasses, earrings that look clip-on, and sensible shoes.
The last teacher lullabyes me to sleep Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6 to 8:30 p.m. She has a kind grandmotherly voice, perfectly manicured nails, and rarely moves from her seat during class.

I wonder if an MLS will make me happy. I'm exhausted, wishing I weren't just halfway through library school.

I miss childhood. Or collegehood. Or MFAhood.

here's some of my favourite sites…

www.nycradicalcheerleaders.org
okay I am the webmistress, but it's rad!

http://www.abebooks.com/
a great website for finding hard-to-find books.

http://www.yourdictionary.com/
I use this site at least weekly…has terrific translation advice as well as articles and information about languages that are becoming extinct, etc.

http://www.airamericaradio.com/pub/globalDefault.htm
if you haven't started listening yet, you will. I never thought I'd be into talk radio, but I'm totally addicted now…! yow! "unfiltered" is good, as is everything. I laugh like crazy during the randi rhodes show. you can listen over the internet, thru satellite tv, or over the radio.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/
music of all kinds. right now I'm listening to judge jules. amazing stuff, really. plus those cute british accents. yum!

http://www.archive.org/audio/audio-searchresults.php?submit=ByRelease&limit=100&start=0&sort=collectionid&collection=naropa&PHPSESSID=0993fc1eb82a7a03a09c726e80a7f320
my alma matter…this is the website with readings of waldman, ginsberg, and many of the other postmodern greats and others. terrific stuff. you can dl and then listen…!

some other news sources:
http://www.atrios.blogspot.com
really funny political website, often featuring news fr the extreme left field. right on! I read daily…

www.nytimes.org
I read this paper b/c it's written intelligently, and b/c it's good to know what's happening worldwide.


very funny…and I must break it to you, but although it seems true, it's a satirical paper.

www.alternet.org
another one of my fave sites. a good alternative news source.

www.salon.com
you have to watch a brief ad, but it's worth it.

after running an amazing pr and nearly winning an extremely difficult 10k, my college coach asked me what my secret was. this is also the secret to life:

1. eat candy bars (powerbars are also good but i prefer the real chocolate!)
2. eat half of a entire vegan cake (well, it has honey but we lied and said it was vegan)
3. stay up all night dancing
4. get no sleep
5. cold and pouring rain
6. leave late but speed up to catch up
7. be in a bad mood and say constantly how much you hate everything
8. stretch
9. eat 4 of mrs. schemerhorn’s cookies prior to race
10. go out slow
11. get boxed in at the beginning
12. run hard

i had already been involved with it for a while before i began to think about it. before i began to actually think about what i was doing. it’s like i knew it but i was in denial so that others wouldn’t realize. but then i was in love and it was time to think if this was for me and of course it wasn’t, nothing ever is for anyone unless it’s love.

mermaidia


through territories i navigate my way through the thickness of the air, as if water. pass schools of fish with ties, carrying briefcases, cell phones glued to ears, “yes sir,” corporations, capitalism, american way of life.

manhattan island, surrounded by water. connected by bridges, tunnels, ferries, trains both above and below water.

run along the east river. pass pollution, south street seaport smelling fish, seafood. see old asian men grinning with sunburned skin and fishing poles, squinting at sun. run over brooklyn bridge into magic, over water, what if the bridge collapsed.

or greenpoint, little polish girls staring at me as i show them yes you can show skin/be sexy/do anything as a woman as i run along the “beach” in williamsburg/seaside/what call it.
(where zodiac serial rapist and murderer preyed on his victims, all young women.)
scared, not enough cop cars, run over the williamsburg bridge.
(a woman was attacked on the bridge, raped and they/he pushed her body off the bridge into the water. that was late at night but still, sometimes you don’t see anyone but the occasional j/m/z train which can’t help you.)


we’re in kensington, 10 min train ride to brighton beach or coney island. eat cotton candy and nathan’s and june’s mermaid parade, ride oldest surviving rollercoaster, the cyclone, screaming from the top as you think the rickitiness is going to push you off the edge, a good view of the ocean. dirty.
(hospitals in the eighties were discovered to be dumping medical waste into the ocean. people started getting murdered at coney island. bad. people went to public pools, not risking the dangers of the beach. everyone was afraid of syringes with the aids virus stabbing them mid-swim, or gang members stabbing them as they might be trying to win a stuffed animal for their sweetie.)

here i survive. a mermaid on land. blow dry my legs daily after my bath to ensure that i will not reveal my true self. when the j train goes over water, i am sometimes tempted to stand in between cars and jump off. return.


garbled words, water fills their ears. their mouth can’t hear not sure what to say or do and nothing makes sense. skip shells and rocks along the beaches of far rockaway. nothing in the sky, not starfish or stars or fish, but lights, fake created with no imagination.

revere another way of life. i reject stability on land. i cannot help but feel this way in myself. it is time for a swim away from civilization.

(c) copyright 2002 c. yanek

we're so cool, yeah yeah, yeah we're so coo-cool! (bratmobile...right???)

anyway im totally beat. dyke march was today--awesome and incredible!!!! lesbians dancing topless and wearing outrageous apparel and they LOVED our cheers. had SO much fun. lost my voice.

"you cheer? why?"

"we cheer! we lead! we know there is a need!"

okay b/c it's entertaining, b/c it has a political message, b/c it's fun, b/c it's exercise, b/c i love my squad!

also i saw michael moore's farenheit 9/11. everyone EVERYONE should see it. it links bush with how he pushed us into the iraq war, and his relations with the saudis. crazy.

so you need to check out these two sites:
our radical cheer site

and michael moore's site


i'll write more after i've slept

hugs and kisses!

FICTION:

she arrived late to work that morning, but it didn't matter. on the rare occasion that her boss arrived on time, he was likely to be eating a fried egg and cheese (sometimes with ham, on one of those "un-heart healthy days" as he liked to call them), spilling his latte on his paperwork that he tried to ignore as much as possible, or participating in a loud conversation on his cellphone about matters that could never be mistaken to be work-related.

she took off her coat and put her soup she made and ate the night before in the fridge. she washed her hands to clean them from the subway grime, and turned on her computer. at the tea and coffee station, some overworked/underpaid administrative assistant had brought in a coffeecake, and she steeped a cup of earl grey tea in a styrofoam cup as she sliced herself a piece of the aforementioned cake, placing it on a napkin. after her tea was dark, she threw the tea bag in the garbage, added a packet of sugar (not sweet n low) to her tea, and poured in enough milk to make it "light." she returned to her desk with the tea and cake. she thought about getting a slice for jimmy, her boss, but she worried about him getting too fat. she stole the jetblue crunch airplane guide to yoga from a recent flight and got a book of "stay slim from your seat" exercises, including her personal favorite, squeezing a massive dictionary between one's thighs. she only had a pocket, which did not work as well. with these methods, and irregular attendance at the gym, she managed to avoid the infamous "secretary butt." she could even eat cake with tea, after an earlier bowl of granola with peach yogurt.
she logged into her email, typing in "freedom" as her password. she checked her voicemail, and wrote the detals on a yellow post-it pad. she opened up her personal email account, deleting the porn first, and listened for her boss. she sipped loudly at her tea and felt impatient for five o'clock already. it was 9:34 a.m.

i cleared out one of my closet. i think only drag queens have more clothes than i. for me to clean out my closet, it's a HUGE deal!

it's official: trevor and i are meant for greatness!

so...my life as a "single" will change. i'm kinda nervous. i'm busy, running around, barely seeing my friends, neglecting to call my crazy grandma. my laundry is piling up. i haven't written in weeks. hopefully venessa and i will become famous writers b/c then we can have fifty collected letters books. i write this girl a few times a week.

so what else is going on with me?

things at my job are VERY unstable. my boss is super cool, is going to try to give me a raise to help me pay for my insurance. rah! my job isn't perfect but it's really nice for now...i hate the financial district ugh. basically there are rumours "we" are being "bought" and this is why they don't want to increase their head count. which means if/when "we" are "bought" i may not have a job. so i've been looking....

i got called for an interview for a press liasion/digital archivist. hmmm not sure if i'm going to be okay for it. i hate interviewing. i'll have to lie to leave work early.

i'm going to san francisco this weekend to see mikey. it turns out he has to work for part of my trip (great....) but i'm psyched to go. i really love san francisco.

trevor is convinced there will be a terrorist attack during the RNC. while i'll be in a cheerleading skirt, shouting about social injustic. *sigh* i don't know what to do. weren't we warned/worried thanksgiving/new years/etc/etc..."we think something might happen"...color levels rising...yellow orange red whatever. i just want bush out of office.

thinking abt how all of us use the word "bush" in that sexual way a lot more than ever lately. we're all so funny in the activist world...

i've been cheering A LOT lately. i am the webmistress of our website (totally ghetto, i don't have the time or skills...) so check it out if you want to check us out, let me know.

what else...i'm running a race on my birthday in central park! i'm turning 25 can you believe it? i'll also be having a "girl drink" party, so if yr my friend, you know the deal.

luna just got a new collar. it's purple with "rhinestones." she's not impressed.

LOVE TO MY FANS!

how to avoid looking like a sweaty pig in the midst of summertime heatwaves

yes you look like a pig, sweating and wiping your brow with the bottom of your shirt. interested in looking a little less gross? well summertime means sweat but here's a few ways to look a little nicer.

1. deodorant plus antiperspirant. i have a little debate within myself because i am scared of aluminum (breast cancer and alzheimers may be somewhat caused by this) which is in most antiperspirants. trevor uses arm & hammer's manly man deodorant which is okay but i smell like him all day. by the end of the day i smell gross, so i won't be lifting up my arms. i also have the kiss my face deodorants which are okay...but again, towards the end of the day you won't be lifting your arms. use aluminum and get cancer or alzheimer's possibly (most people's choice) and not sweat or use something else and be stank. if you choose the latter option, be sure to carry around the deodorant and reapply in the midst of the day. now hug!

2. keep it all trim. a while ago, i decided i didn't need to shave my armpits. no i didnt but i soon discovered that the sweat hung around longer because it got caught in the hairs and i smelled more. yuck yuck! keeping body hair (including the hair on yr head for that matter, though who am i to talk) neat and trim will make you sweat less.

3. fans, and air conditioners.

4. sandals, open-toed shoes of all kinds, and light fabrics. i was running in shorts and a sports bra this morning and saw some dopey hipster with a knit cap and jeans on. it was only what 80, with 90% humidity? no wonder he's sweating...and probably smelling!

5. determine where it is you sweat. the small of your back? your forehead? behind your knees? i sweat within where my cleavage would be were my breasts big enough. i used to tuck a paper towel in between my breasts walking to work or the train. this way, the paper towel, not my shirt would absorb it. this may not work for all areas.

6. drink a lot! NO NOT ALCOHOL! i'm talking water, cold juice, icy smoothies. caffeine (what's in most sodas, coffee, and teas) actually dehydrates you! if you're going to drink caffeine, be sure to drink a lot of water too. gatorade is great.
ed tells me, "for every alcoholic drink you have, drink two glasses of water." if you are planning on getting hammered, when you come home, don't pass out into bed. get a LARGE bottle of water at a deli by the bar, and drink it on your way home. drink as much water as possible before going to bed, and leave a big glass or bottle of water next to your bed. tylenol is good to prevent hangovers.

7. furry friends, your fur on me makes me feel gross. luna, sorry. MEOW!

8. don't go running at high noon. tanning at the hottest part of the day may get you a terrific tan but will dehydrate you. please drink lots of water. you will sweat.

9. hey remember, sweating is your body's air conditioning! right on!

10. "air conditioned" clothes are acceptable provided your air conditioning is not in certain...er, locations.

HAPPY SWEATING!

a few types and people in my library school
sad but true

1. middle aged moms. usually nice, sometimes annoying. the worst thing they ever do is talk about their children too much.

2. twentysomethings. that's me. we're either hip (me) or dorks. the middle aged moms look down on you, "oh you don't understand/know that. you're too young." whatever. it's their revenge for getting old. or something. now i hate proving myself that i'm smart even at 24 (25 next june 5!) but whatever, i'll be like, i miss those days, when i'm old.

3. middle aged men. they drive me crazy. they think they know it all and never shut up. they are SO annoying. like the jerk who harassed me after my presentation on censorship and wouldn't shut up b/c he's a boy scout leader and thinks we shouldn't have books on sex b/c he thinks his son should find out abt sex from him. yeah, if i was his son, i'm sure i'd prefer a book than him. but honey, it's not just you using the library: what about the people's whose parents won't tell them? freedom of information and access to information: the two fundamental beliefs that libraries are founded upon.

4. the paper eater.

5. the fussy nitpicky wannabe libraries who demand everything is JUST SO. AUGH!!!!

ME? i'm twentysomething but i'm a chatoic librarian. i support cats in all libraries!

so i need to figure out my life

god, will this girl stop whining? yr probably wondering. nope. my mother raised me to whine. it's a yanek trait. just kidding. but seriously, i can't go on like this anymore.

my job:
it's OKAY but JUST okay. the pay is fairly good, most of my coworkers are very cool, and i really like my boss. im not too fond of the financial services industry, and i hate the financial district. not to mention im not getting BENEFITS YET! i am trying very hard to find a new job but no luck so far. why wont they just give me benefits???

how does anyone else get along in life?
for example, i set my alarm for 510am, i wake up at 610 or 620 (the former being if my mother calls me, the latter if i get up myself), scoop the litter box, change into running clothes. i wish i could run for 60 minutes but i usually only have 30-40, and that's pushing it. then i go to work (sometimes late which doesn't really matter), imitate "office space" for a few hours, email jessica and venessa. lunch i go to the library or wander around battery park or try to write. then i get out at 5pm (5:01 i'm already on the street, don't try to stop me), if i have class i have to walk to the e at wtc, which means i go to class and don't get home till 10pm, but if not, i go home. laundry, feed cat, clean house, make dinner, do homework, talk on the phone with trevor/family, it all seems pointless. i don't have time/energy to write: AND THAT'S THE ONE THING I LIVE FOR. of course i live for luna and trevor and all that other good stuff but writing, that's what keeps me going. and i'm barely going.

i'm already late for work so i'll end this now but any advice would be appreciated...

i decided it's best for all of us to abstain from carbs.

wait, i didnt mean bread. i love bread. and cookies and pretzels and fruit and bagels.

i mean, carbs, and rice.

C Cheney
A Ashcroft
R Rumsfield
B Bush

No Carbs!
No Rice, No Condoleeza Rice!


influenced by a stranger in tompkins square park

HOW TO SURVIVE A DULL CLASS



*yawn*



ever had a boring class? of course. a boring day at work with nothing to do but you need to look like you are doing something? a telephone conversation with a friend that sucks? a wedding that bores you?



here are some useful tips to liven up any boring moment. remember: be subtle and quiet, and every so often, lift your hand up to your face, gently touch your lips, nodding your head, “of course,” and repeat words that may be important.



1. discreetly create your grocery and to-do lists. while it may be difficult to recreate the missing items in your refrigerator, a quick call on your mobile phone to others in your house will surely help. just keep your voice down so you don’t draw any attention to yourself.

2. on the same paper as your notebook paper, write letters to friends, relatives, and politicians. consult with a pocket dictionary only when your teacher says a big word.

3. stay in shape. all these classes are going to give you “student stomach” and “secretary butt.” flex and stretch your legs, squeeze in and hold your stomach, and do butt clenching exercises. yeah! now you don’t need to go to the gym.
4. if you must drink alcoholic beverages during class, please keep the alcohol in a sealed thermos. straight up vodka is okay in a water bottle. be careful—if you spill it, others will smell it, and want some too.

5. doodle. draw pictures, write words, including any anger you may feel towards boring and annoying classmates performing their latest monologue.
6. put an e book on your pocket pc or tablet pc and pretend to take notes. you will be reading a wonderful book instead. try to pay attention every so often.

7. to ensure your professors will leave you alone, before or after class approach them, and say, “I’m going through some very hard times lately. I apologize if I’m not performing my fullest.” they will be sympathetic and look at you less.
skip it altogether.

8. if possible, give yourself an extensive manicure and pedicure.

so you want to go to a rally.
here's some surefire preparation tips. remember: the less you have on you, the better, because if you're going to be screaming, kicking, jumping, marching, dancing, flyering, whatever, you want to have as little weight on your shoulders as possible (unless you have someone who wants to hold yr stuff, then bring the world!).

SUNBLOCK
this is impt even if it doesn't appear to be sunny. get a small size to keep in your bag with you just in case you need more.

THROAT DROPS
these are essential if you're going to be doing any amount of screaming, and prevent voice loss to some degree.

TISSUES
portapotties rarely have tissues.

WHISTLES
for when you lost your voice and want to cheer.

WATER & FOOD
need i say more? luna bars are great to bring.

CLOTHES
you will be marching, with lots of people, and if yr a cheerleader, jumping around. dress appropriately. don't dress too warmly or in too many layers. you'll be carrying any layers you shed.

LIP BALM

MONEY
to buy buttons, tshirts, food when you get sick of luna bars

FLYERS
to hand out for yr cause, and a pen to write any extra info on them

SUNGLASSES

COMFY SNEAKS
on yr feet

What if there were no more offices? What if there were no more office jobs ever, no more offices ever again? What would you do???

Yesterday, it was beautiful. 65. and there i was, typing things into an excel spreadsheet, emailing obsessively, editing venessa's brilliant story. (okay so i'm often left with not much to do at work.) sitting at my little desk, looking out the window next to me...god it was beautiful! were people walking around in bikinis? okay maybe not that but it was gorgeous.

i get off work. i have a headache, bleary-eyed from staring at a computer for eight hours. it's wonderful. hot. f*ck my winter coat. it's beautiful.

i run in my house, nudge luna away from me as she meows for food. (this cat can stand some exercise, too!) "later, wait a bit sweetie," i tell her, slipping into a tank top/sports bra and the appropriate spandex short shorts. sunglasses. sweatband. and i'm gone.

i run up franklin, to oak, over to berry, down and make a left on metropolitan, run down roebling, where i pass a fellow runner, "hello." run fast, hit mccarren park and feel good. lie down on the side of the track and begin stretching.

the runner comes next to me. we begin chatting. awkwardly.

"oh it's so good to be outside. after being at work all day. the office."

"definitely...so hard to be in work when it's like this."

we get chatting, she works for a publishing co. we talk abt how our jobs rob us of our time. "i was thinking," i tell her, "that it's crazy how we go to work and don't have enough time to do what we want to do, and i think there is absolutely no way i can live the rest of my life like this."

we begin running. she asks me, "what would you do if there were no offices? no office jobs?"

"no offices?"

"yes. no office jobs. no such thing as offices. you could do anything else. be a nurse, a gardener, a janitor, a bartender. what would you do?"

"work in an academic library...that's what i want to do."

"no. no libraries."

i think. "i want to write...but that isn't paying the bills yet. umm...ummm....i'd be a track coach."

"so be a track coach."

"i can't with my job now. and more school it probably requires."

she says she would work with children and paint.

i realize how trapped i have been feeling lately. like i'm going nowhere. eventually, after i get my MLS i can become a REAL LIBRARIAN. but lately, with not having benefits or anything ("we're not real people," liz always says to me, another "temp" librarian who has yet to be hired. my boss says, "i don't get this. they can hire 1600 consultants but I have to jump thru flaming hoops to get a part-time librarian (liz) and a junior librarian (me) hired.") i think the white paper corporate bullshit is really turning me off from wanting to stay there.

i'm sending out resumes. i'm hoping someone buys my book. i just want to write all day, is that too much to ask.

it'd be awesome if trev did get a job in another country that paid well and i wouldn't be able to work--i could write all day. but honestly, the city inspires me and i want to stay here for a while.

my ideal day would be:
wake up leisurely (no alarms!)
go running for an hour or so
indulge in stretching while drinking gatorade
yoga
shower and eat
write for a few hours
meet a friend at a cafe; discuss books and our writing
write more
go to my writer's group and critique each other's work
go home and meet my lovey for dinner, maybe wash some dishes or something domestic like that (okay that's a bit of realism eh?)
and read before bed. (i know other people watch tv, yuck, i read yay!)

so how can i accomplish this?

i don't want to dream anymore. i'll take something else; i just don't want to be trapped.

i wish there were no more offices.

some things that drive me crazy:

yeah i love new york city, but there are some things that really make me wanna pack up and move to a small island hut where i can write and read and run all day....but wait, what do i do on the weekends? where's the library? where's the museums? where's the bars, the clubs, the readings, the neighbors, the friends?
okay i'm staying, but here's some things that drive me nuts abt my beloved home.


10. ambulances/fire engines with sirens blaring. the sound is annoying, but that's not what i'm talking about. i'm talking about those people who keep on driving b/c wherever they have to go is more important than someone dying or a house on fire. one day it will be their loved one who has died or or their house that has burned down and their karma will come back to them. theoretically.

9. cell phones. yup i have one and i use it often. but there's a lovely thing called "etiquette," maybe we should call it "celliquette." i can't stand when people talk loud on their phones or drive with their phones. it seems whenever i see a car almost/do something stupid, it's b/c the person is not following the hands-free rules.

8. tourists. they like to take pictures, often my pictures, and take up the sidewalk. ugh go away.

7. subways. yup i love the fact that we are one of the only cities (the only???) with 24 hour reliable service--but i hate when the G train takes FOREVER to come, or the E train has yet another problem.

6. too many hungry people. too many overfed people. (yeah the rich get richer and the poor go broke.)

5. not enough clean air, not enough parks to go running in. and loud noises like buses drive me nuts! well at least it means we're close to airports and other rad things.

4.
okay i admit it: I LOVE NEW YORK. i am willing to put up with this--screaming ambulances who are there within seconds, crazy subways, etc. why? BECAUSE I LOVE THIS CITY, IT'S THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD. (oh yes us new yorkers are mighty "new yorkcentric.") and don't you know what century 21 says, (something like) zagat's rated us the #1 discount store in new york city--AND THAT'S THE WORLD!

<em>WHAT I DID TODAY:
Or, How Being a Radical Cheerleading is EXHAUSTING!

Today I went to the NYC protest against US occupation and the war in Iraq. It was pretty intense. I was performing and marching with the NYC Radical Cheerleaders. We met up with a small Brooklyn squad from Pratt, and also the wonderful Syracuse System Shakers. It was so amazing!

With cheers with titles such as "Cheney is an Oil Whore," "Capitalism Does Not Work," and "Cheerleaders of the Revolution" we entertained fellow protestors and okay, showed our skirts and butts to many people. Yeah the NYC cops sure had a good time whenever we approached. We got hassled a few times by them b/c everyone was gathered around us to watch us and they wanted us to keep it moving.

But this was the best protest/march/rally I've ever been to. I felt like it was a huge party or a rave in the streets--everyone was dancing. There were Native American tribes dancing and banging away on drums with smoke, and these awesome drum squads and bands of all kinds of all people, it was amazing. We were dancing like crazy. My legs hurt and my throat is so sore right now.

Anyway, what are you doing there sitting on your computer reading this? Get up--get out! Start a revolution! Whether it be stop hating your body or dancing in the streets or saying, "CHENEY IS AN OIL WHORE," you will make a difference.

For pictures of today's protest, check out:

CONFESSION:
I read Nora Roberts...and I liked it!!!

For my RA class, we devote each week to a different genre. We have a class devoted to Mystery, to Horror, to Westerns, to Multicultural, to Bestsellers, etc. Of all the weeks, I was truly dreading the week dedicated to Romance/Romantic Suspense.

The first week of class I told my classmates, "In my MFA program, genre was a dirty word." I was serious.

I went to my Grandma Ann's and she hooked me up with a large bagfull of books. As Nora Roberts is the benchmark of the Romance genre, I had to read one of her books. My grandma had one book with two separate novels in it. I figured I'd read the first one, "Reflections." The second novel in the same volume is the continuation of the same characters.

"Reflections" is the story of a dancer and her devastating romance to the world-traveled and wealthy (of course) Seth. Of course they have fierce tempers and of course they get together in the end.

And yes, there was sex. It wasn't "erotica" but there was sex.

So I was surprised: it captivated me. It was a fast-paced read, and I read almost all of it on the train ride to school (300 pages the novel was). I couldn't put it down. This morning, I began on "Dreams" and barely noticed my commute. Oh, I'm here already? Damn!

So I like Nora Roberts. I couldn't believe it. I have to read another romance, and if I saw an interesting-looking Nora paperback, I think I'll pick it up.

When I worked at the Boulder Public Library, a coworker, Tara read Janet Evanovich and Nora Roberts. I always thought her book taste was gross. Yes the writing is pretty cheesy and terrible at times, but I laughed at the stupidity of Evanovich's Stephanie Plum and was swept away in the romance of Nora Roberts.

Dear Alex Jai Ash, we were wrong! We love you!

I think I'll still stick with my usual literary fiction, but I am honestly enjoying this class. Once I read in a non-romance books, "Romances are for people who lack romance in their lives." My boyfriend lives in Fl and a cellular phone contains little romance. Therefore, until he moves back (well maybe not that long but maybe I'll read another book or two), Nora will hold me!

*Sigh*

fake fridays
thursdays are fake fridays. mondays and tuesdays I have class, and wednesdays I run around like a lunatic, doing my laundry and going to the market and picking up dry cleaning and handwashing and going to the library and brushing luna. thursdays I can smell friday. you’re coming, I can feel you…

at my job, everyone says, “happy friday.” apparently someone my boss and everyone else worked with for three months said it every friday and it stuck, I’ve been here since October and I find myself saying it too.

so thursdays. I hate fake fridays, I want friday. do any other cultures have four day workweeks? I’m moving there. then you can have a whole day to write…or paint or rollerblade or take your kitty-cat on walks… can someone please do something about fake fridays?



In Memoriam
Zowie
While you might think the above bunny-rabbit name rhymes with “wowie,” it is actually pronounced as you would the girl’s name, “Zoe.” A black rabbit with a few tufts of white, this soft thumper (yup, she thumped) was beautiful. Zowie Yanek was eight years old, and probably died from old age. She lived in a designer hutch in the backyard of 750 Horatio Avenue, where her hutch featured an screened in porch, a warm bedroom, filled with comfortable and tasty hay, and a bathroom.

WE WILL ALL MISS ZOWIE.
10 March 2004

RECOMMENDATION…

Did I tell you to all go out and purchase immediately KRS-One’s Ruminations? Well, if you haven’t time to go to the store to pick up this phenomenal book, go to and purchase it from there. You won’t be sorry. This hiphop legend has written a book dealing with philosophy, spiritualism, and what it means to be a human. Also included is a CD with some amazing talks. Wonderful!

RECOMMENDATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Erika Lopez. She is crazy, she is cool, she will confuse the hell outta you--but you'll love her. Mom, this author is probably not for her. She is, however, for little girls running amok in pink clothing through the hills of Sweeden, wondering where their motorcycle maniac boyfriends are. She is a writer of many things, and hilarious. Check her out at and if you want laughter in your in-box, sign up for her email list. MUAH!

Updated to Blog:

Okay I’ll be honest. The reason I was always so PROMPT and updating my blog twice a week was because it was for a class (extra-credit). Yay! Well, I got my A and forgot abt my blog. But I learned that you all (my fans!) were asking for the address, and asking why hadn’t I updated it? I’m a busy, busy woman! But, to appease my audiences, I’ll try to update my blog every so often!

What’s been going on in recent times:

Work: it’s the same except the radio station my boss listen to tends to play billy joel songs every day. I try to hold my bladder until then, so I have a good excuse to leave the library.

School: okay I’ll stop saying I HATE LIBRARY SCHOOL. but I won’t start loving it. My Readers’ Advisory class means we read genre fiction and talk about how to recommend fiction to others. I just read a Louis L’Amour. Yuck. My other class, Fundamentals of Library & Information Science is as exciting as it sounds. I try to stay awake during class.

Parenthood: Trevor, the absent father, insists that I am NOT a single mother. Luna is not your typical cat or dog. She is somewhere between cat and dog and person. She (unlike certain obese shitzus that we know) does not eat table scraps and is long with a small head. She’s been depressed lately due to me working. I wish I could quit my job to spend more time with my kitty but as we all know, vet bills are expensive. Plus Luna likes to ignore me when I’m home sometimes, that or harass me with meows and rubs when I’m extremely busy. Still, I love my baby.

Family: my mother is still crazy and my father is still crazy and my sister is still crazy and my grandma ann is still crazy. my grandma betty and papa are bizarre, but not as crazy as everyone else. the ferrets are as dopey as usual (you know, my siblings, my crazy mother thinks). my daughter, luna, is doing fantastic. she really loves the cat dancer!

Activism: yup, I’m cheerleading again. I love wearing little short skirts and kicking my legs up high. hahah. for real, I am a radical cheerleading and have lots of fabulous tunes. interested in joining? even if you live elsewhere? google “radical cheerleaders” and see what comes up.

Writing: Did I mention I have no time??? I do it sometimes and am sending out “the real new york city” to agents. No bite so far. We’ll see…

Etc.:
*Trevor and I haven’t killed each other yet and we’re still claiming romance to be our middle name.
*I’ve been running and I’m really looking forward to a hot summer!
*Jessica and I are going to Miami for the Ultra music festival the first weekend in March—hope to see you there!
*Why is President Bush still in office? Has anyone figured this out? Let’s all hope he doesn’t stay long and that he doesn’t cause more damage…
*I haven’t had a lot of time lately and haven’t even had a chance to respond to any of the messages on my answering machine lately…I’m learning to function on minimum hours of sleep. I’m writing this at work. My cat doubles as a broom. Yup, I’m busy. Therefore, understand that I don’t have time that I’d like right now. August I’m all free and am hoping to travel (is that possible? I’ll probably end up hanging out on the fire escape with Luna…or on a terrace if I move someplace with a terrace).

Okay that’s all for now. Keep in touch friends, and I can always email you during lunch breaks or moments of procrastination. Know that I love you!

i am a runner.
five a.m. foggy. freezing: hat, mittens, scarf. still cold.ten p.m. rain mixed with hail. visibility difficult. 30s.
two p.m. sunny. humid. thirsty. 104°

whatever it’s like outside, i’m still gonna do my thing. i once heard this woman saying, “of course i didn’t run today. it’s raining!” as if she’s going to melt?! please! get to it! be strong. i’ve been strong for eleven years, and it’s tough. you go out there and do it to make yourself proud. me, i have role models. including my friends, and others: my li’l sister Melissa Louisa (national qualifier, race walk), pre, joan samuelson, and every single other person who runs is an inspiration to me! so what if i’ve been through six coaches in four years? i don’t need them! i just need me! i run—you don’t understand why i do unless you do. when you’re running 15 miles and feel like dying and someone yells, “yay, keep going! you’re awesome!” you feel great. or when you see a deer in the woods. or when you just get that feeling—that high—runner’s high, and you feel yrself going fast, faster, fastest, and you feel like you are flying, as if it’s effortless, and you feel like you are flying, as if it is effortless, and you never ever want to stop. the endorphins! the energy! i’ll feel sick, or lethargic, and after a run, i feel completely re-energized. people always ask, “you run? why? how many miles? you’re crazy!” if only they knew my goals…adventure racing, and definitely, ultra-marathons! i want to travel to race—alaska, africa, sweden, california, everywhere. see beautiful places in tough cross-country races.

mark belger said, “you know who i look up to? i look up to the five-minute milers. because they don’t get any of the good things i get. they’re out there running just as hard. they’re the guys with guts, the guys with a lot of inner determination.”
(five-minute milers are slower; decent milers are sub-4 minutes)
yeah, i’ll probably never be in the marathon or a world-class runner like those muscle-masses, but i’m gonna try, keep running, working my hardest, for me.
i love to feel excellent.
running is my excellence.
i am a runner. any questions?

hypocrisy:
saw a female teenager
wearing many animal
rights and vegan buttons
on her black leather jacket.

REVIEW:
HOLIDAY SHOPPING:
How to deal with it

Okay, so you have all these stupid people to shop for. Oh, I'm sorry, you love those people. Like your boyfriend who loves bizarre electronics and your dad who collects windchimes. Well, here's how to deal with the holidays.

Via internet:
It's almost too late to do that now--unless of course, you do the express shipping. (Like Trevor prefers.) However, internet is a great way to avoid the long lines! Highly recommended. It's also easy to comparison shop via the web--just click and minimize! Go internet shopping!

Via Macy's:
Okay if you are insane enough to go to say, Macy's, go at 6am. That's what we did this morning, and it was smooth sailing. Of course one normally might think it was eleven in the morning at Macy's instead of 6:30. But still, it's a good time.

Via various stores:
Go, go, going, gone! You are going to hurt someone. Please don't bring a granny cart on the subway and run all over the city to 8,000 different stores on the same day and still have shopping. Instead, teach people the words "gift certificate" and "check."

Via gift certificates:
A great idea. Checks are also a great idea. Gift certificates show that you actually put some time into going to the store that they would like (or you could always get one of those American Express gift certificates) and a nice thing to do is buy something small, say a Godiva chocolate bar, or a pair of socks, or some deep conditioning treatment. They'll love the little present, and the ability to pick out something for themselves.

Via you, i.e., crafts:
I'm going this route. I won't say what because some people will lose their surprise! Sorry! But here's a few ideas that I'm not necessarily doing that may give you hope if you're crafty:
* knit something.
* sew something. an apron, perhaps.
* bake some time-consuming yet delicious treats.
* make candles.
* make ornaments.
* paint watercolors.
* write poems.

via nothing:
A nice idea except you will hurt people's gifts, maybe get into fights, and receive no gifts for the rest of your life.

via tell me:
Easy. But of course like a librarian knows, sometimes these things don't exist, and you will spend more time looking for that specific item than you would finding something they would like.

On that note:
Happy Shopping, and
Happy Holidays!

Merry Winter Solstice!

prose:
coney island

it is coney island. the boardwalk. a little kitten on a pink leash and a girl smoking cigarettes, following the orange tabby. the girl is wearing too much lipstick and speaking on her cell phone, obviously an important conversation. she is crying and her makeup is smeared.


“but you can’t, you just can’t.” the caller says something and the girl crouches, presses her hands to her face, nearly dropping her phone. the cat leash is wrapped around her wrist twice. “i can’t take this, i need it to just work.”


two men were following the girl. they said nothing, except once, the guy with the red hat said, “cute cat.”


she hung up the phone. “oh marbles,” she said, grabbing the squirming cat to her chest. she suffocated her sobs into the cat’s fur. they were on the sand now. she let the cat free of her tight clasp and watched it scratch the sand, go to the bathroom, and bury it. they walked on.

An Addendum:
Legwarmers

I love my legwarmers. Last week, it was too warm to wear them in the morning, but the forecast warned of cold. I had them tucked in my large pocket, and thought of how nice these huge pockets of my coat were. Then...the G train came. I ran to catch it. People were around me. I got on, sat down, and realized...my beautiful sparkly lavender legwarmers were gone! Gone! I got off at the next stop, ran around to the other side, took the G back to Greenpoint, and ran to the other side of the track where I originally was. Unfortunately, some other legwarmer-lover snagged my beautiful legwarmers! Sob! I was quite depressed, and now, my life is just a bit empty where those beautiful, stretchy yet strong, stylish yet long, legwarmers remained.

An Addendum:Houseguests

I realize that you may read that email and decide never to be friends with me! NO! That is not it! You may visit me but I'm just saying that some people don't know how to respect a host/houseguest situation. Be polite, and I will spoil you as you spoil me. Otherwise, we will end up hating each other.

And you don't need to buy wine when you visit because I don't like it unless there is fruit floating in it...I LOVE SANGRIA!

REVIEW:
HOUSEGUESTS

This is not meant to intimidate you. This is just meant to encourage you to look into the idea of a hotel.

Hi, you want to be my visitor. I know I have a cute little Greenpoint apt with colored walls and an adorable kitten. I do have food in my refrigerator, but I stock up because I shop infrequently (I don't have time). I have a comfy futon and supposedly decent water pressure. However, if you'd like to stay, here's some rules on how to be a good houseguest. (I'm learning from the bad ones!)

1. Thank them. Often. Repay your gratitude by doing housework, taking them out for dinner, buying them a little present for their house. I've been in this situation before, and I've bought groceries, house knick-knacks.

2. Don't eat their food. Even if they say it's okay. (Which sometimes they don't!) Buy food. Honey, this is Brooklyn. There's a pizzeria on every corner.

3. If you are starving and need to eat, there are rules:
never start anything
and
never finish anything.
I thought this rule was pretty much unspoken but I guess I have to remind some people. If there is a little bit, they may want that last bite or bit, and if there is an unopened whatever, they may be saving it for something.

4. If you eat their food and ask they may say yes because they are not comfortable saying no. Also, if you are eating their raviollis with catsup, do them the favor and eat it decently; sauce. (Remember her, Trev?)

5. No sex in their house. Unless you are their goodest bestest friend they may not like this.

6. Do not messy their house. This is not cool.

7. Don't go through their stuff, or borrow their clothes or whatever you think it's okay to borrow. It may not be.

8. Offer to do your host favors, such as fetching dry cleaning or preparing dinner. They'll thank you.

9. Ask your host places to see in the neighborhood, and allow them to take you on a tour.

I don't mean this to be disparaging, that I don't want houseguests. I like houseguests, but I just don't want a roommate. Especially in my one-bedroom apartment. (Trevor, you're clear; you're my boyfriend.) (Marie you can stay over still, this isn't you!) So respect your houseguest. I try to start off on the right foot--a bottle of wine if you are going to be impeding their lifestyle, maybe some pastries (yum!) or just some love. But please, don't take things for granted. DON'T!

PROSE

The voice:
it’s like when you’re in an airplane. it starts, the engine warming up when the flight attendants are showing you how to buckle a seatbelt, in case you didn’t know by now, hearing the low rumble of the engine. when it starts, it’s like you start off the runway, and when she really starts, you’ve lifted off the runway, your plane tilted upwards, you forced back into your chair, your head pulled back, the rushing of unreality around you.

you are glad you wore a seatbelt.

REVIEW:
WEATHER

Maybe you don't live in NY. But honey, it's snowing! Blizzarding, although Dustin my Ohio-born-and-bred friend, says this is nothing. This is chaos!

Why do I hate snow? I don't. I think it's beautiful and fun. The energy is great. Everyone is running around my neighborhood, shrieking and drinking hot cocoa and "oh, do we have any more marshmallows at home" kind of day. It's the perfect day to spend curled up with a nice book. Well, my cataloging book doesn't seem so terrible. (I love it but I'd rather be outside right now.)

Here's a few reasons why I do not like winter: (Sorry Trevor)

1. Cold.
2. You are in SO many layers--ridiculous. You always have to lug around a coat and scarf and mittens and hat and you are hot inside and cold outside. It doesn't make sense. No one looks cute in winter-time.
3. Snow may be fun, but if you are a runner, it brings unfavorable consequences alongside, including:
a. Hard to run in the snow if it's deep.
b. Your feet get cold and wet.
c. After the snow melts, you have slush and ice. Slush is yucky but manageable; ice is not. Stay inside and get fat.
4. You can't take your cats on walks because she refuses to wear a hotpink sweater in the winter cold. She'd rather be naked, but she's cold.
5. Seasonal Affective Syndrome--I've got it and most people probably do. I deal by lighting lots of candles, keeping tons of lights around me.

What to do:
Check out and enter various locations until you find one that is warm enough.
Then go to and look for plane tickets and hotel reservations.
Then look sad to the love of your life (whether it be your husband, girlfriend, best friend, mother, or wealthy schnauzzer) and convince them you need to leave. Wear sunscreen (especially if you are calling out "sick" from work because they may have trouble understanding why the Bahamas are a cure for your illness and depression, which it is!) and build sandcastles. Send postcards to everyone, hahahah. Don't worry, they'll send you some several weeks later when they're in Bermuda.

BOULDER: An observation from this summer. Can we say, history? Ah well, those were the easy days, and it'd be nice to spend all day writing......

flip-flop

it seems as if every other person in boulder wears flip-flops; the other fifty percent wear either sneakers or sandals. i haven’t seen a pair of dress shoes, god forbid high heels, since my last time at DIA, and those people are all going or coming someplace, not from or to boulder, that’s for sure.
a large woman in a blue flowered muumuu wearing fluorescent orange flip-flops flip flops her way to the circulation desk. she has a volunteer pin bearing her name, “DONNA,” and hanging from a heavily tarnished chain, a silver sun medallion. she slams four books-on-tapes on the desk, and speaks before she can be spoken to. “ignore how many talking books i have checked out. it’s one of my perks, after being a volunteer for ten years.”
across from the circulation desks, a man in a gatorade t-shirt hides his computer screen to others. he laughs too loudly for being in a library, and blushes. he types furiously. he is wearing worn brown sandals, the type you buy at target or k-mart for $9.99.
behind him, pacing, loud flip-flops smacking as he paces back and forth, back and forth. a man with a long face and his hands awkwardly supporting his back, waits for a computer, sighing, checking his watch, sighing. his sneakers are tattered brown hiking sneakers, and there is a hole by the big toe, and his white socks are visible.
with stomach that looks like the owner’s “boulder road running club long-time member” t-shirt is lying, a man insists the library should purchase every neil young cd. “i drive my record shop crazy. and you don’t have this new neil young book. “a place to go?” “a journey to go?” i think it’s called one of those. you can look it up. look it up. i drive my record shop crazy. i love neil young. he’s a god. to those who realize it. really. don’t you realize it?”
behind him, a petite girl with blonde curly hair, red flip-flops, short shorts and a black bebe shirt smiles nervously. her larger boyfriend looms over her, grinning his white teeth. he is one of the few black people in boulder. she giggles as she applies for a library card. “oh really? online renewals? that’s just great.” she checks out men are from mars, women are from venus, recommended by her ex-boyfriend she tells me. her boyfriend doesn’t seem to notice the look in her eyes, that sparkle, when she mentions her ex. the woman behind her, wearing a tacky knee-length black skirt covered with sea anemones and brightly colored fish, smiles and agrees, “men seriously are from mars…maybe even another solar system.” when told about her overdue fines, from four weeks earlier, she writes out a check for one dollar on a charlie brown check, and smiles absently. “that fine was from so long ago.”
another person wearing their bike helmet indoors shakes her head, showing off her jingling turquoise earrings that match her turquoise corduroy shirt and her turquoise flip-flops. she drops several books on the table. tony hillerman. faye kellerman. jonathan kellerman. what do these people write about anyway? they’re awfully popular. the mystery fan’s husband comes up behind her, grabbing her tightly. his face is completely covered with hair, gray moustache and beard and sideburns. you can’t even see his lips. he says something and only hair moves.
a hippie girl with long blonde hair and flowered flip-flops holds on to her boyfriend’s arm. she comments on every book he checks out. he is quiet. she can’t stop laughing. “the elevator, that elevator,” she whispers loudly in his ear, laughing. her cheeks are red, her eyes sparkling. he lets her carry most of the books and walks quickly ahead of her. “wait,” she calls. he is oblivious.
a woman with cellulite on her calves and a black and white print skirt laughs aloud, talking on her cellular phone. she does not notice her husband, who wears black dress pants with matching jacket and black and green tevas, flirting and smiling at the librarians and circulation clerks. handing over his books and his card, “you look so beautiful, so pretty. you must have a boyfriend, many boyfriends.” his wife, oblivious, smiles into the phone, “make sure you take care of that, really now. i have to take care of the michelan accounts, so you can handle that one.” the man places his hand over the small one belonging to the clerk at the desk, grinning. “truly beautiful,” he continues. he can hear his wife saying goodbye, and he collects his books.
“thank you. goodnight.”

Welcome to the World of Cherie! This is my blog, and here I will share stories, rants, reviews, and praise about my cat. (heehee)

Today I'll spare you from my writing at the start, but instead will talk about the weather. Gorgeous. You'd think it'd be fall, but I'm so glad it's not. Everyone is in denial. During my evening run, I could feel the crunching of leaves under my feet but the people around me denied that: people were drinking on the sidewalk on lawn chairs, wearing halter tops and long skirts. I really hate winter, cold, although hot tea and warm cocoa is great for it. But in the summer...everything is alive, flowers, trees, animals. I am not looking forward to hibernating!

HAPPY FALL!

question : what happens when you die?


lately i have been wondering about this. i am not sure. in some ways, i think, you die you’re dead you’re nothing. but then previous visions by so many people suggests to me that reincarnation is very possible. i am so frightened, petrified of death. is there anything we can do to stop death? if there is, let me know because i am so scared. i have so many things i want to do, so many things in this world that need to be done, and not enough selfless people who are willing to help out and make the world a better place. but what if i die and that’s it? what if this doesn’t matter and my mind doesn’t matter and my thoughts don’t matter? what then?

How to Procrastinate

(Designed for the student, or for those dealing with something they'd really rather not)

It's that time of year again: no, not holiday time! It's procrastination time. With finals approaching, here's some great ways for you to procrastinate studying, writing those tedious papers, and doing other dull matters involving homework or something you'd rather not be doing.

1. Check your email. This is a great task, particularly if you rarely check it. Spend your time deleting old mail, rereading sent mail, and actually replying for a change.

2. Get in shape! Go running, do stomach crunches, do something. At least if you're not doing your homework you can be in shape. If you don't want to work out, pretend, and go shopping for a pair of sneakers!

3. Do I even need to mention the phrase, "Surf the web?"

4. Do your Christmas, Channukah, and other holiday shopping.

5. Bake holiday cookies.

6. Write you holiday cards.

7. Plan a party, write invitations, plan a menu.

8. Clean your house. Come on, when was the last time you scrubbed your bathtub with a toothbrush and a bucket of bleach?

9. Groom your cat. Brush, bath, clip nails, brush teeth, and give her other kinds of love.

10. Go to a petstore and play with all the animals.

11. Call all your relatives.

12. Call those people whose messages are still on your answering machine from four weeks ago.

13. Send friends in other countries and states postcards and clever letters.

14. Get a cookbook and stare at it for hours, without actually making anything.

15. Read overdue library books.

16. Go to a 99cent store and spend $20 on 20 different things you don't really need.

17. Organize you books in alphabetical order by the author's last name.

18. Arrange your spices in alphabetical order according to name of spice.

19. Rearrange all your cabinets and shelves.

20. Do laundry.

21. Listen to holiday music. Go to see the tree, wander around shoppers, sing outside people's houses until they give you hot cocoa or throw tomatoes at you.

22. Practice some Yoga.

23. Write up your new year's resolutions.

24. Make a list of Christmas gifts.

25. Buy Christmas gifts.

26. Read the latest J. Crew and Victoria's Secret catalogs. Circle many things, leave it around the house until a new catalog arrives, then throw the marked up catalog away. Repeat with each issue.

27. Talk to everyone on the street and in all the stores. If a cashier needs to change their receipt tape, assure them that you're not in a rush and tell them to take their time.

28. Paint your toenails.

29. Work on a story.

30. Hang out in the crazy cafe up the block and drink chai teas and play chess with some guy wearing a cape.

31. Go to CVS, Duane Reade, Eckerd, Rite Aid, and spend an hour throwing items in your basket, pulling them out, and end up buying nothing on your original list.

32. Sew a stocking for someone you love.

33. Go shopping for gifts for your pet. (Luna made me put that one.)

34. Try to find the lyrics for, "So this is Christmas" (War is Over). Apply to any other song you have a mild curiosity. Email to all your friends so they can see what you're doing in your spare time.

35. Decorate your house with holiday decorations. Remember to avoid tinsel if you have a cat because this is tasty to them.

36. Call Trevor Horwell, my boyfriend, because he knows every trick to procrastinating! (I love you, T!)

37. If you have exhausted these, and paying your bills, clipping coupons, reading the Sunday Times, and your house is spotless, you are properly groomed, your cat is perfectly groomed, well, I hate to break it to you:

It's time to do that homework!

CONGRATULATIONS!
You've decided to aim to be a professional runner!

This is an admirable decision, and to ensure you are taking the right steps, I've decided to give you some practical advice. See a doctor or a coach for any specific advice.

1. I hate to break it to you, but you will probably will never achieve professional fame. It is extremely hard. Also, despite common belief, pro runners are not celebrities, and do not associate with such people. Have you ever looked a runner during a race? Yup, that's why. Spit and snot all over our faces does not prove a photo op.

2. Making a committment. Some people find this the hardest part. Finding a training partner or joining a track group is probably the best way. Figure out a time for you when you won't slack; I prefer morning. You get more energy for the day, plus you get the added bonus of really understanding the weather for the day. ("Ahh...so I really can't wear my miniskirt today. I need snow pants!") You also get to know your neighborhood, another plus, when there aren't as many cars and people out. (Unless you run DURING rush hour...ouch.) Stick to it. Get pumped!

3. Attire. Make sure you remember this: In running magazines and advertisements--that's for rich runners. You are probably not a rich runner. You can of course buy nice running clothes (do it on sale) but you probably won't. I have clothes that I literally wore when I was twelve--wear it till it falls apart. You are running, not in a fashion show. Make sure you don't get chafing or have any other uncomfortable problems.

4. Attire, feet. Wear good socks or no socks--what your preference is you will soon discover. But a pair of sneakers that fit well and are durable is a must. Everyone has different feet, so although I love Saucony, they may feel awkward. Go to a sneaker store when it's not crowded, and run around in the different sneakers. If you can't decide, buy several pairs and wear them for a night in you house and see which is the best.

5. Before running, try to get something in you. I can't eat, but I know people who'd eat double-stuff oreos on the starting line of a race. I prefer two or three bites of a power bar, and a few sips of water.

6. Don't bring headphones or a cell phone. Amatuer! You are exercising, not socializing. Besides, it's hard to hear the cars and other noises that may save your life.

7. Be aware. Listen and look.

7. If you will be encountering cars on your runs, hang out with some sailors first. Then apply their language to the cars you encounter on the road. Remember, you can always shout the old, "Pedestrians always have the right of way."

8. Wear a watch. You will get lost, if you are like me and Crista.

9. Dress according to the weather, please.

10. If it is raining and you want to go running, remember: you will not melt. I use sunglasses as my windshields. Then you can see.

11. If you think you are incredible, run a road race. That's always fun, especially when someone forty years old (or younger) than you beats you.

12. Some dogs are good companions,- but cats are not. Trust me.

13. You will never look like Oprah. Keep running.

14. Eat well, treat your body good, get a lot of sleep, hydrate yourself, and shower so those around you don't have to get that close to your running. And now you are a runner!

IDEA: HOW TO POSTPONE YOUR REAL LIFE



Real life sucks. We always want to grow up and start that job and etc etc but really, working 9 to 5 sucks. So here's some ideas, in light of a certain JP, that may postpone life. Please don't blame me for ruining your life--this is simply something to laugh at.

1. Go to an MFA program. It's fun and you'll get to work on your writing, so it's not a waste of time. Make the most of your time.

2. Go to a second MFA program at another school. This, however, unlike number one, is a waste of time. (Didn't you already get an MFA? Why do you need another one?)

3. Go to a Ph.D. program. Someone actually told me this (you know who I mean, Marie and Andrew) because they didn't want to approach real life. Um, let's see you struggle with that Ph.D. program and then get a job answering phones and tell me which is easier. I love research, so I'd def. prefer the Ph.D.

4. Live in Williamsburg, dress in clothes from Beacon's Closet, hang out in loft parties, at crappy cafes and restaurants on Bedford Avenue, live in a total dump where your toilet may be in a closet and your shower (no tub) is in your living room/kitchen. Get a job at a thrift store or simply mooch off your parents. (Option #2 is much preferred.) Call yourself an artist. Cover yourself with paint before leaving the house and stay up all night discussing Rimbaud, Camus, and other French-sounding people who you probably don't know what's going on. See a therapist that your parents pay for and bring your laundry home to your parents whenever they take pity on your hard life in the big city and pay for your plane ticket/train ticket home.

5. If you have loans, keep going to school. (This is a very popular option, as deferral is wonderful!)

6. Become a cat lady. Lose your job and when welfare comes over, they'll agree you're insane. Go to all the animal shelters in NYC metro area and claim you don't have a cat but want to rescue one. With one cat from each shelter, you're sure to have well over a hundred. Keep track of their names, feeding habits, and toys. Move into a studio apartment if you don't already and live there with the cats until someone complains about the ammonia-like smell emitting from your apartment.

7. Become a porno star.

8. Since #7 is probably unlikely, feign illness and tell someone who loves you that you can't work. Because you are not really sick, doctors won't be able to figure out your ailments. Stay in bed all day and when you're alone, do stomach crunches so you won't get fat and watch Pretty Woman.

9. Have people over who make your sheets smell like a gas leak and then you have to call the fire department. The smell will surely keep you out of work for a while. GLP.

10. Become a bike messenger. Quit after three days because your legs are sore. You can't afford the paper to look for jobs so just collect unemployment.

11. Temp.

12. Sell your eggs.

13. Raise rabbits and sell them.

14. Call yourself and actor and never study script or attempt acting; just carry around a play in your bag, preferably a Mamet.

15. Listen to Hot 97 and try to win all the contests. Maybe if you call enough you can win enough money to pay for your rent, and enough free concerts to take care of your social life.

16. Move in with your parents.

17. Move in with an older brother/sister who is cool and doesn't mind that you sleep all day on their couch as long as you wash all the dishes.

18. Call yourself a writer and sit in cafes (smoking cafes a plus) scribbling grocery lists, potential crushes, and other notes in a moleskin journal. Carry around something that screams, "WRITER!" Kerouac's "On the road" always seems to do this. Added plus: everyone loves (and occasionally, hates) Kerouac so you can have further distractions. Sip capuccino loudly and check your watch. Dress carefully, all in black.

19. Get certification and teach Yoga, swim classes at the Y.

20. If you are into S&M, open up a cat bathing service. After the scratches set in, close down and think of another business. An ice cream store in the winter. After that fails, find one of those "Dummies" books about opening a business and fail yet again.......

(I hope you get my humor!)

REVIEW: Vitamin Water
Mmmmmmmmmmmm! Smart water, fruit water, and vitamin water rules!

However, let me recommend "Essential": a blend of carrot and orange is the absolute best. Experiment with flavors, and try to buy them on sale.

REVIEW: The G Train

everyone hates the G train. how can they not? it’s slow, runs fairly infrequently, and “goes through all of the worst neighborhoods in brooklyn” (as someone once said, except, of course, for Greenpoint; my theory is no one wants to move to some of these neighborhoods because of the G train so the neighborhoods never got yuppified, yay!). although because it’s the crosstown local, you can’t get directly into manhattan, and pretty much need to take a cab late at night, or walk from the L, there’s a few good things about the G.

+ it is very rare that i don’t get a seat on the G—even during rush hour.
+ makes commuting through brooklyn much faster than taking a bus.
+ easy to get to queens college.
+ because it’s so small, you get to know your conductors and train operators and fellow passengers.

HURRAY for the G!

A message from your pets, this holiday season,
Courtesy of Luna Yanek

This holiday season, while you run around like a chicken with your head cut off shopping and buying the perfect gifts and wrapping and writing holiday cards and baking sheets of Christmas cookies and drinking bowls of egg nog and feeding each other chocolate-covered-cherries under the mistletoe, might I remind you: we pets would like a holiday too?

We're not asking for a plasma TV or a PDA; a new scratching post or some new toys would be perfect. I would like a hanging scratching board to hang around the doorknob so that I may irritate my mom further when she is asleep. Please, no doggy sweaters or kitty collars; we do not consider those presents.

If you claim financial strife, changing our litter box more than usual (or walking us if we are a dog, or changing our cage if we are a bird...you get the drift. I speak mainly for and as a cat, but other animals desire attention and love too!), or playing with us, or brushing us for hours are all low-cost or free options. On the other hand, clipping our nails, bathing us, and affixing a red bow around our neck, or a faux-Santa costume (especially if your pet is a ferret) is not a cute option. If we wanted and liked those things, we wouldn't struggle so.

In addition, remember as you are carving that turkey, or stirring that pudding...we'd like some please! I know dairy does cause flatulence in me, but if you really love me, you'd serve me extra treats, cat's milk, and big heaping bowls of warm wet food. MMMMM!

So remember us this holiday time. As we roll around in the tinsel, chase the ornaments rolling around the floor, attack the wrapping paper, and provide other holiday entertainment.....

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

BEST WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LEGS WARM IN WINTERTIME

I know there’s a boy out there (maybe it’s my boyfriend) who is saying at this point, “Duh, wear warm pants.” Simple enough for those of us who have a large warm pants selection or those of us who like pants. I prefer skirts. I know it’s stupid, but I have nice legs and I might as well show them off when I’m young. Plus I have lots of cute skirts. Here are some tricks on staying warm in wintertime if you love showing off what you’ve got!

STOCKINGS
Macy’s has a great selection of stockings. Stay away from cheap drugstore brands because they have a tendency to run within hours, maybe minutes, of wearing them. It’s better to spend more money because they end up lasting longer—years, even. Go for a variety of colors and styles, and of course stock up on basic black.
My favorite brand is DKNY. Hue is also good. Stay away from Tommy Hilfigger; although they are costly, they tend to rip as easily as the cheap brands.

PANTYHOSE
Ah, the old favorite. I feel like such a proper secretary or corporate powerhouse whenever wearing them. Especially when you can see my pale skin and my legs are “tan.” (I wish they would make a variety of colors for a variety of people’s skin colors but they insist that “tan” is what everyone wants. I think it looks ridiculous on almost anyone.)
The best brand that I’ve discovered is No-Nonsense Great Shapes or No-Nonsense Long Lasting. Just get any of the No-Nonsense ones that seem to be a bit more durable—they last many times and the shaper ones are great because they are thick like tights—warmer! Yay!

LEGWARMERS
My personal favorite. They can be hard to find, but supposedly, they’re coming back. Check out dance stores, thrift stores, and E-bay. Put them on your Christmas list and let someone else run all over the city looking for them for you and you don’t have to do any work. Get different colors and mix and match them. You’ll get tons of compliments. The best thing about legwarmers is that you can get really warm when it’s not outside. Last weekend I wore pink tights with my hot pink legwarmers over them. I pulled up the leg warmers to make them tall when I was outside, and when I was in the bar, I scrunched them down for style. Yeah!
If you want to get me something for the holidays, legwarmers are great!

PANTS
Wear pants underneath your skirt in layers; leggings and running pants make for a great look. Take them off when you get indoors if you’re self-conscious but they look hot!

BOOTS
They give you a bit extra warmth but not really. Unless they are fur-lined. Then wear them until your heart’s content! Yay!
If they aren’t fur-lined or warm-lined, wear some super thick socks, like fleece or cashmere, something warm anyway, and you’ll feel toasty!

HOW TO RELAX
(okay so i'm really writing this for myself)


supposedly we all think life is stress. the happiest time in my recent time was when i was unemployed this summer--i went running twice a day, prepared soups and elaborate (for me!) meals, played with luna, worked on stories and writing, read books, listened to bille holliday while drinking tea and staring out the window from my rocking chair, practicing yoga. what's now to love about being unemployed? you tell me!

oh, the money. well who needs money anyway?

okay i really don't want to be evicted...

but since i'm taking three classes and working full time, trying to finish editing my novel, and raising a curious cat, i am very stressed.

i miss being unemployed.

i want to be finished with school.

well, i do need money to pay rent and i do need to go to school so i can get my degree. so how to deal with it?

1. take a day to say, "i don't care." this can involve going out and getting really drunk and spending all the money in your wallet. you might go shopping for a day when you should be reading some trite theory, or go dancing when you have a paper to write. you are not going to absorb any of that knowledge if you're miserable. RELAX!
2. figure a way to maximize your time--do your homework on the train, read novels in the bathtub, brush your teeth while peeing, mop your floor while talking on the phone.
3. order out. why bother cooking? you need more time. get disposable plates from the place and cutlery if you are really too lazy/busy to wash dishes.
4. drink lots of tea. that's really relaxing.
5. laugh a lot. even if it's not funny.
6. practice yoga.
7. take baths.
8. light candles around your apartment while you study.
9. read something by andrew weil and be convinced you just need to eliminate dairy. or learn his awesome breathing exercises--4-7-8!
10. dance. put on a cd, and study with it playing softly. when track 19, or whatever your favorite track is, comes on, get up and dance. crazy. play it loud. then reduce the volume and resume studying. put on repeat. repeat.
11. make to-do lists and cross things out. how satisfying.
12. meditate.
13. sleep. (rip van winkle, my boyfriend, told me that one.)
14. spend some time with somebody who is not stressed, like your grandmother. play rummikube with her and hold her hand. sometimes being around people who are not stressed is relaxing--and often they can help out, whether it be brushing your hair or just spreading their love.
15. tell your cat how stressed you are. then give your cat a treat. she is fine either way, but happier with the treat. now drink lots and lots of water. make sure your cat does the same.

DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?
i don't know how to do it. so i figured i'd post and you can email me at cheriecat@aol.com and we can help each other out.

NON-NEW YORK PIZZA REVUE/REVIEW

I lived in Colorado for two years. Having traveled to other New England towns and other places around our little country, I have decided to give you some advice: NY pizza is good; everything else sucks.

If you don't believe that and you want some more advice, or you want to try pizza and you're living in Kansas, here's some advice.

1. Pizza Hut will make you ill--too much grease. Don't try Dominos, or most other "chain" pizzerias like that.
2. If it says "New York pizza," it probably isn't. Go in there and ask if you can use the bathroom. (New York pizzerias usually let you so if they don't, get out of there quick.) Listen to the way they talk--if they sound "New York" or "Italian," eat there. But if you hear them say, "eye-tayl-yun"--get out of there as soon as you can!
3. If you go in and see no pizza but a menu, don't eat there. Either it's a "spot" (in which case you don't want to eat there) or they are awful cooks. One instance I had in Colorado was very bizarre. I ordered a spinach slice, figuring it's going to be your usual spinach slice. Instead, from some compartment underneath the cabinet, they pulled out a slice of pizza, and then sprinkled some dried spinach on it, and then put it through some weird toaster oven with a conveyer belt type of thing. Very scary, and disgusting too. Avoid this type of "cooking" at all costs.
4. If they call their heroes "grinders" or some other weird Midwestern term, this usually means they are scary.
5. If they serve something that is definitely not pizzeria material. (Kinda like how all the Chinese places in New York have started serving chicken fingers and french fries--What???)
6. If it doesn't smell like pizza, it WILL NOT taste like pizza.

So basically, don't eat pizza outside New York. If you must have pizza, Jetblue and Song are both fairly inexpensive. Everyone has their favorite pizzeria. I love mine on the corner, Triangolo's. The guys are very friendly and the food is awesome and cheap.

If this isn't an option, my aunt recommends Boboli (you build a crust, something like that). Trev takes frozen pizza and sometimes jazzes it up with peppers or whatever it is that he likes.

NB: There are some decent pizzerias outside of New York, though they are few and far between. For instance, some Brooklynites moved to Melbourne where they have an incredible pizzeria on the beach. This is okay. Remember: listen to the way they talk.

Above all, smell, look, and keep some Tums on hand if you're really not sure. But honestly, if you're really not sure, you shouldn't even be eating there in the first place!

BON APPETIT!

profile



luna

in case you sadly don't know, luna is my adorable brown-grey-black striped tabby cat. she is so cute. in order for you to understand her, i decided to interview her.

cherie: tell us a bit about yourself.
luna: meow.
c: something a bit more substantial, luna. the people on my blog don't understand our language.
l: excuse me. well i am a beautiful cat and very wonderful. everyone loves to pet me. if you want to get on my good side, scratch around/behind the ears. meeeeee-ow!
c: what about brushing?
l: that's good, i'll let you brush me.
c: let me?
l: it's all about pleasing me. i didn't choose you, you chose me.
c: that's so mean.
l: well, i did cuddle up in your arms when you got me. you seemed like someone who feeds me a lot. and you did but then you stopped. mean.
c: luna, the vet even insulted your fat stomach.
l: people can lie!
c: luna, you lost some weight and now you're so much healthier. i even increased the amount of food you get.
l: but you still feed me diet food.
c: luna, let's not discuss this now. let's talk about your hobbies, and what you do when i'm at work all day.
l: i usually wake you up but meowing and running around the apartment at the same time your alarm goes off. you can't snooze a cat so i haunt you and follow you, meowing and rubbing against you--until you feed me. i sit on my little window seat, looking out the window, and hide under the futon when i hear a loud noise. if something is really scary, i hide under the bed, in the back dark corner.
days i spend eating--my number one hobby--drinking, clawing the futon, the orange tabby stuffed cat, whatever else i can attack. i play with little pieces of paper, ribbon, and sometimes, the toys i have. oh, and i love chewing on the little strings from the vertical blinds--the best.
c: what else? do you like to sleep?
l: i love to sleep. at night i sleep on my special pillow next to you.
c: isn't that cute? she's so cute.

PROSE


rings


i say i want a nice ring for our anniversary.

it is supposed to be some sort of “promise” ring. you give me tanzanite and pearl on white gold. sitting on your living room carpet, you deliver some sort of speech. “the world’s supply of tanzanite will be completely mined in the next ten years. this ring will be worth a lot more in the future.” and, “this is a promise ring. i promise my life to you. i promise my love.” it is stupid to marry someone who lives 2,000 miles from you so we will wait for all that stuff until we are geographically together again. you also say the promise of love is stronger than marriage, and the promise of the self is stronger than any sort of legal vows.

i am careful with the ring. i never wear it in the shower, like i do with my other jewelry. everyone comments on its beauty.

but two weeks later: “i’m not sure if i’m in love with you anymore,” you tell me. the ring you gave me, this promise ring, the point of it invalid. i am crying, wear it in the bathtub this once. two years and then two weeks and then what?

a month later. we are still not together but we are not broken up. i say you are having issues and you say i am your issue. i wear the ring everyday anyway. “i’m never giving this back,” i tell you. “i’m not asking you to,” you tell me, calm at my hysteria. i cry daily, everywhere: in class, in the supermarket, on my bike, at work in the bathroom on break.

at a party, i meet another man. we are talking over loud house music and i look at my finger. a pearl is missing. “it’s missing!” a friend of mine says it is a sign. but i find it on the floor, right next to the other man’s shoe. i wonder if that is another sign.

i give the ring and the pearl back to you. it cannot be fixed and you cannot return it. you put it in a ziploc baggy in your sock drawer.

we are together again, sort of. we say we are figuring our issues out. you buy me another ring; amethyst, three square stones of it, on a simple white gold band. it is too big for my finger so you return it.

we are in orlando and i can smell disneyworld. we are shopping amongst tourists. i pretend to look at engagement rings. not pretend to look but pretend you are giving me one. a saleswoman, “can i help you?” the rings are expensive but i want one anyway. i want the whole kneeling “will you marry me” ceremony. you point out a non-engagement ring—two tanzanite stones, three opal stones, and little diamonds, on white gold. it is beautiful but “too expensive.” you buy it for me anyway.

i suppose you are in love with me again.