getting sick

probably because i spent all of friday night dancing at paul van dyk till 530 am, then slept only three hours before going to work, i woke up this morning with a cold. here are some of my favorite ways to get over being sick.

• drink lots of fluids. obvious, but very good. i drink lots and lots of water, lots of orange juice, lots of super c drinks (the kind by odwalla or naked), lots of tea (my favorite is celestial seasonings tangerine orange zinger, with added vitamin c--i add freshly squeezed lemon and honey for those days when my throat hurts), and i add those little powdered packets to my water. i do feel as if i'll float away, but i think this helps.
• take your vitamins. i take a regular assortment of vitamins daily, but when i am sick, i take vitamin C and echninacea three times a day. try to take them with food.
• eat good food. sugar and highly processed foods have never helped someone feel better. whole grains, veggies, and good food is the best way to go.
• sleep lots. sleep can cure nearly everything. going through breakups, i usually sleep a lot to avoid the pain and avoid food (because i can't stomach it). sleep is great.
• take care of yourself. don't go out all night, avoid alcohol, take lots of baths, relax at home. if you can, take the day off. taking things slow and easy helps you recuperate quicker.
• stay warm. sleep under a large pile of blankets, wear sweaters, don't go out with a wet head, drink tea. if you have a fever or headache, i always use a cold compress on my eyes or forehead.
• be less active, but not inactive. i don't do hard or long runs when i'm sick, but still run, stretch, exercise. long walks in brisk air is good, but if it's too cold, i may just find myself doing an indoor yoga routine. yoga usually helps me feel better, except if i'm queasy. then, it's hell.
• natural remedies. there's a tea for everything, and essential oils. raspberry leaf tea prevents me from taking too many painkillers during my menstrual cycle, and i use peppermint oils on a wet washcloth during stomach upset. i take baths with a combination of oils to help me breathe during asthmatic moments.
  

amsterdam

ah yes, land of beautiful canal-lined streets, and american frat boys in search of the best weed at the various coffeeshops (it's legal here, which my mom did not realize!) and the infamous red light district, which was shocking in its own way. although i worried about how i would feel as an asthmatic in the weed capital of the world (as many americans call it, though it is much, much more!), i ended up meeting a rad group of people--americans, ozzies, brits--and chilling with them, extending my time in amsterdam. had a brilliant time. i highly recommend the van gogh museum, the anne frankhuis, pozenboot (cat boat), vondelpark--i went to other museums and such, but these were my favorite things. a bbq at vondelpark was the highlight of my trip, as was the day joe, tanner, and i biked around the dutch countryside.

brussels

i heard that brussels was boring; "go to bruge." yet still i went to brussels. i went to europe's first shopping mall, saw some incredible rene magrittes, tasted the infamous and delicious belgian waffles, ate too many belgian chocolates (most of which i ate during my time in amsterdam)...it was beautiful. i was there for a brief period during which i spent my time alone, wandering, thinking, writing, being. i truly enjoyed myself.

spain, spain, gorgeous spain

i LOVED spain. i think the biggest part of it was that i got to speak and practice my spanish, and because i knew spanish, i had a different sort of cultural experience--i could talk with the locals and various people. i had a great time.

there was valencia, with its small-town old-world charm, meeting chris and evan, drinking sangria and agua de valencia (white wine with orange juice)...it was a charming, lovely place!

after valencia, chris and i ferried it to ibiza, which was just brilliant. we went to clubs, watched the legendary sunsets at cafe del mar/cafe mambo, drank more sangria, tanned (and burned) on the beach...i had a fabulous time.

then of course was barcelona. barcelona is charming, but hold onto your purse straps. look out for gaudi influences everywhere!

and then there was madrid! i spent all of my nights in the street parties at gay pride....days adoring picasso's guernica (probably the single most powerful piece of artwork i have ever seen), trying to find federico garcia lorca's archives but succeeding in getting lost in 35 degree celcius sweltering heat...i loved madrid. gay pride meant sexy drag queens, lots of sangria, and a street party every night. plus, gay marriage was legalized: my most memorable moment of pride was when a couple (two men) grabbed me and we sang spice girls on the street, "if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends..."

i planned on using the beaches of san sebastian to recover from traveling burnout. unfortunately, it rained two of the three days i was there, and the third was a mere 22 degrees celcius! i went swimming anyway. there's not much to do when it's raining in san sebastian as i learned. i hung around my hostel, did some writing, some reading, and was ready for my next stop, brussels.

the lovely english countryside

the english countryside is everything i thought it would be and more: sheep, and in such magnitude, i was ecstatic (aside from a zoo, i had never seen a sheep before), narrow one-lane country lanes that winded in and out as plants grew over the road, jolly good countryfolk hitting up strangers for conversation, lovely flowers, adorable little tea shops: it was all too perfect. i wouldn't mind retiring in the english countryside, i just want it to be sunny.

final bootsnall article

Ten Days in Greece
It's an article I wrote about my 10 days in Greece; good if you are planning on going.

Also, if you haven't, check out Eurail Blog which I updated during my travels.

pics of london

london was the city i loved the most. the people were awesome, and it is simply so beautiful in the countryside. there's heaps to do, and it has a certain energy, and people are polite. it's like new york, but less harsh, and less vibrant. new york still probably is my favorite city in the world, but besides that, it's london.

photos from iceland

because i haven't posted many photos of my trip, and i just got dsl yesterday, i'm going to start posting photos of my trip: just the highlights.

this posting includes photos of iceland, which is a beautiful place. i had an amazing experience with my friend's father, baldurs. we went to the icelandic symphony, and here is a photo of us after the symphony. i have also included photos of the infamous geyser and the waterfall, as well as iceland's beloved mountains. i love iceland and want to go back. seriously, it was so different from anyplace i've ever been. visit!

always lie on job interviews and never even bother applying (or interviewing) for jobs you are totally not interested in

1. always lie on interviews.

smile a lot. say you plan on staying there for the next ten years, even if you see yourself living in australia by the end of next month. say you love to mop floors and clean toilets and say you make coffee perfectly, even if you are allergic to caffeine. say you are detail-oriented and see the big picture and can multi-task and can focus on anything. say you don't mind the hours, the commute isn't bad, that the people seem friendly, that it looks like a place with upward mobility even if the only place to go is out the back door. hate yourself as you do this, and swear this will only be until you save enough money to go on your next trip.

2. never apply for jobs you have no intention of taking.

we've all been there; it's awkward. you have x amount in student loans, the rent is almost due, you have been out of work for way too long. so you apply for a job working as a secretary for harlequin novels and your job responsibilities include reading through the slush pile: "oh, fabio, your strong muscular arms take me to places no other man could have ever possibly tried to." (similar to a job i interviewed for after college.) you want to quit after a week, say, "i should've borrowed from aunt tillie, not worked here." your folks say, "it's paying the bills, doesn't it feel nice to have a little money, and it will get better." your friends say, "welcome to the sucky world of working. didn't you ever wonder why i looked like a corpse?" you work and work and suffer and suffer and one day get so fed up with it all you quit and live in your sister's garage and babysit her kids until she comes home from work. you have no money, you read your sister's trashy spy novels during the evenings, and plot your next step in life. sure, it sucks without central heating and a window, and your bed is just on a large platform above the cars, but it beats working for the man.

ain't that the truth.

i'm really a grownup

today, at the academic library where i work, yet another student mistook me for a student. "no, i'm a librarian." wow. like, did you go to college for that? they didn't really say it, but they were shocked i wasn't in school. this guy i met last week at a pub said when i spoke of my love of cooking and my small kitchen, "i'm not even too sure what i have in there. a plate, a spoon, pots and pans. most of it is my roommates. i barely cook." ah, the life of a takeaway manhattanite. he was only 23, so he can't be to blame. but today as i was seeking the best-looking organic produce, compiling ingredients to make yet another soup (i'm seriously obsessed with soups lately! i love them, and they're perfect for wintertime), i realized, i'm a grown-up. i have my own apartment, my own kitchen, my own bills, and i am an independent woman.

it scared me.

Travel Articles

Here are the articles I have written for Bootsnall.com. I have one that has yet to be posted, but you can check out the others here.

Clubbing In Europe
Having been a clubber in my teens and early twenties, I was excited to go clubbing in Europe. For me, it was not only about the music, but about seeing the cultural differences - how people danced in clubs, club protocol, what they dressed in, as well as seeing a lot of the history of electronic music.

The Top of Europe: Jungfraujoch
Claiming to be "the top of Europe" (but actually just the highest railway station), Jungfraujoch is a journey well worth your time. Located close to Interlaken, Switzerland, I took the earliest train from Interlaken Ost (taking the earliest train gives passengers a discount of about 25 francs) and spent the morning wandering around this beautiful mountainside. Clear skies are essential for your visit, so check the weather before you arrive. Local news stations broadcast pictures from the top of Jungfraujoch frequently, so you can get an idea of what the weather is like.

Solo: The Best Way to Go
"Don't you get lonely?" "Aren't you scared?" "That must be dangerous."

I've heard these and many other similar comments when I've told people that I'm traveling alone. I love traveling alone - at first I didn't, but at the end of my trip, I preferred it. Traveling solo gives me the freedom to do what I want when I want - it's selfish in some ways, but I love traveling alone. Decisions are quick, and no consulting, discussing, deciding, and worrying that someone's feelings had been hurt or wishes been compromised - instead you just do things your own way.

Saving Money Once You've Left
Okay, so you've sacrificed for months, perhaps even years, before your trip. You cut out all of the extras, like no longer eating out in restaurants, have limited your alcohol consumption, buying generic food at the grocery store instead of the fancy, popular brands, and are riding your bike to work instead of taking the bus. You do all this so you have a nice amount of money in the bank for your trip. But once you've left, is there a way you can continue to be wise with your money during your trip?

How to Survive Hostelling
It's not that rough. I've never slept on a dirt floor, always had some sort of mattress and running water, but even so, living a backpacker's life can get you down. Hostels mean a cheap place to sleep, and often, nothing more. Hostels can be dirty, loud, and lacking privacy. It might make you reminisce for family vacations when your parents let you keep the complimentary shower caps (what a frivolity, a backpacker might think) your family's hotel provided.

Traveling Vegetarian
It's easy to eat at home-you go into the kitchen of your home and cook a meal of ingredients in your house, or after staring at your refrigerator for several moments without anything delicious magically appearing, you head to your favorite restaurant or ring up the best takeaway. When you're traveling, you don't have that luxury, and will find yourself staring at unfamiliar menus in a language you might not understand. You'll find yourself trying new and unfamiliar foods every day. It is fun-but it can be difficult if you have a dietary restriction.

Experiencing Iceland Through an Elder
Before I visited Iceland (which was the first stop on a several month trip around Europe), my old boss and friend, Eirikur, had asked me if I would like to visit his father. If Eirikur's father was anything like his son, I knew it would be an amazing and insightful part of my trip. I agreed, excited at the chance to spend time with a local. Before my trip, Eirikur made me a large map (a combination of various maps he printed from the Internet and taped together), showing me exactly where his father's house was. He also pointed out strategic places like where the bus station was, where his favorite pool was, and where he was born. Armed with my map, I was ready for Iceland.

Falling in Love: The Cinque Terre, Italy
In nearly every place I've ever been when traveling, I have never wanted to leave, even if I knew the next place I was going would be wonderful (which it usually was). In the Cinque Terre, I was depressed upon leaving, and nearly changed my plans to spend an extra night there. I fell in love: hard, fast. Everything was amazing-from the food to the views to the infamous Via dell'Amore to the people. I can safely say that this is the most beautiful place I have ever been in my entire life.

Running Across Europe
When I told friends I would be backpacking across Europe for nearly four months, everyone assumed I would quit running. No way. My running sneakers were one of the few precious items I put in my pack. As much as I despised wearing them for everyday use (something I don't do back home, and I dreaded looking like a typical American with white sneakers), I packed them along with running clothes (which, when clean, doubled as pajamas).

If you also want to see the hostel reviews I posted, search "cherie" on www.bootsnall.com and you should be able to find them.

marathon sunday: it's better than christmas

i went to the 12th mile of the new york city marathon to hand out water today. i cheered people on (often personalizing along with the names printed on their shirts) in the largest marathon in the world, with such a diverse group of people: a lot of danes, brits, swedes, among other countries. meb, who i wanted to win, and denna, did not; ah well, we all have our strengths and weaknesses and times. it was a fun morning; i hung out with sharon, who also did her first marathon last year, and george, whose friend was running the race. it was a lot of fun, and i got a free shirt and poncho (the poncho which i needed as i was completely soaked in water). the crowd is group, and honestly, you haven't run a marathon until you've run new york. i get chills just thinking of it. seriously, it is an amazing day, and if you can, plan on being out there next year to watch the race--and cheer me on, because i'll be running it again, perhaps even qualifying for boston. but seriously, boston is just boston, and the nyc marathon, well, it's THE marathon.

new york, i'm coming back, don't you worry, for hopefully one of my favorite days of my life. the best day of my life was last november's new york city marathon; you never forget your first.

traveling and who i now i am

I'm watching the infamous Motorcycle Diaries (which, of course, the book is better, but I love that the movie is in Spanish with English subtitles, and I love that they show his struggle with asthma so vividly, something I also struggle with), thinking about who I want, and what I want, and how I've changed. Sure, I think, I've changed, but as the days go on, I see it more and more. I don't want this sedentary nine-to-five travel once a year North American lifestyle. I know there is so much to see and do in this world, and yes, being a librarian is truly the job I want, and what I see myself doing...but at the same time, I want to travel. Travel is so important. Seeing this movie, envying Guevara's freedom--the book conveys it more so, includes more of the adventures.

I want to go to Latin America--I have heard they HATE people from the USA, that they kidnap and torture them. And they kidnap people on the streets of New York City, so what should I do--stay locked inside my apartment (but a fire, like the one down the block from me, could kill me!). I have the grain of adventure within me. I will not stop traveling. I am a traveler, a backpacker, a true spirit of the road.

I have ideas for future travels--the marathon in Greenland. At the marathon expo yesterday, in between limping around booths of free samples, telling Best Buy a Hummer was not a smart politically correct advertising statement, refusing coupons from Nike (telling them I refuse to use anything from a company that is one of the biggest users of sweatshop labor), I ran into a booth for the Greenland marathon. The guy was in an obscure corner and was probably happy to meet me and we talked, about my time in Iceland, about my intense interest of Greenland. He gave me a patch, a map, and other assorted information, and I hope I can go there next summer--along with Burning Man, that Erin in Prague told me all about.

But future--it's far. I refuse to stop dreaming. I got a book, The Travel Book, that lists information about way too many companies for me to ever be bored. I'm thinking Latin America is next, but due to many scares, its immensity, and how long I plan on being there, I'm thinking of going with a companion. Others mention Latin America too, and I hope someone that I am simpatico with--perhaps Chris from Luton, or others--will have time and money at the same time as I. Otherwise, I will go solo.

In my heart, traveling is important. Other things are important, but those who are vague, ambivalent, or ununderstanding about travel, well, we won't become as close as you'd like. Traveling, like Buddhism, and Yoga, are part of the spirituality in my life.

traveling and who i now i am

I'm watching the infamous Motorcycle Diaries (which, of course, the book is better, but I love that the movie is in Spanish with English subtitles, and I love that they show his struggle with asthma so vividly, something I also struggle with), thinking about who I want, and what I want, and how I've changed. Sure, I think, I've changed, but as the days go on, I see it more and more. I don't want this sedentary nine-to-five travel once a year North American lifestyle. I know there is so much to see and do in this world, and yes, being a librarian is truly the job I want, and what I see myself doing...but at the same time, I want to travel. Travel is so important. Seeing this movie, envying Guevara's freedom--the book conveys it more so, includes more of the adventures.

I want to go to Latin America--I have heard they HATE people from the USA, that they kidnap and torture them. And they kidnap people on the streets of New York City, so what should I do--stay locked inside my apartment (but a fire, like the one down the block from me, could kill me!). I have the grain of adventure within me. I will not stop traveling. I am a traveler, a backpacker, a true spirit of the road.

I have ideas for future travels--the marathon in Greenland. At the marathon expo yesterday, in between limping around booths of free samples, telling Best Buy a Hummer was not a smart politically correct advertising statement, refusing coupons from Nike (telling them I refuse to use anything from a company that is one of the biggest users of sweatshop labor), I ran into a booth for the Greenland marathon. The guy was in an obscure corner and was probably happy to meet me and we talked, about my time in Iceland, about my intense interest of Greenland. He gave me a patch, a map, and other assorted information, and I hope I can go there next summer--along with Burning Man, that Erin in Prague told me all about.

But future--it's far. I refuse to stop dreaming. I got a book, The Travel Book, that lists information about way too many companies for me to ever be bored. I'm thinking Latin America is next, but due to many scares, its immensity, and how long I plan on being there, I'm thinking of going with a companion. Others mention Latin America too, and I hope someone that I am simpatico with--perhaps Chris from Luton, or others--will have time and money at the same time as I. Otherwise, I will go solo.

In my heart, traveling is important. Other things are important, but those who are vague, ambivalent, or ununderstanding about travel, well, we won't become as close as you'd like. Traveling, like Buddhism, and Yoga, are part of the spirituality in my life.

Halloween: Grape for a Day

I had a brilliant Halloween. It was one of those nights where the next day you are totally hyper and stoked and still feeding off of last night's energy, even if you only got a couple hours of sleep. But my Halloween, my New York Halloween, reminded me of why I love New York City. I would never want to be any other place than New York for Halloween--why would you? If I was in England, what would we do? Maybe eat pumpkin cookies with our tea and candy corns, laugh delicately, "Oh, how hilarious you are with your ghost earrings!" Maybe not; I hope not, as I'd love to live there and hope it's not as depressing as the weather. But America is a great place for Halloween--we're loud Americans, being outrageous, dressing up as flashers, tampons, sluts, whatever it is we truly are underneath. It's a day to play, to have fun, be crazy, be our fantasy, be our opposite, dance, laugh, act, perform. We're alive, and we're happy, and we're here to spread cheer, laugh, watch people, dress up, party. And New Yorkers--we're the loudest. Screaming, "What you tryin' to be?" "Hey, move it!" "Happy m*therf*cking Halloween!"


I first went to the infamous Halloween parade--you must go, or you haven't celebrated Halloween as you should. March in it if you can--you can watch it and participate/perform at the same time. Laura dressed up like a brideslut. I went as a bunch of grapes. I finally succeeded in being NOT a "sexy" whatever. Women are sexy cops, sexy construction workers, sexy witches, sexy diner waitresses, sexy cats, sexy, sexy, sexy! Or just plain, "I have this really slutty corset and these thongs and heels, I'll just wear them." So I succeeded in a good costume that wasn't sexy. As a grape, I wore a brown top, skirt, sweater. I covered my long brown sweather with fake leaves and purple balloons. I braided my hair around my head, and put a ring of fake leaves around my head. I looked pretty good, if I may say so myself. The photos I have do not even represent how grape-y I looked.


After the parade, I went to a Complacentparty. They throw some pretty awesome parties, often combining art, politics, music, and partying. This one was a street party, with chanting ("When I say concrete, you say ritual! Concrete!" "Ritual!" "Concrete!" "Ritual!"), and other sorts of insanity I might not want to mention on this website, but it was powerful, amazing, shocking, and fun. The sorts of things you might get in trouble for should someone catch you. I thought, "These are my people: artists and politically-minded crazy people and hippies in New York City; this is who I love!"


After, we (by we I mean me and a bunch of people I met at this party; Laura disappeared to go home, and I made new friends) regrouped in the west 20s, and took the train up to the 40s for a party--all of us got in free to this club. They were playing good music--LeTigre electronic mixes, among other things. I danced like crazy, which is hard when you are dressed up with 30 balloons pinned to you. Rather crazy. I met this guy and tango danced with him, which was SO fun. Usually I'm a dreadful dancer with a partner, but I was good, and had a blast. He was a dancer, so he's really good. We danced till we noticed the time. Around three, I caught a cab back to Brooklyn. My cabbie was telling me Halloween horror stories--drunk people, and some guy with a three or foot foot "fake dick" as he called it pressed it against the cabbie--who threw him out. I was friendly and chatty, and he liked my costume, and told me T needed to move to NY because "it is not right," and thanked me for being so nice; "Why are you so nice to cabbie? You are so nice, you are nice to cabbie." He was super cool, and knew how to get home from the 59th St Bridge, which I do not know at all.


When I came in, Luna was excited. I gave her some treats and then we went to bed. I woke up the next morning, sparkles in my hair, half-deflated balloons on the floor, no longer a grape. But I was still something special.

me and ms. eiffel but most of all, paris and the effects of not traveling

as much as i didn't love paris, i must admit: i love the eiffel tower. here are some photos of me at the infamous tower. one is of me right in front, another is of me with the eiffel as it sparkles--every hour on the hour, all the lights just blink. it's beautiful, and even marco got chills. some call it ugly, but you can't deny its importance.





i think back to when i was lost in paris, no one speaking english (or they pretended not to), the immensity of the louvre, yet i was crying on the phone in the basement of the louvre: "i hate paris. i want to go home," and t saying nothing, and me going, "you must think i'm a spoiled brat." and he didn't say anything but i realized, i was privileged, i was traveling. i changed hostels, met some amazing people (jen, dania, lindsay, drew, among others). so, yeah, even paris i miss. traveling is so important to me. i refuse to stop. so job interviewers, no, i'm not done with traveling. not now, not ever. i'm traveling for life. who knows where i'll go next? all i know is, i'm never stopping.

my favorite homeless man

in new york city, we all have our favorite bagel place, our favorite pizzeria, our favorite street, our favorite spot in the park, our favorite secret, our favorite busker, and our favorite homeless person. mine is an alcoholic who resides in greenpoint, wears a black leather jacket, sports a goatee, and a huge smile. at one point he was staying in a local squat/with friends, but not sure where he is living now.

he always said hi to me, and i said hi back. once he said, "hello, young lady" to which i promptly responded, "hell, old man." he laughed hysterically and i knew i had made a friend. we had that exchange several other times, and it always resulted in laughter from him.

one day, several winters ago, i was walking home from the laundromat with a very full granny cart full of clean laundry. it was one of those snowstorms before christmas, when stores were panicking because no one was shopping because, god forbid, we might get cold or wet! i took advantage of the lull to do my laundry; i was one of the only lunatics in there. so, i'm walking home, and this house has a messed up sidewalk, which i can't see because there is snow all over the sidewalk. my cart hits it, flips over, and i fall, skinning both of my knees (which were quite bloody and painful for over a week). i also skinned my hands. in the cold snow, i tried to pull myself up, but as my hands were hurting, it was hard. the old woman whose house it was simply stared at me, saying nothing. (i should've threatened to sue her, eh?) before i could submit to tears, my favorite homeless man gave me his hand to help me up, and then righted my cart. i swallowed my tears and thanked him profusely. ever since then, i have a spot for him in my heart.

we chat. usually not much, but, "how was your day?" "this weather is awful, stay dry." "have a beautiful day; you look lovely." today, coming home from a 5 mile race (it was obvious i had raced, as i had my running number still pinned to my pants, and a medal around my neck), he paused me to ask me about my race, about my running, and about the marathon. he is truly a charming man.

he doesn't panhandle, and he sits on the stoop, drinking with his friends. but he is one of the nicest new yorkers. whenever i see his big friendly smile, i know i'm in my neighborhood, and glad to have such colorful, friendly, and wonderful street people.

photos of austria--the hills alive with the sound of music

the gang in salzburg, drunk at an irish pub.

yes, these hills are alive with the sound of music.

life as i now know it

today i ran into sarah at the farmers' market and whenever you play catch up with people, it kind of forces you to evaluate what the hell you've been doing. struggling with a large butternut squash, i answered questions about my job, and i have thought more and more about what i'm doing. i'm not thrilled, but instead of this freedom i felt this summer, "oh, i'm bored here, i'm going to just leave," "i feel like buying this," randomly approaching strangers for chats and leaving if they suck--well, i just feel settled. it can be a scary feeling.

i like some things about NOT traveling..a lot of things, actually. i like eating local and organic produce, cooking in my home, knowing what i'm eating, sleeping in my bed, being with my cat, writing when i want, reading....

but i'm not in brazil. they're destroying rain forests i haven't seen yet. i want to try surfing in australia, being a vegetarian in africa, warding off advances and being safe in latin america, there's so many places to go! i feel suffocated with my work situation and my money situation and i am getting a little panicky at times.

my toaster oven broke today and it makes me sad. if only i were on the road, it would not even matter. but i'm at home, and adjusting to being here, well, it's a lot harder than you would think.

what do i want?

i don't know. i got the part-time job at g, an academic library (quite small). i'm not thrilled with the part-time hours and i really think i need benefits. after accepting it, i cried on the phone to my father. i also have a part-time temporary job at b.--an interview tomorrow that i believe i have an excellent chance of getting--but i really want something that i can start accruing my vacation days so i can go away next somewhere. i dont know what i want. the job at g. will provide time to write, but i think, maybe, i just want a real job.

a federico garcia lorca quote

i tried to visit the federico garcia lorca archives in madrid, but i succeeded in getting lost in 40 degree (celcuis) heat while sweating and using my spanish to get bad directions. but here's a quote from one of my favorite poets:

porque te quiero, te quiero, amor mio
because i love you, i love you, my love

"i don't do any drugs, i am just trying to get myself on my feet and find a job, if you could please find the kindness in your heart to help..."

sounds like yet another person on the train, such as i heard today, and i want to get up and shout, "me too! i'm unemployed, won't be able to pay all my bills this month." but instead i shut up and swallowed.

my money situation is troubling. i spent a lot of the money since i've returned that i was frugal with on my trip. i have to be careful. money, jobs, it's stressful.

i need a job

i spoke about how i don't want to work and how i like being unemployed. scratch that. i went to the bank today and it was a depressing experience. i'm really freaked out about money now so i've been shooting out my resume to library placement firms. im scared bc i have a ridiculously low sum of money in my bank account and when i talked to t, he had the same. i joked, "even if you found a job in nyc, you couldn't afford to move bk." it's totally crazy.

i have to apply for a few more jobs before i head to my 15-hour a week parttime librarian interview.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

--Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)

i'm good at not working, bad at looking for a job

so i did have an interview last week for a job as a librarian for an environmental nonprofit, and i have two interviews (mon & tues) for academic libraries, but really, i'm not very good at this job searching. for instance, today i woke around 9, did some housekeeping, went for a run, showered, ate, worked on an article for bootsnall, played with my cat, ate lunch, went to the central library of the brooklyn public library (which took nearly an hour each way to get there b/c of track work on the trains, UGH!, it should've taken no more than 25 or 30 min.), came home, did some reading in The Rough Guide to New York (i really need to go to the statue of liberty one of these days, and this book is reminding me of what a rad place i live in), then read some different travel books, and then realized, it's getting cold, it's 630, i should eat dinner soon. and i decided on black bean sauce with soba noodles, tempeh, and assorted veggies. and then i'm like, "i really should be looking for a job." which i haven't done all day. and i'm good at being unemployed: i can play with my cat, read, bake, redecorate, do errands...and i still haven't even done much writing (other than the stuff for bootsnall, and i'll post links at a later date so you can read them if you wish), or submitting because i'm doing so much "other" stuff. but this is it: i'm going to send my resume and cover letter to two jobs right now (before i prepare dinner, that way, i know i'll do it quick and now!), and later i'll look for more jobs. and don't remind me of all the bills i have to go through (a big shopping bag full!) and various messes around my apartment, and oh yeah, my friend is coming over tomorrow night so i want everything to be nice for her...i really need to get a job soon because i'm getting WAY too good at this unemployed stuff.

bitchfest

my legs are aching from not having run in a while and my kitty is running all around, playing with a sparkley cat toy and i'm missing my love and i'm happy it's not raining and i am dreaming of fields of flowers and not wanting to look for a job, as i am, though the one at g. i really want and life is all about surprises so i need to swallow, hold my chin up, and keep on getting out there. i do want to get rid of more stuff as i want to have less and less possessions--it's against the backpacker's mantra.

clubs in new york

last night t and i went out to crobar. it was awful: all long island and jersey people, with massive fake boobs and tiny tops and collagen lips, and the dj in the main room ("where is dj rap?" we kept asking repeatedly) sucked, sucked, i have never heard such foul music as such a big club. maybe i'm spoiled with european clubs but....i had a better time eating toast and soup with t when i got home.

they say the rain finally stopped (after a week of nonstop rains, making new yorkers feel like a monsoon hit us) but in my heart, it feels cloudy. t just left and it's amazing how a wonderful person can make you so happy, and when they leave, emotionally you think, "this is all there is without them?" being in love is a confusing and wonderful thing; it would be better if t and i lived closer, which will hopefully happen soon.

and then there was one

t just left, and it's weird how empty my apt feels without him. the bed feels too big. i tried to sleep more (which should be easy as i only slept for 5 hours) but i can't. i want his arms to be wrapped around me, me pressed against him. the hardest thing about being in love is being apart. you wonder, why bother? when i'm with them, everything is just amazing.

it's expensive to be healthy

so you need to exercise (maybe you belong to a gym) and then take supplements just in case you aren't getting all the vitamins you need (i regularly take b12, a multivitamin, calcium, vitamin e, folic acid, vitamin c), and then eat organic foods because you don't want to pollute the earth and ingest pesitcides, and then you're using everything all-natural and eco-friendly detergent, and of course none of your shampoos/toiletries have been tested on animals, and it gets you thinking like every little purchase is a huge chore...but it's important, and it's expensive, but it's good for you.

nerves

i have a job interview today for a job i really want. i won't say anything more except i'm nervous and you should wish me luck. i shaved my legs and i'm going to be wearing stockings--i wanted to go bare-legged but it's just too cold! i hate this cold, rainy weather, and i'm already suffering from S.A.D.

writing

so i'm in the whole job hunt and it totally sucks, and i have high hopes for this one job i'll interview at on tuesday. and i'm talking about how if things get bad i'll start temping and the part-time jobs on craig's list like flyering, or doing some studies at the universities, or working at a gallery opening serving drinks, or something like that. and my mom says, "why don't you sell your fiction?" as if it were so easy. i thought of that ages ago, but still, i'm waiting for them to accept me. one day....

p.s. if you are interested in some fantastic fiction, agents, let me know!

rain

it's raining brutally outside; the kind of rain that even though you have a raincoat and umbrella, you still end up soaked. as i am now. everything is soaked. i am so wet. it's raining so hard right now that rain is coming through my window--ugh ugh UGH. normally a bit of rain doesn't bother me but it's been raining since last night....and it's so PMS weather, all you want to do is chill out with a bowl of soup and tea and read or watch movies with your cat and be lazy like your cat. i hate this shitty rainy day and i just want a little sunshine right now. since i can't change the weather, i'll create the sunshine within myself and spread it outwards!

with my freedom, i refuse to do things i don't want to

today i had a list of errands to do: return the broken screens i bought at home depot (they were messed up when i bought them, and i didn't use them, natch), use a gift card and a coupon on bath and body works, mail stuff from the post office. the one thing on my list i didn't want to do was go to my old job and say hi. i couldn't bear it--i walked down there, and some stupid corporate yuppie smiled at me as his cab cut off all the pedestrians...snottily, because he knew i was pissed by my facial expression. and i realized, i definetly did NOT want to be there. i walked on, and passed my job's building, a sour feeling in my stomach: i quit for a reason, and it wasn't just to travel; i hated that place, that corporation with its ill bureacracy hurting me and others. and so i walked. i walked onto the 5 train, and didn't relax until i was in union square, and was like, "it's okay cherie, you're free. you don't work there and you don't have to go back. you quit. when you quit you learned freedom, and freedom means you don't have to go back." and so i never will.

cher & the city

so i admit it, i probably watched too much sex and the city today (thanks for the netflix trial lissy), but seriously, it's got me thinking: what is it that i want? (a run gets me thinking, anything causes me to think...) all summer people kept saying, so is it like sex and the city? and i laughed, yeah right. me with my old stinky shoes and my unemployment right n0w and no jobs i want that pay me anything...and i'm living in an apartment that looks out onto an ugly brick building and what do i want? what do i want? i don't know. i know when i'm unsatisfied, but sometimes, i'm not sure what to do next. like, how do i remedy it? how do i deal with the fact that my cat is my constant, that my relationship is stretched, and that my to-do list is enormous---what about when i start work? (luckily, i'll be done with sitc by then) now i'm going to flip through my macy's one day sale catalogs, dream about a bigger apartment, a good job...but live in the now. read, and write, and aim for the stars. because that's what life is like. and to get to the stars, you need to take the stairs...and that means hard work. and i'm here for the long haul, baby.

konkrete jungle and then some: last night

i haven't been to konkrete jungle, the world's (or maybe just the country's) longest running drum n bass party, in forever, so i decided to go to see my old pal odi. i used to have the hugest crush on him, and we "dated" briefly, but that was AGES ago. before i went in, i was in the middle of a phone call with tonks, and odi saw me, and his eyes went, wow, i know you.

anyway, the music was pretty good, but it was fairly empty. there were lots of people, but it wasn't crowded, not for konkrete jungle. this annoying guy in a suit kept trying to dance with EVERY girl and he was driving me nuts. he didn't get the hint when i turned my back on him, held up my hand in his face, ran away; finally, i screamed, "i don't wanna dance with you" and he left me alone to annoy other women. poor them.

i'm tired, and got to thinking a lot. like i saw this guy who looked like ryan from amsterdam. then i started thinking of ryan, and mccall, and tanner, and joe, and everyone else i met. i started thinking of chris from ibiza, and rocky from prague, and emma from stockholm, and all these people...and a lot of them, i'll probably never see again. and i got really sad. so here i am sitting on the speaker at konkrete jungle while taking a break, getting sad that i'm not traveling. and thinking about that position in south africa. and knowing i need to travel more. and maybe i should go to montreal for a weekend. and maybe i should never stop traveling.

i danced till 3am, and then walked to the L. my new thing is, if i'm in the east village, i can walk to the L (usually plenty of people on th streets), then take it one stop to bedford, and take a cab (about 5 or 6 bucks) to my house. so i'm walking down st mark's place, because that is the most populated, and i see this tv that is showing...a porn. yuck. and then i see this guy is standing in front of his windows, and you can't see his crotch, but you know he's busy down there. and i ran up st mark's place, thinking, why are strange men always possessed to show their penises to me...stockholm, the night after the le tigre show. ugh.

i came in and luna harassed me for food; i didn't give in. i curled up in bed, falling asleep fast, and drum n bass ringing in my head. i woke up to the phone ringing; i have a job interview in two weeks.

what's been going on

everyone seems to think i have this easy, fabulous life, and while i love being fabulous, things aren't super easy. like this summer: i got a solid night of sleep maybe three times all summer. i was constantly waking due to noisy roommates, hearing strange noises from other rooms, waking up early for early departures, sleeping on trains (or attempting to sleep on trains). thank goddess for melatonin. i would walk so much some days that my legs would literally ache.

now i'm home. i just finished putting all my stuff away, but have some papers (writings) that i still need to go through. i've been going over some stories, reading this excellent book, baghdad burning (check out the blog where it all happened, riverbend). i've also been looking for a job. the best one so far is this one as a travel writer in cape town..but i would have to break up with t to take that (i'm fed up with a three hour gap, a massive plane ride--20 hours, 18 hours, i'm guessing, would destroy us...or the very ambivalent way t is, he might be like, sure, now i don't have to marry her...) and i don't necessarily want to do that, plus, as much as i want to travel, i kinda wanna be in nyc for a while (as much as the winters here suck...the job in cape town doesn't start till jan so i'd be in time for summer there!). i applied to jobs as a travel writer for bridal magazines, academic librarians, special librarians....while sweating in my hot apartment.

i ran a race this morning--only 1.7 miles. to run the new york city marathon, you have to be accepted. you can get accepted by:

1. if you are international, you have to join a tour operator or something, and you automatically get in.
2. enter the lottery. if you are rejected three years a row by the lottery, you automatically get in the next year.
3. become a member of the new york road runners, and run 9 races in the preceding year.
   

so i'm doing my 9 races so i qualify for the 2006 marathon. this year i didn't even bother because with me being away all summer, it would just be bonkers with me...like, "oh yes, there's the vatican as i'm doing a 20 mile training run past it..."

i've been spending lots of time with luna. i really missed my little baby. awwww.

i went to the brooklyn public library and got out heaps of books. i read war and peace and caramelo and madame bovary and the beach this summer--now i'm reading several books a week. i spent my subway rides engrossed. living alone means i can stay up until four am reading, or read during my meals, or sprawl out at any point reading, uninterrupted...until my cell phone rings (and if i answer rudely, or don't at all, it just means what i'm reading is so brilliant!).

there's a "rave" next weekend....there will probably be 14 year olds and me and ed and trish...j and t want to go, though t probably can't go. i don't know if i will go. i am unemployed and spending money like that might be stupid. plus, i went clubbing in europe...and that would seem inferior...so....

i've also been cooking heaps. i LOVE cooking. soups are a favorite, although the weather needs to cool down a tad to enjoy them. i LOVE coming in from a cold winter's day with soup supplies, and preparing a soup that will warm my apartment with its heat and its amazing scent, and then my belly...i love soup with some nice crusty french bread and a salad. i made my gram's famous lentil soup the other day, and am hoping to make a tomato orzo soup. i also made carrot apple loaf (adapted from a bread, with some of my creative additions) and white beans with sage...plus everyday things too. i wish i could freeze beans but they always get scary. lentils are okay...and if a soup has beans, it's cool, but without, eeek. i want to try to make broth one day soon. v, do you have a good recipe for me?

so it's a huge rant, babble, but that's what i'm doing. love to you all throughout the world!

places i've missed

sure i was in europe for 3 1/2 months, but i missed some places. i want to go back to revisit some of the places i missed. here's where i'll go my next trip to europe (in addition to england, berlin, and italy, which i need to spend more time in):

• bratislava
• krakow. it was between here and budapest, and as my grandma's family is from budapest, i chose there. i loved budapest, but now i want to go bk to krakow.
• finland. it seemed to be too time-consuming to get there, but now i wish i went there
• bergen. i went to oslo, but i want to see the fjords at bergen.
• tuscany and umbria. i cut this portion out of my trip to go to croatia. now i want to go wining in the tuscany/umbria region. i'm hoping i can persuade trevor to go with me--he loves wine. me, i started to love wine on this trip. in italy and france, wine is cheaper than juice or soda.
• scotland. it looks really beautiful; i want to go.
• portugal. i cut out this part due to lack of time. i want to go.

i know i'll be traveling more. i just got roz hopkin's THE TRAVEL BOOK (published by lonely planet) and am picking out my next place. i'm thinking my next trip will either be latin america or russia/india/nepal/tibet. i want to go treking in nepal and tibet, and need someone to go with me. t doesn't sound so into it; anyone want to go? in india i'm most interested in dharamsala!

jobs

i can't seem to start looking for a job. i've been cooking, and unpacking, and writing up my travel articles, and naming all of these zillion photos i took, and seeing friends and family, and redecorating my apartment. i got an email about a job as an archivist, and i think i'd need a bit more experience. anyway, i read the email and it says "13 paid holidays, and 13 sick/personal days." i couldn't find the information about the vacation days, and then i realized, the 13 days probably apply to sick and vacation. are you kidding me? that is absurd! i hope it is wrong. i can't apply. i can't get a job with no vacation time. i don't know if i can work for a place where i have no vacation time. i always run out of vacation job. countless jobs i've called in sick when i needed a mental health day or a day off, because i used my paltry vacation days.

i don't know how to even start looking for a job. i dread the process. i'll start looking later this week. until then, i'm writing the tales of my summer. i'll keep you posted when they're published so you can check them out.

missing europe...itchy feet

i've been looking through all my photos and writing up some articles tonight and getting sad...i'm missing traveling, i'm missing europe. dancing with some crazy brit, jumping up and down when the co2 cannon blasted off, in ibiza, while chris screams, I CANT BELIEVE THIS, or getting on brett's shoulders during gay pride to try to find everyone while we're all drunk on cheap beer and sangria, sweating sangria out, or eating baguettes and cheese, baguettes and cheese, baguettes and cheese in paris, or having a bbq in amsterdam and drinking loozas and vodka at the dj bar while joe attempts to explain the benefits of chilling out and spending three weeks in amsterdam high, or dancing to lauryn hill for free in stockholm, or eating a bbq at a club in berlin before dancing to music i've never heard before in my life that is better than any american dj has ever played, to laughing about australian geography with rocky, to eating lots of sweets with kate in budapest, to that crazy time in cinque terra, to omgod, hanggliding in interlaken and gaping at the beauty, or dancing like crazy in zurich's street parade, to eating way way way too much in italy, to the fat stray cats eating ziti in venetian streets, to new york reminiscing in florence, to the crazy accomodations in dubrovnik, to steps, steps, step, and amazing food in amalfi, to the pizza in amalfi, to what can i say about roma, to the salads of greece and the beaches...and watching eurotrip (recommended by trevor)...and realizing the best time of my life , well, it was last summer, but i can leave it as that, but i think i'm going to make each and every day of my life as good as that was...and i will continue traveling...

now that i'm back...

so i'm back. i got home less than a week ago, and am still settling into my apartment, trying to organize way too many photos from my trip, and writing for bootsnall. there's so much, so i'll simply tackle it in bullets.

• arriving home was a shock. being here still is. i keep saying euro instead of dollar, and so much american english is a bit of a shock.
• i'm really enjoying all the food in my house, and cooking, and eating. it's so much nicer. plus, organic nearly everything!
• i went to a family party where shouting was the norm, and after, my sister and her boyfriend slept over. her boyfriend made killer omletes in the morning.
• venessa, my friend from co, has been here all week. it's been fun going to museums and cooking and hanging out.
• i saw le tigre. one word: brilliant. they were awesome. they left the stage during new kicks, and came back dressed in these white outfits with NO WAR all over them. i danced a lot with venessa.
• venessa and i got flashed by some pervert in a black explorer. he was masturbating in his car. i went to the police station around the block, and by the time we went back, he had booked. the cop told me to get the license plate if i could, and we saw him several blocks later, got the license plate, and called 911. they were very nice, and i hope they catch him.
• i went to the moma, and i'm going to the guggenheim today--as if i didn't see enough art museums this summer.

it's weird being back, and sooner or later i'll need to look for a job, but now, i'm still settling in.

i am home

so i'm home, okay? okay? so i just went out for a drink and listened to some boring trendster speak way too loudly, and so i have to find a job, and so now i have to wash dishes? it's still not too bad.

i saw a job paying way too much as an archivist for the natl archives here in nyc...will i get it? maybe not. maybe i'll just keep bouncing around for a bit. have to write my articles i owe for bna....

it's nice to be home but i miss being on the road.

traveling

After reading The Beach and traveling all summer, I realize, I cannot stop traveling. There are too many people to meet and places to see and experiences to revel in and there is a whole world out there. I refuse to let myself be kept behind four walls, doing something I hate. There is so much out there, and I demand to experience it.

The Beach by Alex Garland

I read the most amazing book two nights ago. A fellow backpacker put it down for a few minutes, and let me read it the rest of the night. I finished it in a few hours (because I read like mad), and it's amazing. So go out and buy it new. It's called The Beach by Alex Garland. Run to your nearest library, bookshop, or here's the Amazon link for you lazy ones. It's an amazing travel novel. This English guy is in Thailand, when a crazy person in his hotel gives him a map to a beach he knows nothing about. After seeing the man kill himself, Richard and a French couple set out to find this beach, which involves a 2 kilometer swim in the open ocean. There they find a commune, which is paradise, but which turns ugly. It is a page turner, and amazing book. Please do yourself a favor and read it right now. It's brilliant.

life

here's what's up:

1. i have a rash, but went to the doctor, and i'll be better soon.
2. i'm in love with italy and roma is fantastic.
3. italian men are very aggressive.
4. gelati is fantastic and i probably won't be able to eat pizza for ages when i go back home.
5. home? why do i want to go there?
6. maybe i have a rash, and maybe i'm sweating, but i really don't want to leave europe. i don't want to get a job and i can't picture myself living in the states. it's very un-me right now.
   

loving rome

can i go on anymore? i love traveling, i love rome, i love italy. i don't want to go back to a life like in office space. i need a job that makes me happy.

fallen in love

you know when you fall in love, when you kiss your love your knees go weak and you get dizzy and nothing else matters but being with them? well that's how i feel about italy. i'm in love with this country.

bob marley is universal

in literally every country i have visited i have heard bob marley. he is more universal than anything else. good thing i like him.

Traveling...can I stop?

Croatia now. Wishing I was able to go to Montenegro, Bratislava, too many other places. Places many Americans cant place on a map. I have this desire to travel, and this trip has only increased it. I have always wanted to go to Russia, to Nepal, to Tibet. Oh, Tibet! I know the time will come. I want to do something with my talents...teaching people how to read, helping the girls of the world. It is only a matter of me figuring out how I can best do this.

What Life is About

Not a nine to five. Not sitting behind some desk, worrying about money. It is about LIVING. Thus, here are some quotes to inspire. Now quit that desk job and travel!

Go confident in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagine.
Henry David Thoreau


Stop Dreaming. Start Living.

florence, yet another day

today i went to the duomo church in florence, which was lovely and i was appropriately dressed. i had someone take a photo of me in the prayer position. then i went to the museo dell opera which had heaps of religious painting and artwork. the museums in florence are quite costly (6 euros for the museo dell opera!), but good. i made a reservation for the uffizi, as opposed to waiting in line for 3 hours, and it cost me 3 euros, on top of the 6,50 euro admission. still, it was good. halfway through, i ran into a guy from my hostel, and we spent the rest of the time wandering together, discussing paintings and figuring out what they meant, since neither of us know italian. he told me how you die from crucifixation and we looked at many, many paintings on a limited number of themes: mary holding jesus after he was born with or without the magi adoring him, jesus dead, or when the angels come to tell mary that she is preggers with jesus. still, very good. i love boticelli.

what will i do when i go back? i cannot stop visiting museums every day. perhaps my mind will open its own museum.

too many tourists

after being in all the sights, all the museums, all the things to see in countries around europe, i am sick of tourists. their constant photo taking, shoving, rudeness, culturally inappropriate actions. i cant wait to be HOME, around new yorkers, around people who are so different from me but share the same city as home.

florence is nice, just way too many tourists. went to a church today and dressed appropriately. my skin looks like hell and i have permanent circles under my eyes but all is good otherwise.

to croatia tomorrow. may not have easy internet access there so silence may be around for a few days.

almost over

florence.
split.
hvar island.
dubrovnik.
amalfi.
napoli.
roma.

then i see trevor, and it is going to be nice to see him in greece, but i will miss my days of being an adventurer alone. plus that means my trip is over! but it shall be quite nice to take a bubble bath and sleep in a room with just him, or when i get home, just me! still, i don't want to stop traveling. help, i've caught the bug!

what am i doing with my life

i dont know, really. i have been thinking a lot about my path and my purpose and i really am not sure. i mean, now im traveling, which is selfish, but amazing. but where to next? and what are we here for?

what else is new

got to florence this morning, and spent some time wandering. saw david. yes, he is amazing. go see him. the imitations cannot compare. he is large, he is beautiful, and if he was human, i would have jumped into his arms. he looks like he wants a hug. i waited forever in line but it was worth it.

two weeks left of solo traveling. t is excited but right now, i just want to travel forever. when he comes, it means my trip is over. still, i am so psyched for greece. i am not sure where we are going but i know we are going.

Loving Europe, Not Sure I Can Go Back to the USA Happy

I have been having such a brilliant time lately. So many highlights of my trip have been occuring. As if I think, Wow, that was amazing, then I go hanggliding, or to the top of the tallest mountain in Europe, or to the Street Parade. I spent last weekend in Zurich staying with Marco, this amazing Swiss guy, and his roommates and his roommates friends who were from the Netherlands, this Spanish guy, and also this Slovakian guy. It was so amazing and so enlightening to be around these people. As the only American, we discussed politics (Bush sucks), and they were amazed at many things about American culture...and I donnot know if I can go back there. My mother will freak, my boyfriend will leave me, and Tonks will hop on the first flight over here to drag me back to the states. But seriously, Europe is so much more progressive and diverse. You can hear house music in a grocery store. See thousands of years worth of history, just by walking down the street. Recycle in a train station. Eat amazing food, the pale imitations are in the USA. I dont know if I can do it. I just feel so far from what is back home.

Dont worry, I will go back home, but in the meantime, I am sucking down culture with cannolis, forgetting about the dirty streets of Brooklyn as I navigate the unnavigable ones of Venice.

vienna

vienna.
salzburg.
cinque terra.
interlacken.
zurich.
venice.....

and i can count the places left i have to go. so sad, i love traveling.

traveling changes you

i never want to stop traveling. i cant imagine working a 9 to 5. seeing art, meeting new people, challenges...work seems dull. i hope wherever i work next, i feel happy, that i do not hate waking up in the morning. i want to do something i love. does anyone do anything they love?

backpacking

when you backpack, you start to learn about who you are and what you want and where you want to go. i am realizing how i have not written fiction in ages, but it is nice to take a break. sick of rejection letters and hearing who is writing what and critique of experimental fiction and ugh, just makes me sick. it is nice to be completely anonymous, which is what i am every single day.

i went on a river cruise on the danube last night which was totally beautiful. the commentary was hilarious, though kate and i were the only ones laughing.

how will i ever go back to working and living and not meeting new people every single day? is that living?

tired, so tired

i love traveling, don't get me wrong. but i am so tired. i never get enough sleep and my legs feel dead from walking. it is probably the heat too....in budapest, it is sweaty sticky mess weather.

tomorrow i think i am going to take a day off: find a park, bring a picnic lunch, and read. maybe go to the baths and get a facial. all the museums are closed so it is perfect. but i am tired, i can't walk all over again. i know i should want to, but my legs just won't move.

one thing i love about traveling is finding the vegetarian restaurants everywhere. i ate at a vegan restaurant in prague, vegetarian cafe tonight, vegan deli in berlin, vegetarian mediterranean buffet in copenhagen...there are a lot of great places for non meat eaters, even in very meat based places. i just love hanging around those places, smelling vitamins and wheat grass and seeing women dressed in tapestries (okay, sarongs) talk about yoga and meditation in various languagues. i love it.

my trip is flying back. i can't imagine working. ugh. i won't think about that. instead, i am going to continue to live in the present moment, enjoying each and every day as i can. and right now, my present self is hungry, so i am going to food myself.

leaving prague

i had a good time in prague but it has been really hot, in the high thirties, so i have been drained. i did not fall in love with prague like i thought i would, bc of its super touristy element, but met a ton of rad people the same.

we were talking and i freaked out realising--this trip will not go on forever, i will go back to work and will no longer be meeting new people every day and seeing amazing things every day.

this has made me cherish each moment even more.

off for another train

i know people might think i am being a brat but traveling is a lot more work and exhausting then i thought. but dont get me wrong, because i am having a blast. but sometimes, i wouldnt mind a little umbrella in my drink.

off to prague!

sick of traveling, but really, sick of hostels

i am sick of hostels. i hate hand washing my clothes and snoring roommates and i seriously hate coed rooms, last night i was the only woman with 8 guys and this one guy was snoring like a lawn mower, it was horrid. i prefer female only rooms. i just found out the hostel i am supposed to stay at in prague is in a noisy neighborhood with drunks and bums and someone said they had bedbugs bite them and i dont want to stay there and it is such a hassle finding a new place and i am stressing. i hate this. i want to go home to my apartment and cry in my big bed with my cat.


otherwise traveling is fine. maybe i am just super depressed because of visiting this concentration camp, or having the ticket clerk scream at me.

what a falafel is not

in oslo, starving and trying to find something we can afford, jason, my friend from my hostel who i think just went to oslo so he could drool at all the hot scandinavian men and take photos, we decided to get falafel. so we order, and the guy tells us it is going to be five minutes. okay. we sit down and notice other people getting there food, and it has been more than 5 minutes, and jason is complaining. finally i notice one of the guys comes from outside with a styrofoam container...in it are our falafel. he starts heating up a tortilla on this big thing right next to a big pile of meat and asks me what i want in my falafel. i tell him i am not going to eat a falafel that has been heated up next to meat, that i am a vegetarian and falafel is supposed to be vegetarian. he gets mad at me, and is like, no, this is how it is. on what planet, i wonder. i get my money back and he starts talking smack about me to jason and then he asks me how i usually get falafel. i was like, um, they put it in a pita and it is never cooked by meat. so then he gives me on in a pita and is so mean to me. he forgets to charge me, so i get it for free, but very obnoxious. otherwise, oslo was expensive and nice.

in berlin now, which is a bit ugly, but am having a good time regardless. german is such a scary language to me, but i am sure that hungarian will be even more frightening. i am so screwed there.

getting flashed in stockholm

stockholm is beautiful. i went for dinner in this park last night, and then spent the night listening to music with various people in my hostel, talking about kiwi´s sheep affection, what is wrong with america, ozzie hip hop, among other topics. this morning i set my alarm and woke up before it went off, psyched to get a nice hour long run. there is a huge park on this island not too far from my hostel, and i run along the water so i won´t get lost. about 20 minutes into it, i turn a corner and see a man...and he is wagging his penis at me. i immediately turn around and run as fast as i can. they want reaction, i am told, so i give him none. i see a woman walking and immediately tell her what i saw. she turns around as well.

so i get lost. it is a good thing because i see this amazing rose garden, and it smells like nothing i have ever smelled before. i want to write trevor a letter about the smells and am thinking about how i can describe such a beautiful smell. everything is beautiful: this park, the people, the flowers, the gardens. i avoid smaller and side trails, as i am totally creeped out now.

on my way back, about 2 kilometers from my hostel, i see him again. i scream, 'put your d-ck in your pants you pervert.´so maybe that was a bit much, but really, i dont think so. i am really freaked out, what bad luck, so i ran really fast (he went in the opposite direction) and told this woman. she told me some other woman had seen him do it too, and asked me if i wanted to call the cops. i said no. then i see him in the distance, making violent gestures with his arms towards me. yes. so she is on the phone with the cops and we start following him so we can give the cops directions. and he realizes what we are doing, so he turns around and starts walking really fast towards us. we turn around and i am starting to get really scared. he is screaming in swedish, but all i heard was "english" and "the united states"--so i am guessing he couldnt tell what i was. a later translation included "fucking bitches" "whore" etc. finally the cops come and he pretends he did nothing. i gave my statement, so did the woman, and he did too. i was shaking when i left, and ran so fast. i dont want to go running in sweden now, and really, the parks are lovely. as the first woman i ran into told me, "i come walking here every morning and have never seen anything like that." and he maybe gets off on this, but it seems like a control thing, like he wants to instill fear in women. and i have been flashed at before, yes, and while i was running, yes, but for some reason, this is the scariest time ever. and it is the only time i have ever called the cops before.

still, i am liking sweden.

"my boyfriend is back home"

i am really getting sick of people doubting me because i am traveling alone. what, i need someone to go with me? i actually LOVE traveling alone because it is ALL me and my spontaneity is carrying the trip. i love it! my boyfriend is at home, yes, and i miss him a lot, yes, and no i am not at all cheating on him, and really, why do you have to assume so much?

when people here i am traveling alone, they ask, "why didnt you bring your boyfriend?" well, he has a job, and why do you even assume i have a boyfriend? hmmmm? or, the worst ever, "your boyfriend let you come?" yes, i convinced him to remove the harness for a few months. wtf, since when does my boyfriend control what i do? and these are westerners saying these sorts of things, those from north america and south america and europe! "how does your boyfriend feel about you traveling?" well, he is really glad for me and wishes he could be here but he has no money to travel, and a job. "so, you´re not really staying true to him, right? because what happens in europe, stays in europe." that makes me so mad. i heard it before i left, and while i am here, and i have had the opportunity to be with various people, but am in no way interested in that at all! i hate that people say that. i am 26 and in love with someone, and yes, he is very far, but i think trev and i should get a degree in long distance love. i love him and just want to be with him, so stop asking.

this is really hard for me to be so far from all my friends and family but i think it is a good thing, it is a good exercise for me to do this. i am learning how to make decisions quickly and wisely, how to make friends, how to find things--in short, great experience for librarianship. i do get lonely, yes, thanks for asking and reminding me, but i spend a lot of time thinking and writing in my journal and seeing amazing art that just makes me think and think. i ended up in the prado at the same time as these obnoxious insane brits from my hostel and the experience just wasn´t the same, especially when one of them started giving me a lecture on why i need religion.

sigh. my boyfriend is back home, and yes i miss him, and i know it is hard, but you know what, i can do it. i can do whatever i want. if i could´t, i would never be here in the first place.


on a side note, an ozzie i met in san sebastian told me when she told someone she was traveling alone (and she is about my age), they asked her, "why didn´t you bring your parents?"

traveling

i have finally left the opium den that is called amsterdam and am in copenhagen. seems fairly low key and quiet here, which is very nice. planning on doing some reading, exploring the town, chilling in the various gardens, writing letters which are owed to good friends. then to some town in sweden (stockholm or goteberg--i cant decide. if the hostels work out with gothenberg, it´ll be there) and then oslo.

drained. tired. traveling is exhuasting, but seriously, i have seen so much, i can deal with the tiredness.

am trying to decide if i can add another country--either croatia, hungary, or poland. i don´t deal well with advance planning.

i cant imagine doing a nine to five again.

amsterdam is pretty, but i'm not into the pot

last night five of my roommates and i went for a walk around the red light district. very entertaining. we met some stupid boys from the usa and they were super arrogant and i felt very embarassed as all my roommates were from other countries: please, we are not all like that!

i went to this contemporary art museum here in amsterdam and they had some fantastic art. i feel the more i see "jesus art" (religious art) the more i am sick of it. i'm really into contemporary art, art that i have to think about to figure out. Willem de Rooij had an amazing collage of photos of resistance and war over the past couple of years. very, very powerful. i almost expected to see myself in some of the protest photos.

feel so far from the american protest scene. miss cheering. i don't know what's going on in the world right now, i'm a backpacker.

why the world is crazy

so there was a terrorist attack in london and as i am traveling i barely know anything about it but i feel sad and scared and overwhelmed. there's a cat shelter where you can pet cats and leave a donation, and i went today and the guy there was telling me that pot is the reason things like this happen, b/c apparently the terrorists ancestors were smoking weed and messed up the gene pool. okay. anyway i hate the way this world is, i hate that sort of thing, and being from new york, it scares me even more.

travel is about finding out who you are and what you want

i have been getting tons of advice from travelers, but i am sick of the ones who want me to rearrange my trip to do things they loved. like, that sounds awesome but there are so many places to go i can´t do them all. this girl was like, --you´ll be in amsterdam too long, go to brugge. and i can´t. this trip is about me saying, --hey that sounds rad, i´ll do that. but not always. i need to figure out what i want and do my thing and figure out what´s best for me. sorry, this is my trip and my time to make decisions. and it´s really exciting.

i met this guy and he was like, --what´s wrong with your boyfriend? why didn´t he come? um, nothing is wrong with trev, he just doesn´t have money and has a job. i wish he was here but he´s not. and i think it´s good i´m traveling alone b-c i can´t make decisions and this trip is forcing me to do things on my own. i think it´s very good for me to get in touch with myself.

my friend did the walk to santiago from france in 29 days. i´d like to do that at some point, it sounds amazing. just to be so free. still, this is my own pilgrimage and i have been doing a lot of self-reflecting.

i dont think i´m a backpacker

í´m getting sick of living out of a backpack, paying to use the internet. then i feel like such a brat, like i know so many people who would LOVE to do this. so i suck it up and enjoy what i have. right now i´m in san sebastian, and i came to enjoy the beach here, and it´s rained two of the three days i´ve been here. such is life. i´ll have a good time this summer, but that backpack is going to be retired after this summer. well, maybe a little trip here and there....

san sebastian is pretty even when it rains

i´m in san sebastian, and i´m feeling somewhat antisocial (although hilariously, two hostels ago, if you were antisocial that was grounds for removal from the hostel!) and am not going to the beach with the youngins. i think i´m gonna go alone (they´re also a long walk away) with good old leo tolstoy and do some writing. i just want to be alone and relax. hostel life is wearing and drinking, skinny dipping and screaming every night can be fun, but you know, i´m 26. i´m dreaming a bit more of stability, another cat maybe, a job that i don´t hate. and i love traveling but i know that i´m just a big ol homebody. i miss cooking. last night at the hostel i made a pasta dish with chickpeas and everyone was like, wow. i love seeing all these new places, and i´m not complaining, but i just think being a bit older than others can be a bit strange.

things that make me smile and laugh after they happened

yesterday, on our way to the sofia reina museum where guernica is:

jessica (a backpacker from florida): i´m really thirsty.
me: there´s a stand right here. you want to get a bottle of water here?
jessica: no i think i´ll just wait till we get to the museum and i´ll drink from the toilet.
(she meant bathroom and when i went to pee at the museum, i offered my stall to her before i went so she could sip. she went to the sink.)



trevor, me, new york city, last october
we´re wandering around soho and accidentally enter the prada store

trev looks at a tshirt. gasps. i can´t even afford the underwear.

we leave and trev turns to some people entering and goes, ´man, that store is bullshit, don´t bother.

loving spain

spain´s been fun. meeting lots of great travelers, people who are doing more than 'europe in 3 weeks--and i really feel like i saw everything.' right. people traveling for months, people questioning things. i met someone working for e&y and it reminded me of how far i am from my former life.

it feels great.

pride in madrid

so i have of course found my spot as a fag hag across europe.

thurs night there´s a huge group of us in the lounge at the hostel, drinking forties (not me, ugh) and laughing too loud and saying, ¨what the hell should we do?¨so i meet this marine biologist who is actually straight but loves pride and we all go to the pride street party.

awesome.

it´s like a huge ass party in the street with djs at these plazas and people stripping from their balconies and kissing bears and bars blasting spice girls and me finding my place amongst gay men. so fun. drank 6 euro sangrias (huge ass containers) and laughed and tripped and watched my friend try to pick up spanish ladies with his very limited capability. i think it´s hilarious that he´s doing this at pride.

and i´m having a blast, dancing and singing and meeting all these people from all over. and it occurs to me--this is once in my life. i miss trev and my life back home but you know what, i am not going to wish it away.